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Was I wrong?

Was I wrong to ask her to stop?

  • Yes

    Votes: 2 4.4%

  • No

    Votes: 43 95.6%
  • Total voters
    45
Kreton said:
the thought crossed my mind, but i want to be a high school coach or maybe further. to do that i need a solid coaching resume. If i quit over this, i could not use the city as a reference of experience. Potential actual coaching job may call for a reference and there is no way that can be worded to sound good for me. I left after a problem with a homosexual couple. No matter how that is worded, I come out looking like a bigot.
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If you want to be a HS coach, now is a good time as any to grow a really, really thick skin.
 
Kreton said:
I coach for the city here where i live. Varying sports for ages 4-13 depending on where they need help coaching. For baseball this year one of my teams is a 4-5 year old t ball team. We had our first practice last night and two women came with a little girl. I introduced myself and said hi and they immediately went on a little speech about how they are together, they are lesbians, they are raising this girl together, nothing wrong with that. Then go into whats going to happen if I discriminate against their daughter because of their sexuality, threatening lawsuits and explaining that there are laws ect. I told them I was there to teach their daughter softball, and their sexual orientation was not a factor at all and moved along. As I am meeting other parents a few of them commented that this lady had approached them and gave them a similar speech out of nowhere. After all the kids were there I gathered the kids together and started off having the kids introduce themselves to their teammates. No additional information really, just kid would say my name is Earl. And everyone would say Hi Earl to start to learn teammates names. When the little girl told everyone her name, again the lady popped into action giving her speech to everyone out there. I stopped her after about a minute and spoke to her privately, or as privately as I could on a baseball field, and let her know that it is not appropriate to interrupt a team activity like that, and again told her noone is going to be discriminating against her daughter. So today I get a call from the city letting me know she filed a complaint and is taking her child off of my team because I told her she had to hide her sexuality at our practices so it wouldn't bother other parents. I dont recall my exact wording but it was not mean, the word hiding or even sexuality didnt come out of my mouth. I only asked her not to interrupt our practices and tried to assure he that I don't care what her sexual preference is, I am there to teach baseball and the other parents are only there to watch.

Was I wrong to ask her to stop what she was doing?
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You should have waited until after a few practices and told her that her daughter sucked at t-ball and that she needed to find a man to teach her how to throw, catch and hit. :twisted:

JUST KIDDING FOLKS!!!
 
justabubba said:
my regard for the city/park & rec staff is almost as low as that held for the lesbian couple, based on the account provided
he was sandbagged
the city scheduled a meeting with him without advising that the lesbian couple would be there to confront him
they made him apologize. for what remains unclear
they rewarded the couple with free participation fees for multiple sports, giving the distinct appearance that something was owed to the couple
and then, when the woman wanted to become the coach of the team, they made her the assistant to the fellow she reported for wrongdoing when there was no wrongdoing

after three years, the coach has earned his letter of good standing. he should stand there while they wrote and signed it and not let the door hit his ass on the way out

fortunately, for his daughter, and the other kids he coaches, he is more level than i and will continue to put up with such bull****
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I'm not going to argue the morality of anyone's actions. Moral or not, I expect that others will do whatever is best for them, without regard to what is right or fair.

The citys'administrators are going to look after their own interests; not Kreton's. Looking out for Kreton is Kreton's job, not theirs. If being unfair to Kreton makes them look good to some voter and avoids a lawsuit, then being unfair to Kreton is what they're going to do.
 
stonewall50 said:
From your version...no. Parents, especially in this day and age, have gotten WAY more entitled. They think their child is special. And in this case...this parent seems to be looking to make your life miserable. Or a pay day? Just document everything. Talk to other parents and make sure that the truth is that she brought the topic up alone AND interrupted practice.

It isn't her show. She doesn't call the shots. She doesn't get to interrupt other people's activities with her sexuality. She isn't protected from being called and treated like an asshole when she acts like an asshole. SHE made the issue. Not you.

