Do you make an effort to be polite?

blackjack50 said:

Maybe it is my "southern hospitality" or maybe it is unique to me? But I make an effort to be polite to people. Even if the subject is something upsetting to me (like collecting money from me, someone backing into my vehicle, etc). Why? Because it makes sense. And in some instances, the other person either has 0 control...or becoming upset is only going to cause MORE problems.

I have been noticing how more and more...I'm crossing people who just want to become hostile and impolite. (I'm just noticing it more). It doesn't matter if I am as sweet as can be, they just immediately go to the asshole level because they don't like what they hear/see/whatever. And they will go to that level even if it spites themselves.

So with that said: do you make an effort? Or do you think this is a waste of time? Be honest.


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I make the effort. I don't really run into too many who become hostile, but it seems more and more people these days, are just stone cold unfriendly. But in fairness, there are still a lot of friendly, polite people around.

Southerners do seem to have a higher percentage of friendly people. I visit southern Indiana/Northern Kentucky frequently, lots of good ole boys (and girls) down 'ere, even though it ain't even that far south. :mrgreen: Been to the Carolinas a lot too, same thing.

ocean515 said:

It's my guess these digital methods of communication eventually create a norm that can't help but carry over to face to face interaction. If one become accustomed to meeting a difference of opinion with "you're a moron if you believe that", it's quite likely that will be the response when a keyboard no longer separates the individuals.

Your observation regarding Facebook is exactly on point. One reason I don't use it, or any other similar medium. It's alarming to me that people, especially young people, invest so much emotion into their on-line "selves" they are driven to suicide when anonymous people turn on them.

I would imagine over time new norms will evolved that either tone down the rhetoric, or place it in it's proper perspective so that being called a moron doesn't garner the type of reaction it currently does in many people.

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IIRC studies are showing the extreme value people, younger in particular are placing on social media.
Resulting in less one on one interaction, even taking the time to relax and clear the head.
Watch a group of teens, many are on their phones posting this and that, yet verbal exchanges are less than what they used to be. The SM contact is replacing that one on one or group verbal interaction.

Tests done on kids show how SM can skew what they consider to be important. Social values are losing, from manners to interaction to goals on what they aspire to. This has also resulted in higher stress levels for many. In particular, if excluded from the group, to harassment. With SM it is easier to harass someone.

Tests in the EU when school children are taken on nature trips, SM is cut off. Studies have shown this results in lower stress levels, more ability to assess problems in life, and how the peace and quiet is beneficial to their overall wellbeing.

We are the 1st Gen of Cyborgs. I see less interaction lessening of overall values, less understanding and ability to address or confront issues, resulting in the comments and actions being ignorant or even violent.

Their brains are overwhelmed with a constant barrage od SM and then add in peer pressure, harassment, and this can cause lasting impact on an individuals ability to relate to others in a responsible manner

JANFU said:

IIRC studies are showing the extreme value people, younger in particular are placing on social media.
Resulting in less one on one interaction, even taking the time to relax and clear the head.
Watch a group of teens, many are on their phones posting this and that, yet verbal exchanges are less than what they used to be. The SM contact is replacing that one on one or group verbal interaction.

Tests done on kids show how SM can skew what they consider to be important. Social values are losing, from manners to interaction to goals on what they aspire to. This has also resulted in higher stress levels for many. In particular, if excluded from the group, to harassment. With SM it is easier to harass someone.

Tests in the EU when school children are taken on nature trips, SM is cut off. Studies have shown this results in lower stress levels, more ability to assess problems in life, and how the peace and quiet is beneficial to their overall wellbeing.

We are the 1st Gen of Cyborgs. I see less interaction lessening of overall values, less understanding and ability to address or confront issues, resulting in the comments and actions being ignorant or even violent.

Their brains are overwhelmed with a constant barrage od SM and then add in peer pressure, harassment, and this can cause lasting impact on an individuals ability to relate to others in a responsible manner

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Great info JANFU.

What I also see coming from this method of communication is an obsessive desire for instant gratification/acceptance. Young people, given how instant either one can be granted, are failing to grasp the principle of "paying your dues". Most likely that is behind the "entitlement" attitude that can be observed in so many.

ocean515 said:

Great info JANFU.

