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Were these parents too harsh on their daughter?

Did this teen get punished too harshly?

  • No

    Votes: 36 49.3%
  • Yes

    Votes: 12 16.4%
  • I would have looked at other options

    Votes: 20 27.4%
  • Counseling would have been best

    Votes: 5 6.8%

  • Total voters
    73
  • Poll closed .
This... I don't disagree with. Sometimes the parents are the twits. No doubt. And the kids will figure that out.

I have an issue with the whole "respect must be earned" thing in a general sense. In the case of kids, they don't have the discerning ability when young, so it's an unrealistic expectation... but they'll figure it out.

In a general sense, in my observations, people who say other people must earn their respect are really people who respect no one and just want a noble-sounding license to be their usual boorish selves.

couldn't agree more
 
Humiliation and disappointment are great teachers of what life really is. It is easy to spot kids that were shielded from it. They can handle life.

That is simply untrue.

Humiliation does not build resilience (an ability to cope with stress and adversity). especially among teenagers.

to claim otherwise is ignorance.
 
There is a saying, attributed to Oscar Wilde, which goes something like this -

I think, in the general sense, it is accurate. Children start off by loving their parents unconditionally - respect does not come into it. They are weak and vulnerable creatures who depend upon mummy and daddy for their every need - as much psychologically as physically. They will give this unconditional love even in the face of mistreatment - sometimes for the length of their childhood and adolescence. Again - respect as we understand the term, does not feature in this emotional attachment. I loved my mother long before I respected her, and when that respect developed, it was because I understood the things she had done for me, and the sacrifices she had made on my behalf - not simply because she was my biological parent. And even now, I would not show her disrespect, but I do not agree with all her views. So I would disagree with your premise that respect is a due, and does not need to be earned, but I agree that there are sometimes boorish people who justify their behaviour with the 'respect must be earned' excuse.

My own approach being that everyone should be treated with a modicum of respect, until I know them sufficiently to either increase that to complete respect, or to withdraw that respect. Added to which are the layers of societal convention, common courtesy, and consideration for a fellow being - especially if they are elderly, or infirm.
Good post. I'm going to agree and disagree. Young children do (usually) start off with an unconditional love of their parents, but a certain amount of respect is wrapped up in that, at least in a form that they are able to do at that age. Maybe respect isn't the right word, though. At that age, maybe a certain "reverence" would be a better term as a form of unconscious respect. At we get older we can separate the two, but at younger ages that kind of nuance isn't yet established.
 
Good post. I'm going to agree and disagree. Young children do (usually) start off with an unconditional love of their parents, but a certain amount of respect is wrapped up in that, at least in a form that they are able to do at that age. Maybe respect isn't the right word, though. At that age, maybe a certain "reverence" would be a better term as a form of unconscious respect. At we get older we can separate the two, but at younger ages that kind of nuance isn't yet established.

Equally good post. I totally agree, and your choice of the word 'reverence' is Brillo Pads - I wish I had thought to use it. :mrgreen:

I like it when people who are ostensibly opposed in their views can form common ground. That should be the purpose of discussion boards such as this. :)
 
That is simply untrue.

Humiliation does not build resilience (an ability to cope with stress and adversity). especially among teenagers.

to claim otherwise is ignorance.

The hell it doesn't. Adam Lonza was shielded it from it and we see how that turned out.
 
in fact ,they should punish themselves!
 
The hell it doesn't. Adam Lonza was shielded it from it and we see how that turned out.

You know what?

you don't actually know anything about Adam Lonza apart from what you read in the media ... but in fact it does raise an interesting point. I have read a number of articles which refer to the fact that a mass killer had been a victim of bullying - and with it - humiliation

That isn't to say that every victim of bullying and humiliation will become a crazed killer, but many fantasize about getting back at their tormentors - or those they perceive to be their tormentors.

the simple fact is that humiliation does not make you a better person, it does not build your resilience, and it can be extremely damaging.

Most of us experience it at some point of our lives, but we get angry, and move on. often, one of the ways we move on is by recognizing that those people aren't really important in our lives.

but if the person who publicly and deliberately humiliates us is a parent?

It may not be so easy to get over it.

I know parenting isn't easy, and as a grandmother I am seeing the next generation starting to recognize that, but we need to think about the way we discipline our children, and what the impact is. emotional abuse is not discipline.

I have seen enough kids who have been the victims of parents who use emotional abuse as a way to tick a box and say they have dealt with a problem to know that it can be extremely damaging. It isn't always, but quite frankly, anyone who values their relationship with their children., and wants to have a worthwhile relationship with them when they eventually grow up (and even the most difficult teenager eventually does in most cases), would not consider this treatment of a thirteen year old as an option.
 
You know what?

you don't actually know anything about Adam Lonza apart from what you read in the media ... but in fact it does raise an interesting point. I have read a number of articles which refer to the fact that a mass killer had been a victim of bullying - and with it - humiliation

That isn't to say that every victim of bullying and humiliation will become a crazed killer, but many fantasize about getting back at their tormentors - or those they perceive to be their tormentors.

the simple fact is that humiliation does not make you a better person, it does not build your resilience, and it can be extremely damaging.

Most of us experience it at some point of our lives, but we get angry, and move on. often, one of the ways we move on is by recognizing that those people aren't really important in our lives.

but if the person who publicly and deliberately humiliates us is a parent?

It may not be so easy to get over it.

I know parenting isn't easy, and as a grandmother I am seeing the next generation starting to recognize that, but we need to think about the way we discipline our children, and what the impact is. emotional abuse is not discipline.

I have seen enough kids who have been the victims of parents who use emotional abuse as a way to tick a box and say they have dealt with a problem to know that it can be extremely damaging. It isn't always, but quite frankly, anyone who values their relationship with their children., and wants to have a worthwhile relationship with them when they eventually grow up (and even the most difficult teenager eventually does in most cases), would not consider this treatment of a thirteen year old as an option.


You must have missed the interview with his mother where she stated that she went against advice to get this boy help because he was such and angel and did not need the medical attention people were reccomending. She did not want him to have to face his issues so instead she and those kids had too. Lousy ass parenting caused this tragedy just like the shooting in Columbine.
 
You must have missed the interview with his mother where she stated that she went against advice to get this boy help because he was such and angel and did not need the medical attention people were reccomending. She did not want him to have to face his issues so instead she and those kids had too. Lousy ass parenting caused this tragedy just like the shooting in Columbine.

I did miss that interview ...do you have a link? I couldn't find it when I searched, but would be really interested to read it, so maybe you could help me out.:)
 
I did miss that interview ...do you have a link? I couldn't find it when I searched, but would be really interested to read it, so maybe you could help me out.:)

Yes, I seem to have missed that interview as well. I wonder if she was interviewed before the shooting incident, when no one had heard of her, or if it was after, via seance or something.
 
Yes, I seem to have missed that interview as well. I wonder if she was interviewed before the shooting incident, when no one had heard of her, or if it was after, via seance or something.

I was wondering the same thing ... but I figured in the US, what with public confessionals on television and all, child psychologists might videotape interviews with parents just in case a situation - like a mass shooting - arises where they need to cover their arses.
 
Hell no the punishment wasn't too harsh. Good lord, it's the parents that whine about this sort of thing that generally are responsible for raising the current crop of worthless losers in society.
 
I did miss that interview ...do you have a link? I couldn't find it when I searched, but would be really interested to read it, so maybe you could help me out.:)

I looked a little but did not see it anywhere, it came out about 3 weeks to the day of the shooting
 
Who was the medium that they used?

... that must explain why I missed the interview ... as I don't believe in life after death the interview must have been invisible to me.

not being privy to afterlife interviews must be one of the major down sides to atheism ....
 
Who was the medium that they used?

no, no, LOL, I meant it must have been 2 weeks or 1 week before, one of the networks got there hands on some film where that mother was talking about the son.
 
no, no, LOL, I meant it must have been 2 weeks or 1 week before, one of the networks got there hands on some film where that mother was talking about the son.

So someone knew that in a week or two her son would commit a mass murder so they interviewed her and filmed it?

Where did this interview take place? In her home?
 
no, no, LOL, I meant it must have been 2 weeks or 1 week before, one of the networks got there hands on some film where that mother was talking about the son.

Oh, so nothing supernatural happened after all.
That film must have been how they knew that she was contemplating having her son committed.

BTW, does the use of the word "film" date us?
 
BTW, does the use of the word "film" date us?

LOL, no more than the word 'movie' might. We all know it is done on electronic video - but like who's going to be so picky? :lol:
 
So someone knew that in a week or two her son would commit a mass murder so they interviewed her and filmed it?

Where did this interview take place? In her home?

it was some news program after the shooting of a taped interview where Lonza's mother discussed her son's asberger disease and behavior
 
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