You didn't tell her to hide her sexuality. You told her that her sexuality isn't important. It isn't. She shouldn't be interrupting the kids activities with things not involved with what they are doing...like her sexuality.
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I thought it was understood that the coach is god for the team and the parents keep their mouths shut.

How can he coach if he has no authority over the kids, and in this case it looks like he won't have any with her standing next to him.
 
Who voted "yes"? Seriously? This lady obviously has a chip on her shoulder and rather than deal with her own obvious issues, she has to go around threatening to sue people for behavior they have to display, and it's wrong for him to politely tell her to shut her trap? He handled it a lot more politely than I would have. I couldn't give a flying **** who - or what - you're ****ing, so keep your lame ass threats to yourself and your pie (not that kind, sicko ;) ) hole shut and let me coach the team.
 
sangha said:
I'm not going to argue the morality of anyone's actions. Moral or not, I expect that others will do whatever is best for them, without regard to what is right or fair.

The citys'administrators are going to look after their own interests; not Kreton's. Looking out for Kreton is Kreton's job, not theirs. If being unfair to Kreton makes them look good to some voter and avoids a lawsuit, then being unfair to Kreton is what they're going to do.
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You are right, and honestly i dont blame them for that.
 
justabubba said:
without question. the park & rec staff was covering its ass. at the coach's expense
but what was the actual wrongdoing which required an apology. based on the coach's posts he still doesn't know what it was he had done for which he was required to apologize
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Sometimes an apology, even when one shouldn't be required, is the fastest way to de-escalate a bad situation. I use that tactic pretty regularly in dealing with IRS and Dept. of Revenue agents who have their heads up their ass but still hold the ability to make my life more difficult.
 
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Lutherf said:
Sometimes and apology, even when one shouldn't be required, is the fastest way to de-escalate a bad situation. I use that tactic pretty regularly in dealing with IRS and Dept. of Revenue agents who have their heads up their ass but still hold the ability to make my life more difficult.
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Exactly, right or wrong doesn't even enter the picture. It's all about smoothing things over and going on.
 
Kreton said:
I coach for the city here where i live. Varying sports for ages 4-13 depending on where they need help coaching. For baseball this year one of my teams is a 4-5 year old t ball team. We had our first practice last night and two women came with a little girl. I introduced myself and said hi and they immediately went on a little speech about how they are together, they are lesbians, they are raising this girl together, nothing wrong with that. Then go into whats going to happen if I discriminate against their daughter because of their sexuality, threatening lawsuits and explaining that there are laws ect. I told them I was there to teach their daughter softball, and their sexual orientation was not a factor at all and moved along. As I am meeting other parents a few of them commented that this lady had approached them and gave them a similar speech out of nowhere. After all the kids were there I gathered the kids together and started off having the kids introduce themselves to their teammates. No additional information really, just kid would say my name is Earl. And everyone would say Hi Earl to start to learn teammates names. When the little girl told everyone her name, again the lady popped into action giving her speech to everyone out there. I stopped her after about a minute and spoke to her privately, or as privately as I could on a baseball field, and let her know that it is not appropriate to interrupt a team activity like that, and again told her noone is going to be discriminating against her daughter. So today I get a call from the city letting me know she filed a complaint and is taking her child off of my team because I told her she had to hide her sexuality at our practices so it wouldn't bother other parents. I dont recall my exact wording but it was not mean, the word hiding or even sexuality didnt come out of my mouth. I only asked her not to interrupt our practices and tried to assure he that I don't care what her sexual preference is, I am there to teach baseball and the other parents are only there to watch.

Was I wrong to ask her to stop what she was doing?
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Even if you had told them that a baseball field filled with t-ballers was no place to discuss sexuality, you would be right. The only pertinent information was that they both have guardianship over that child. It is certainly sick to use a child as a pawn in their crusade to persecute others who may or may not share their opinion on their private affairs.
 
Lutherf said:
This is a PC issue so there is no "right" way to handle it. Basically, the only course of action that might prevent you from getting fired and probably thrown in jail is to extoll the virtues of homosexuality in a 3000 word essay in the local paper and propose erecting a monument to lesbians in center field.
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Except they may be offended by the erection...
 