What I also see coming from this method of communication is an obsessive desire for instant gratification/acceptance. Young people, given how instant either one can be granted, are failing to grasp the principle of "paying your dues". Most likely that is behind the "entitlement" attitude that can be observed in so many.

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Agreed, they must learn to wait, save, identify and separate wants and needs, then plan.

I have no issue with young children receiving a prize for whatever they are in, but a time comes where they must learn that winning takes a cost and you do not always win or receive a prize.

You need to work at it and in many cases harder than another child who picks it up quickly. I have spoken to my Granddaughter on that specific topic. She is 9.

In swimming, she was ahead of others but behind some that were friends who were like fish in water. I explained that everyone learns and progresses at a different rate. While 1 may take to a sport and excel and it appears easy for them, you, (Granddaughter) excel at and I mentioned other areas, and others work harder to improve at what you excel at.

Everyone is different, learns at a differing pace.
It is critical to teach about winning but more so about losing, as not everyone is the winner in a competition.
Also explained the most important part of playing in a sport was having fun, doing your best, and take it from there
Those little chats over time worked and her self-confidence improved

countryboy said:

I make the effort. I don't really run into too many who become hostile, but it seems more and more people these days, are just stone cold unfriendly. But in fairness, there are still a lot of friendly, polite people around.

Southerners do seem to have a higher percentage of friendly people. I visit southern Indiana/Northern Kentucky frequently, lots of good ole boys (and girls) down 'ere, even though it ain't even that far south. :mrgreen: Been to the Carolinas a lot too, same thing.

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Smaller towns- cities- smaller population equals an increase in friendly people.

JANFU said:

Agreed, they must learn to wait, save, identify and separate wants and needs, then plan.

I have no issue with young children receiving a prize for whatever they are in, but a time comes where they must learn that winning takes a cost and you do not always win or receive a prize.

You need to work at it and in many cases harder than another child who picks it up quickly. I have spoken to my Granddaughter on that specific topic. She is 9.

In swimming, she was ahead of others but behind some that were friends who were like fish in water. I explained that everyone learns and progresses at a different rate. While 1 may take to a sport and excel and it appears easy for them, you, (Granddaughter) excel at and I mentioned other areas, and others work harder to improve at what you excel at.

Everyone is different, learns at a differing pace.
It is critical to teach about winning but more so about losing, as not everyone is the winner in a competition.
Also explained the most important part of playing in a sport was having fun, doing your best, and take it from there
Those little chats over time worked and her self-confidence improved

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Good for you JANFU. I believe it is our duty as Grandparents to share a bit of wisdom in the gentle and loving way we can, to inspire and support those with questions we learned answers to.

JANFU said:

Smaller towns- cities- smaller population equals an increase in friendly people.

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Not always, and even though I live in a rural area, I mostly work and shop in fairly large cities.

blackjack50 said:

Maybe it is my "southern hospitality" or maybe it is unique to me? But I make an effort to be polite to people. Even if the subject is something upsetting to me (like collecting money from me, someone backing into my vehicle, etc). Why? Because it makes sense. And in some instances, the other person either has 0 control...or becoming upset is only going to cause MORE problems.

I have been noticing how more and more...I'm crossing people who just want to become hostile and impolite. (I'm just noticing it more). It doesn't matter if I am as sweet as can be, they just immediately go to the asshole level because they don't like what they hear/see/whatever. And they will go to that level even if it spites themselves.

So with that said: do you make an effort? Or do you think this is a waste of time? Be honest.


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Yes I do try

The one area where I lose my patience is the robocallers, and the telemarketers

Even being on the do not call lists don't help

I know it isn't the callers fault....but god those people piss me off at times

blackjack50 said:

Maybe it is my "southern hospitality" or maybe it is unique to me? But I make an effort to be polite to people. Even if the subject is something upsetting to me (like collecting money from me, someone backing into my vehicle, etc). Why? Because it makes sense. And in some instances, the other person either has 0 control...or becoming upset is only going to cause MORE problems.

I have been noticing how more and more...I'm crossing people who just want to become hostile and impolite. (I'm just noticing it more). It doesn't matter if I am as sweet as can be, they just immediately go to the asshole level because they don't like what they hear/see/whatever. And they will go to that level even if it spites themselves.

So with that said: do you make an effort? Or do you think this is a waste of time? Be honest.


