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Should people wait until marriage to have children?

Should people wait until marriage to have children?

  • Yes

    Votes: 55 77.5%

  • No

    Votes: 3 4.2%

  • I don't know

    Votes: 2 2.8%

  • I don't care

    Votes: 11 15.5%
  • Total voters
    71
ChrisL said:
People should decide for themselves whether or not marriage is good for them or not. It's really not anyone else's business except for the two involved. Many people just can't work out their differences, and who is to say that is because they are "selfish" or what the reason. That is just arrogant.

And IMO "staying together for the kids" can have just as many destructive results as divorce.
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all l know is this a serious decision made about your life and many people see it as easy as a job agreement .and divorce must not be as easy as leaving your job either .


unless there are very valid reasons to divorce ,l dont approve it
 
Medusa said:
all l know is this a serious decision made about your life and many people see it as easy as a job agreement .and divorce must not be as easy as leaving your job either .


unless there are very valid reasons to divorce ,l dont approve it
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Well, not to be rude, but MOST people probably don't consider YOUR feelings when considering a divorce. They do what is best for themselves at the time.
 
ChrisL said:
Yeah, blah, blah, blah. People should do what they want and what makes them happy. Screw the stats.
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Because what makes you happy isn't necessarily what is going to provide for long term stability. Everybody thinks that they're the exception.
 
ChuckBerry said:
Because what makes you happy isn't necessarily what is going to provide for long term stability. Everybody thinks that they're the exception.
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Exactly. Practice what you preach.
 
ChrisL said:
Well, not to be rude, but MOST people probably don't consider YOUR feelings when considering a divorce. They do what is best for themselves at the time.
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yes ,and l know they must have reasons .but if l had children ,i would consider only my children .

l would try to make them happy,because l know the fact of being unhappy in your childhood will always follow you in the future
 
Medusa said:
yes ,and l know they must have reasons .but if l had children ,i would consider only my children .
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You've missed my point completely.
 
EarlzP said:
Lots of good points in your post, this is what I think

1-A divorce agreement should be drawn up before the marriage takes place
2- A marriage licence should be renewed every four years or the divorce agreement should be automatically be enforced.

To many marriages end up in divorce exposing children to their parents fighting like cats and dogs over the silverware, get it done before it happens and avoid the long drawn out battle.

If couples knew that either one could just walk away after 4 years they would try a little harder to make their partner happy, taking your partners love for granted is the best way I know to be disappointed.
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Part of what you wish for is available through a prenuptial agreement. The four-year re-up? In your dreams. ;) ;)

Muhammed said:
I don't think that at all.

Just pointing out the fact that for some mothers that IRA tax shelter, that social security survivors benefits and that COBRA stuff is nonexistent and therefore amounts to absolutely nothing. It's totally irrelevant to them.

If baby daddy works on cars for cash and maybe sells a bit of marijuana or slings some 'caine on the side for extra cash none of that means a thing.
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Respectfully, I don't think this thread is intended to address those dysfunctional couples where the woman picks a complete idiot to father her children.

Harry Guerrilla said:
Not that, you still have your SO live with you, you just report it otherwise.
That way you get the dual benefit of an income and full state aid.

There are a lot of people who do this.
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I know. Ha! Pisses me off to no end.

ChrisL said:
Lots of religious people thought they would burn in hell if they got a divorce. Then all of the sudden, the church got a new revelation. :roll: Yes, God himself spoke and said that people CAN get a divorce now I guess.
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The Catholic Church has no problem with divorce (as a last resort, of course). It's problem is that, if the marriage was sanctioned by the Catholic Church to begin with? Any remarriage is considered adultery.
 
MaggieD said:
The Catholic Church has no problem with divorce (as a last resort, of course). It's problem is that, if the marriage was sanctioned by the Catholic Church to begin with? Any remarriage is considered adultery.
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For some people, I'm sure this is the same as not allowing them to be divorced. I find it interesting that even the Puritans allowed people to divorce of their own free will without "consequences" from the church.

