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Should people wait until marriage to have children?

Should people wait until marriage to have children?

  • Yes

    Votes: 55 77.5%

  • No

    Votes: 3 4.2%

  • I don't know

    Votes: 2 2.8%

  • I don't care

    Votes: 11 15.5%
  • Total voters
    71
MaggieD said:
I can always work like that. Just takes good decision-making.
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Not when you are young..and have no experience..it is when you get older and smell the coffee..

I would not get married again unless I wanted more children..apart from that.. When things go wrong...Hit the road Jack!!
 
wolfie said:
Doesn't always work like that though..does it?
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You are right. It does not always work out for everyone. Very very true.

Having said that however, I do think life is a matter of playing the odds to a large extent. Yes, you can defy the odds and win. Yes, you can be the exception to the rule. Yes, if you succeed big enough you can even write your own new set of rules.

But they are called exceptions for a reason. And I think the path I laid out would indeed work for the vast majority of people.
 
haymarket said:
You are right. It does not always work out for everyone. Very very true.

Having said that however, I do think life is a matter of playing the odds to a large extent. Yes, you can defy the odds and win. Yes, you can be the exception to the rule. Yes, if you succeed big enough you can even write your own new set of rules.

But they are called exceptions for a reason. And I think the path I laid out would indeed work for the vast majority of people.
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With all respect Haymarket..it sounds a tad too cynical for my taste..
 
Harry Guerrilla said:
Not that, you still have your SO live with you, you just report it otherwise.
That way you get the dual benefit of an income and full state aid.

There are a lot of people who do this.
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Yes and a lot of guys fall into the back child support trap that way.

They think "Oh she would never betray me, we're in love and we'll be together forever and ever". Then several years down the road they break up and suddenly he owes tens of thousands of dollars in back child support.
 
haymarket said:
You are right. It does not always work out for everyone. Very very true.

Having said that however, I do think life is a matter of playing the odds to a large extent. Yes, you can defy the odds and win. Yes, you can be the exception to the rule. Yes, if you succeed big enough you can even write your own new set of rules.

But they are called exceptions for a reason. And I think the path I laid out would indeed work for the vast majority of people.
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In my observation, it generally does. Not always--there are no guarantees in life or innoculation from making decisions that turn out not to be right. But if you do the best you can and follow simple, sensible rules such as finishing school, devoutly practicing birth control, and marrying before having children, you're definitely "hedging your bets."
 
Muhammed said:
Yes and a lot of guys fall into the back child support trap that way.

They think "Oh she would never betray me, we're in love and we'll be together forever and ever". Then several years down the road they break up and suddenly he owes tens of thousands of dollars in back child support.
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This isn't true. As long as the mother and father of the child are living together, child support payments do not accrue. Not living together? Whole different ballgame.

An aside: Any unmarried man who fathers a child should have a DNA test done immediately to establish paternity.
 
MaggieD said:
Part of what you wish for is available through a prenuptial agreement. The four-year re-up? In your dreams. ;) ;)
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Now MaggieD: People should stay together because they want to be together not because some piece of paper is acting like a pair handcuffs. I think what happens is after 3 years serotonin levels drop back to normal and people wake up and say what am I doing here? 50% stay because they are afraid to go,50 % go because they just can't stand it any more. Out of the 50% that stay 30% feel trapped and wait hoping for their SO to die of natural or unnatural causes leaving 20% of marriages intact with two people who love each other. The four year opt out would mean that couples would have to try harder if they want their relationship "marriage" to work just like they had to try harder to please each other before the marriage certificate was signed. Children need to see their parents at least respecting one another not down in the dirt fighting like cats and dogs.

Out of my 7 brothers, 4 including me have been divorced at least once, me I was married twice "16" years and "10 years" two of my brothers passed on before they had a chance to get divorced, leaving only one married without children. My mother and father divorced before I entered kindergarten, my mother and her second husband fought like cats and wild dogs until he died, my father remarried my step mother who was divorced from her first husband, My second wife was divorced from her first marriage. My first long term lady friend "7 years" was in the process of divorcing her first husband when we met,my second and final present long term lady friend "4 years" stayed in a unhappy marriage until her second husband died. My daughter and only child divorced her husband "4 years"and is now living in sin.

Now tell me Maggie does the four year opt out sound so bad?
 