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I wouldn't consider Florida as a true Southern State. Florida is a swing state which can never decide if it's coming or going. It flip-flops a lot. I lived in Georgia for two years and South Carolina been to Tennessee in Alabama, and I would consider these states the real Southern States. The only thing that I would recognize about Florida being Southern is their use of "capital punishment" to the extreme.

In regards to being polite, I'm going to admit that I don't go out of my way to be polite. I don't care how one feels if one is upset and if one finds my comments rude. I believe people hide their emotions and never truly speak what's on their mind. "Nonverbal communication" has more weight than verbal communication. I pay attention to the "congruence" of what people say and will how people act and from what I've seen most people are not polite they're just lying to your face.

If you consider to be polite is to have "ulterior motives" is not polite. An excellent communication book is "people skills" which discusses "barriers to communication." It talks about criticism, judgement, approval, moralistic, advising, non-listening skills, lack of empathy are barriers to communication. Another great book by Eric Bernes called "games people play." An interesting read which talks about the human psyche and behavior.

FrankieM said:

I wouldn't consider Florida as a true Southern State. Florida is a swing state which can never decide if it's coming or going. It flip-flops a lot. I lived in Georgia for two years and South Carolina been to Tennessee in Alabama, and I would consider these states the real Southern States. The only thing that I would recognize about Florida being Southern is their use of "capital punishment" to the extreme.

In regards to being polite, I'm going to admit that I don't go out of my way to be polite. I don't care how one feels if one is upset and if one finds my comments rude. I believe people hide their emotions and never truly speak what's on their mind. "Nonverbal communication" has more weight than verbal communication. I pay attention to the "congruence" of what people say and will how people act and from what I've seen most people are not polite they're just lying to your face.

If you consider to be polite is to have "ulterior motives" is not polite. An excellent communication book is "people skills" which discusses "barriers to communication." It talks about criticism, judgement, approval, moralistic, advising, non-listening skills, lack of empathy are barriers to communication. Another great book by Eric Bernes called "games people play." An interesting read which talks about the human psyche and behavior.

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"The way of being with another person which is termed empathic has several facets.

It means entering the private perceptual world of the other and becoming thoroughly
at home in it.

It involves being sensitive, moment to moment, to the changing felt meanings which
flow in this other person, to the fear or rage or tenderness or confusion or whatever, that he/she is experiencing.

It means temporarily living in his/her life, moving about in it delicately without making judgments,
sensing meanings of which he/she is scarcely aware, but not trying to uncover feelings of which the
person is totally unaware, since this would be too threatening.

It includes communicating your sensings of his/her world as you look with fresh and
unfrightened eyes at elements of which the individual is fearful.

It means frequently checking with him/ her as to the accuracy of your sensings, and
being guided by the responses you receive.

You are a confident companion to the person in his/her inner world. By pointing to
the possible meaning in the flow of his/her experiencing you help the person, to
focus on this useful type of referent, to experience the meanings more fully,
and to move forward in the experiencing." ~Dr. Carl Rogers

blackjack50 said:

Maybe it is my "southern hospitality" or maybe it is unique to me? But I make an effort to be polite to people. Even if the subject is something upsetting to me (like collecting money from me, someone backing into my vehicle, etc). Why? Because it makes sense. And in some instances, the other person either has 0 control...or becoming upset is only going to cause MORE problems.

I have been noticing how more and more...I'm crossing people who just want to become hostile and impolite. (I'm just noticing it more). It doesn't matter if I am as sweet as can be, they just immediately go to the asshole level because they don't like what they hear/see/whatever. And they will go to that level even if it spites themselves.

So with that said: do you make an effort? Or do you think this is a waste of time? Be honest.


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Being polite is part of being civilized. Unfortunately, as a people, we are becoming less civilized due to our rapidly increasing stupidly. I do not however believe that it is a waste of time to be polite as anything done to increase the level of civilization of mankind is a noble undertaking.

blackjack50 said:

Sure they are. Even if we want to ignore it being the "right thing," and look at it from the perspective of beneficial to me? Being polite often gets you MUCH farther. People are more likely to resist an asshole.


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This is true. When you give people reason to dislike or disrespect you, they are far more likely to do that than when you are pleasant, courteous, and respectful.

