Disrespect; a society norm or is it a huge problem?

Do you feel that disrespect among young people (ages teens to early 20s) is rampant?

My own children are 16 and 14, and I'm telling you... cursing and disrespectful behavior isn't tolerated. Although they will try to get away with it, there are very clear and very swift consequences. My children do not swear at me, teachers or other adults. However, some of their friends DO and it seems that either because of lack of parental guidance or laxa-daisy enforcement by school officials country wide - it appears at least, to be an epidemic of sorts.

Thoughts?

It's one large part norm (not that it bothers me) and one part selective memory on the part of many who remember their youth and childhood.

TheGirlNextDoor said:

Do you feel that disrespect among young people (ages teens to early 20s) is rampant?

My own children are 16 and 14, and I'm telling you... cursing and disrespectful behavior isn't tolerated. Although they will try to get away with it, there are very clear and very swift consequences. My children do not swear at me, teachers or other adults. However, some of their friends DO and it seems that either because of lack of parental guidance or laxa-daisy enforcement by school officials country wide - it appears at least, to be an epidemic of sorts.

Thoughts?

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Possibly, but there is no way to be sure. The Information Age has a confusing tendency to blend long time realities we were never aware of with startling new developments that require a response.

Sherman123 said:

It's one large part norm (not that it bothers me) and one part selective memory on the part of many who remember their youth and childhood.

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I can tell you with great clarity, that I would have gotten my rear soundly warmed and my mouth soaped, had I ever shown such disrespect to either of my parents... and when I was in school (do I sound old yet? haha) corporal punishment was still allowed - which is NOTHING compared to what would have happened to me once I got home from school.

Morality Games said:

Possibly, but there is no way to be sure. The Information Age has a confusing tendency to blend long time realities we were never aware of with startling new developments that require a response.

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That too.

TheGirlNextDoor said:

I can tell you with great clarity, that I would have gotten my rear soundly warmed and my mouth soaped, had I ever shown such disrespect to either of my parents... and when I was in school (do I sound old yet? haha) corporal punishment was still allowed - which is NOTHING compared to what would have happened to me once I got home from school.

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In no way would I dispute your experience, my point was just to illustrate that especially when it comes to observing and analyzing 'younger' generations much of what we think is new or different isn't really all that new or well different.

TheGirlNextDoor said:

I can tell you with great clarity, that I would have gotten my rear soundly warmed and my mouth soaped, had I ever shown such disrespect to either of my parents... and when I was in school (do I sound old yet? haha) corporal punishment was still allowed - which is NOTHING compared to what would have happened to me once I got home from school.

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As a whole my parents's generation was more indulgent of their children than the preceding generation (who were curiously much more indulgent of their grandchildren); in some periods and places of human history, having children was more of a byproduct of a living a personally enjoyable life than the ultimate work of craftsmanship a lot of 40-somethings nowadays perceive it to be.

Sherman123 said:

In no way would I dispute your experience, my point was just to illustrate that especially when it comes to observing and analyzing 'younger' generations much of what we think is new or different isn't really all that new or well different.

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I agree to a certain degree. I do however, believe that the social disconnect as far as respect is concerned, is lost since a lot of human interaction now occurs online for many kids. That's worrisome to me.

TheGirlNextDoor said:

Do you feel that disrespect among young people (ages teens to early 20s) is rampant?

My own children are 16 and 14, and I'm telling you... cursing and disrespectful behavior isn't tolerated. Although they will try to get away with it, there are very clear and very swift consequences. My children do not swear at me, teachers or other adults. However, some of their friends DO and it seems that either because of lack of parental guidance or laxa-daisy enforcement by school officials country wide - it appears at least, to be an epidemic of sorts.

Thoughts?

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I voted the first two. I think it is a problem, but also a norm.

TheGirlNextDoor said:

Do you feel that disrespect among young people (ages teens to early 20s) is rampant?

My own children are 16 and 14, and I'm telling you... cursing and disrespectful behavior isn't tolerated. Although they will try to get away with it, there are very clear and very swift consequences. My children do not swear at me, teachers or other adults. However, some of their friends DO and it seems that either because of lack of parental guidance or laxa-daisy enforcement by school officials country wide - it appears at least, to be an epidemic of sorts.

