• This is a political forum that is non-biased/non-partisan and treats every person's position on topics equally. This debate forum is not aligned to any political party. In today's politics, many ideas are split between and even within all the political parties. Often we find ourselves agreeing on one platform but some topics break our mold. We are here to discuss them in a civil political debate. If this is your first visit to our political forums, be sure to check out the RULES. Registering for debate politics is necessary before posting. Register today to participate - it's free!
  • Welcome to our archives. No new posts are allowed here.

Do you make an effort to be polite?

blackjack50

blackjack50

Banned
DP Veteran
Joined
Sep 14, 2011
Messages
26,629
Reaction score
6,661
Location
Florida
Gender
Undisclosed
Political Leaning
Conservative
Maybe it is my "southern hospitality" or maybe it is unique to me? But I make an effort to be polite to people. Even if the subject is something upsetting to me (like collecting money from me, someone backing into my vehicle, etc). Why? Because it makes sense. And in some instances, the other person either has 0 control...or becoming upset is only going to cause MORE problems.

I have been noticing how more and more...I'm crossing people who just want to become hostile and impolite. (I'm just noticing it more). It doesn't matter if I am as sweet as can be, they just immediately go to the asshole level because they don't like what they hear/see/whatever. And they will go to that level even if it spites themselves.

So with that said: do you make an effort? Or do you think this is a waste of time? Be honest.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Last edited:
Always polite.
Open doors for, hold doors for, say thank you....all that.
 
blackjack50 said:
Maybe it is my "southern hospitality" or maybe it is unique to me? But I make an effort to be polite to people. Even if the subject is something upsetting to me (like collecting money from me, someone backing into my vehicle, etc). Why? Because it makes sense. And in some instances, the other person either has 0 control...or becoming upset is only going to cause MORE problems.

I have been noticing how more and more...I'm crossing people who just want to become hostile and impolite. It doesn't matter if I am as sweet as can be, they just immediately go to the asshole level because they don't like what they hear/see/whatever. And they will go to that level even if it spites themselves.

So with that said: do you make an effort? Or do you think this is a waste of time? Be honest.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

I believe it is the nature of the society that has been created today, and the methods people use to communicate, that has led to your observation.

I share your approach when it comes to interacting with people. When I run across those who don't return the sentiment, I try to think that perhaps they have many things on their mind and are possibly having a bad day. Haven't we all?

As people have resorted to non-face to face communication, the norms of respect and restraint have been lifted. People write things they would never say to someone face to face. Eventually, this carries over to such face to face interaction, as such attitudes become more the norm.

Add in the constant messaging from various sources encouraging and promoting hate and bigotry against those who simply disagree with certain ideas or actions, and the tone is inevitable.

I will always make an effort to be polite and respectful. Whether I'm able to maintain that when the sentiment is tested remains a challenge.
 
ocean515 said:
I believe it is the nature of the society that has been created today, and the methods people use to communicate, that has led to your observation.

I share your approach when it comes to interacting with people. When I run across those who don't return the sentiment, I try to think that perhaps they have many things on their mind and are possibly having a bad day. Haven't we all?

As people have resorted to non-face to face communication, the norms of respect and restraint have been lifted. People write things they would never say to someone face to face. Eventually, this carries over to such face to face interaction, as such attitudes become more the norm.

Add in the constant messaging from various sources encouraging and promoting hate and bigotry against those who simply disagree with certain ideas or actions, and the tone is inevitable.

I will always make an effort to be polite and respectful. Whether I'm able to maintain that when the sentiment is tested remains a challenge.
Click to expand...

That is an excellent point. I never thought about the "text" aspect of communication. The passive aggressive approach to interaction that is likely a result of that. I certainly noticed that kids have a harder time with normal communication on a day to day basis, but it isn't something that a little outdoors camping or forced face to face interaction helps.