And bottom line, people won't always remember your name or what you say or what you do. But they will always remember how you made them feel.

blackjack50 said:

Maybe it is my "southern hospitality" or maybe it is unique to me? But I make an effort to be polite to people. Even if the subject is something upsetting to me (like collecting money from me, someone backing into my vehicle, etc). Why? Because it makes sense. And in some instances, the other person either has 0 control...or becoming upset is only going to cause MORE problems.

I have been noticing how more and more...I'm crossing people who just want to become hostile and impolite. (I'm just noticing it more). It doesn't matter if I am as sweet as can be, they just immediately go to the asshole level because they don't like what they hear/see/whatever. And they will go to that level even if it spites themselves.

So with that said: do you make an effort? Or do you think this is a waste of time? Be honest.


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I do the same thing, blackjack50.

But you have to separate how people behave over the internet VS. how they behave in real life.
When someone behaves like they would over the intenet, it would earn them a class A ass kicking in real life.
This phenomenon has led me to a theory.
I call in the "Keyboard Personality Theory".
It is akin to how some behave once they get behind the wheel of a vehicle, but much, much worse.

In accordance with my Keyboard Personality Theory, how they behave when behind the keyboard is more an accurate depiction to their true personality.
Who they really are comes out in a world without rules, or very little rules.
Just go to any section of any forum where there are no rules for several black & white examples.
The profanity is rampant, the insults nonstop, and there is ZERO "don't go there" situations.
Human decency is something they only read about on some website.
They have no idea who to put it into practice in their own lives.
This is the "Keyboard Personality Theory" in a nutshell.

Conversely, there are people like us, and most others, who always try and be polite whether it be behind a keyboard or face-to-face.
Having traveled the world extensively, I am also happy to say most people in the world also fit into this group.

In Japan, I had a judo sensi who would not let anyone progress to an advanced stage of training until they attended a party at his home with his family and others present.
he would intentionally, make sure you got drunk, and then watched at how you behaved.
His theory was much like mine. He believed when someone was drunk, or a bit tipsy, their rules for behavior would lessen and you would see more of who they really were under the influence.
There were only a handful of student who did not pass, but i have to agree with his methods completely.
He would not train anyone in advanced techniques if their true personality was to be a prick.

I still firmly believe someone's true personality emerges when you take away any rules they have been made to follow.
If you take away those rules via the internet, or by saki, or by giving them complete power over others, the results is the same.

The true prick within arises in full glory.
Conversely, under those same circumstances, someone like us will still be our polite selves no matter what influences us.

Goshin said:

Exactly! Something I didn't think to mention, any more than a fish considers water, lol. In the South, it isn't just you by yourself... you are a reflection of your family and your actions reflect on them.

There's a saying about rural SC... the first thing we want to know is who your family is, and where you go to church. Once we know those two things, we figure we know a lot more about you than we did five minutes ago. "He's his father's son" and "well look what he came from" (how his family is) are still often heard around here. Along with...

"He's not like the rest of them mill-hill Blackwells..."
"She's a diamond in the rough, her family ain't much but she broke the mold..."
"He takes after his folks..." (good or ill)
"I couldn't do that, my Daddy would turn over in his grave..."
"His mama would rise from the grave and beat his ass if she heard him talking like that..."

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In my case, it was the complete opposite.
My dad hated anyone who was not white on the sight of them.
Not only that, even most white people he did not care for.
I remember one day after he picked me up from a track meet, he met my coach, Coach GOLDBERG.
The next hour ride home was all about "that Jew".
I also learned early on to not try and use any logic.
You would be interrupted after about two words got out, and that would lead to yet another track and another rant.
it was best to sit silent and let him talk and give the occasional nod, whether you agreed or not.

When I was around 10 or 12 I prayed to God for wisdom and common sense.
I feel that prayer was answered and I have used that gift all my life and still do.
It was also at that age I learned all his rants were just that. Angry rants only reflecting hate.
Which is rather funny, considering my grandfather was not that way at all.

Do you know all (100%) of our countries problems can be directly traced back to the Civil Rights Act?
I was told this over and over again after it passed.

RetiredNSmilin said:

In my case, it was the complete opposite.
My dad hated anyone who was not white on the sight of them.
Not only that, even most white people he did not care for.
I remember one day after he picked me up from a track meet, he met my coach, Coach GOLDBERG.
The next hour ride home was all about "that Jew".
I also learned early on to not try and use any logic.
You would be interrupted after about two words got out, and that would lead to yet another track and another rant.
it was best to sit silent and let him talk and give the occasional nod, whether you agreed or not.