ChrisL said:
Well, not to be rude, but MOST people probably don't consider YOUR feelings when considering a divorce. They do what is best for themselves at the time.
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Yes. At the expense of their spouse and their children. And, for the most part, their own long-term interests.
 
wolfie said:
Get a graduation..

Take any job..

Marry someone who is better than you are..(did you love her?)
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What is cynical about graduating from high school? I think its pretty solid advice for most folks.

What is cynical about working at a full time job? Again, I thinks its pretty solid advice for most folks.

I married at the age of 21. I am still married to the same person 42 years later. Love was the reason we got married and love is the reason we stay married. I consider myself like George Bailey at the end of IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE - the luckiest man in town.
 
EarlzP said:
Now MaggieD: People should stay together because they want to be together not because some piece of paper is acting like a pair handcuffs. I think what happens is after 3 years serotonin levels drop back to normal and people wake up and say what am I doing here? 50% stay because they are afraid to go,50 % go because they just can't stand it any more. Out of the 50% that stay 30% feel trapped and wait hoping for their SO to die of natural or unnatural causes leaving 20% of marriages intact with two people who love each other. The four year opt out would mean that couples would have to try harder if they want their relationship "marriage" to work just like they had to try harder to please each other before the marriage certificate was signed. Children need to see their parents at least respecting one another not down in the dirt fighting like cats and dogs.

Out of my 7 brothers, 4 including me have been divorced at least once, me I was married twice "16" years and "10 years" two of my brothers passed on before they had a chance to get divorced, leaving only one married without children. My mother and father divorced before I entered kindergarten, my mother and her second husband fought like cats and wild dogs until he died, my father remarried my step mother who was divorced from her first husband, My second wife was divorced from her first marriage. My first long term lady friend "7 years" was in the process of divorcing her first husband when we met,my second and final present long term lady friend "4 years" stayed in a unhappy marriage until her second husband died. My daughter and only child divorced her husband "4 years"and is now living in sin.

Now tell me Maggie does the four year opt out sound so bad?
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It does for your family. ;);)
 
StubbornMoose said:
wait until marriage, no. wait until in a committed relationship and having kids is something you both want, yes.

some people choose to never get married yet live like they are, i have no problem with them having kids.
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I do. If you're in a committed relationship and want to have children that is what marriage is for. If you're not committed enough to get married, then you are ****ing lying to yourself if you think you're committed enough to have children.
 
haymarket said:
What is cynical about graduating from high school? I think its pretty solid advice for most folks.

What is cynical about working at a full time job? Again, I thinks its pretty solid advice for most folks.

I married at the age of 21. I am still married to the same person 42 years later. Love was the reason we got married and love is the reason we stay married. I consider myself like George Bailey at the end of IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE - the luckiest man in town.
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I misunderstood you..It sounded like you were on the hunt for a rich lady...I am glad you found your angel...
 
wolfie said:
I misunderstood you..It sounded like you were on the hunt for a rich lady...I am glad you found your angel...
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No problem. And I did find a rich lady. She has a billion dollar smile and a personality worth more than a bucket filled with jewels. It may sound corny but I had this image of the perfect girl in my head for a while and when I saw here in college one day, I knew in a manner of a few minutes.

It took here a while to come around. But then she is a lot smarter than me. ;)

One thing she says is that 'every pot has a lid'. I hope everybody can find the one that fits for them.
 
Viktyr Gehrig said:
Yes. At the expense of their spouse and their children. And, for the most part, their own long-term interests.
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It's none of your business why anyone else splits. If that's what's important to you then get married and have children. I'm quite sure that MOST people who divorce have given it a lot of thought and probably feel it is best for all parties involved. Who are you to undermine their decisions or assume they made the wrong decision just because it is something you wouldn't do?
 
Voltaire X said:
I'm fine with premarital casual sex and whatnot, but birth control should be used.

Do you know what the poverty rate in the US is for families that wait until marriage to have children and stay married? 2%.

The poverty rate for the general population is 13%, more than six times as high. Plus, children that grow up in single parent households are much more likely to end up involved in criminal activity.

I look down on people that have children outside of marriage. They are hurting their children, their families, themselves, and their country.

Also I'm an atheist so religion has nothing to do with why I believe this.
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I really think it depends on the people. Some people are very bad, abusive parents. Being married doesn't make them a better person.

