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Respect: Given Not Earned

blackjack50

blackjack50

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We have all seen it. You have to "earn my respect." And we see it on this forum too. I am wondering how many of you live your life like this? Showing no respect for others unless they "earn it." Do you think this admirable? Does it bother you that some think they should be entitled to your respect?

And so. Here is my example:

3b0353077ddf6fbafd974098ad200b50.jpg


And I'm using this word in the sense: have due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
I respect others until they lose it.
 
blackjack50 said:
We have all seen it. You have to "earn my respect." And we see it on this forum too. I am wondering how many of you live your life like this? Showing no respect for others unless they "earn it." Do you think this admirable? Does it bother you that some think they should be entitled to your respect?

And so. Here is my example:

3b0353077ddf6fbafd974098ad200b50.jpg


And I'm using this word in the sense: have due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

You can be blunt and respectful at the same time they aren't mutually exclusive.
 
blackjack50 said:
We have all seen it. You have to "earn my respect." And we see it on this forum too. I am wondering how many of you live your life like this? Showing no respect for others unless they "earn it." Do you think this admirable? Does it bother you that some think they should be entitled to your respect?

And so. Here is my example:

3b0353077ddf6fbafd974098ad200b50.jpg


And I'm using this word in the sense: have due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

You are confusing politeness with respect. They are not the same. Respect can only be earned. Being polite is simply a good strategy for getting cooperation from others.

Respect is deference that is earned via action or reputation. It is some combination of fear, and awe of sufficiency that a person is deferential toward whom or what which has earned such.

Politeness is deference granted because of social and socializing reasons.
 
Certainly there are degrees of respect.

Yes, good manners demand that respect be shown to any stranger, but that doesn't mean he is your best buddy. Mutual respect amongst citizens is the hallmark of a civilized society.

But as Winchester pointed out, that respect might be withdrawn based upon a person's subsequent behavior.

Real, deep respect is earned by the individual.
 
blackjack50 said:
We have all seen it. You have to "earn my respect." And we see it on this forum too. I am wondering how many of you live your life like this? Showing no respect for others unless they "earn it." Do you think this admirable? Does it bother you that some think they should be entitled to your respect?

And so. Here is my example:

3b0353077ddf6fbafd974098ad200b50.jpg


And I'm using this word in the sense: have due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

I think this issue relates to the method people in general are communicating now. It used to be primarily face to face, or perhaps on the phone. Such intimate contact required a bit of respect and proper decorum. Perhaps less via the phone, but still it was personal.

Today, more and more people communicate via social media, tweets, etc.. These formats remove the intimacy and the filters a more personal contact would put in place.

Without these filters, people seem more willing to hide behind certain levels of anonymity that free them to be rude, hateful, and vengeful.

I would imagine a more polite discourse will likely evolve over time, as social values begin to apply to this type of communication.

Seems to me that is somewhat far off, but I imagine it will take place at some point.

Until then, the gloves are off, which is too bad.
 
blackjack50 said:
We have all seen it. You have to "earn my respect." And we see it on this forum too. I am wondering how many of you live your life like this? Showing no respect for others unless they "earn it." Do you think this admirable? Does it bother you that some think they should be entitled to your respect?

And I'm using this word in the sense: have due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of.
Click to expand...

There is a difference between respect and common courtesy (civility).

Respect equates to actual esteem; i.e. to regard someone highly, to admire or defer to someone because they have demonstrated qualities which have impressed you in some positive way.

Common courtesy is merely a willingness to remain polite and civil regardless of how you actually feel about someone.

Respect is earned.

Common courtesy is more a reflection of one's own ability to remain polite than any actual expression of esteem for someone you are interacting with.

I personally assume the best unless the individual I am dealing with proves otherwise, but even when they prove unworthy of respect I try to remain polite.
 
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Interesting conversation.


The word "respect" is indeed defined and used differently by different people.


I was recently in conversation with a middle aged gangster who was upset about the younger hood-rats "not having respect". He also said "that's why most of 'em don't live so long, they don't know nothin' about respect!" He was angry about some young hood that tried to "treat him like a punk".

In a setting where violence, including lethal violence, is a substantial possibility, the custom of "showing respect" is a way of keeping the body count down. Maintaining one's reputation as a bad-ass is part of how one protects oneself in such a setting, and "dissing" someone dangerous is.... well, dangerous. They may injure or kill you and view it as a sort of self-defense. While the rituals of courtesy vary a little they are pretty similar to traditional forms of courtesy: you acknowledge the person, greet them politely, behave respectfully, and don't try to elevate your yourself above them at their expense.


In its roots, I think this is closer to the oldest contexts of "respect" than they way most people use it today.

Of course there are broader applications as well. I treated my father with respect when he was 79, not because I feared he could hurt me (he couldn't get out of his chair without a walker), nor because I valued his usefulness (he could not really do much any more, and was starting to suffer dementia), but because of who he was to me and all he had done in his life in the past. Nor would I have tolerated anyone disrespecting him in my presence.



So I think there is a "shallow" sort of respect, where you show someone courtesy because you fear they might be able to harm or help you in some way (ie your boss), and the deeper sort of respect where you genuinely respect the person for who they are, whether they can positively or negatively impact your life or not.
 
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There is a certain minimum level of respect that all people get, at least until they prove they don't deserve it. Anything more than that needs to be earned.
 
