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Age gaps - how much is too much

Is a 34-year age difference

  • Sick

    Votes: 6 27.3%

  • What's the problem

    Votes: 3 13.6%

  • Not sure

    Votes: 8 36.4%

  • Don't care

    Votes: 5 22.7%
  • Total voters
    22
BDBoop said:
I just found out that an actor I really enjoyed in The Green Mile, Doug Hutchison as Percy Wetmore, was born in 1960. His bride is 16.

Thoughts?

16-Year-Old Bride Courtney Alexis Stodden
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I think it's weird. I mean, what can a 50 year old possibly have in common with a teenager? But I don't know either of them, so who am I to judge? Some Spanish celebrity in his late 50s also married a 14 year old. It was a long time ago so I can't really remember all the details, but I think they had a couple of kids and they stayed together until he passed away. I was barely a couple of years older than her when I heard about the marriage and I remember being really grossed out at the time. They sure showed everyone, though, because their marriage lasted. They seemed perfectly happy together.
 
Canell said:
That's why I wrote "hardly", not impossible. But come on, father at 17 and than again grandfather at 34? That's way too strangly fast. Life is much more than reproduction and we are not living in the 15-th century.
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When I was young, Loretta Lynn was not only a great singer, but a 32 year-old grandmother. **** happens.
 
Gina said:
That's the part that disturbs me. An age difference of that many years when either party is a legal adult, I don't have a problem with. 16 is still a child. I'm also grossed out imagining that he has probably known since she was even younger than that.
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Exactly! I could find nothing stating how long they'd been dating. What's statutory in her neck of the woods?
 
roguenuke said:
My cousin had 3 kids by the time she graduated high school. And it would not surprise me if one of her children had a child before they got out of high school.

And it does happen. It wouldn't even have to be that precise (17 and 17). There is a lot of teenage pregnancy. If the father/mother was born when one of his/her parents was between 12 and 16 (possible for them to be younger but rare), then he/she could have been between 18 and 22. It also works the other way around too. Most people would consider that pretty young to have children, but it is not as rare as people would think, especially if the father's/mother's father was between the ages necessary and left before or right after the baby was born. Then it actually increases the chance of the child having a baby during the teenage years.
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My oldest grandson was conceived in the vicinity of his mom's 16th birthday. A girl two grades behind mine got pregnant at 12 and gave birth at 13. And yes - once you know that your parent was sexually active and giving birth that young something shifts in the brain in one of two directions. There is either NO sex until they feel prepared, or they follow in mom's footsteps.
 
Centrist77 said:
For me personally.
I NEVER let my daughter at 16 date a grown man, ever.

For me personally and my life I have dated 12 up(Me 24 her 36) and 10 down (me 28 her 18)

I would never date a minor though technically I did when I was 19, I dated a 17 year,old but I dont considered that a grown man dating a 16 year old like in this case.

Now to each their own if the relationship is a healthy happy one :shrug:
Its hard to believe it is and my only concern is because the girl is a minor and it seems like of course its agenda driven but I don't know.
If they were both legal adults id have no concerns, its none of my business.
Technically this isnt either since the parent signed off but since I was asked i threw in my 2 cents.

On a side note I coach softball, Ive had girls 16 hit on me and say absolutely ridiculous stuff and theres another team I work with that is older 19U and they do the same and two have even flat asked me out or to "hook up"

Well, I DONT LIKE IT lol
don't get me wrong, Im a man and quite frankly some of these girls look like women and are VERY VERY physically attractive but mentally something inside me just wont let me cross that line. Maybe because my daughter is 15.

My team 16U with some girls 17 I yell at them when they do that stuff.
The 19U team isnt mine so I laugh and play it off and sometimes tell them thats enough or ask what in the hell do they want with somebody almost double their age but they just laugh and keep doing it. It even got serious with one girl where I had to have a talk with her and explain to her to knock it off and she cant act like that. I got freaked out when she sent me pictures the day after her 18th birthday.

Some of them even laugh and ask my daughter how she'd feel about an 18 year old mom?! lol

Anyway I could never do it, not a minor, not a brand new adult, at least I dont think I could.

But anyway I guess the reality is these things happen, and they happen more often than we talk about or acknowledge.

Adults? who cares none of my business.
Minors and adults have to not break the law and be careful and if they do its nobody's business. :shrug:
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You are a gentleman.
 
What if...? said:
My wife and I got together at a rainbow gathering when she was 18 and I was 35. We both considered it a "fling", but it never ended.

