- Joined
- Sep 24, 2012
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- Indianapolis
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I'll never know the answer until I die. If I do come back, I won't remember who I am supposed to notify.
I'll never know the answer until I die. If I do come back, I won't remember who I am supposed to notify.
I think my parents were in heat and conception followed. Once here I tried to hang on to the tit as long as possible, but they are harder to find after you get in your sixties. In between, I was pretty much manic 90% / depressive 10% until about age 40 and got lots of crap done. High mileage and misuse/overall abuse of the soul sack wore me down, and so I just chased women and felt obliged by my inner drives to do so and would continue to do so, but you can have all the women you can afford and I can't afford so many anymore. Now I worry about global warming and energy/environmental issues but lack the manic drive of my youth. I analyzed that as other.
I'll pass writing about my own birth circumstance, but my wife has a very interesting self definition of herself - and has had it all her life as a truism to her.
She believes as a fact that she was a trivial cosmic creature that she analogously says is like a tiny pixie, just one of a swarm of trillions of pixies, of which there are such swarms all over one dimensionality of the cosmos. As such a trivial creature she has no special or magical powers and that it is an extraordinarily boring and immortal existence. Upon her death she will return to that existence.
Her life as a homo sapien on this planet was some kind of miracle she doesn't understand how or why it happened, but is to allow her to experience this life as a matter of something interesting. She has no magical abilities and has the same limited physical and intellectual restraints as anyone else. This has always been her view to her earliest childhood. As a small child she bitterly complained of physical pain as bizarre and would tell of how "thick" air is and how incredibly slow her and everything moves.
Did that self definition become mind over matter? At age 3 they did some tests curious of her extreme level of coordination - specifically juggling. Her parents had caught her doing incredible juggling of small items - her stopping immediately if she saw she was being watched. Testing involved how fast she can see and identify or count items flashed in front of her. She went off the chart compare to norms.
She involved in gymnastics and numerous other competitions such as rythmics, for which she practiced 4 to 5 hours a day, every day. While lacking any special abilities by her own statements, she had the physique and it seemed possible her sense of everything moving extremely slow allowed her to develop extraordinary coordination and precision. By age 8 she was an International champion and continued to win every national and international competition she entered until injured at age 19. She is a small, petite person who seems to age more slowly than typical. Most still see her as a teenager.
When myself and some officers undertook training her in shooting handguns, the other officers were stunned at both her focus on intense practice and how rapidly she became faster and more accurate than anyone they'd ever trained or themselves. At a very young age she learned to stop talking about it and doesn't. Now and then she does something so fast and precise in body movement it is amazing - but is just normal to her.
A psychological aspect is that to learn how to live correctly as a human, she gives specific people an authority or mentor status. Nearly all her rules of behavior are artificially imposed by herself attempting to figure how to behave correctly and forcing herself to do so to act right. If she gives someone authority, she will follow whatever rules of behavior that person or persons indicates with great determination and focus. An example is her parents (adopted only child) - her father is a gentle natured Protestant minister - for which she lived what appears a sinless life in both action and allowed thoughts. A plus she saw in me and my past lifestyle of vises was to transfer authority to me abstractly as a loophole around such behavior restrictions.
She sees her purpose in this life to experience this life as her personal romance novel as a miraculous break from the extreme boring existence she had prior, which also will give her then the memories.
This self perception influences every aspect of her life and overall produced a high focused, driven person with often not complimentary views of homo sapiens in general, which she sees as only crude, irrational and violent animals of which she is one. However, she believed a very short list of people - very short - on earth also likely were cosmic creatures of one kind or another - including me - though not the creature she was and will be again. She views homo sapiens as dangerous and irrational short lifespan mortal animals, of which she is one herself now - and that life on this planent overall is bizarre particularly in terms of physical pain and the extreme constant genocide due to life being dependent upon eating other life.
I believe her.