Mason66 said:
We can't say gay now?

What are we supposed to say in its place?
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The nomenclature keeps changing. When I was younger gay women were either 'gay' or 'lesbian'. It didn't matter which one, and nobody cared which one. Now they're just 'lesbian', and anything else is a social faux pas.

Gay men, however, are still 'gay'.
 
Kreton said:
You are right, and honestly i dont blame them for that.
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Good for you!!

I have a saying I've used often at work - "You can be right, or you can be smart"

You'd be 100% justified in refusing to apologize or work with that woman as Asst Coach. But that wouldn't be smart.

Smart means seeing things for what they are and in this case, the whole situation is nothing more than a problem from the admins point of view. You can make the problem go away, in which case you're the hero.

Otherwise, you're a problem.
 
Superfly said:
Ew, I couldn't agree more. Those guys are blamed for everything. And chewed out in front of fans, spectators, players, etc.
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Not even high school, which I do coach (Girls Varsity Soccer 3-1 this season) but I got chewed out by some bitch mom at my daughters (9 year-olds) soccer game last week for not calling 100% proper throw ins from my team. Kid lifets foot type of thing. I called it back and later kept pointing out how she was not bitching about things that their team kept violating but that I was not calling ouls on and she said nothing. Half the kids can barely kick or trap the ball and hop when they throw in for freaking sake. The other coach reffed the second half and was a Nazi about things, the game slowed down, kids got bored re-throwing in balls over and over and it sucked...
 
Bodhisattva said:
Not even high school, which I do coach (Girls Varsity Soccer 3-1 this season) but I got chewed out by some bitch mom at my daughters (9 year-olds) soccer game last week for not calling 100% proper throw ins from my team. Kid lifets foot type of thing. I called it back and later kept pointing out how she was not bitching about things that their team kept violating but that I was not calling ouls on and she said nothing. Half the kids can barely kick or trap the ball and hop when they throw in for freaking sake. The other coach reffed the second half and was a Nazi about things, the game slowed down, kids got bored re-throwing in balls over and over and it sucked...
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Yeah, parents kind of ruin it for the kids now. My girls used to play softball and it was the same way. The coaches were always wrong, always berated, belittled, and humiliated.

No amount of money could pay me to do this, and it's sad, because especially at that age, the kids are doing this for fun, and to learn sportsmanship and team playing, and the coaches are usually doing it for free (because they love it so much). Too bad the parents just destroy it.
 
Superfly said:
Yeah, parents kind of ruin it for the kids now. My girls used to play softball and it was the same way. The coaches were always wrong, always berated, belittled, and humiliated.

No amount of money could pay me to do this, and it's sad, because especially at that age, the kids are doing this for fun, and to learn sportsmanship and team playing, and the coaches are usually doing it for free (because they love it so much). Too bad the parents just destroy it.
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It isn't too bad here in general but it seems to be getting worse... what is funny is a couple days later at our high school game I asked the ref how much time was left and she ignored me twice and the second time turned to my player and said about me, "what a ****ing moron" :lol: For asking how much time was left...

The second half after massive pushing and swearing from her team I raised my arms and in my only complaint of the game, if it was even that, I said, "pushing" with my arms up, like make a call already... she says, "both teams are doing it so quit ****ing bitching"... I actually laughed. :lol:
 
Bodhisattva said:
It isn't too bad here in general but it seems to be getting worse... what is funny is a couple days later at our high school game I asked the ref how much time was left and she ignored me twice and the second time turned to my player and said about me, "what a ****ing moron" :lol: For asking how much time was left...
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They don't have scoreboards there to let you know how much time is left in the quarter?

The second half after massive pushing and swearing from her team I raised my arms and in my only complaint of the game, if it was even that, I said, "pushing" with my arms up, like make a call already... she says, "both teams are doing it so quit ****ing bitching"... I actually laughed. :lol:
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Boy she had some kind of serious problem with you, huh? :lol: She was just spoiling for a fight with you for some reason.