That was 11 years ago, and while the age difference has caused problems here and there, I would consider our relationship above average.

MOST of the guys I know in long term relationships really look forward to "escaping" from their partners as often as possible. My wife and I still really enjoy each other's company.

That said, the only real concern is longevity. My moms side, not so good. My dads on the other hand, pretty damn good. My pat grandmother went to a home when she couldn't take care of it by herself anymore. Last I heard she was 100 and pushing other folks in their wheelchairs to activities she facilitates, and I take after my dad in basic health, so there's hope!:2wave:
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See, everything else outweighs your (minimal, imo) age difference. She's an old soul. For whatever reason, it worked. And I've said it more than once in this thread: If the young lady were legally an adult, I would not care. I just wouldn't. But she is 16. If she were 16 and he was 19, I wouldn't care. I know that wouldn't be okay with some parents, but 16 isn't 15 or 14. She may be mature, he may be immature - or he just may be snowing me. It helps if there's a dad around, because they have guns and know where to hide bodies, and they recognize snow when they see it.
 
Canell said:
That's why I wrote "hardly", not impossible. But come on, father at 17 and than again grandfather at 34? That's way too strangly fast. Life is much more than reproduction and we are not living in the 15-th century.
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17 and 34 aren't as young as you're imagining - in most cultures that's way overdue for parenthood/grandparenthood. . .and they die at age 55
 
Arcana XV said:
I think it's weird. I mean, what can a 50 year old possibly have in common with a teenager? But I don't know either of them, so who am I to judge? Some Spanish celebrity in his late 50s also married a 14 year old. It was a long time ago so I can't really remember all the details, but I think they had a couple of kids and they stayed together until he passed away. I was barely a couple of years older than her when I heard about the marriage and I remember being really grossed out at the time. They sure showed everyone, though, because their marriage lasted. They seemed perfectly happy together.
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CHARO! Yes! so thank you. That feels a bit better. :) And kids today really are like in their mid-20's for the 1940's. (Try to follow along, I haven't had any coffee).

From her wiki page:

Official documents in Murcia, Spain (where she was born) and the United States indicate she was born in 1941, but Charo has insisted she was born in 1951 and persuaded a United States court to uphold the 1951 birth year as official.

The performer has said in past interviews that her parents allowed her to falsify her age to appear to be older after marrying 66-year-old band leader Xavier Cugat when she was 15.[2] Further complicating the question is the fact that contemporary press reports gave her age at marriage as 21,[3][4] an April 1966 column on the wedding plans stated she was 20 and Cugat was 60,[5] and columns less than two years before the marriage refer to her as Cugat's "18-year-old protegée" — which, if she was falsifying her age, would have made her actually 13 at the time.[6]

In October 1977[7] — the same year in which Charo filed for divorce from Cugat and became an American citizen — a United States court upheld the 1951 birth year as official, with the performer providing a sworn statement from her parents in support of her claim.[8] Commenting on the disputes over her age, she has said that the public's disbelief could prove advantageous: "But if people really believe I'm older, that's fine. Don't be surprised if I come out with my own cosmetics, a new energy bar and maybe some vitamins."[2]
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So in reality, they were together 11 years. And oh, interesting!

In a February 2005 interview with the Los Angeles-based Spanish-language newspaper La Opinión, Charo claimed that her marriage to Cugat had been merely a "business contract," a way for him to legally bring her over to the United States, where he was based.[10]
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The more I read, the more I know. So if it wasn't love, and it was green card, that negates this scenario.
 
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BDBoop said:
Exactly! I could find nothing stating how long they'd been dating. What's statutory in her neck of the woods?
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I wonder BD. I don't think it's wise to marry off a 16-year-old in the first place, but to a man this age? Just wow. She's not done maturing and figuring out who she is and what life has to offer.
 
BDBoop said:
CHARO! Yes! so thank you. That feels a bit better. :) And kids today really are like in their mid-20's for the 1940's. (Try to follow along, I haven't had any coffee).

From her wiki page:
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No, I was thinking of another couple. It was about 20-25 years ago or so. I wish I could remember his name so I can Google it...
 
BDBoop said:
You are a gentleman.
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HAHAHAHA
well thank you I try.

Its hard because I try to be a coach and a friend and sometimes the girls make me regret it BUT I still think its the best way to be so Im not going to punish the good girls because of the bad.

