Anonymous Internet Forums - Being Bullied

[Dragonfly]

You asked/volunteered to join DP.
You control how you come across here.
You control how much of your "real" self is shown here.
You control what you post, and what you read.
You have an ignore feature in your control panel.
You can leave at any time.
Everything here is 100% voluntary on every level.
Nobody knows who you are in "real life".

Can someone seriously be "bullied" to the point of it being detrimental to their real world well being?

And if they can be pushed "too far" - who is at fault?
There's no reason to come to this web site outside of your own curiosity.

If DP is the straw that breaks the camel's back, it'd be way safe to say the camel was already carrying a massive load before making it to DP. Right?

Are there true "bullies" here at DP?
Is that more or less a reflection of real life?

 

[CanadaJohn]

You asked/volunteered to join DP.
You control how you come across here.
You control how much of your "real" self is shown here.
You control what you post, and what you read.
You have an ignore feature in your control panel.
You can leave at any time.
Everything here is 100% voluntary on every level.
Nobody knows who you are in "real life".

Can someone seriously be "bullied" to the point of it being detrimental to their real world well being?

And if they can be pushed "too far" - who is at fault?
There's no reason to come to this web site outside of your own curiosity.

If DP is the straw that breaks the camel's back, it'd be way safe to say the camel was already carrying a massive load before making it to DP. Right?

Are there true "bullies" here at DP?
Is that more or less a reflection of real life?

I don't know about bullies, but there sure are an abundance of trolls that are a pain in the ass and provide little or nothing to the everyday conversations most of us are interested in having with our fellow DPers.

 

[X Factor]

No, I don't believe actuall bullying is possible in a setting such as this. The Internet absolutely can be used to bully, but given you're in complete control of who you have interaction with and why and how much, plus the fact that most of us use pseudonyms, is completely different than being bullied in school (and I have real experience in that area, probably most people do).

 

[OrphanSlug]

Are there true "bullies" here at DP?
Is that more or less a reflection of real life?

Agreed with others. It would be difficult to pull off "internet bullying" here at DP. One, amount of personal information known (as you mention.) Two, the rules (within reason.)

However, it is very possible to be bullied by those who use various Social Media and perhaps other forum like sites where personal information sharing is encouraged. It comes down to knowledge of the target by the bully outside of these online avenues, which makes their use all that more damaging as the message gets to more people a whole lot faster. Besides, it is a bit awkward of a comparison when looking at all the various means of internet communications. Such as a debate forum to a social media site. The former is more about topic discussion, the latter is about sharing one's life with others through that means.

 

[HonestJoe]

You asked/volunteered to join DP.

I’m not convinced that’s especially relevant in this context. If someone is being bullied somewhere (on-line or IRL), suggesting they should just leave that place is hardly a solution.

Can someone seriously be "bullied" to the point of it being detrimental to their real world well being?

I’ve no doubt that could be the case for some vulnerable people.

And if they can be pushed "too far" - who is at fault?

I’m not sure that’d be a helpful approach. We can all look at our words, actions and their potential consequences well before anything bad actually happens and respond accordingly. I think doing something knowing it could have bad consequences is bad regardless of whether they actually do or not.

Are there true "bullies" here at DP?
Is that more or less a reflection of real life?

I’m sure there are just as many here as there are in real life. The anonymity gives them more scope but the freedom of others as you describe limits their effects. None of that makes their efforts any less objectionable though.

 

[Gardener]

Bullying is possible on forums like these, but only when there is some actual ability to affect what another poster does and does not do.

In school, most bullies work in packs, as they inevitably have a whole cadre of supporters. It becomes a group action. Around here, as long as a people are only speaking for themselves instead of acting in concert with others, I just can't see it as bullying.

 

[Dragonfly]

If someone is being bullied somewhere (on-line or IRL), suggesting they should just leave that place is hardly a solution.

Why not?

If it's a 100% voluntary place, why can't they just leave?

I'm not talking about work, school, or someplace like facebook where people actually put their real name and face out there.

This is 100% voluntary, and 100% anonymous. Why isn't "just leaving" a honest option?

Learn a lesson, go find another forum to be a part of and try again.

 

[justabubba]

You asked/volunteered to join DP.
You control how you come across here.
You control how much of your "real" self is shown here.
You control what you post, and what you read.
You have an ignore feature in your control panel.
You can leave at any time.
Everything here is 100% voluntary on every level.
Nobody knows who you are in "real life".

Can someone seriously be "bullied" to the point of it being detrimental to their real world well being?

And if they can be pushed "too far" - who is at fault?
There's no reason to come to this web site outside of your own curiosity.

If DP is the straw that breaks the camel's back, it'd be way safe to say the camel was already carrying a massive load before making it to DP. Right?

Are there true "bullies" here at DP?
Is that more or less a reflection of real life?

do not see how one can be a victim of bullying on such a site

but open to learning why that perception should be found to be wrong. and please do not hurt me with your reply

 

[Skeptic Bob]

I think bullying would be tough, but not impossible, here. Some people here HAVE given up enough information that a little research would reveal their identity. The fact they voluntarily gave up that information doesn't mean it wouldn't be bullying if I used it against them.

