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For men only

Would you tell your wife you cheated on her

  • I would tell her and risk divorce

    Votes: 19 76.0%

  • I would not tell her and risk her life

    Votes: 6 24.0%
  • Total voters
    25
sawyerloggingon

sawyerloggingon

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My wife had her annual physical yesterday and said if her test come back clean she won't need another (guess I have to say it) pap smear for 5 years. They now test for some virus and if you don't have it and have been married 10 years you are very low risk for cervical cancer. My response was the woman knows if she has been with another man in the last 10 years but she can't know for sure if her husband has been with anyone else. The doctors are setting up a big decision here for a man that has cheated on his wife when she comes home and tells him about her 5 year grace period. Tell her you have cheated may get you a divorce,don't tell her and you may be giving her cancer.What would or even will you do when this happens to you?
 
I don't cheat, but if I did---I wouldn't say a word.
 
sawyerloggingon said:
My wife had her annual physical yesterday and said if her test come back clean she won't need another (guess I have to say it) pap smear for 5 years. They now test for some virus and if you don't have it and have been married 10 years you are very low risk for cervical cancer. My response was the woman knows if she has been with another man in the last 10 years but she can't know for sure if her husband has been with anyone else. The doctors are setting up a big decision here for a man that has cheated on his wife when she comes home and tells him about her 5 year grace period. Tell her you have cheated may get you a divorce,don't tell her and you may be giving her cancer.What would or even will you do when this happens to you?
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I dont cheat but if I did and I loved her,I would tell her!

I can't imagine the guilt trip if I didn't tell her and she got cancer!!
 
sawyerloggingon said:
My wife had her annual physical yesterday and said if her test come back clean she won't need another (guess I have to say it) pap smear for 5 years. They now test for some virus and if you don't have it and have been married 10 years you are very low risk for cervical cancer. My response was the woman knows if she has been with another man in the last 10 years but she can't know for sure if her husband has been with anyone else. The doctors are setting up a big decision here for a man that has cheated on his wife when she comes home and tells him about her 5 year grace period. Tell her you have cheated may get you a divorce,don't tell her and you may be giving her cancer.What would or even will you do when this happens to you?
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If a man has cheated on his wife with unprotected sex, why should he worry about cervical cancer? He's obviously not worried about HIV.

Personally, I don't believe a doctor makes a decision on when a woman should have a PAP based on anything to do with her husband's conduct. If your wife (any wife) had had a previous PAP with an HPV-positive result, the doctor would have recommended more frequent testing.
 
The poll question/answer choices presupposes that cheating, in fact, occured; thus I cannot answer. I would suppose, however, that one willing to cheat would also be quite willing to lie (or to remain silent) as well. ;)
 
MaggieD said:
If a man has cheated on his wife with unprotected sex, why should he worry about cervical cancer? He's obviously not worried about HIV.

Personally, I don't believe a doctor makes a decision on when a woman should have a PAP based on anything to do with her husband's conduct. If your wife (any wife) had had a previous PAP with an HPV-positive result, the doctor would have recommended more frequent testing.
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Did you miss the part where I said "for men only"? :lol:
 
sawyerloggingon said:
My wife had her annual physical yesterday and said if her test come back clean she won't need another (guess I have to say it) pap smear for 5 years. They now test for some virus and if you don't have it and have been married 10 years you are very low risk for cervical cancer. My response was the woman knows if she has been with another man in the last 10 years but she can't know for sure if her husband has been with anyone else. The doctors are setting up a big decision here for a man that has cheated on his wife when she comes home and tells him about her 5 year grace period. Tell her you have cheated may get you a divorce,don't tell her and you may be giving her cancer.What would or even will you do when this happens to you?
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Hmm - interesting (I'll avoid the poll since I'm not a dude but opinion will still be given - hereby declaring my femininity) . . . this is interesting because I know a lot of women who have one once a year anyway as is the long-given advice . . . or none at all. It's really a personal choice.

I don't ever intend on having a pap ever again - a million while you're pregnant, I think I'm good.

That being said - such things can lay dormant for countless years - it doesn't mean that your spouse has cheated if you have something after 15 years of marriage . . . it just means that at some point you maybe contracted one of the many viruses that can lead to cysts, pollups, abnormal growths - etc. Not even that - some things they are looking for are entirely not of the contracted variety. Some things have unknown causes and origins...etc. They are looking for abnormalities - not traces of viral-only infections. The majority of such abnormalities are believed to be viral but not all are.

Women need to know that testing positive for something does not mean that your husband actually cheated on you.
 
I answered before I read the OP. I don't cheat either, never have, and don't plan on it. But if I ever did, I would take it to my grave.

However, with the caveat that her life could be in danger, I would either say something, or find some clever way to make her safe without giving myself away.
 
Aunt Spiker said:
Hmm - interesting (I'll avoid the poll since I'm not a dude but opinion will still be given - hereby declaring my femininity) . . . this is interesting because I know a lot of women who have one once a year anyway as is the long-given advice . . . or none at all. It's really a personal choice.