As for those having a bad day, I do try to make room for that in my mentality. I cannot say that I succeed though. I have a hard time with that. I think it depends on how the person vents there anger though. I have to remind myself that I'm not entitled to common courtesy, but also I should not break my back to show it either. If someone rejects it, my best bet is to accept that rejection and move along.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
blackjack50 said:
Maybe it is my "southern hospitality" or maybe it is unique to me? But I make an effort to be polite to people. Even if the subject is something upsetting to me (like collecting money from me, someone backing into my vehicle, etc). Why? Because it makes sense. And in some instances, the other person either has 0 control...or becoming upset is only going to cause MORE problems.

I have been noticing how more and more...I'm crossing people who just want to become hostile and impolite. (I'm just noticing it more). It doesn't matter if I am as sweet as can be, they just immediately go to the asshole level because they don't like what they hear/see/whatever. And they will go to that level even if it spites themselves.

So with that said: do you make an effort? Or do you think this is a waste of time? Be honest.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

I can't tell you how rare it is for me to be met with hostility about anything in my life. And, believe me, I'm no pushover. I question why you would get that reaction from others.

It is normal for people to be defensive when they've screwed up... like hitting your car. It's just who we are. Being able to diffuse such situations - or ignore them - is what separates the men from the boys.
 
blackjack50 said:
That is an excellent point. I never thought about the "text" aspect of communication. The passive aggressive approach to interaction that is likely a result of that. I certainly noticed that kids have a harder time with normal communication on a day to day basis, but it isn't something that a little outdoors camping or forced face to face interaction helps.

As for those having a bad day, I do try to make room for that in my mentality. I cannot say that I succeed though. I have a hard time with that. I think it depends on how the person vents there anger though. I have to remind myself that I'm not entitled to common courtesy, but also I should not break my back to show it either. If someone rejects it, my best bet is to accept that rejection and move along.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

It's the "accept that rejection and move along" that is my greatest challenge. I can't claim total success at following that reasonable response. As you wrote, it depend on how the person vents their anger.

Good topic though, as it reminds me to try and take a deep breath every once in awhile.

After all, I'd rather be remembered by someone I'm likely never to see again as not taking the bate, as opposed to confirming the stereotype.
 
Unless I'm behind the wheel, always courteous and smiling. Even to the rude lady who serves me my breakfast in the dining hall. Never have I received a "you too" when I wish her a good day, but I will continue to kill her with kindness.

However, just because I am polite does not mean I like you. In fact, if we interact regularly and I am polite to you then it means I don't like you. I joke around with the people I like, I break balls, I make comments that require a mutual level of comfort to not be taken personally. I am only mean to the people I love.
 
I'm a huge fan of trying to be polite. For me it has less to do with some sort of cultural pressure, and more to do with a belief that even the slightest positive remark or action can brighten someone's day. I've definitely had bad days where a simple smile or thank you completely changed my mentality.
 
I am rarely anything other than polite and courteous to others. But then again, I am a Southerner who was raised by Depression/WW2-era parents, so it is steeped in my bones.


As the Colonel said, not only am I from the South, I'm IN it... as a grey-bearded man of middle years, yet still with enough 'alpha male' look and manner to suggest fracking with me would be a bad idea, I am rarely treated with anything other than polite respect by strangers and acquaintances. I hear the young men talking to each other in a coarse and rude manner, but they don't direct it at me when I approach. While manners are eroding even in the South, respect to elders remains fairly solid.

On the rare occasions I encounter someone who is agitated to the point of hostility, I attempt to politely de-escalate the situation while remaining prepared to deal with any sudden violence that might result. I find this usually works out well enough. Again, it probably doesn't hurt that I am older than most such people, and that I don't look like someone safe to victimize.


Given my age and life experience I can usually hold my temper fairly well, which helps since it is rarely useful to lose it in response to someone else losing theirs. However, I admit I have my limits like anyone...


As one comedian said, "I didn't plan on being a jackass today, but you have just pushed my Jackass Button...." :D
 
It's probably a cultural thing for the most part. I make an effort as well, but I'm also from the South.

Why Do Russians Never Smile? - The Atlantic
Over time various cultures have associated smiling with more or less intelligence, more or less honest.
 
