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At What Point Should A Transgendered Person Identify Themselves As Such?

At What Point Should A Transgendered Person Identify Themselves As Such?

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    42
Redress

Redress

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This will be a multiple choice poll, pick all that apply.

At one point in time, there was an at times interesting discussion on this. Lots of new people around, so going to try it again. The poll lists a number of situations. At which of those situations should a fully post-op transgendered person identify themselves as being that to you?

Note: A bunch of options, please be patient while I type in all the poll options. A poll is coming to go with this.

Edit for clarity: please do not pick just the earliest possible time...ie if you choose "before a first date", please also "before seriously dating" and so on. It makes the relative standing easier to interpret. Thank you.
 
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I put the 4 things that had to do with dating/sexual relationships.

It's not really anybody else's business if they're just friends or whatever. But when they start wanting to date someone, they deserve to know about it.
 
I might have been a bit harsh on the friendship question on second thought, but I stand by my vote for now. As for dating, I would need to know that what I'm seeing is not what I'm getting before anything even gets going. There is no reason to waste my time and theirs, so it's best they tell me before the first date.
 
Redress said:
This will be a multiple choice poll, pick all that apply.

At one point in time, there was an at times interesting discussion on this. Lots of new people around, so going to try it again. The poll lists a number of situations. At which of those situations should a fully post-op transgendered person identify themselves as being that to you?

Note: A bunch of options, please be patient while I type in all the poll options. A poll is coming to go with this.
Click to expand...

I voted "When you become friends with them" and "Before a first date." (That's "friends" not mere acquaintances.)
 
If you're talking anecdotally, in a potentially romantic situation, the only possible answer for me is "right when you meet them". Otherwise, to call it a "lie" would be a gross understatement - emphasis on "gross".
 
It really comes privacy, and what type of relationship you have with that person. I don't think a person needs to tell anyone besides people they are romantically involved with that they are trans. Now at what point is obviously subjective, and I'm not going to sit here, and say that this is what trans people should do, and if they do anything else they are wrong. It all depends on the people involved in the relationship, and the situation.

Just for me though, I would like to know before we got seriously involved, just because I wouldn't want that person to feel like they had to hide that from me, and I would like to know they would trust me at that point.

Now I don't think it's out of bounds for a person to not tell someone this at the start of dating, because first impressions are very big, and one has more to offer than the details of their gender.
 
Your Star said:
It really comes privacy, and what type of relationship you have with that person. I don't think a person needs to tell anyone besides people they are romantically involved with that they are trans. Now at what point is obviously subjective, and I'm not going to sit here, and say that this is what trans people should do, and if they do anything else they are wrong. It all depends on the people involved in the relationship, and the situation.

Just for me though, I would like to know before we got seriously involved, just because I wouldn't want that person to feel like they had to hide that from me, and I would like to know they would trust me at that point.

Now I don't think it's out of bounds for a person to not tell someone this at the start of dating, because first impressions are very big, and one has more to offer than the details of their gender.
Click to expand...

I find it one of those things where it is really hard to make a good call based on my opinions. I am not squeamish about the topic, I do not have to know in most situations. But there would certainly be a line where it would be important to know, not so much due to sex, but due to not being told meant hiding something from me kinda thing.
 
Redress said:
I find it one of those things where it is really hard to make a good call based on my opinions. I am not squeamish about the topic, I do not have to know in most situations. But there would certainly be a line where it would be important to know, not so much due to sex, but due to not being told meant hiding something from me kinda thing.
Click to expand...

For me it'd be due to sex.

Not disclosing everything about your past isn't exactly uncommon amongst people. Not everyone is a completely open book; many people have skeletons in their past that they'd assume keep in the graveyard and not dig up for every future mate, even spouses of long periods of time.

I've learned from times when women would ask me how many women I've been with in my life, and me not cushioning the blow enough. Of course, the relationship doesn't last anyway when people try to determine the future by deciphering the past.
 
I would say that might be a dealbreaker for some people. It's best to get it out in the open before the first date, otherwise it's very deceptive and just .... wrong.

I don't think it matters as much with friends.
 
whenever they want......
 
RabidAlpaca said:
I put the 4 things that had to do with dating/sexual relationships.

It's not really anybody else's business if they're just friends or whatever. But when they start wanting to date someone, they deserve to know about it.
Click to expand...

