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Is cyber sex/sexting "cheating"

Is cyber sex/sexting cheating


  • Total voters
    47
That's fine in theory between the couple in question. I'd like to hear from anyone who has such an agreement in place with their spouse.

What rules are in place for dealing with the third party? Are they given all the facts about the marriage? If it goes beyond flirting, for them, what mechanism is in place to protect them from emotional pain?

Your answers will vary it all depends on the relationship. I cannot say there is one specific set of answers, each unique relationship would and should deal with these questions on their own, and in their own way. The best answer I can give is whatever works best for the couple, and yes I am aware that this answer is likely unsatisfactory for you.
 
I still don't grasp why some don't consider it cheating.

Just becaue it's not physical contact does NOT mean that said individual can 'not really cheat but flirt around and get their cyber sex freak on' with every woman in the world and it be ok and not a legitimate issue.

People meet online all the time - fall in love - and marry.

It's the emotions involved that matter - not exactly *how* things were conducted.

Some people have purely emotional affairs - they never kiss or ge physically involved, but they date, share moments together and have a relationship.
 
I still don't grasp why some don't consider it cheating.

Just becaue it's not physical contact does NOT mean that said individual can 'not really cheat but flirt around and get their cyber sex freak on' with every woman in the world and it be ok and not a legitimate issue.

People meet online all the time - fall in love - and marry.

It's the emotions involved that matter - not exactly *how* things were conducted.

Some people have purely emotional affairs - they never kiss or ge physically involved, but they date, share moments together and have a relationship.

i don't think people who are sexting are looking for love, exactly. as for cheating, i think that's between the husband and wife. for me, it would be cheating, for others, it would not.

question, though, if my husband watched porn by himself and jerks off, is that cheating? cause, really, what's the difference?
 
I can see how sexting could be like one of those phone sex hotlines, or POV pornography. In that sense I can see how some wouldn't consider it cheating. For me, it doesn't feel right. I don't like the idea, so I won't accept it. I am more lenient with what classifies as "cheating" for my boyfriend than he is with me. He would feel betrayed if I let some male massage therapist diddle my clam after a massage, where as I wouldn't be bothered if he got rubbed off after one. We set boundaries on each other based on our comfort levels. If somebody goes beyond those levels it isn't okay.

So for each couple, boundaries are (and should be) different. Within that couple, there may be different values and expectations for each person based on the comfort of their partner. The only people who matter are the couple and those they drag into any act of cheating or deceit. Everybody else has to understand that personal expectations aren't universal.
 
Your answers will vary it all depends on the relationship. I cannot say there is one specific set of answers, each unique relationship would and should deal with these questions on their own, and in their own way. The best answer I can give is whatever works best for the couple, and yes I am aware that this answer is likely unsatisfactory for you.

I don't believe there are many married couples with such an agreement, unless one spouse had to compromise with the other to save the marriage, and in that case, they are not getting the deal they originally signed onto.
 
I still don't grasp why some don't consider it cheating.

Just becaue it's not physical contact does NOT mean that said individual can 'not really cheat but flirt around and get their cyber sex freak on' with every woman in the world and it be ok and not a legitimate issue.

People meet online all the time - fall in love - and marry.

It's the emotions involved that matter - not exactly *how* things were conducted.

Some people have purely emotional affairs - they never kiss or ge physically involved, but they date, share moments together and have a relationship.

Explain that to your significant other. A lot of divorces are granted over this issue.

Infidelity: Online Affairs Are Fantasy for Cheating Spouses, Can Lead to Divorce

By LENORE SKOMAL

Psychologists call it the final frontier. It’s Cybersex, and it has become the easiest way to cheat on your spouse. “Thirty years ago it was much harder to get sex. You had to sneak around and really look for it. Cybersex brings it right into the house. It is just so easy now,” said Tina B. Tessina, 64, a Long Beach, Calif.-based psychotherapist and author of "Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage (Adams Media 2008). “Cybersex is also easier to hide and it usually doesn’t cost money.”

With Cyberspace’s coming of age so have multiple opportunities to meet someone online and get romantically involved. Chat rooms, interactive web sites, blogging and public networking forums like MySpace and Facebook have inadvertently invited strangers into many bedrooms. In fact, the Internet hookup has become so commonplace, it’s now considered as viable as any other venue to meet someone.

Source: divorce360.com | Cybersex Makes Cheating Easy
 
i can see how sexting could be like one of those phone sex hotlines, or pov pornography. In that sense i can see how some wouldn't consider it cheating. For me, it doesn't feel right. I don't like the idea, so i won't accept it. I am more lenient with what classifies as "cheating" for my boyfriend than he is with me. He would feel betrayed if i let some male massage therapist diddle my clam after a massage, where as i wouldn't be bothered if he got rubbed off after one. We set boundaries on each other based on our comfort levels. If somebody goes beyond those levels it isn't okay.