When I was around 10 or 12 I prayed to God for wisdom and common sense.
I feel that prayer was answered and I have used that gift all my life and still do.
It was also at that age I learned all his rants were just that. Angry rants only reflecting hate.
Which is rather funny, considering my grandfather was not that way at all.

Do you know all (100%) of our countries problems can be directly traced back to the Civil Rights Act?
I was told this over and over again after it passed.

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So, he was basically Archie Bunker?



Really though, sorry to hear that.

JANFU said:

Resulting in less one on one interaction, even taking the time to relax and clear the head.
Watch a group of teens, many are on their phones posting this and that, yet verbal exchanges are less than what they used to be. The SM contact is replacing that one on one or group verbal interaction.

Click to expand...

JANFU,
I saw a very classic example of this with a company i worked for in Florida.
They hired a rather strikingly beautiful Hispanic teenager as a receptionist, but it backfired.
This kid had just about ZERO idea how to talk to people over the phone.
She would answer, Yeah!....just a sec...the put them on hold, and switch them over to who they needed to talk to.
What sealed her coffin was once the big boss was in the hallway taking to a customer, and she answered the phone with....Yeah!...of course this is Larry Smith Electronics, that is the number you dialed, right!....Now waddaya need?
Even the customer he was talking to looked at him in disbelief.

From then on, he let the black lady in HR make the receptionist hiring decisions, he acknowledged his skills were sadly lacking in that area. he was too mesmerized with their beauty to see if they could actually do a good job or not.

This girl (18 I think) was jaw dropping gorgeous though, but had the communications ability of two dead flies.

PS...Turns out the big boss was bad at other things too. One day they showed up for work and there were IRS sealed locks on the doors. No warning to the employees at all. I saw the writing on the wall with they way they were handling dispatching me to different jobs and their parts distribution and found another job about 8 month before "the big surprise".

JANFU said:

Agreed, they must learn to wait, save, identify and separate wants and needs, then plan.

I have no issue with young children receiving a prize for whatever they are in, but a time comes where they must learn that winning takes a cost and you do not always win or receive a prize.

You need to work at it and in many cases harder than another child who picks it up quickly. I have spoken to my Granddaughter on that specific topic. She is 9.

In swimming, she was ahead of others but behind some that were friends who were like fish in water. I explained that everyone learns and progresses at a different rate. While 1 may take to a sport and excel and it appears easy for them, you, (Granddaughter) excel at and I mentioned other areas, and others work harder to improve at what you excel at.

Everyone is different, learns at a differing pace.
It is critical to teach about winning but more so about losing, as not everyone is the winner in a competition.
Also explained the most important part of playing in a sport was having fun, doing your best, and take it from there
Those little chats over time worked and her self-confidence improved

Click to expand...

excellent advice. I am sure you also said it is gracious to congratulate the winner for their hard work in achieving first place, even if you do want to pull a Nancy Carrington on them.

gdgyva said:

Yes I do try

The one area where I lose my patience is the robocallers, and the telemarketers

Even being on the do not call lists don't help

I know it isn't the callers fault....but god those people piss me off at times

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The DO NOT CALL LIST does not include those doing "research".
Therefore, they get around this by saying they are doing " product research ".
That DO NOT CALL LIST has so many holes in it, it is practically useless.

They are like sharks swimming circles around your boat waiting for you to make a new connection, and then they all charge in and have a feeding frenzy.

When i first moved into this house i had a land line connected.
In under and hour I had so many telemarketer calls I had to unplug the phone.
The very next day i told them to disconnect it.
Those telemarketers are why the trend now is to use your cellphone.
They have killed the land line for most people.
I wanted it because it would still work in a power failure using an older Princess phone.
The 90VAC going through the phone line tip&ring signal still works and is independent of the power line.

but, like you, the aggravation and harassment of the telemarketers is not worth it to many people.
Say nothing about all the robocalls during an election.

Goshin said:

So, he was basically Archie Bunker?



Really though, sorry to hear that.

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Thank you, Goshin.
At least Archie Bunker was funny sometimes.
This is why I go out of my way to not be like that.
...and get accused of it by Social Justice Warriors of it anyway.

