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Does constructive encheatering make you a cheater?

I cheat because ...

  • ... because I am just a multiperson person.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • ... because my partner pushes me into it (constructive dismissal).

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • ... because of strategic reasons.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • ... other.

    Votes: 6 100.0%

  • Total voters
    6

ab9924

Educator / Liar Champion
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Many cheaters cheat because they are just like that. Many cheaters cheat because their partners push them into it. And many cheaters cheat to line up the new person before breaking up and risking the unsupportive singleness period. Which category do you belong to?
 
Many cheaters cheat because they are just like that. Many cheaters cheat because their partners push them into it. And many cheaters cheat to line up the new person before breaking up and risking the unsupportive singleness period. Which category do you belong to?

I've never cheated. To my knowledge, no one has cheated on me...in a single relationship or a married one. Not everybody cheats!
 
Many cheaters cheat because they are just like that. Many cheaters cheat because their partners push them into it. And many cheaters cheat to line up the new person before breaking up and risking the unsupportive singleness period. Which category do you belong to?

I fell in love with someone else while I was dating a guy I didn't really like. I've been happily married to him ever since. We didn't have sex - but it was still cheating in my book . . . 2 relationships of some nature before one ended. It was obviously more than a friendship. I broke up with him as soon as he came back to the state.

Apparently I always felt we were just casually dating - he was planning on proposing. Perspective differences. Both people need to be on the same page to make a relationship work at all. There was no way I would have been able to marry him - he was difficult to say the least and made me feel utterly repulsive as a human being because he wouldn't touch me with others around (holding hands, that sort of thing)

I figured I would have been the ultimate bitch if I broke up with him when he was stationed out of state - so I took the next rung down.

Since highschool - I have been single for all of 2 months. . . and I hated it. So maybe I do have an aversion to a relationshipless status.
 
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:lamo
Many cheaters cheat because they are just like that. Many cheaters cheat because their partners push them into it. And many cheaters cheat to line up the new person before breaking up and risking the unsupportive singleness period. Which category do you belong to?

Is none an option? LOL

There are a whole range of reasons people cheat. The worst I ever heard was the wife so wanted to hurt her husband she cheated on him. Not because she was attracted to the other guy, was hurt and was seeking comfort, was in a platonic friendship that went too far or had a sexual addiction issue. She just wanted to inflict pain on her husband and found a guy willing to assist.

I think most people who cheat are using unfaithfulness as an temporary anesthesia to mask an inner emotional pain possibly triggered by some unhealthy characteristic of their marriage. And/or there is a self-worth/affirmation need not being met by their spouse and more likely not only not being met but being undermined by their spouse.
 
Many cheaters cheat because they are just like that. Many cheaters cheat because their partners push them into it. And many cheaters cheat to line up the new person before breaking up and risking the unsupportive singleness period. Which category do you belong to?

None of the above, and nobody pushes anyone into cheating. If you don't want to be with the woman, dump her. It's as simple as that, but apparently, that's too complicated for people these days.
 
Encheatering? What's that?
 
I hate cheaters. Thankfully we have 2nd amendment remedies for them these days.
 
Very simple. I don't cheat at all. Have never been cheated on either. Not all people are utter scumbags.
 
Encheatering? What's that?

Encheatering is when someone plays with your head and senses for the purpose of forcing you to cheat on them, against your unsuspecting mind/attitude. Then, once you complete the cheating, they turn around and use it against you.
 
I hate cheaters. Thankfully we have 2nd amendment remedies for them these days.

Very interesting, I heard that one of the 19th century US president shot his wife's lover (and his wife?), and was never prosecuted, because the standing law was that if you already broke the 10 commandments at the adultery item, then none of it should protect you, so murder becomes okay. VERY logical. Why is this overruled in the 21st century? Wouldn't plenty of wives and even some husbands be greatly in need to use their guns in this fashion?
 
None of the above, and nobody pushes anyone into cheating. If you don't want to be with the woman, dump her. It's as simple as that, but apparently, that's too complicated for people these days.

Dumping may be a LOT harder on both than a little cheating, many times, I risk to say.
 
Encheatering is when someone plays with your head and senses for the purpose of forcing you to cheat on them, against your unsuspecting mind/attitude. Then, once you complete the cheating, they turn around and use it against you.


Hm. You mean like if your wife/GF cuts you off? Or seems to go out of her way to emotionally alienate you.


Yeah, that does happen. Often it is done BECAUSE the manipulating person is cheating and wants to push you away, or force you to cheat too so you share their guilt. I've seen it done... and I think it is usually not a conscious thing, unless it is someone wanting an excuse to divorce and hoping a reason will help them get more in the split maybe.
 
what do you mean by strategic reasons?