I have friends that think im nuts because of the 18/19 year olds, they tell me I better take care of business cause those opportunities wont be around forever LOL

it just still "seems" wrong to me lol As much as it would probably be soooooooo much fun with this one 19yr old in particular, who is quite frankly, freaking stunning!!!! I just know after I would feel. . . . well. . . dirty

I mean a girl 4 years older than my daughter and 2-3 yrs older than most the girls I coach. No thanks.

and not the good type of dirty LOL
they got to atleast be 21 I think hahahaha
 
BDBoop said:
I just found out that an actor I really enjoyed in The Green Mile, Doug Hutchison as Percy Wetmore, was born in 1960. His bride is 16.

Thoughts?

16-Year-Old Bride Courtney Alexis Stodden
Click to expand...


Ten years is no big if you're both adults to start with. Fifteen is doable if all else is good.

If he was born in 1960 then he's 51 years old. She's 16. Holy crap, that's huge. The mere fact that she's SIXTEEN is a big deal; it would be a little less drastic if she were 18, much less so if she were 21 or 22. I don't know them; I don't know what their relationship is like: I think, though, it is not unreasonable to say that she's probably a gold-digger and he's probably what was once called a "lecher". (A man who lusts after girls young enough to be his daughter.) Heck, she could almost be his grand daughter.

Now, on the other hand... my ex-wife was ten years my junior. Her first two marriages didn't last long. Her third husband was in his late 50's when she was in her mid/late 20's, about thirty-one years older. Her and Hubby3 seem to actually have a good relationship... they've been stable for almost a decade, which is a miracle for her. She seems to geniunely love him, though he is literally the same age as her father.

Buddy of mine married a 29yo when he was 44... they seem to get along very well.

OTOH while there are exceptions, I think an age diff of more than 15 years is usually not a good thing. I've tried it a couple times but it hasn't worked for me; the difference in perspective is just really huge, unless the younger person is exceptionally mature and unusually experienced in life.
 
Arcana XV said:
No, I was thinking of another couple. It was about 20-25 years ago or so. I wish I could remember his name so I can Google it...
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Also, Juliet Mills and Max Caulfied. She is 18 years his senior, married at 39 and 21 respectively. They have now been married over 30 years.
 
BDBoop said:
Also, Juliet Mills and Max Caulfied. She is 18 years his senior, married at 39 and 21 respectively. They have now been married over 30 years.
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What about that Mary Kay Letourneau teacher person? Is she still married to her ex-student? He waited for her to get out of prison and everything.
 
Kinda weird but i dont really care.

And it sounds like someone is a gold digger.
 
Outside of pedophilia, I don't believe in choosing your partner based on their age. It has zero to do with anything. Life experience, maturity, and a person's economic level matter more than arbitrary age.
 
Temporal said:
Outside of pedophilia, I don't believe in choosing your partner based on their age. It has zero to do with anything. Life experience, maturity, and a person's economic level matter more than arbitrary age.
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Nothing about this girls suggests to me that she is mature (mentally, that is). Have you seen the excepts of her YouTube videos? Not exactly a shining example of maturity.
 
Meh, I don't see the big deal. It's a bigger age gap than I would be comfortable with, but I'm not going to sit in judgment of someone else's relationship as long as they aren't breaking any laws. 16 is old enough to consent in most states. Is this 51-year-old dating this 16-year-old because he wants to screw a teenager and manipulate her? Yeah, probably. But he's famous, and from the article I read, she's an aspiring actress. It kinda makes me wonder who is really manipulating who in this relationship. But in any case, I don't see anything inherently immoral about such an arrangement. If he wants to screw a pretty teenager and she wants to screw a rich celebrity, they're both getting what they want, so what's the harm?
 
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Haven't read the thread but when the generational difference means no common life experiences, in terms of first-hand memory of key events and different nostalgic memories, I'd be uncomfortable.

Personally, I would look and feel ridiculous walking into a nice restaurant with a beautiful 21 year old girl and behaving toward her any differently than I would my daughter.

Some guys can pull it off, I suppose, but not me.
 
1/2 (your age) +7
 
BDBoop said:
I just found out that an actor I really enjoyed in The Green Mile, Doug Hutchison as Percy Wetmore, was born in 1960. His bride is 16.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
“Every father can only pray to have such a man behind their daughter.”

LOL. I don't really think I would have put it that way....
 
It wont last I dont think. But is it right? I guess. I dont care. If they are happy, then great.
 
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