The poverty numbers reflect that people who are poor are less likely to wait until they get married. Being married doesn't make them rich all of a sudden.
 
haymarket said:
No problem. And I did find a rich lady. She has a billion dollar smile and a personality worth more than a bucket filled with jewels. It may sound corny but I had this image of the perfect girl in my head for a while and when I saw here in college one day, I knew in a manner of a few minutes.

It took here a while to come around. But then she is a lot smarter than me. ;)

One thing she says is that 'every pot has a lid'. I hope everybody can find the one that fits for them.
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I did the opposite..left a rich man for a poor man...I had so much gold..diamonds..but I wasn't happy...

I am happier with a man who makes me laugh..loves me..and we face life's problems together..he has a beautiful heart....

Aw..I'm gettin soppy now..
 
cpwill said:
:shrug: I'm only thirty. My parents, however, fought through tough years themselves, and taught me both explicitly and through example the same that I've written above. They learned it in turn from their parents (though to be fair, more my dad's). The model works, as it has for generations.



:) and Thank God for that :). I'm looking forward to the journey.
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I wish you a long and happy marriage that said you are only 30 and took your wife off to Japan "maybe against her will" where she could not escape. I thought I was happily married "16 years" the first time and in fact I was but my first wife was apparently not happy, I am lucky she did not dispose of me in my sleep. Wife number two "10 miserable year" proved that I had a mental problem but some times the physical attraction over rides the emotional turmoil and clear warnings that this is not good.

Now CP i can tell you from experience in the state where I live 50% of every thing you have worked for is gone, multiply 50% x 2, and then add in child support it's not a pretty picture. After divorce #2 I tried a new strategy I found a lady from another country we lasted 7 years and now I am trying and have been for four years a southern lady but at the moment it is not looking to good. So you are 30 and feel like you have made it, it is to bad we can't read our partners mind then maybe we could feel more secure and do the real things to keep one another happy.
 
Viktyr Gehrig said:
I do. If you're in a committed relationship and want to have children that is what marriage is for. If you're not committed enough to get married, then you are ****ing lying to yourself if you think you're committed enough to have children.
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People get married when they maybe shouldn't be married. I'm in the middle of a bitter divorce in which my ex is keeping me from seeing our children. We were married for almost 9 years before becoming parents, so we were a fairly solid, stable couple.

Doesn't matter anymore.

While I do think that a stable couple is best for the children, the only thing a marriage license does is make it more expensive on everyone if it ends.
 
wolfie said:
I did the opposite..left a rich man for a poor man...I had so much gold..diamonds..but I wasn't happy...

I am happier with a man who makes me laugh..loves me..and we face life's problems together..he has a beautiful heart....

Aw..I'm gettin soppy now..
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that is a great story. I am very happy for you. You just made my day. :2wave::peace

btw - when I said 'rich' it was not money by any stretch of the imagination. If I remember our first year of marriage, we made less than five grand and it was a slow climb each year from there. We ended up really well and comfortable. But again that goes back to a conservative life style and working those full time jobs. :)
 
Viktyr Gehrig said:
I do. If you're in a committed relationship and want to have children that is what marriage is for. If you're not committed enough to get married, then you are ****ing lying to yourself if you think you're committed enough to have children.
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It all depends on how you view marriage. I am happily married with 1 kid and 1 one the way. But I don't think a couple needs a slip of paper from the government to tell them where their relationship is.
 
haymarket said:
that is a great story. I am very happy for you. You just made my day. :2wave::peace

btw - when I said 'rich' it was not money by any stretch of the imagination. If I remember our first year of marriage, we made less than five grand and it was a slow climb each year from there. We ended up really well and comfortable. But again that goes back to a conservative life style and working those full time jobs. :)
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What does a ''conservative'' life style mean??
 
People should not engage in conduct that imposes costs on others. Some wealthy people who can provide completely for a child with no husband or wife can raise a child properly as a single parent. Most cannot. Having children out of marriage is the single best predictor if a child will end up in poverty or in jail
 
TurtleDude said:
People should not engage in conduct that imposes costs on others. Some wealthy people who can provide completely for a child with no husband or wife can raise a child properly as a single parent. Most cannot. Having children out of marriage is the single best predictor if a child will end up in poverty or in jail
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l can agree with you but money isnt everything in the life .nothing can substitute for a real family.
 
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