Thoughts?

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I don't think cussing is very disrespectful TBH. :shrug:

TheGirlNextDoor said:

Do you feel that disrespect among young people (ages teens to early 20s) is rampant?

My own children are 16 and 14, and I'm telling you... cursing and disrespectful behavior isn't tolerated. Although they will try to get away with it, there are very clear and very swift consequences. My children do not swear at me, teachers or other adults. However, some of their friends DO and it seems that either because of lack of parental guidance or laxa-daisy enforcement by school officials country wide - it appears at least, to be an epidemic of sorts.

Thoughts?

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I think it has always been common BETWEEN teenagers and other teenagers, and often persists into the early 20s. I suspect some of it is biological... establishing pecking order and dominance.

However, the epidemic of disrespect to parents and teachers and etc is more recent. It was very rare when I was in school (70s, 80s) but appears to be a lot more common now.

"Yes sir, no ma'am" seems to be rapidly disappearing from the vocabulary of anyone much under 35, unless they are prior military. Even my own son, who is widely praised for his good manners, tends to omit those honorifics because no one else his age does it either.

But sir/ma'am isn't such a big deal... the smart-ass-mouth on some young folks IS a big deal. I don't hear it directed at me much (I don't look like someone you want to provoke), but I do hear some ASTONISHING stuff directed at other adults by young folks and even children to their own parents.

There was this 19yo gal who wanted to travel to Europe with her idiot friends. Her father didn't think she and her friends were mature enough to go to Europe unsupervised, and declined to fund her trip. Now here is the kicker... she threatened to go to the local Platinum Plus and STRIP to raise the money! Daddy caved in... I would've kicked her ass out the door just for TALKING like that, let alone doing it... and all the crap I'd bought her (car, clothes, furniture) would NOT be going with her. "You wanna do it YOUR way, fine... but do the whole enchilada baby, and find a new place to sleep too."

Unreal. Spoiled brat.

I think it is a lot of things. Kids are too spoiled these days; too much TV and Xbox and not enough chores, too much given to them without enough work required of them. Not enough parenting, not enough saying "NO", not enough parents insisting on being respected as they should be. Lack of discipline in the schools. Zero-tolerance for violence in schools, leading to kids saying horrific stuff to their peers with no fear of getting their teeth knocked out as was the case when I was 18. General coarsening of society... media, like The Simpsons, South Park, and so many other shows with smart-ass foul-mouthed kids. Entitlement mentality. A lack of appreciation for what one has; too much "Me" thinking and not enough "We" thinking, but at the same time too much dependency and not enough self-reliance.

Then again, every generation since Julius Ceasar has thought the next generation was decadent, lazy, disrespectful and would surely be the downfall of the Republic. :mrgreen: :doh:

Your Star said:

I don't think cussing is very disrespectful TBH. :shrug:

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Well, if either of my kids called one of their instructor's an asshole or a bitch, ... or told them to go "**** themselves", I believe that falls into the disrespectful category.

Your Star said:

I don't think cussing is very disrespectful TBH. :shrug:

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Depends on who you're cussing out.

Sherman123 said:

It's one large part norm (not that it bothers me) and one part selective memory on the part of many who remember their youth and childhood.

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I agree with TGND that it isn't selective memory. We did not cuss in front of our parents or adults. To this day I still will not say a swear word in front of my mother.

Swearing is something I can turn off and on.

But there has been a big loss of respect for others by people today. But I tell you when you see someone who is repectful and courteous of others that person makes you notice.

TheGirlNextDoor said:

I agree to a certain degree. I do however, believe that the social disconnect as far as respect is concerned, is lost since a lot of human interaction now occurs online for many kids. That's worrisome to me.

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One of the milder manifestations of the Internet's influence on the human psyche. Curious thing, people are drawn to the Internet because it gives them a chance to spread and test their convictions, but in fact, the Internet by its nature negates, neutralizes, or destroys the capacity of people to have convictions. In this case, the old belief that elders ought to be respected.