So for each couple, boundaries are (and should be) different. Within that couple, there may be different values and expectations for each person based on the comfort of their partner. The only people who matter are the couple and those they drag into any act of cheating or deceit. Everybody else has to understand that personal expectations aren't universal.

who is your massage therapist?
 
who is your massage therapist?

lol. I've actually NEVER had a massage...but there is a local asian parlor here where the ladies will provide a happy ending for an extra $50.
 
If it is a behavior you would feel creepy or disgusted by doing with a relative, it's probably cheating.
 
i don't think people who are sexting are looking for love, exactly. as for cheating, i think that's between the husband and wife. for me, it would be cheating, for others, it would not.

question, though, if my husband watched porn by himself and jerks off, is that cheating? cause, really, what's the difference?

Human interaction. Somebody else is operating your position in the equation.
 
Originally Posted by liblady View Post
i don't think people who are sexting are looking for love, exactly. as for cheating, i think that's between the husband and wife. for me, it would be cheating, for others, it would not.

question, though, if my husband watched porn by himself and jerks off, is that cheating? cause, really, what's the difference?

Human interaction. Somebody else is operating your position in the equation.

I totally agree Ms. Boop.

Liblady...if your guy (gal) is online masturbating while interacting with another person for the expressed reason of sexual stimulation...then he might well be cheating you out of having sex with him (her). It might also be draining their need to be intimate with you in any regard.
 
I totally agree Ms. Boop.

Liblady...if your guy (gal) is online masturbating while interacting with another person for the expressed reason of sexual stimulation...then he might well be cheating you out of having sex with him (her). It might also be draining their need to be intimate with you in any regard.

i was posing a hypothetical.......i would none too happy. but others? who knows?
 
Explain that to your significant other. A lot of divorces are granted over this issue.



Source: divorce360.com | Cybersex Makes Cheating Easy

Exactly as I was saying.

In Mullikin’s case, he didn’t want an affair, but “little things snowball so fast” which the experts say is typical in a virtual affair. “Pretty soon, you go from being online for 20 minutes a day, then to an hour,” said Wish. “It becomes addicting, and then you are staying up till until 2 a.m. or 3 a.m. online. It becomes like your virtual friend. And the problem is, that creates a level of emotional distance in your marriage, whether you acknowledge it or not.”
 
I don't believe there are many married couples with such an agreement, unless one spouse had to compromise with the other to save the marriage, and in that case, they are not getting the deal they originally signed onto.

You do not believe that there are many open marriages/relationships unless as a product of compromise? It does not have to be a compromise, just what the other feels comfortable allowing, if they feel it is merely flirtation and they are comfortable with flirtation and can trust their spouse/SO then so be it.

Just because you cannot imagine that there are many (however you might quantify the term many) does not mean anything, they do exist. There are all varieties of relationships, those that are open to swinging, those that are open to polyamory, those that enjoy when their spouse/SO flirts with others and/or leads them on, those that watch porn together, married porn stars, married phone sex operators, ect, ect, ect. Relationships such as these examples (and others that are more open than "traditional" marriages) do not necessitate a compromise, just a comfort level where the partner does not feel hurt/threatened by it, a willingness to allow, and in a multitude of these cases I think it would be safe to say that trust is almost assuredly a huge part of the equation - heck in some cases it can be a source of enjoyment for both parties involved.
 
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To specifically respond to the underlying Wiener wiener issue that is what almost certainly prompted this thread, The situation between he and his wife is their issue, and for them to determine. If he lied to her about it, then there was a betrayal of trust there, this is very problematic IMO (still this is ultimately between the two of them). The ultimate determination on whether it is cheating and whether he betrayed her trust is between them, and more specifically up to his wife - she should be the sole judge jury and executioner (should one be needed).

What is problematic is that he lied to the public, and especially to his constituents, there is a definitive betrayal of trust here.
 
I voted I dont know because I can't possible make that decision for others or even me in all cases.

Every relationship is different even my own change from relationship to relationship.

SO many factors to consider.

Is it only texting, do you know the person etc etc

for example if my wife/gf was having "cyber sex", masturbating and being nude for the guy next door or or her co-worker she interacts with daily that would bother "ME" for sure.

If it was cyber sex with some random stranger from Australia I probably dont care at all?

Id have to be in the relationship with it happening to know how I would feel.
 
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