The military "relies" on the families to assist with recovery. Without adequate family support, the soldier suffering cannot recover adequately. By ignoring families - they take away the best support system.
I had no idea how to handle a mentally ill husband - and I still don't and it's been
years. When he was retiring from the military he was gone for more than 12 months JUST to retire out (not deployed - he was stationed in another state for this whole time). And only after he was gone for 9 or those 12 months did anyone from the military call me up and ask me "Do you think he's mentally stable enough to come home"
What the hell? Of course - How would I know?
Apparently he threatened people and spent time in a mental institution because of that (not because of depression as he had led me to believe) while he was gone for those 12 months.
Wow - thanks, military. I so totally know how to handle a mentally scarred grown man who's in his 40's but has episodes like a violently ill 10 year old. I really know what to do every time he flips out, has issues, goes paranoid, and hallucinates.
Yeah - I'm a ****ing therapist and a psychiatrist. Somehow, by being related or married to service-members we come with knowledge and insight. Bull****, I'm just his wife. I have no clue what the **** to do - so often I ignore him when he had episodes because trying to comfort him just doesn't do anything positive.
The military broke him - and people expect me to either know how to fix him OR just leave him. Gee - thanks. That's great I LOVE that. (sarcasm)
On this note - some states have better support systems for families. Where I live, we don't have a damned thing. The only time I ever felt like what I was going through mattered was when I was staying with him at the Nicoe unit (new high-tech med facility near DC for soldiers with mental illnesses that are undiagnosed). That was it - 2 weeks out of the month he stayed there I went to visit him and that was the only time anyone communicated with me about his health, his mental state, and what his issues really were.
Considering the nature of his mental ailment and what caused it - I was offended and shocked that they removed me from that loop for some stupid Hippa bull****. I sleep with him, I assist him when he's recovering from surgery. I ****ing MATTER in his life. But they leave it up to the soldiers to inform their spouses over their health and mental issues.
HELLO - does that make any ****ing sens? They leave it up to mentally ill men and women to DECIDE they're going to inform their spouse of their MENTAL issues? So they have to humiliate their selves and feel like ****? Many DO NOT do it. It's too painful, too humiliating. They shouldn't HAVE to do it, either.
I am a bit conflicted about this issue as a whole. On one hand, I think we need to give as much support as possible to the servicemen and women who have service-related PTSD. Otoh, they signed up for the job, and war is hell. I'm just not sure that because a man (or woman) voluntarily signs up for military service, that we owe the family, for what could become the rest of their lives.
Imo, someone who joins up, willingly putting himself at risk, should be doubly cautious about that decision, as the long-term repercussions can be horrible to a young family.
Yeah, exactly. People think we don't matter. But when soldiers flip out and kill people / etc - the first people they look to with 'what in the hell happened' are the families. Most families are all "I didn't know what was going on / what to do" . . . nad part of that comes from being ignored / not spoken to / not involved in therapy and recovery. We don't matter.
Hell - privacy laws prevent them from talking to US . . . because we don't matter, even to the medical community.
But we do suffer directly from it more than people know - spouses AND children.