To expand on this a bit, I believe I posted this last year....


On the themes of honor, duty and respect... I met an interesting old man this week in a small town where I often work. A small crew was clearing an acreage for building, and two men were working to bring down a HUGE HUGE old oak that was menacing the power lines. Watching them was an elderly man I at first mistook for the boss.

With a smile he said those were his sons, but he wasn't the boss of the crew anymore. He wore a Korean War (Marines) hat and was 82 years old. He still got around well but with some obvious effort and discomfort.
We talked a bit and he told me they'd recently moved to SC after living in Alaska for over 20 years, where he was a logger by trade and a pastor by vocation. He'd been convinced by his two sons to move to SC to be nearer his grandchildren and away from Alaska's killer winters.

He spoke briefly and modestly of his service in the war, and shared his testimony of how he received Jesus on a troopship returning to the States.
He was there to see his sons perform the epitome of their skillset and trade: bringing down a 100 foot, multi-ton oak in ONE piece, in the direction THEY needed it to go, instead of across the power lines like it was leaning. I had to wait anyway, so it was an interesting spectacle.

I watched the sons (middle aged men) interact with their aged father and saw the respect with which they treated him, their pride in him and their enjoyment in showing off their hard-won skills to him.

This was a man of honor. It was there in his quiet dignity, in the way he was treated by those who knew him, in his manner and his history.
I spoke to him only with the greatest respect. "Yes sir. No sir. Thank you sir."

If I see this man out and about in town, he can ask anything of me and I will try to oblige him if I can.
Why? I am not of his family and personally owe him nothing.... there is little he can do for me or to me.

Except... respect, and honoring the service-filled life he has lived.
 
if you are not a child, and i need to explain respect to you, then you probably are not someone deserving it
 
Goshin said:
To expand on this a bit, I believe I posted this last year....


On the themes of honor, duty and respect... I met an interesting old man this week in a small town where I often work. A small crew was clearing an acreage for building, and two men were working to bring down a HUGE HUGE old oak that was menacing the power lines. Watching them was an elderly man I at first mistook for the boss.

With a smile he said those were his sons, but he wasn't the boss of the crew anymore. He wore a Korean War (Marines) hat and was 82 years old. He still got around well but with some obvious effort and discomfort.
We talked a bit and he told me they'd recently moved to SC after living in Alaska for over 20 years, where he was a logger by trade and a pastor by vocation. He'd been convinced by his two sons to move to SC to be nearer his grandchildren and away from Alaska's killer winters.

He spoke briefly and modestly of his service in the war, and shared his testimony of how he received Jesus on a troopship returning to the States.
He was there to see his sons perform the epitome of their skillset and trade: bringing down a 100 foot, multi-ton oak in ONE piece, in the direction THEY needed it to go, instead of across the power lines like it was leaning. I had to wait anyway, so it was an interesting spectacle.

I watched the sons (middle aged men) interact with their aged father and saw the respect with which they treated him, their pride in him and their enjoyment in showing off their hard-won skills to him.

This was a man of honor. It was there in his quiet dignity, in the way he was treated by those who knew him, in his manner and his history.
I spoke to him only with the greatest respect. "Yes sir. No sir. Thank you sir."

If I see this man out and about in town, he can ask anything of me and I will try to oblige him if I can.
Why? I am not of his family and personally owe him nothing.... there is little he can do for me or to me.

Except... respect, and honoring the service-filled life he has lived.
Click to expand...

A very nice illustration. Thanks.
 
There seem to be two definitions of "respect" floating around. The definition that corresponds to holding someone in esteem obviously needs to be earned. The other, which has to do with treating others politely should be freely given out. I guess people are confused because they don't know how to handle a word that has multiple definitions.
 
Even in that pic it conflates respect and courtesy. Not being a jackass is courtesy. Holding someone's work or comments or personality in high regard is respect. So yeah, respect has to be earned. Courtesy not so much, unless someone is a jackass first
 
I agree that there is a difference between being polite and showing respect.

I do not believe however that all people are capable of showing respect to another. Which is I believe the point that gang member was making.

In order to show respect one must first respect one's self. One must value certain character traits and attributes and be capable of identifying those traits and attributes in another.

Yes respect is earned but many are incapable of showing respect because they do not have the character to do so.
 
PirateMk1 said:
You are confusing politeness with respect. They are not the same. Respect can only be earned. Being polite is simply a good strategy for getting cooperation from others.

Respect is deference that is earned via action or reputation. It is some combination of fear, and awe of sufficiency that a person is deferential toward whom or what which has earned such.

Politeness is deference granted because of social and socializing reasons.
Click to expand...

This is correct. You can be polite to someone you have no respect for, and you can be less than polite to someone you have a great deal of respect for. But someone who says they respect someone who has not earned that respect is a fool.
 
blackjack50 said:
We have all seen it. You have to "earn my respect." And we see it on this forum too. I am wondering how many of you live your life like this? Showing no respect for others unless they "earn it." Do you think this admirable? Does it bother you that some think they should be entitled to your respect?

And so. Here is my example:

3b0353077ddf6fbafd974098ad200b50.jpg


And I'm using this word in the sense: have due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

I'm very respectful and very blunt. I'm not going to degrade you, but I'm not going to sugarcoat anything.
 
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