For example: "husband, you started slapping me around, but I still love you, only I need a little part time break", or "wife, you don't only give me nagging nonstop but decided to get fat to beat me with too", and many other constructive acts designed to purposely hurt you at the love front.
 
Encheatering is when someone plays with your head and senses for the purpose of forcing you to cheat on them, against your unsuspecting mind/attitude. Then, once you complete the cheating, they turn around and use it against you.

So......they try to seduce you when you're in a relationship, you succumb, they tell the person you have been dating that you cheated.....well....if you keep your damned fly zipped none of that would be a problem.

Now, that being said, if you're a serious player then none of that matters and if your game is good enough you'll get your three way. If you're rock solid then you should also be able to parlay that into going totally live.
 
Other than "none" or "other," the list of the poll is a pretty good one.

I never had a "relationship" prior to my wife and she never so much as had a BF. I'm not sure "cheating" as the OP means it exactly applies to our relationship/marriage, but I cannot imagine my ever cheating on or betraying her in any way under any circumstance. Nor do I ever think there would be any reason to. If I ever wanted someone else I would talk it over with her, and visa versa.

Cheating would seem to involve lying and deception in relation to sex (I assume that is what the OP means by "cheating") or otherwise secretly establishing a relationship with someone else. We both began from the first first talk we ever had with perfect candor about each ourselves - I at least never thinking a relationship or anything else even a prospect with her. That level of truthfulness just became how our relationship and then marriage works. Sex is a definite part of this, but we had moved across country together and owned a house together before marriage or sex. It wasn't that we had become perfect friends as much as extreme curious infatuation with how different we were from each other - yet some oddities about us both that seemed to make the exactly wrong couple exactly right.

I don't know how to put it but sex just for sex maybe is a big deal to people, but isn't to me. Sex just for sex is cheap, easy and even came to not be worth the effort. That's maybe why I don't understand "cheating" on a sexual level. "Emotional cheating" on someone - meaning you are still pretending to be something your are not to your spouse/BF/GFr is something else and that's rotten in my opinion.
 
Encheatering is when someone plays with your head and senses for the purpose of forcing you to cheat on them, against your unsuspecting mind/attitude. Then, once you complete the cheating, they turn around and use it against you.

Seriously, that sounds like rationalizing BS. Nobody can force you to cheat.
 
Not relative to my situation, but I can see circumstances where someone would want to find the replacement first - like finding a new job before quitting the old one. One such reason could be economic. I'm not advocating or justifying anything, but I could see a woman with children and an economic and maybe alcoholic/druggie lazyass loser husband grabbing onto a man who seems solid and financially secure - but not leaving the one home until locking down a superior replacement.
 
Seriously, that sounds like rationalizing BS. Nobody can force you to cheat.

He could have worded that better. I think a better way to put it is if a spouse/significant other is grinding the other into the dirt in belittlement, abuse and neglect, that person may seek "love" and kind words elsewhere. If it becomes sexless or bad boring sex, maybe then can only find "passionate love" elsewhere. While it didn't FORCE cheating, in a way it can force the other person to find what they need and no longer have at home/with the other.

Ideally and rightly, the person would call it off first, but calling it off when there is a house, kids, married financially at the hip etc that isn't maybe always as simple as it sounds.
 
Yes they can. Mysterious are the depths of the heart.

Your "Yes they can" makes as much sense as your last sentence.

"My partner made me do it." Give.me.a.break.
 
Yes they can. Mysterious are the depths of the heart.

Reality calling... You are responsible for your own actions. Don't be a psycho.
 
There may be all sorts of reasons. I do know a few men who had secret "flings" but still in their marriages and generally there were two reasons:

1. A midlife or later life crisis thing where there was opportunity to have a young one - falling for the ego seduction. They tend to feel stupid after doing so.
2. He cannot get the kind of sex he wants at home, and that always meant no oral sex in situations I was told.

They don't teach how to have good sex in school or anywhere else. Many couples can't really talk about it either - maybe afraid to be embarrassed. A prudish spouse or just unable to fulfill the other person is an ego and emotional blow to both of them.

That doesn't make any cheat of course. But there are many causes that communication and effort could avoid. And some marriages/relationships are probably doomed from the start for that reason too.
 
Yes they can. Mysterious are the depths of the heart.

Stupid are the depths of the rationalizing. Nobody can force you to cheat. Try again.
 
If I remember correctly, our OPer is young, so probably is looking at it more from a BF/GF or theoretical marriage viewpoint, rather than married, house, mortgage, kids, cars, bills and being entirely entangled with each other. Then "cheating" is a BIG DEAL because so much is at stake and it is a betrayal against the entire package and so much of one's self invested in it.

Thus you could get the sense of "after all I did and sacrificed for you, all we did and had, and you jumped into bed with your young secretary!?"
 
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