TheGirlNextDoor said:

Do you feel that disrespect among young people (ages teens to early 20s) is rampant?

My own children are 16 and 14, and I'm telling you... cursing and disrespectful behavior isn't tolerated. Although they will try to get away with it, there are very clear and very swift consequences. My children do not swear at me, teachers or other adults. However, some of their friends DO and it seems that either because of lack of parental guidance or laxa-daisy enforcement by school officials country wide - it appears at least, to be an epidemic of sorts.

Thoughts?

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In ways, I tend to agree...though it reminds me of one day in the food court at a local mall. To be brief, this girl was with her friends being ultra loud and rude and obnoxious. Sitting next to her are these two black guys, one of them turns and asks if she has no shame and if not if he can test that.

She agreed that she didn't give a f %+^ about anything. So, he slaps his hand as loudly as possible, stands up one hand clutching his cheek and the other pointing at the girl and shouts for all to hear : "RACIST RACIST!! She just slapped me in the face and called me a n***er! "

I doubt she was ever half as obnoxious again... Moral of the story is that kids need to be shown their place (not necessarily violently), or they will get out of control.




All that said, this is all just a symptom.

Morality Games said:

One of the milder manifestations of the Internet's influence on the human psyche. Curious thing, people are drawn to the Internet because it gives them a chance to spread and test their convictions, but in fact, the Internet by its nature negates, neutralizes, or destroys the capacity of people to have convictions. In this case, the old belief that elders ought to be respected.

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How about "respect is to be earned and not demanded" or "you have to give respect to receive it". I look at it this way, I am respectful toward others until they have proven unworthy of such respect. I do believe a person must respect themselves first before being able to respect others.

Your Star said:

I don't think cussing is very disrespectful TBH. :shrug:

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I just had this urge to just cuss you out with every cuss word in English, Spanish, and Arabic I can think of.........:lol: But that isn't me.

TheGirlNextDoor said:

Well, if either of my kids called one of their instructor's an asshole or a bitch, ... or told them to go "**** themselves", I believe that falls into the disrespectful category.

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Yes obviously, but would you be mad if one of your kids said "Holy **** mom, that's awesome!!" because that isn't disrespectful in my eyes.

I cuss a lot, but am very respectful to everyone, those two concepts aren't mutually exclusive.

TheGirlNextDoor said:

Do you feel that disrespect among young people (ages teens to early 20s) is rampant?

My own children are 16 and 14, and I'm telling you... cursing and disrespectful behavior isn't tolerated. Although they will try to get away with it, there are very clear and very swift consequences. My children do not swear at me, teachers or other adults. However, some of their friends DO and it seems that either because of lack of parental guidance or laxa-daisy enforcement by school officials country wide - it appears at least, to be an epidemic of sorts.

Thoughts?

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I agree completely, and am essentially horrified at what passes as acceptable social behavior these days. It has become a "norm", but that doesn't mean it's a good idea, and it doesn't mean it won't cause some repercussions down the road a bit. I see us becoming increasingly uncivilized and crass as a society. It's an embarrassment to me personally.

Your Star said:

Yes obviously, but would you be mad if one of your kids said "Holy **** mom, that's awesome!!" because that isn't disrespectful in my eyes.

I cuss a lot, but am very respectful to everyone, those two concepts aren't mutually exclusive.

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I curse on occasion and my children may let slip a "****" if they trip or drop something, etc... but I don't want to hear filth flarn and filth.. it becomes a habit too quickly, as evidenced by my niece. My sister lets her say things like "Oh **** mom.. that's ****ing cool", etc... then it opened a door for her to drop the f bomb for just about everything.

I know my kids swear when they are around their friends... to some degree anyway. However, they both know what my expectation is, and that is that they need to be polite and understand that others are listening, even when they think they aren't. They also know that people are going to judge them (right or wrong) on how they carry themselves and present themselves. Hopefully that makes sense, as I just took a Tylenol PM so I can get some sleep tonight. hahaha

TheGirlNextDoor said:

I curse on occasion and my children may let slip a "****" if they trip or drop something, etc... but I don't want to hear filth flarn and filth.. it becomes a habit too quickly, as evidenced by my niece. My sister lets her say things like "Oh **** mom.. that's ****ing cool", etc... then it opened a door for her to drop the f bomb for just about everything.