Being polite is automatic for me. As others have mentioned I too was Southern born and raised. I'd be uncomfortable not being polite. My mother would return from the grave if if I didn't act how I was raised. Being polite is about respecting other people and it reflects on your family.
 
Risky Thicket said:
Being polite is automatic for me. As others have mentioned I too was Southern born and raised. I'd be uncomfortable not being polite. My mother would return from the grave if if I didn't act how I was raised. Being polite is about respecting other people and it reflects on your family.
Click to expand...



Exactly! Something I didn't think to mention, any more than a fish considers water, lol. In the South, it isn't just you by yourself... you are a reflection of your family and your actions reflect on them.

There's a saying about rural SC... the first thing we want to know is who your family is, and where you go to church. :) Once we know those two things, we figure we know a lot more about you than we did five minutes ago. "He's his father's son" and "well look what he came from" (how his family is) are still often heard around here. Along with...

"He's not like the rest of them mill-hill Blackwells..."
"She's a diamond in the rough, her family ain't much but she broke the mold..."
"He takes after his folks..." (good or ill)
"I couldn't do that, my Daddy would turn over in his grave..."
"His mama would rise from the grave and beat his ass if she heard him talking like that..." :D
 
MaggieD said:
I can't tell you how rare it is for me to be met with hostility about anything in my life. And, believe me, I'm no pushover. I question why you would get that reaction from others.

It is normal for people to be defensive when they've screwed up... like hitting your car. It's just who we are. Being able to diffuse such situations - or ignore them - is what separates the men from the boys.
Click to expand...

Well for me? I'm in an insurance job. I have to determine negligence and so on. So obviously that is part of why I meet frequent resistance. But I've also begun noticing it when I go out to eat, or the movies, or like when some guy backed into my truck the other day. Not always directed at me. But I notice it.

And I agree. Defusing is huge.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
blackjack50 said:
Well for me? I'm in an insurance job. I have to determine negligence and so on. So obviously that is part of why I meet frequent resistance. But I've also begun noticing it when I go out to eat, or the movies, or like when some guy backed into my truck the other day. Not always directed at me. But I notice it.

And I agree. Defusing is huge.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...



Yeah, insurance adjusters don't get a lotta love on the job, no doubt. :)
 
blackjack50 said:
Maybe it is my "southern hospitality" or maybe it is unique to me? But I make an effort to be polite to people. Even if the subject is something upsetting to me (like collecting money from me, someone backing into my vehicle, etc). Why? Because it makes sense. And in some instances, the other person either has 0 control...or becoming upset is only going to cause MORE problems.

I have been noticing how more and more...I'm crossing people who just want to become hostile and impolite. (I'm just noticing it more). It doesn't matter if I am as sweet as can be, they just immediately go to the asshole level because they don't like what they hear/see/whatever. And they will go to that level even if it spites themselves.

So with that said: do you make an effort? Or do you think this is a waste of time? Be honest.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

Unless the other is rude, I try to be friendly and polite.
 
Goshin said:
Yeah, insurance adjusters don't get a lotta love on the job, no doubt. :)
Click to expand...

Yep. People don't like to hear that they are at fault per the police, insurance, facts, and predicated on the damages to the property as well.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
blackjack50 said:
Maybe it is my "southern hospitality" or maybe it is unique to me? But I make an effort to be polite to people. Even if the subject is something upsetting to me (like collecting money from me, someone backing into my vehicle, etc). Why? Because it makes sense. And in some instances, the other person either has 0 control...or becoming upset is only going to cause MORE problems.

I have been noticing how more and more...I'm crossing people who just want to become hostile and impolite. (I'm just noticing it more). It doesn't matter if I am as sweet as can be, they just immediately go to the asshole level because they don't like what they hear/see/whatever. And they will go to that level even if it spites themselves.

So with that said: do you make an effort? Or do you think this is a waste of time? Be honest.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

My rule of thumb is the same as Elwood Dowd in the old movie "Harvey". We might be unable to be anything else, but we all have the ability to be pleasant. I can see no advantage whatsoever to be anything else. That does not mean I am anybody's pushover and nobody ever accused me of being the submissive type. If I say anything at all, I will say what I truly think and believe, and when it is important to do so, I will defend myself or anybody else who is being wronged.

