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Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

I cheat because ...

  • ... because I am just a multiperson person.

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • ... because my partner pushes me into it (constructive dismissal).

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • ... because of strategic reasons.

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • ... other.

    Votes: 6 100.0%
  • Total voters
    6
ChrisL said:
ab, I hope I'm not prying, but you say you're only 16, so how old was the girl who stabbed you? How old were you when that happened?
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For a 16 year old he seems to have a pretty good head on his shoulder in terms of thinking things out and pondering of it. A lot of people just stumble along their whole life and I know at 16 I was a messed up mass of confusions, contradictions and little clue about anything.
 
joko104 said:
For a 16 year old he seems to have a pretty good head on his shoulder in terms of thinking things out and pondering of it. A lot of people just stumble along their whole life and I know at 16 I was a messed up mass of confusions, contradictions and little clue about anything.
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You think? I thought he seemed almost younger than 16. He does have a good vocabulary and knows some things that your average 16-year-old generally would not know, yet seems immature IMO. I have other theories too.
 
:lol: I can't help but wonder if we are being messed with big time.
 
Sure, possibly, but at this point I don't think so. Generally I take people at their self declared face value - unless that just becomes a mass of unbelievable contradictions. I don't think a person has to prove up their own existence on a forum, particularly when that is impossible to really do anyway.

Truth can be stranger than fiction too, so unless I read truly unbelievable things as the accumulate, I take members at face value. That makes it a bit easier to be candid too.
 
joko104 said:
Sure, possibly, but at this point I don't think so. Generally I take people at their self declared face value - unless that just becomes a mass of unbelievable contradictions. I don't think a person has to prove up their own existence on a forum, particularly when that is impossible to really do anyway.

Truth can be stranger than fiction too, so unless I read truly unbelievable things as the accumulate, I take members at face value. That makes it a bit easier to be candid too.
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That is true. :shrug: I've been told that I'm brutally honest. I don't mean to offend anyone.
 
Hey ab, did the girl who stabbed you get charged?
 
joko104 said:
Thank you for that. But it impossible for us to find the full story and there are abstractions in there - as in evasiveness. Specifically:

"That time I was told a few times that I was wrong to blatently and openly enter into every relationship like it is just a game. So, I decided to experiment with my then GF to build a relationship on a cooperative basis, where we both define each-other's identities. She was very enthusiastic about this, and we went ahead with it. (And she did define my identity, although I don't think I defined any of hers.)"

There are many topics my wife literally can not think or talk about. A unique nature she's had her whole life. So I have to do A LOT of reading between the lines - and I do get it wrong some times - badly - but reading between the lines on abstractions is what I have to do.

THIS: experiment with my then GF to build a relationship on a cooperative basis, where we both define each-other's identities.

It sounds like partner swapping, swinging, 3-some or something else sexual. If so, that really factors into it and might have something to do with her getting all pissed off at you and stabbing you in combination with you trying get her off of pills.

Your logic doesn't work. You didn't get stabbed again because you left her - or she left you - not because you screwed someone else. I mean, really.

But thank you for sharing, really. We aren't perfect people. Ideally we not only learn by out experiences, but also others. However, of our experiences we should examine them not just from our own inner eye, but as a remote 3rd eye looking in. Since you opt not to explain your abstractions, it sounds like you took some relationship gamble for whatever reasons and it blew up on you.

Which leads to another comment/advise. MOST people usually don't always mean what they say, particularly if YOU make the suggestion and the other person says "OK." That doesn't mean the person really agrees and in the end it doesn't work out.

A common example is a man proposing a 3-some OR spouse swapping, and the wife says "ok" - but its not REALLY ok. And then its going to go badly from there. Not saying that's what happened, but your statement of "I decided to experiment with my then GF" sets off alarims, because of the "I decided" - rather than "we decided."

I see no reason to be judgmental about anything you wrote, BTW. You weren't married nor does it sound marriage-like. Depending what it was and assuming "consent," "experimenting" is usually ok. I dunno. Maybe it was surprise anal sex or some other sexual thing or even gender orientation thing - and she didn't care for it. I don't think it matters. Once you were retaliatory screwing someone else and she was stabbing you it was pretty much over.
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Well, I was not going to write, but I must say this, you got it all wrong. I have never been interested in 3-somes or partner-swapping or any of that stuff. I don't even know really what they are or how they work. I wrote "I" decided and not "she", because I was the one who had had the "game" idea instead of the "cooperation" idea of relationships, and I was the one who needed to change, not she. She simply (enthusiastically) agreed that we would be going beyong the game part. I think I was not quick enough to drop my game face, but however critical I must be against myself, her new addiction was the stronger force than my poor gamely communication skills. ... Yes I am totally at fault, but I just don't want to be at fault for misunderstood reasons.
 