I know my kids swear when they are around their friends... to some degree anyway. However, they both know what my expectation is, and that is that they need to be polite and understand that others are listening, even when they think they aren't. They also know that people are going to judge them (right or wrong) on how they carry themselves and present themselves. Hopefully that makes sense, as I just took a Tylenol PM so I can get some sleep tonight. hahaha

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But what is wrong about cussing? They are just words, and what makes them offensive is the meaning of your words, not what you say. You can be offensive as all hell without saying one cuss word, while you can be as caring and loving while dropping as many f bombs as you possibly can.

I cuss a lot, but I am always respectful, and I think the important thing is knowing who you are talking to, and where you are. At home, no censorship what so ever, nor when I'm with my friends, but in public, with people it's all Yes, ma'am, and sir, and the like. Cursing is neutral, the only reason people think it is filthy is because people told them it was filthy.

Your Star said:

But what is wrong about cussing? They are just words, and what makes them offensive is the meaning of your words, not what you say. You can be offensive as all hell without saying one cuss word, while you can be as caring and loving while dropping as many f bombs as you possibly can.

I cuss a lot, but I am always respectful, and I think the important thing is knowing who you are talking to, and where you are. At home, no censorship what so ever, nor when I'm with my friends, but in public, with people it's all Yes, ma'am, and sir, and the like. Cursing is neutral, the only reason people think it is filthy is because people told them it was filthy.

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While that may be true, some people don't like it because the words infer things.
****, is quite literally feces.

Some people don't like poop a whole lot.
Generally, it's fine to cuss in an informal setting.
In the formal, no way.

With parents, it depends, some have higher expectations than others.

Your Star said:

But what is wrong about cussing? They are just words, and what makes them offensive is the meaning of your words, not what you say. You can be offensive as all hell without saying one cuss word, while you can be as caring and loving while dropping as many f bombs as you possibly can.

I cuss a lot, but I am always respectful, and I think the important thing is knowing who you are talking to, and where you are. At home, no censorship what so ever, nor when I'm with my friends, but in public, with people it's all Yes, ma'am, and sir, and the like. Cursing is neutral, the only reason people think it is filthy is because people told them it was filthy.

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You have a point... what constitutes "foul language" and what is acceptible is defined by society, and the definitions are kinda arbitrary.

For instance, "crap" and **** mean the same thing... but people will say the former and castigate you for using the latter expression ten seconds later. In a way it makes no sense.

OTOH it is a lowest-common denominator thing, and a lowering of the bar. Once upon a time, if you wanted to shock someone, exhibit extreme emphasis, or make it clear you were getting really angry, you could throw the word "damn" into your sentence and get people's attention. "Damn" eventually became so common that a new word was needed if one wished to accomplish the same thing, so people started throwing the F-bomb around... and now THAT has gotten so common that not many bat an eye anymore, so to get people's attention you have to go to EXTREMES with combinational foul language... and you hear things like "go such a syphillitic donkey dick and die, you ********ing bitch" being said between 17yo girls in public places.

Just how low and how crude are we going to go?

Also, the way one thinks and the words one uses are related, and feed into how one acts. Are there long-term psychological and social effects involved in being so crude and offensive?

Kinda worries me.


Of course, things often tend to go in cycles, up and down... if so we're just about due for new round of Victorian prudishness! :mrgreen:

Your Star said:

But what is wrong about cussing? They are just words, and what makes them offensive is the meaning of your words, not what you say. You can be offensive as all hell without saying one cuss word, while you can be as caring and loving while dropping as many f bombs as you possibly can.

I cuss a lot, but I am always respectful, and I think the important thing is knowing who you are talking to, and where you are. At home, no censorship what so ever, nor when I'm with my friends, but in public, with people it's all Yes, ma'am, and sir, and the like. Cursing is neutral, the only reason people think it is filthy is because people told them it was filthy.

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I swear more than I should but I still think it's disrespectful to loudly cuss in a restaurant or something where there are families with kids.