But I have never understood why people seem to go out of their way to be unpleasant or angry or judgmental or controlling or insulting. There are people here on DP who seem unable to make any kind of argument about anything that does not include some direct insulting comment to somebody or an unflattering opinion or observation about somebody. What do they gain by doing that? It is difficult for me to understand because on the rare occasion that I do tell somebody off, I don't feel good about it.

Maybe it is a southern thing too like a pleasant "bless your heart" can easily mean that you are a total jackass or jerk or so off base it isn't worth arguing, but oh well.

Polite for me is the only way I know to affirm and love people who are quite unlovable at the time.
 
blackjack50 said:
Maybe it is my "southern hospitality" or maybe it is unique to me? But I make an effort to be polite to people. Even if the subject is something upsetting to me (like collecting money from me, someone backing into my vehicle, etc). Why? Because it makes sense. And in some instances, the other person either has 0 control...or becoming upset is only going to cause MORE problems.

I have been noticing how more and more...I'm crossing people who just want to become hostile and impolite. (I'm just noticing it more). It doesn't matter if I am as sweet as can be, they just immediately go to the asshole level because they don't like what they hear/see/whatever. And they will go to that level even if it spites themselves.

So with that said: do you make an effort? Or do you think this is a waste of time? Be honest.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

the more you become polite the more they will get nastier,that is my experience .so I learnt how to be impolite when they want it!
 
Do you make an effort to be polite?
Click to expand...

yes, and when i fall short, i feel guilty about it.
 
MaggieD said:
I can't tell you how rare it is for me to be met with hostility about anything in my life. And, believe me, I'm no pushover. I question why you would get that reaction from others.

It is normal for people to be defensive when they've screwed up... like hitting your car. It's just who we are. Being able to diffuse such situations - or ignore them - is what separates the men from the boys.
Click to expand...

I live pretty much the same experience. At least these days. If you smile, are polite, and don't get frustrated with others, even on the road, that is usually reciprocated. I go many days in a row without a negative interaction with anybody.

However, having been in my own business doing insurance services among other things--that included being an insurance adjuster too at one time--I realize that there are occupations that do seem to naturally attract suspicion and hostility. As there is no way to make everybody happy in that line of work, there will be occasional anger and resentment directed at you. But not taking it personally and being respectful and understanding of the other goes a long way to diffuse a lot of that hostility.

We don't ever know what is going on in the lives of the strangers around us. Some will be in impossible situations or will be grieving or will be terribly worried about something gravely serious, etc. I allow for that.

And too, some people are just plain obnoxious jerks. But we sure don't have to allow those to dictate our response or ruin our day. :)
 
A polite and civil society starts with the person staring back at you in the mirror. If you want to be treated with respect, behave in a manor deserving respect. It brings honor to the people who raised you.
 
Lovebug said:
A polite and civil society starts with the person staring back at you in the mirror. If you want to be treated with respect, behave in a manor deserving respect. It brings honor to the people who raised you.
Click to expand...

People are treated according to how they make themselves look self confident and strong
 
blackjack50 said:
Maybe it is my "southern hospitality" or maybe it is unique to me? But I make an effort to be polite to people. Even if the subject is something upsetting to me (like collecting money from me, someone backing into my vehicle, etc). Why? Because it makes sense. And in some instances, the other person either has 0 control...or becoming upset is only going to cause MORE problems.

I have been noticing how more and more...I'm crossing people who just want to become hostile and impolite. (I'm just noticing it more). It doesn't matter if I am as sweet as can be, they just immediately go to the asshole level because they don't like what they hear/see/whatever. And they will go to that level even if it spites themselves.

So with that said: do you make an effort? Or do you think this is a waste of time? Be honest.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

Well, you never demonstrate that here...

Southern people are more often than not, because of culture, very polite to people: "yes sir, "no mam" are the most popular words in the south. I size up every situation and enter with a polite tone and carry on as I am treated.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom