• This is a political forum that is non-biased/non-partisan and treats every person's position on topics equally. This debate forum is not aligned to any political party. In today's politics, many ideas are split between and even within all the political parties. Often we find ourselves agreeing on one platform but some topics break our mold. We are here to discuss them in a civil political debate. If this is your first visit to our political forums, be sure to check out the RULES. Registering for debate politics is necessary before posting. Register today to participate - it's free!

Should women be allowed custody? [W:124]

Should cheating ex-wives be allowed to contest custody?

  • Yes, custody is ex-wives' right, unconditionally.

    Votes: 7 14.9%

  • No, by cheating, they reduced their rights, husband needs upper hand.

    Votes: 12 25.5%

  • Other.

    Votes: 28 59.6%
  • Total voters
    47
TheGirlNextDoor said:
So...who again will cast the first stone, since everyone is a sinner? ;)
Click to expand...

I don't know TGND, apparently some people are PERFECT specimens of human beings and would NEVER make a mistake or have a lapse in judgment. LOL!
 
ChrisL said:
I don't know TGND, apparently some people are PERFECT specimens of human beings and would NEVER make a mistake or have a lapse in judgment. LOL!
Click to expand...

Hey. You and I are perfect, right ChrisL? Right?! ;)
 
TheGirlNextDoor said:
Hey. You and I are perfect, right ChrisL? Right?! ;)
Click to expand...

Of course! Why would anyone question that? Everything I do and say is just PERFECT!

71038_252764295609_2219981_n.jpg
 
The welfare and custody of a child is not determined by who cheated or what happened between the parents. Custody/visitation is determined by each parents ability to raise a child.
 
Aunt Spiker said:
No it's not, Bod.

Do you think I'm a bad person? I'm immoral and unethical and a bad parent?

I'm not, am I? Even though I cheated on my ex boyfriend with my husband when we met - and my ex boyfriend was even stationed via military duty. (all sorts of evils- put me on ignore I might taint your mind with my wicked ways) Yet somehow I'm a good mother, a good student, and successful at anything I put my mind to. He's a good soldier-considerably so, and he's an incredible father - not only to his two biological children but my children from my previous marriage.

Our children are fabulous - doing well in school and even handling their father's health issues with a considerable amount of strength.

Your attempt to vilify anyone who's ever been unfaithful before is narrow minded, to say the least -- and anchored in your own personal issues, no one elses.

/ end discussion
Click to expand...

There are exceptions, of course. Your boyfriend could have been beating you. If he was just stationed away and you got horny and slept with another man before ending your relationship with him?... well, I hate to say it but that makes you an untrustworthy person. Not all cheaters are scum but they are all untrustworthy. I never understood a person who would sleep with a cheater and then trust them not to turn around and cheat on them too. Very strange thinking...

It really has nothing to do with my personal issues either, to be honest... just looking at this objectively. My argument is not that a cheater can't be a good student or parent... but one that you can never entirely trust. Subconciously or not this also affects the children. If they know that their mom or dad cheated on their other parent and that that parent raising them thinks that it was OK, then that is a lesson that they cannot unlearn.
 
Bodhisattva said:
There are exceptions, of course. Your boyfriend could have been beating you. If he was just stationed away and you got horny and slept with another man before ending your relationship with him?... well, I hate to say it but that makes you an untrustworthy person. Not all cheaters are scum but they are all untrustworthy. I never understood a person who would sleep with a cheater and then trust them not to turn around and cheat on them too. Very strange thinking...

It really has nothing to do with my personal issues either, to be honest... just looking at this objectively. My argument is not that a cheater can't be a good student or parent... but one that you can never entirely trust. Subconciously or not this also affects the children. If they know that their mom or dad cheated on their other parent and that that parent raising them thinks that it was OK, then that is a lesson that they cannot unlearn.
Click to expand...

I think that's a good point 'if they know'
I tried to find stats on 'how many know' or 'find out' and couldn't come across anything substantial. . . and I don't support it becoming some sort of experiment or study, either. . . so I'm without anything solid to refer to.

Which just comes back around to how everyone responds and exactly what happened and how they deal with it.

I think it would be accurate to say: for some people divorce for any reasons is bad - very bad . . . and for others it can be a good situation (as is the case of a rocky marriage in which the parent are always fighting, etc)
 
I mis-voted. I should have voted "other."

Women don't have an unconditional right to custody, but I don't think infidelity should be a deciding factor. It doesn't directly affect their parenting ability, it's hard to prove, and a huge percentage of people do cheat. Ruling all of them out as unfit parents is ridiculous.
 
Aunt Spiker said:
I think that's a good point 'if they know'
I tried to find stats on 'how many know' or 'find out' and couldn't come across anything substantial. . . and I don't support it becoming some sort of experiment or study, either. . . so I'm without anything solid to refer to.

Which just comes back around to how everyone responds and exactly what happened and how they deal with it.

I think it would be accurate to say: for some people divorce for any reasons is bad - very bad . . . and for others it can be a good situation (as is the case of a rocky marriage in which the parent are always fighting, etc)
Click to expand...

Well, for my ex and I it was great. Our marriage sucked due to her issues so she cheated on me and I ended it. Best thing for my daughters and I, to be honest. My kids don't know what she did and she is the best mom she can be, if I am being fair about it.
 
celticwar17 said:
Makes you a bad human being? And usually bad human beings are bad parents? Or it could be that you are weak to commitment... I can come up with MANY reasons.
Click to expand...

No...you really can't. If you want to provide some evidence that cheating on your spouse is correlated with parenting practices that harm a child more than losing a parent does to them, then go right ahead. I'll listen. Until then, I'll just assume you are either incredibly naive about how common cheating is, or ridiculously judgmental.
 
kerussll said:
No...you really can't. If you want to provide some evidence that cheating on your spouse is correlated with parenting practices that harm a child more than losing a parent does to them, then go right ahead. I'll listen. Until then, I'll just assume you are either incredibly naive about how common cheating is, or ridiculously judgmental.
Click to expand...

Who said anything about losing a parent? Primary custody doesn't mean you never see the other parent again. I'm not naive on how common cheating is, i'm very well aware on how many crappy people there are out there. It shows lack of morals, lack of commitment, insecurity, you hurt others, you hurt yourself, you hurt your reputation, increases your chances of a heart attack, you cause extra un-needed stress in the kids, it's illegal, you put your kids in jeopardy for staying in a marriage you shouldn't be, etc, etc

Does cheating negatively impact on the kids? Yes

Does cheating mean the parent has no love for those kids? No

but, it does show you are irresponsible and don't realize how your actions impact your kids and your life.
 
celticwar17 said:
Who said anything about losing a parent? Primary custody doesn't mean you never see the other parent again. I'm not naive on how common cheating is, i'm very well aware on how many crappy people there are out there. It shows lack of morals, lack of commitment, insecurity, you hurt others, you hurt yourself, you hurt your reputation, increases your chances of a heart attack, you cause extra un-needed stress in the kids, it's illegal, you put your kids in jeopardy for staying in a marriage you shouldn't be, etc, etc

Does cheating negatively impact on the kids? Yes

Does cheating mean the parent has no love for those kids? No

but, it does show you are irresponsible and don't realize how your actions impact your kids and your life.
Click to expand...

Giving sole custody to one parent means they get to decide when and if the other parent sees the kids. Ex spouses aren't always interested in making that happen even though it's best for the kids. Even if they get visitation rights, they only get to see their kids, what? Several hours a month? This hurts the kids more than a parent cheating, and more than a divorce. After all, we're interested in doing what's best for the kids and not punishing one parent, right?

Did you just say that cheating is illegal?? You'll have to elaborate on that.

FYI, you are not using the word "impact" correctly.
 
kerussll said:
Giving sole custody to one parent means they get to decide when and if the other parent sees the kids. Ex spouses aren't always interested in making that happen even though it's best for the kids. Even if they get visitation rights, they only get to see their kids, what? Several hours a month? This hurts the kids more than a parent cheating, and more than a divorce. After all, we're interested in doing what's best for the kids and not punishing one parent, right?

Did you just say that cheating is illegal?? You'll have to elaborate on that.

FYI, you are not using the word "impact" correctly.
Click to expand...
You seem to have no idea how divorce works. One parent can have primary custody, but both parents still share responsibility in trading off the kids. It's up to the court to decide and weigh in ALL the factors. Cheating on the spouse IS a factor... much like everything else.
 
celticwar17 said:
You seem to have no idea how divorce works. One parent can have primary custody, but both parents still share responsibility in trading off the kids. It's up to the court to decide and weigh in ALL the factors. Cheating on the spouse IS a factor... much like everything else.
Click to expand...

The question posed by the OP was whether women should be allowed custody at all when the man asks for full custody. Answer: of course. If cheating is he only strike against the one parent, they should be given equal custody.

I know how divorce works now, but we're talking about hypothetically changing it.
 
megaprogman said:
There is no one size fits all answer to this.

The best answer is "what is best for the kid's welfare?"
Click to expand...

As a child of a divorced couple, I completely agree... My mother got custody of me and my two brothers, simply because she was the mother. Let's just say if I had a choice, I'd have been with my father.
 
ab9924 said:
Should women be allowed custody of their children after they cheat on their husband, resulting in a divorce, where the husband demands full custody?
Click to expand...

Custody should be awarded to the most fit parent. Sometimes even a cheater is more fit than the other parent.
 
ab9924 said:
Should women be allowed custody of their children after they cheat on their husband, resulting in a divorce, where the husband demands full custody?
Click to expand...

I don't see why the two would be connectedc.

What the woman did in her bedroom or somebody elses doesn't change how she parents her children.

What is the real question here? Revenge?
 
Green Balls said:
My first ex cheated on me and is still with the man she left me for. She got custody of the kids. I was paying almost $1300/month in child support for 2 kids. I finally got it reduced to $772/month (after 3 years of paying the higher amount). Why I am the one being punished for a decision she decided to make? Another stab in the back is seeing my 12 year old daughter posting videos of herself on the internet on a site where several grown men (perverts) have added her as a friend and probably masturbate to her videos.

Unfortunately nothing can be done about this. So I pay, but I get no say. I hope she doesn't end up like the girl who committed suicide, but it looks like she is heading down that road. And I can't do a thing about it.
Click to expand...

How does your daughters address change your ability to be a strong father figure in her life?
 
ab9924 said:
By internalizing cheating I meant that the child is smart enough to see that one of the parents cheated, and when staying with the cheating parent, the child learns that cheating is okay or even a good thing. When something hurts you for a long time, it becomes a part of you and you become it, and then you will do the same thing as what hurt you initially. This is how people learn to do every bad thing, especially when a custody court orders them into that situation.
Click to expand...

How would the child know about the cheating?

That is not a subject to be discussed with a child.
 
Kr1ll1n said:
They can when you take things like this in to account;

Another Cause of Early Puberty in Girls: Absent Dads | TIME.com
Click to expand...

How much earlier?

In the 50s some girls were entering puberty at 9 or 10 years old.

How much sooner is that really happening and how much has to do with the hormones in the meat they eat than an absent father.

Are we to assume that a girl in a home where the father is presnet will enter puberty later than a girl where the father is absent and what about all the familes down through history where the father was not in the home, and I am talking about 1000s of years of history. Did that change the biological make up of the girl of the house?
 
celticwar17 said:
Makes you a bad human being? And usually bad human beings are bad parents? Or it could be that you are weak to commitment... I can come up with MANY reasons.
Click to expand...

How is doing what nature tewlls you to do make you a bad human being. If you would have said a bad religious person, that would be more accurate but not a bad human being.
 
Mason66 said:
How does your daughters address change your ability to be a strong father figure in her life?
Click to expand...

Because my ex will not allow me to have contact with my children. I have tried, but she always controls the communication and then says the kids don't want to talk to me. I don't have enough money to hire an attorney to fight her in court. I already have a $2000 lawyer bill from getting my child support reduced.
 
Mason66 said:
How is doing what nature tewlls you to do make you a bad human being. If you would have said a bad religious person, that would be more accurate but not a bad human being.
Click to expand...
It's illegal in a marriage contract...doing things illegal to the point where it hurts people, only a bad human being would do that.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom