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Parenting and the Internet

You know that many of us incredibly disagree with you on this one. We don't feel it wise to continue to blame the victim for experiences that largely would not be tolerated anywhere else.

I can only speak for myself here; I don't fault the victim at all. I do lay the responsibility for both the victim and the 'bullys' in the parent's lap.

Good evening sir

Thom Paine
 
I'm not blaming the victim, I'm saying that lots of kids are out offing themselves because they've never been taught how to handle problems. Yeah, you stop the bullies if you can, especially anyone who is guilty of physical assault, there are already laws against that, but when it's people making fun of you? Man up, grow a pair and deal with it.

Suicide in most of these cases is the way out of the coward.

In many cases standing up to bullies, with words or fists, does nothing. It shouldn't be the place of the student to defend themselves because someone wants to harass you. That's the school's job in providing a safe environment.
 
In many cases standing up to bullies, with words or fists, does nothing. It shouldn't be the place of the student to defend themselves because someone wants to harass you. That's the school's job in providing a safe environment.

The school doesn't exist everywhere on the planet. While you're actually in school, I agree, at least as far as it can reasonably be done. But what about after school? What about before school? What about on a street corner somewhere. That's not the school's job.
 
You know that many of us incredibly disagree with you on this one. We don't feel it wise to continue to blame the victim for experiences that largely would not be tolerated anywhere else.

It is bad parenting. The bully bad parenting is obvious. The parents of the kids who kill themselves have culpability too.
 
I'm not blaming the victim, I'm saying that lots of kids are out offing themselves because they've never been taught how to handle problems. Yeah, you stop the bullies if you can, especially anyone who is guilty of physical assault, there are already laws against that, but when it's people making fun of you? Man up, grow a pair and deal with it.

Suicide in most of these cases is the way out of the coward.

Well, we're talking about kids here. They are in the process of learning how to handle problems. You and I have gone through the process and understand the techniques involved in dealing with these situations. But a kid experiencing online bullying on a daily basis does not. You can argue, why don't they just ignore these things and not indulge their bullies, however, for the same reasons we look at responses to our arguments on DP, these kids are drawn in by their curiosity to constantly keep abreast of their social status or lack thereof. The difference is that we know how to handle it, they are just learning. We don't expect kids to abide by the sink or swim mantra until 18 for the most part, why should we subject them to that online at home?
 
The problem is, we're raising a generation of kids who are wimps. They have no idea how to stand up for themselves, how to deal with bullies, they never learn how to take care of their own problems. We deal with the symptoms, we don't deal with the problems. That's why these kids grow up and then have no clue how to live in the real world, because they've been sheltered from anything negative their entire lives.

When I was a kid, bullies existed. I know, I know that was before people made up there is a god. But, generally bullies picked a few victims and focused on them...beat the hell out of them...or took their money, or just mentally terrorized them.

But bullying today...is different. They do it is a very public way via cell phones and Internet...and usually "broadcasting" their terroristic behaviors to a whole school of kids. And then a lot of kids, without really malice, join in by ridiculing or making fun of a specific kid. It's really mostly mental abuse or acts of psychological terrorism...which to a lot of kids is worse than an asswhipping. And sometimes kids don't even know who these "electronic bullies" are...sometimes they do.

When you think of all of the ways that one could use Internet and cell phones to engage in acts of mental abuse or acts of psychological terrorism...well, kids are damn clever with computers and cell phones. Kids grow up with the technologies.

So really bullying today has become "high tech"...you might say.

Anyway...just saying that bullying is a different game today...than years past. Really, when I think about it...I'd rather have my ass kicked than the ways kids bully today. In my day...even if I was afraid of somebody...I'd eventually fight back...but...that's not usually possible for a lot of kids today. The bullies today start a pretty vicious chain reacting form of bullying.
 
Another child commits suicide due to online bullying: Answers - and justice - remain elusive in 'bullied' Connecticut student's suicide | Fox News

What are your thoughts about parenting and the internet?

Are these parents to blame for recklessly exposing an adolescent to constant internet access? Is it ok for parents to allow their children essentially unfettered access to the internet? In the words of the child's parents:

"I would look at his computer sometimes because he left it unlocked sometimes and to check on him I would read his email. He was talking about happy things. It seemed like he had friends to talk to. I didn't think I needed to look further."


Sorry, no poll. Clicked submit before setting up the poll.

I don't blame them for giving the kids access to the internet, I blame them for not raising their kids well enough and supporting them so that they wouldn't consider suicide.
 
When I was a kid, bullies existed. I know, I know that was before people made up there is a god. But, generally bullies picked a few victims and focused on them...beat the hell out of them...or took their money, or just mentally terrorized them.

But bullying today...is different. They do it is a very public way via cell phones and Internet...and usually "broadcasting" their terroristic behaviors to a whole school of kids. And then a lot of kids, without really malice, join in by ridiculing or making fun of a specific kid. It's really mostly mental abuse or acts of psychological terrorism...which to a lot of kids is worse than an asswhipping. And sometimes kids don't even know who these "electronic bullies" are...sometimes they do.

When you think of all of the ways that one could use Internet and cell phones to engage in acts of mental abuse or acts of psychological terrorism...well, kids are damn clever with computers and cell phones. Kids grow up with the technologies.

So really bullying today has become "high tech"...you might say.

Anyway...just saying that bullying is a different game today...than years past. Really, when I think about it...I'd rather have my ass kicked than the ways kids bully today. In my day...even if I was afraid of somebody...I'd eventually fight back...but...that's not usually possible for a lot of kids today. The bullies today start a pretty vicious chain reacting form of bullying.