Basically sums up exactly what I was going to post in my response.

If we are just friends then no need to tell me unless they want to. If things start to go along a romantic route then I want to know before any sort of entanglement starts to occur (and yes entanglement can take on several meaning here - after typing it I realized that the word fits on multiple levels)
 
Redress said:
I find it one of those things where it is really hard to make a good call based on my opinions. I am not squeamish about the topic, I do not have to know in most situations. But there would certainly be a line where it would be important to know, not so much due to sex, but due to not being told meant hiding something from me kinda thing.
Click to expand...

This is basically my thought as well. I have no problem with trans people, and if my GF came to me and told me she was trans I would be hurt, but because she didn't trust me with that, not because she hid this massively important thing from me that dramatically effects our relationship. It's really not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things, at least to me.
 
Josie said:
I would say that might be a dealbreaker for some people. It's best to get it out in the open before the first date, otherwise it's very deceptive and just .... wrong.

I don't think it matters as much with friends.
Click to expand...

Dammit, I think I need to edit the OP again for more clarity. The intention of this is not in general, but with you specifically. It is something not common enough that there really is a societal norm I don't think.
 
When they feel comfortable revealing it. They're really under no obligation to to reveal it at any point, especially if they're post-op.

I'd prefer to be told, especially since it means my partner cannot produce half of the cells needed to procreate (assuming post op), but only so that we can make plans together to achieve our future goals.
 
tessaesque said:
When they feel comfortable revealing it. They're really under no obligation to to reveal it at any point, especially if they're post-op.

I'd prefer to be told, especially since it means my partner cannot produce half of the cells needed to procreate (assuming post op), but only so that we can make plans together to achieve our future goals.
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I would figure a bisexual would think it to be awesome, kinda like Frosted Mini-Wheats.

"The adult in me likes the fiber side, but the kid in me loves the frosted side!"







Don't like at me like that. That was damn funny.
 
Gipper said:
I would figure a bisexual would think it to be awesome, kinda like Frosted Mini-Wheats.

"The adult in me likes the fiber side, but the kid in me loves the frosted side!"







Don't like at me like that. That was damn funny.
Click to expand...

LOL. That might have something to do with my lack of affront over the idea...being attracted to both sexes definitely takes away some of the squeamishness of sleeping w/somebody who isn't your preferred sex.
 
tessaesque said:
LOL. That might have something to do with my lack of affront over the idea...being attracted to both sexes definitely takes away some of the squeamishness of sleeping w/somebody who isn't your preferred sex.
Click to expand...

I can relate. I've definitely lost my squeamishness of sleeping with bisexual women.

"You're bi? *sigh* Okay, I guess I can live with it. Only because I like you so much. Hey, what's your friend's number again?"
 
Gipper said:
I can relate. I've definitely lost my squeamishness of sleeping with bisexual women.

"You're bi? *sigh* Okay, I guess I can live with it. Only because I like you so much. Hey, what's your friend's number again?"
Click to expand...

Yeah, I'm not a "fun" bisexual. I don't share. The ONE time I agreed to a threesome I was miserable the entire time.
 
Until a romantic or sexual direction occurs in the relationship, it is none of my business or my concern.

However, the TG people I have met, in addition to my close TG friend, love to discuss the topic so chances are it would be revealed early on in the friendship.
 
It would depend on the circumstances. If the relationship is romantic/sexual, honesty must be immediate - if the relationship is casual, it's irrelevant - if it's casual but becomes possibly romantic/sexual, honesty must be immediate.

No relationship that is based on dishonesty will last so why waste either of your time playing games.
 
tessaesque said:
Yeah, I'm not a "fun" bisexual. I don't share. The ONE time I agreed to a threesome I was miserable the entire time.
Click to expand...

I would think the trick to having that work out better is not to be the one sharing, but rather being the one who is shared.
 
tessaesque said:
Yeah, I'm not a "fun" bisexual. I don't share. The ONE time I agreed to a threesome I was miserable the entire time.
Click to expand...

th
 
marduc said:
I would think the trick to having that work out better is not to be the one sharing, but rather being the one who is shared.
Click to expand...

I do not particularly like the idea of being double stuffed :p
 
tessaesque said:
I do not particularly like the idea of being double stuffed :p
Click to expand...


Then either you had the wrong combo of sexes involved, or you need to take that strap on away from your girlfriend next time :2razz:.
 
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