"Most Christian churches treat divorce negatively; however, different Christian denominations vary in their toleration of it. The Roman Catholic Church treats all consummated sacramental marriages as permanent during the life of the spouses, and therefore does not allow remarriage after a divorce if the other spouse still lives and the marriage has not been annulled. However, divorced Catholics are still welcome to participate fully in the life of the church so long as they have not remarried against church law, and the Catholic Church generally requires civil divorce or annulment procedures to have been completed before it will consider annulment cases. Other Christian denominations, including the Eastern Orthodox Church and many Protestant churches, will allow both divorce and remarriage even with a surviving former spouse, at least under certain conditions. In societies that practiced Puritanism, divorce was allowed if one partner in the marriage was not completely satisfied with the other, and remarriage was also allowed."
 
I have a daughter outside of marriage with my fiance. She is 19 months old. Do i regret her, no. Would I have done things differently if i could, yes. I believe having children outside of marriage is predominantly irresponsible and unfair to the child.

I'll keep it as short as that since it's a personal topic for myself.
 
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ex99 said:
I have a daughter outside of marriage with my fiance. She is 19probably months old. Do i regret her, no. Would I have done things differently if i could, yes. I believe having children outside of marriage is predominantly irresponsible and unfair to the child.

I'll keep it as short as that since it's a personal topic for myself.
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And, in far too many instances, it's the quickest way into poverty we have to offer.
 
ChuckBerry said:
A priest will NOT refuse baptism for merely being conceived out of wedlock. A priest will refuse baptism if he has valid reason to believe that the child will not be raised as a Catholic. The fact that your parents then went to a Protestant church for the baptism indicates to me that the priests refusal was well founded.
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This is really bothersome to me. IMO, this goes AGAINST the teachings of Jesus Christ. What kind of religion would make the innocent child pay for the sins of the parents?
 
ChrisL said:
This is really bothersome to me. IMO, this goes AGAINST the teachings of Jesus Christ. What kind of religion would make the innocent child pay for the sins of the parents?
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What kind of religion would say that an unbaptized child cannot go to heaven? (Until just most recently....2005, I believe.) What kind of religion has pamphlets in its pews welcoming visitors and letting them know they aren't welcome to take communion? What kind of religion has priests who would refused my 85-year-old protestant mother communion at a funeral service? What kind of religion takes donations into account when considering annulments? Don't get me started. ;)
 
Harry Guerrilla said:
While on it's face, that sounds reasonable, the relationship changes after a child is born.
I'd rather folks be married before they have children, so they don't jump to separate, during that stressful period.

Not to mention all the dishonest tactics people use, while in relationships like that, where the tax payer ends up footing a lot of the bills.
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That's also true, although my statement was directed at the opposite situation. Even people who are married may not be ready to have children.
 
ChrisL said:
Oh, that's a good reason for denying an innocent baby the chance to be cleansed of original sin. What a bunch of effing hypocrites!
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What of the parents responsibility for the child? Should the church go around baptizing children against the will of the parents for fear that the children will die with original sin? If the parents give a damn about original sin then they should make the preparations necessary to genuinely raise the child in the faith for which they request baptism. Clearly your parents didn't really care about raising you Catholic. Your anger is misplaced.
 
MaggieD said:
What kind of religion would say that an unbaptized child cannot go to heaven?
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In general, we may state that the Church claims no authority over unbaptized persons, as they are entirely without her pale. She makes laws concerning them only in so far as they hold relations with the subjects of the Church.

CATHOLIC ENCYCLOPEDIA: Baptism

What kind of religion has pamphlets in its pews welcoming visitors and letting them know they aren't welcome to take communion? What kind of religion has priests who would refused my 85-year-old protestant mother communion at a funeral service?
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Churches that take their sacraments seriously. It's not fair to expect any organization to ignore its own rules to make others feel good.

What kind of religion takes donations into account when considering annulments?
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I'm willing to bet there's a bit more to the story here. My sister got an annulment and donations were not taken in to account.
 