I don't ever intend on having a pap ever again - a million while you're pregnant, I think I'm good.

That being said - such things can lay dormant for countless years - it doesn't mean that your spouse has cheated if you have something after 15 years of marriage . . . it just means that at some point you maybe contracted one of the many viruses that can lead to cysts, pollups, abnormal growths - etc. Not even that - some things they are looking for are entirely not of the contracted variety. Some things have unknown causes and origins...etc. They are looking for abnormalities - not traces of viral-only infections. The majority of such abnormalities are believed to be viral but not all are.

Women need to know that testing positive for something does not mean that your husband actually cheated on you.
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Interesting but I'm just focusing on what my wifes doc said here. Apparently this is a new way of thinking in the med world and more and more docs will be sending women home with this advice.
 
sawyerloggingon said:
My wife had her annual physical yesterday and said if her test come back clean she won't need another (guess I have to say it) pap smear for 5 years. They now test for some virus and if you don't have it and have been married 10 years you are very low risk for cervical cancer. My response was the woman knows if she has been with another man in the last 10 years but she can't know for sure if her husband has been with anyone else. The doctors are setting up a big decision here for a man that has cheated on his wife when she comes home and tells him about her 5 year grace period. Tell her you have cheated may get you a divorce,don't tell her and you may be giving her cancer.What would or even will you do when this happens to you?
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HPV (assuming this is what you're referring to) is very common, and doesn't necessarily always mean that one of you has been cheating. Some women have it for years, and have no symptoms, and it's not only sexually spread.
 
lizzie said:
HPV (assuming this is what you're referring to) is very common, and doesn't necessarily always mean that one of you has been cheating. Some women have it for years, and have no symptoms, and it's not only sexually spread.
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I guess the point is if you don't have it and have had a monogamous relationship for 10 years your chances of getting it are extremely slim. One thing I am learning here though, if you want women to respond start a post that says "for men only". :lol:
 
sawyerloggingon said:
I guess the point is if you don't have it and have had a monogamous relationship for 10 years your chances of getting it are extremely slim. One thing I am learning here though, if you want women to respond start a post that says "for men only". :lol:
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Well, when information is lacking, I figure you may need to know, rather than just assuming that HPV always means that cheating has occured.
 
If you cheat and you are married you are obligated to tell your spouse, they have every right to know.
 
I wear my heart on my sleeve, as they say. I really don't think I could keep it a secret (cheating that is) as that's the fundamental NO, NO in a marriage, for me.

Paul
 
sawyerloggingon said:
Interesting but I'm just focusing on what my wifes doc said here. Apparently this is a new way of thinking in the med world and more and more docs will be sending women home with this advice.
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Pap and HPV Testing - National Cancer Institute

Well - most women are still advised to go once a year (hence - the yearly exam) . . . but here it advises to be tested every 3 years (unless you have certain risk factors).

So that alone is a difference of 3 years - that makes me wonder if that advice was given purely for your wife based on her history and lack of other issues. Or if it's advice in general. Other sources I went to for their suggestions still hover around 1-3 years. My mom goes once a year even at the age of 57 because she had cancer in the past. I don't go at all because I apparently don't care.

I also wonder if any of that is related to newly passed healthcare guidelines - I know they changed their suggestion for breast cancer screening.
 
Aunt Spiker said:
Pap and HPV Testing - National Cancer Institute

Well - most women are still advised to go once a year (hence - the yearly exam) . . . but here it advises to be tested every 3 years (unless you have certain risk factors).

So that alone is a difference of 3 years - that makes me wonder if that advice was given purely for your wife based on her history and lack of other issues. Or if it's advice in general. Other sources I went to for their suggestions still hover around 1-3 years. My mom goes once a year even at the age of 57 because she had cancer in the past. I don't go at all because I apparently don't care.

I also wonder if any of that is related to newly passed healthcare guidelines - I know they changed their suggestion for breast cancer screening.
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I was wondering that myself.
 
Doesn't apply to me. I've never cheated on her.
 
The poll comment is very slanted. As always, the OPer tries to stack the question with some obscure moral issue injection. The "cervical cancer" oddball consideration injection is just the OP trying to slant the poll with it.

I would not "cheat," but also believe a person should not tell - and rather should just stop and bear all the guilt him/herself privately rather than burdening the other person with it. If the person is continuing to "cheat?" And that violated the relationship/marriage rules? Then do the decent thing and divorce or end the relationship because the marriage/relationship is an ongoing lie. End the lies, the games and do no more harm than can be avoided. Just "I don't love you anymore and am divorcing/leaving you" is sufficient. Leave it at that.

The only exception would be if the cheater learned he/she had contracted an STD and then must tell. Otherwise, don't create pain and hurt just to do so to relieve your conscious by running your mouth.
 
sawyerloggingon said:
I guess the point is if you don't have it and have had a monogamous relationship for 10 years your chances of getting it are extremely slim. One thing I am learning here though, if you want women to respond start a post that says "for men only". :lol:
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You mean if you don't want women correcting your OP, don't mention them saying it is try to exclude them?
 
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