That's part of it, but genuinely we are reacting to a deep-seated societal problem. Many of us were harassed every day, all day, and felt isolated from the whole school, without cell phones, without online bullying. Cephus's argument is that they should stand up to it and if it doesn't work, tough crap. He thinks its some coming of age rite, and it's not. It is a senseless act sanctioned by society, fit with all of the sadistic social darwinistic tendencies.
 
That's part of it, but genuinely we are reacting to a deep-seated societal problem. Many of us were harassed every day, all day, and felt isolated from the whole school, without cell phones, without online bullying. Cephus's argument is that they should stand up to it and if it doesn't work, tough crap. He thinks its some coming of age rite, and it's not. It is a senseless act sanctioned by society, fit with all of the sadistic social darwinistic tendencies.

I didn't say tough crap, but we're teaching kids that not only is standing up against the bullying not an option, often they get penalized for having the balls to do it. When you take away the tools to deal with problems, what do you expect?
 
It is bad parenting. The bully bad parenting is obvious. The parents of the kids who kill themselves have culpability too.

And when schools continually allow such an environment to foster because they see it as relatively harmless, what then?
 
I didn't say tough crap, but we're teaching kids that not only is standing up against the bullying not an option, often they get penalized for having the balls to do it. When you take away the tools to deal with problems, what do you expect?

While that part about punishing the students for fighting back is true, you also have a long record of denigrating kids who don't "man up."
 
With physical bullies..you can go home and they can't get you..with cyber bullies..they can..

We have sites here that encourage young people to kill themselves..
No, you can ignore cyber bullies as well. I do it all the time. :]
 
4.... 3.... 2.... 1 we have lift off! The guilty victim mission has launched.
 
No, you can ignore cyber bullies as well. I do it all the time. :]

I find them funny..but then I am not a young teenager going through puberty...
 
I don't think it is possible, necessary or beneficial to control what a teenager views online. However, parents should teach their kids media literacy and skepticism so that they don't take everything they see and hear as necessarily true, and know how to evaluate the quality of information. Schools should teach that also, since many parents are unwilling and/or unable to teach that.
 
parenting and the internet
just like 'don't put your hand on a hot stove' proper firearms handling procedures how to behave towards the opposite sex, the internet is an easy thing to deal with. Raise yer kid properly, if some kid whacks themselves it's not the 'internets' fault.
 
So, you think that parents can't sit with their kids while using the internet? In other words, can't control kids' access to the internet?
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Not many parents have the luxury of being able to monitor their kids 24/7. If they did the kid would probably go elsewhere to use a computer without being controlled, if he/she was healthy.
 
Eh - schools send up an 'internet use' agreement 'act' that you're supposed to review with your child, and sign. The kid, thereby, accepts responsibility for their online activity while on school grounds and promises not to go to sites they shouldn't visit, and do things they shouldn't do.

So, at school, I get the sense that they're unmonitored - because, though they're at school, the schools decided they don't care that much and brush off all responsibility.

As a kid, if someone ever told me I couldn't look at something, the first thing I would do is try to look at it without getting caught. I would still do it if it happened. I might let someone control my activities, but never my mind or access to information.
 
If a kid knows what is what you don't have to hover over his shoulder
 
.....I didn't even have a computer for a while - my kids won't wither away because they don't have facebook, ichat, and a pinterest account, or twitter or a cellphone that lets them send photos to friends. :roll: .

We didn't have any of that technology when I was a kid either, but that never stopped some of us from obtaining large quantities of porn or dope. Parents can not control teenagers without locking them up day and night, they can only influence them.
 
Sure they can. Their access to the Internet sits on my desk. I can turn it off any time I want, I can log into the router and directly turn off just their access, limit how much time they can spend there, etc. I can even look at every website they visit and read ever single thing they write if I want to. I've got all the control, if I choose to exercise it. They have none.

Many kids could hack your attempts to control their internet access. If not, they can use their friend's computer or an internet cafe.
 
The problem is, we're raising a generation of kids who are wimps. They have no idea how to stand up for themselves, how to deal with bullies, they never learn how to take care of their own problems. We deal with the symptoms, we don't deal with the problems. That's why these kids grow up and then have no clue how to live in the real world, because they've been sheltered from anything negative their entire lives.

I have to agree. Over-protected children don't develop inner strength. A kid who commits suicide because of an internet post surely had many other problems as well. Kids need freedom to learn social skills from interacting with their peers. They will suffer many indignities and violence, but that is part of growing up. (within reason) Over sheltered and controlled kids are the ones who tend to go wild or get depressed when they finally grow up and leave home. Our bad experiences help make us who we are.
 
Well, we're talking about kids here. They are in the process of learning how to handle problems. You and I have gone through the process and understand the techniques involved in dealing with these situations. But a kid experiencing online bullying on a daily basis does not. You can argue, why don't they just ignore these things and not indulge their bullies, however, for the same reasons we look at responses to our arguments on DP, these kids are drawn in by their curiosity to constantly keep abreast of their social status or lack thereof. The difference is that we know how to handle it, they are just learning. We don't expect kids to abide by the sink or swim mantra until 18 for the most part, why should we subject them to that online at home?

I think some extreme situations (and daily bullying may qualify) require parental involvement, but most situations can be worked out by the kids themselves, and they will have a learning experience.
 
While that part about punishing the students for fighting back is true, you also have a long record of denigrating kids who don't "man up."

And you have a long history of defending kids who are wimps.
 
Many kids could hack your attempts to control their internet access. If not, they can use their friend's computer or an internet cafe.

I'd like to see them hack my finger flipping off the router and ending all Internet access to the house.
 
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