Things are worse here. The entitlement going on here is just bananas - at all age levels. You're better off where you are.
 
Superfly said:
They don't have scoreboards there to let you know how much time is left in the quarter?
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No. We live in a really rural area and New Zealand is not funded half as well as the USA is for sports. I generally keep time myself but just forgot that time...
 
Bodhisattva said:
No. We live in a really rural area and New Zealand is not funded half as well as the USA is for sports. I generally keep time myself but just forgot that time...
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Dude, you ever consider using the timer on your phone?
 
sangha said:
Dude, you ever consider using the timer on your phone?
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That is what I do... I forgot to this game. In fact, I am generally the ref.
 
sangha said:
Good for you!!

I have a saying I've used often at work - "You can be right, or you can be smart"

You'd be 100% justified in refusing to apologize or work with that woman as Asst Coach. But that wouldn't be smart.

Smart means seeing things for what they are and in this case, the whole situation is nothing more than a problem from the admins point of view. You can make the problem go away, in which case you're the hero.

Otherwise, you're a problem.
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He's not the problem at all, even if he refused to apologize. I knew though, if this thread when on long enough, it would be the OP that would be the "problem" and the bad guy and the actions of the "board" or whatever, would be justified and lauded, particularly by certain people.
 
Kreton said:
You are right, and honestly i dont blame them for that.
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Well, you seem perfectly happy to be stepped on so it seems they found the right coach. I hope it gives you the kudos you're obviously looking for from like, Sangha, I guess. Have fun walking on egg shells and apologizing profusely all the frikkin' time.
 
X Factor said:
Well, you seem perfectly happy to be stepped on so it seems they found the right coach. I hope it gives you the kudos you're obviously looking for from like, Sangha, I guess. Have fun walking on egg shells and apologizing profusely all the frikkin' time.
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I've had one problem like this over the years. I didn't get that sangha was calling me the bad guy, but I could not win this fight. Priority is having a fun baseball season where these kids leave knowing how to catch and throw. Which at 4-5 years old is really hard for them to do. I could give up, pass the kids and problems to the next parent on the team and keep some pride. Or swallow my pride and do what is best for all. I don't want to be let go for perceived bigotry, the city doesn't want to deal with this type of thing, and the kids deserve a good coach (little ego there). The other parents don't have a problem with me. Just one. And the city cannot tell a woman to kick rocks who complained that a coach was intolerant of her sexuality. The winner is this isn't really this woman, it will be these kids and want to be there to be sure it does. I'll be able to better protect myself if a future incident occurs.

Just to add, I do appreciate what you are saying, and I did get kicked last night, but after calming down I don't think the city had a choice.
 
Kreton said:
I've had one problem like this over the years. I didn't get that sangha was calling me the bad guy, but I could not win this fight. Priority is having a fun baseball season where these kids leave knowing how to catch and throw. Which at 4-5 years old is really hard for them to do. I could give up, pass the kids and problems to the next parent on the team and keep some pride. Or swallow my pride and do what is best for all. I don't want to be let go for perceived bigotry, the city doesn't want to deal with this type of thing, and the kids deserve a good coach (little ego there). The other parents don't have a problem with me. Just one. And the city cannot tell a woman to kick rocks who complained that a coach was intolerant of her sexuality. The winner is this isn't really this woman, it will be these kids and want to be there to be sure it does. I'll be able to better protect myself if a future incident occurs.

Just to add, I do appreciate what you are saying, and I did get kicked last night, but after calming down I don't think the city had a choice.
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Well sure, now that you've got the rolling over motion down, I'm sure you can protect yourself with that. If I had witnessed this, I probably would have gone balls to the wall decrying that you didn't do anything wrong only to have you gut me and admit that you had. Not sure that's the kind of coach I'd want for my kids and it sure would have taught me not to try to speak up for you, but hey, this is all just hypothetical anyway. I don't have kids and I'm pretty confident the odds are way against them ever encountering you if it ever do.
 
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