They have no idea of what a REAL racist and bigot is.
Those of us who grew up in the 50's & 60's saw them up close and personal, and KNOW how violent, angry, and evil they really can be.

Yet now they throw that RACIST & BIGOT word around so much, anyone and everyone fit their criteria.

They have no clue what those REAL racists and bigots are capable of.
Now, all you have to do is just disagree with them to have that label slapped on you. Even on minor issues.
They think it is some kind of magic bullet to stop you in your tracks.
Not realizing it has been used so much and so often they have lost all impact and effectiveness.

RetiredNSmilin said:

Thank you, Goshin.
At least Archie Bunker was funny sometimes.
This is why I go out of my way to not be like that.
...and get accused of it by Social Justice Warriors of it anyway.

They have no idea of what a REAL racist and bigot is.
Those of us who grew up in the 50's & 60's saw them up close and personal, and KNOW how violent, angry, and evil they really can be.

Yet now they throw that RACIST & BIGOT word around so much, anyone and everyone fit their criteria.

They have no clue what those REAL racists and bigots are capable of.
Now, all you have to do is just disagree with them to have that label slapped on you. Even on minor issues.
They think it is some kind of magic bullet to stop you in your tracks.
Not realizing it has been used so much and so often they have lost all impact and effectiveness.

Click to expand...

Yeah, when I realized the term "microaggression" wasn't a joke, I knew society was doomed.


How do you make soldiers or statesmen out of people who think disagreeing with them politically is a "triggering event" requiring a "safe space"?

Goshin said:

Yeah, when I realized the term "microaggression" wasn't a joke, I knew society was doomed.


How do you make soldiers or statesmen out of people who think disagreeing with them politically is a "triggering event" requiring a "safe space"?

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You mean like the one word, "TRUMP" being written IN CHALK on the steps of a college?

Nikita Khrushchev would have eaten their lunch....and some like him still may.
My only hope is one day some of that knowledge they learn playing war games will translate over to the real world.

I read on a M14 forum once where a member had one of his son's friends playing shootem' up video games.
The kid said he was a "firearms expert".
So the guy went to his safe, pulled out his AR-15, made sure it was safe, and then plopped it down on the kid's lap and said, OK, Mr. firearms expert, field strip with rifle for me.
If you have ever seen a deer in the headlights, he said that was the kid's expression.

However, the kid showed a great interest in knowing, so he showed him.
he now goes shooting with them, and helps clean them when they get back.

There is always hope, but I think most of those snowflakes come from the privileged classes who have never dug a ditch in their life.

PS...I still to this day, have not been able to wrap my head around what is a "microaggression".
Could you imagine trying to read a sanitized version of, "For Whom The Bell Tolls", "Catcher in the Rye" or "Heart of Darkness"?
or anything the bigot, racist, white supremacist, Rudyard Kipling wrote?

"when you lay wounded on Afghanistan's plains,
and you see the women coming out to chop up your remains,
just roll on your side, and blow out your brains,
and go out like a soldier".

I do not try, it comes naturally now, but it was not always like that. Long, long time ago I did not know or understand it. Fortunately some very good people took the time and taught me.

Absolutely. Manners are morals. Unfortunately, all my effort, all too often, comes to naught-- these days I am nearly insane with rage, and I can't help lashing out at people.

blackjack50 said:

Maybe it is my "southern hospitality" or maybe it is unique to me? But I make an effort to be polite to people. Even if the subject is something upsetting to me (like collecting money from me, someone backing into my vehicle, etc). Why? Because it makes sense. And in some instances, the other person either has 0 control...or becoming upset is only going to cause MORE problems.

I have been noticing how more and more...I'm crossing people who just want to become hostile and impolite. (I'm just noticing it more). It doesn't matter if I am as sweet as can be, they just immediately go to the asshole level because they don't like what they hear/see/whatever. And they will go to that level even if it spites themselves.

So with that said: do you make an effort? Or do you think this is a waste of time? Be honest.


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As my posts in DP bear witness I am exquisitely polite. Anyone who is stupid enough to attempt to deny this is a worthless knave and a gibbering fool.

You'd have to define politeness of course. Do I hold doors and say please and thank you? Absolutely. Do I help people in need if I see them? Yes. Do I let stupid people get away with stupidity? Hell no.