ChuckBerry said:
What of the parents responsibility for the child? Should the church go around baptizing children against the will of the parents for fear that the children will die with original sin? If the parents give a damn about original sin then they should make the preparations necessary to genuinely raise the child in the faith for which they request baptism. Clearly your parents didn't really care about raising you Catholic. Your anger is misplaced.
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It is THOSE children that the Catholic church should take the most interest in. Yes, if parents bring a child in to be baptized, they should baptize them WITHOUT prejudice! It is NOT their place to make judgments. Is it? IF they truly cared, they would willingly baptize any and every child that they could.

YOU are just making excuses for an AWFUL practice of denying the innocent the chance to be cleansed of original sin.
 
MaggieD said:
What kind of religion would say that an unbaptized child cannot go to heaven? (Until just most recently....2005, I believe.) What kind of religion has pamphlets in its pews welcoming visitors and letting them know they aren't welcome to take communion? What kind of religion has priests who would refused my 85-year-old protestant mother communion at a funeral service? What kind of religion takes donations into account when considering annulments? Don't get me started. ;)
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Yes, I accidentally ate the bread wafer at a Catholic mass one time, and people were mortified. I was like 8 years old and didn't even know any better. I was probably just hungry. :2razz:
 
Mark 10:14

But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.
 
ChuckBerry said:
Churches that take their sacraments seriously. It's not fair to expect any organization to ignore its own rules to make others feel good.
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No. Those "rules?" Ridiculous. They aren't God's rules. They're the rules of some guy who wears a funny hat. Christ himself invites me to his communion table. Not the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church is exclusionary. How is religion served by exclusivity? This is as far from Christ's teachings as can be.
 
MaggieD said:
No. Those "rules?" Ridiculous. They aren't God's rules. They're the rules of some guy who wears a funny hat. Christ himself invites me to his communion table. Not the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church is exclusionary. How is religion served by exclusivity? This is as far from Christ's teachings as can be.
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I've always been a free spirit..but I find the relationship changes when you get married..

It seems like an ''I own you'' scenario!!
 
wolfie said:
I've always been a free spirit..but I find the relationship changes when you get married..

It seems like an ''I own you'' scenario!!
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I guess it depends on one's partner. I've never found that...except in a relationship I had when I was 17 years old. And we weren't even married. Ha!
 
Absolutely. I live a rather conservative life sytle in almost every respect. I am now 63 and came of age during the Sixties and was a firm believer in a conservative lifestyle even then.

I am a big believer that if you do just a few basic things in life, you will avoid poverty, avoid social disaster and be on the path to a solid and good life.

1- graduate from high school - any high school - just graduate.
2- get and hold a full time job - any job - just get one and hold it and don't quit to you get a better one.
3- get married to somebody better than you are - I did and I thank God every day for her.
4- do not have kinds until you are married, have a few years under your belt and are ready and willing to make children a higher priority than either of you.

You do that and you are going to be okay.
 
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haymarket said:
Absolutely. I live a rather conservative life sytle in almost every respect. I am now 63 and came of age during the Sixties and was a firm believer in a conservative lifestyle even then.

I am a big believer that if you do just a few basic things in life, you will avoid poverty, avoid social disaster and be on the path to a solid and good life.

1- graduate from high school - any high school - just graduate.
2- get and hold a full time job - any job - just get one and hold it and don't quit to you get a better one.
3- get married to somebody better than you are - I did and I thank God every day for her.
4- do not have kinds until you are married, have a few years under your belt and are ready and willing to make children a higher priority than either of you.

You do that and you are going to be okay.
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Doesn't always work like that though..does it?
 
wait until marriage, no. wait until in a committed relationship and having kids is something you both want, yes.

some people choose to never get married yet live like they are, i have no problem with them having kids.

then there are the other idiots......

voted "I don't care" for that reason, word the poll a little differently and it would have been a definitive "YES"
 
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