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Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

Should cheating ex-wives be allowed to contest custody?

  • Yes, custody is ex-wives' right, unconditionally.

    Votes: 7 14.9%

  • No, by cheating, they reduced their rights, husband needs upper hand.

    Votes: 12 25.5%

  • Other.

    Votes: 28 59.6%
  • Total voters
    47
ab9924

ab9924

Educator / Liar Champion
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Should women be allowed custody of their children after they cheat on their husband, resulting in a divorce, where the husband demands full custody?
 
Historically, women have received full custody of the children, regardless of the reason of the dissolution of a marriage. Today, however, this is changing, especially since women are sometimes more to blame than the men. With that being said, yes, I think men have a right, as long as they are good fathers, to have the chance at full custody of the children, especially in cases where there might be an issue with the 'fit-ness' of the mother.
 
ab9924 said:
Should women be allowed custody of their children after they cheat on their husband, resulting in a divorce, where the husband demands full custody?
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Cheating shouldn't be the overall determining factor - unhappy couples in divorce suits wage all sorts of falsehoods against the other. My ex accused me of cheating around :roll: Ridiculous.

Custody should be based on other more reliable facts and issues.
 
Depends on the person and the situation. Was she a good mother and a good wife who was largely ignored, and made to feel worthless? Or was she selfish and witchy? Cheating is no good to begin with, but I'd definitely cut her some slack in the former situation.
 
Is it true, that child custodies are always decided with the "what's best for the child" propaganda, and at least one of the parents is always badly shafted, like justice is only a joke of a power game?
 
Aunt Spiker said:
Cheating shouldn't be the overall determining factor - unhappy couples in divorce suits wage all sorts of falsehoods against the other. My ex accused me of cheating around :roll: Ridiculous.

Custody should be based on other more reliable facts and issues.
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Is that a "what's best for the child"? Amazing isn't it? It is sooo easy to screw you if you are a parent.
 
ab9924 said:
Is that a "what's best for the child"? Amazing isn't it? It is sooo easy to screw you if you are a parent.
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No - the kids are the ones screwed by being shared and deprived of one or the other all for the shortcoming of human beings. Reduced to merely an inconvenience and a scheduled task to be seen to promptly. That's the sad part.

When it comes to it - I think things like 'are they safe to be around, are they neglectful of the child's needs' and so on need to be more of a focus . . . if you cheat it may or may not be related to other issues of the more serious nature.

But honestly - if someone cheats it's usually a sign that there's already something wrong in the marriage. The cheating just makes a more convenient or unavoidable end (given that it actually happened). And who knows - if both parents are assholes - or the dad's a drunk and the mom's a cheater then I think the obvious solution is to not expect the drunk to care for kids until he's sober.

See - it's all situation based and depends on what REALLY is going on.

the kids are more important and if that means one parent is shafted because of thei rbad decisions then maybe they should change who they are and reconsider their path.
 
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Custody Orders in my area almost always include a no unrelated overnight guest of the opposite sex while the children are in the house without the consent of the other parent provision that applies to both sides. That sort of negates the relevance of cheating going forward.
 
Fisher said:
Custody Orders in my area almost always include a no unrelated overnight guest of the opposite sex while the children are in the house without the consent of the other parent provision that applies to both sides. That sort of negates the relevance of cheating going forward.
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Excellent, but pretty impossible to prove in court.
 
Aunt Spiker said:
No - the kids are the ones screwed by being shared and deprived of one or the other. An inconvenience and a scheduled task to be seen to promptly. That's the sad part.

When it comes to it - I think things like 'are they safe to be around, are they neglectful of the child's needs' and so on need to be more of a focus . . . if you cheat it may or may not be related to other issues of the more serious nature.

But honestly - if someone cheats it's usually a sign that there's already something wrong in the marriage. The cheating just makes a more convenient or unavoidable end (given that it actually happened)
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Can't some child welfare be sacrificed to provide some level of justice to a parent?
 
ab9924 said:
Excellent, but pretty impossible to prove in court.
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Not really. The kids will usually rat them out and the Court at least locally seems to have a guilty until proven innocent stance on stuff like that. Most parents don't seem to care as long as it is a serious relationship where the person will be around awhile. The ones who do care when it is a serious relationship are usually the ones who use their kids as pawns in the emotional drama game they won't let go of after the divorce.
 
ab9924 said:
Can't some child welfare be sacrificed to provide some level of justice to a parent?
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If a child is being divided between parents then that child is already being sacrificed.

To me - the concept of depriving one parent when they're not a direct or serious danger to the child based solely on the act of cheating is more like wanting to punish that parent for the act - revenge or retaliation - rather than try to make the best decisions for the child amid a ****ty situation that's out of his/her control.

Children aren't a weapon to wield in order to hurt or punish the other parent in a divorce.

Someone cheats - isn't a divorce enough?

So - what is it in your mind that makes a cheating spouse incapable of being able to parent?

Just because someone doesn't love their partner anymore doesn't necessarily mean they don't love their children.
 
There is no one size fits all answer to this.

The best answer is "what is best for the kid's welfare?"
 
ab9924 said:
Should women be allowed custody of their children after they cheat on their husband, resulting in a divorce, where the husband demands full custody?
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WTF? Of course they should. Cheating on their husband has no bearing on how they will raise their kids. What possible argument is there to NOT grant them joint custody?
 
depends. Heres an example from the local news that shows when a woman should not.

About 3 years ago (according to the news) a local woman just disappeared from her home leaving her husband and young child with no explanation. The husband divorced her for abandonment and it was granted. A couple of months ago she returned insisting on custody of the child stating that the father had no legal rights to the child. The husband got a restraining order.

She then kidnapped the child but was later caught and charged with kidnapping. She continued to claim that as the mother she alone had rights to the child and the father had none even after the authorities explained it to her. She continued to maintain her position throughout her trial and eventual sentencing

When the woman clearly demonstrates a lack of caring for the child or gross negligence she should not be allowed. this would include abandonment, abuse, neglect among others.
 
Ugh that's horrid - I can't even imagine how aweful it was for that kid . . . I hope he somehow pulls through it and doesn't hate himself somehow. . . early on kids in such situations get ideas in their head that they did something wrong, they aren't worthy of love - and it haunts them through their entire lives if they don't find a way to cope.
 
Okay everyone, so if a woman cheats on her husband, hasn't she already proven with that that she is not able to be loyal or supportive and caring, so a child should not be assumed to receive any loyalty, support, and care from her, when examined in any court of law?
 
Custody of the children shouldn't be dependent on what the couple did to each other (or in spite of each other). It should be dependent on which parent is best able to care for the kid(s).
 
ab9924 said:
Okay everyone, so if a woman cheats on her husband, hasn't she already proven with that that she is not able to be loyal or supportive and caring, so a child should not be assumed to receive any loyalty, support, and care from her, when examined in any court of law?
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A woman's bond to her child is significantly different than the bond to her husband.
 
ab9924 said:
Okay everyone, so if a woman cheats on her husband, hasn't she already proven with that that she is not able to be loyal or supportive and caring, so a child should not be assumed to receive any loyalty, support, and care from her, when examined in any court of law?
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No. Should my not giving money to a "homeless" man on the corner be indicative of my stingy and ungiving nature?

You can't apply the actions one person commits against/in spite of one other person to the actions that person commits against/in spite of every other person.

That isn't how people operate.
 
tessaesque said:
No. Should my not giving money to a "homeless" man on the corner be indicative of my stingy and ungiving nature?

You can't apply the actions one person commits against/in spite of one other person to the actions that person commits against/in spite of every other person.

That isn't how people operate.
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But, isn't the husband and her child the same because it was her explicit choice to have both of them?
 
ab9924 said:
Okay everyone, so if a woman cheats on her husband, hasn't she already proven with that that she is not able to be loyal or supportive and caring, so a child should not be assumed to receive any loyalty, support, and care from her, when examined in any court of law?
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No - violating your marital bonds isn't the same as violating your bond with your child.

And what is with this 2nd statement - "a child should not be assumed o receive an loyalty, support, and care from her, when examined in a court of law?"
Do you think that if he gets full custody she won't care for her child? Or do you think if she gets full custody she won't care for her child? What exactly are you getting at with this, here? Why are you solely focused on 'sole custody' - MOST divorces involving children that aren't done for excessive reasons (abuse, drug addiction, etc) - SHARE custody. Neither parent gets 'full' custody.

This is full custody here:
There are two specific areas that child custody refers to. The first area that child custody refers to is the area of legal responsibility and rights. Generally speaking, unless there is a compelling reason for the court to rule otherwise, parents will share joint legal custody of their children in a divorce. This means that parents both have the right and responsibility to make decisions for the child in important areas such as education, instruction in religion, and health care. When parents have shared or joint legal custody, both parents have the full authority to act on the child’s behalf in these areas. When only one parent has full legal custody, then only that parent has the right to make these sorts of decisions. Again, it is only in rare circumstances, such as when one parent has been convicted of child abuse or endangerment, that there would be sole legal custody.

The second area that child custody refers to is physical custody. Having full physical custody of a child means that the child lives with you a vast majority of the time. It does not mean that the non-custodial parent cannot see the child, or that the child cannot stay with the non-custodial parent. It just means that the child resides with you primarily. The non-custodial parent will still often retain joint legal custody even if you have full child custody in the physical area. In addition, the non-custodial parent may still also have specific visitation rights that you must, by law, comply with even if you have full physical child custody.
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So - why is being a bad spouse SO BAD that you lose some of your parental rights? Lose the ability to make healthcare decisions for you child, education decisions and all that?

Cheating sucks - it's painful - but it's not the worst thing you can do.

Note where that quote says it's rarely granted and when it is it's done so because of convicted child abuse or endangerment.
 
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ab9924 said:
But, isn't the husband and her child the same because it was her explicit choice to have both of them?
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The relationship you have with a romantic partner is dramatically different from the relationship you have with your child. They are two different people. There are too different dynamics. There are two different approaches required.
 
ab9924 said:
Should women be allowed custody of their children after they cheat on their husband, resulting in a divorce, where the husband demands full custody?
Click to expand...

There is a little bit of conflict in your op title and the poll question. As to the actual poll question, yes a woman should be able to contest for custody. Should she automatically get custody, because she is a woman? No.
 
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