ChrisL said:
ab, I hope I'm not prying, but you say you're only 16, so how old was the girl who stabbed you? How old were you when that happened?
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She was 18, yes older than I, but I don't care about it, it was really great while it lasted.
(And I absolutely appreciate her time that she invested in our realationship those days.)
 
joko104 said:
For a 16 year old he seems to have a pretty good head on his shoulder in terms of thinking things out and pondering of it. A lot of people just stumble along their whole life and I know at 16 I was a messed up mass of confusions, contradictions and little clue about anything.
Click to expand...

ChrisL said:
You think? I thought he seemed almost younger than 16. He does have a good vocabulary and knows some things that your average 16-year-old generally would not know, yet seems immature IMO. I have other theories too.
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ChrisL said:
:lol: I can't help but wonder if we are being messed with big time.
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What's wrong with you, Americans?
(And I thought I was an American too.)
 
ab9924 said:
Well, I was not going to write, but I must say this, you got it all wrong. I have never been interested in 3-somes or partner-swapping or any of that stuff. I don't even know really what they are or how they work. I wrote "I" decided and not "she", because I was the one who had had the "game" idea instead of the "cooperation" idea of relationships, and I was the one who needed to change, not she. She simply (enthusiastically) agreed that we would be going beyong the game part. I think I was not quick enough to drop my game face, but however critical I must be against myself, her new addiction was the stronger force than my poor gamely communication skills. ... Yes I am totally at fault, but I just don't want to be at fault for misunderstood reasons.
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I didn't realize you were your age when I wrote what I did. Don't over judge yourself. Additions can overwhelm everything else and be fully outside your control or influence. Don't brain fever over it. Just learn what you can, forget what makes no sense, and move on.
 
ab9924 said:
What's wrong with you, Americans?
(And I thought I was an American too.)
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What do you mean what is wrong with us? What is wrong with you?
 
joko104 said:
I didn't realize you were your age when I wrote what I did. Don't over judge yourself. Additions can overwhelm everything else and be fully outside your control or influence. Don't brain fever over it. Just learn what you can, forget what makes no sense, and move on.
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I stand by my statements. Sorry ab, I don't believe ANY of your stories. I believe that you are less than honest to say the least, and now I have some evidence to back that up because this statement is not the truth.

No, I specifically asked not to file charges.
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The police would still bring charges, regardless of what you "asked." It is against the law to stab anyone, and if she was 18 or over, as ab states, then she would most definitely be arrested and charged with AT least assault and battery with a deadly weapon, perhaps domestic violence or maybe even attempted murder. The police would do NOT let people get away with stabbing other people.
 
ChrisL said:
I stand by my statements. Sorry ab, I don't believe ANY of your stories. I believe that you are less than honest to say the least, and now I have some evidence to back that up because this statement is not the truth.



The police would still bring charges, regardless of what you "asked." It is against the law to stab anyone, and if she was 18 or over, as ab states, then she would most definitely be arrested and charged with AT least assault and battery with a deadly weapon, perhaps domestic violence or maybe even attempted murder. The police would do NOT let people get away with stabbing other people.
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HAHAHA But just for your record, the United States is not the same as the entire world, not everything happens in the United States. Have you ever applied for a passport?
 
ChrisL said:
I stand by my statements. Sorry ab, I don't believe ANY of your stories. I believe that you are less than honest to say the least, and now I have some evidence to back that up because this statement is not the truth.



The police would still bring charges, regardless of what you "asked." It is against the law to stab anyone, and if she was 18 or over, as ab states, then she would most definitely be arrested and charged with AT least assault and battery with a deadly weapon, perhaps domestic violence or maybe even attempted murder. The police would do NOT let people get away with stabbing other people.
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And, am I that bad? If you really want so many details ChrisL, then yes, she was taken to jail and they did prepare the charges, but they had(?) to drop them because I asked them not to do it. The whole thing is horrible, and not even a subject of my thread here.
 
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I've only ever cheated on someone one time, when I was 18 years old (22 years ago). I was stoned and the girl was basically throwing herself at me. I felt HORRIBLE about it afterward. I've never done it again.
 
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