 

[gdgyva]

I don't know about bullies, but there sure are an abundance of trolls that are a pain in the ass and provide little or nothing to the everyday conversations most of us are interested in having with our fellow DPers.

lots of trolls, and lots of inane posters

my ignore list keeps growing

but it keeps me from butting heads with people i cant honestly converse with

 

[Dragonfly]

Bullying is possible on forums like these, but only when there is some actual ability to affect what another poster does and does not do.

In school, most bullies work in packs, as they inevitably have a whole cadre of supporters. It becomes a group action. Around here, as long as a people are only speaking for themselves instead of acting in concert with others, I just can't see it as bullying.

The perception of being "ganged up upon" is absolutely possible here.

Gun Control
Abortion
Religion
Politics

We've all seen groups of like-minded members of DP reign down upon a post and beat it to a rotten pulp plenty of times.

Go post something about how AR-15's should require background checks, a one month waiting period to purchase, a medical and mental history of all the people residing in the house where the gun will be stored, registration, and a complete firearms safety course for all residents within that household and see if you get "ganged up upon" rather harshly.

Go say all rape victims, regardless of age, or who the rapist was, should be forced to carry pregnancy to term and give birth to the baby and see if you don't get ganged up upon.

Go say you're against any and all homosexual acts, marriages, relationships in any and all forms and see if you don't get ganged up upon.

Depending upon the gang, and your own level of self control, it might not take long to feel "bullied".

Or is the term "bully" not quite appropriate here?

 

[Gathomas88]

You asked/volunteered to join DP.
You control how you come across here.
You control how much of your "real" self is shown here.
You control what you post, and what you read.
You have an ignore feature in your control panel.
You can leave at any time.
Everything here is 100% voluntary on every level.
Nobody knows who you are in "real life".

Can someone seriously be "bullied" to the point of it being detrimental to their real world well being?

And if they can be pushed "too far" - who is at fault?
There's no reason to come to this web site outside of your own curiosity.

If DP is the straw that breaks the camel's back, it'd be way safe to say the camel was already carrying a massive load before making it to DP. Right?

Are there true "bullies" here at DP?
Is that more or less a reflection of real life?

I certainly think there are some - borderline, if not outright - psychopathic trolls around here who more than give it the old "college try."

It might very well be the case that only persons who have some underlying issue or psychological weakness to begin with would allow such a thing to "destroy" them. However, I wouldn't say that's much of an excuse for those individuals who go out of their way to make life miserable for others, and especially not those who appear to target posters more susceptible to that kind of damage.

Online or no, behaving like a petty and malicious predatory asshole with the deliberate aim to hurt others does not reflect especially well on one's character.

 

[Moon]

lots of trolls, and lots of inane posters

my ignore list keeps growing

but it keeps me from butting heads with people i cant honestly converse with

Seems like fewer and fewer people are really interested in discussing issues here, and are more interested in scoring points. It gets old, and I can see a time when it just won't be worth my time to log in anymore.

 

[Gardener]

The perception of being "ganged up upon" is absolutely possible here.

Gun Control
Abortion
Religion
Politics

We've all seen groups of like-minded members of DP reign down upon a post and beat it to a rotten pulp plenty of times.

Go post something about how AR-15's should require background checks, a one month waiting period to purchase, a medical and mental history of all the people residing in the house where the gun will be stored, registration, and a complete firearms safety course for all residents within that household and see if you get "ganged up upon" rather harshly.

Go say all rape victims, regardless of age, or who the rapist was, should be forced to carry pregnancy to term and give birth to the baby and see if you don't get ganged up upon.

Go say you're against any and all homosexual acts, marriages, relationships in any and all forms and see if you don't get ganged up upon.

Depending upon the gang, and your own level of self control, it might not take long to feel "bullied".

Or is the term "bully" not quite appropriate here?

I wouldn't call that bullying. There would have to be some ability to restrict how a person functions to be bullying.

 

[Dragonfly]

I wouldn't call that bullying. There would have to be some ability to restrict how a person functions to be bullying.

True.

There's nothing that requires a person to ever return to a thread after they've posted something in it.

Deleting a subscription works wonderfully. Ignoring the "you've been quoted" notifications.

You can basically do a "drive-by" post and never return to the scene of the crime.

 

[Dragonfly]

Something else to consider, most internet forums don't allow any kind of political or religious discussion at all.

Considering this forum is dedicated to just that, with over 23,000 members, you know darn well coming in here that passionate and heated debate is
gonna happen. If you join with the expectation of being "popular", then you're on a fast road to getting a serious wedgie.

So if you enter the "octagon" - can you complain about getting knocked around?

 

[HonestJoe]

If it's a 100% voluntary place, why can't they just leave?

They can, but it’s not a solution to the problem, it’s a victory for the bully and a restriction of freedom for the victim.

Do you apply this principle to optional, anonymous places in the real world? If a gang takes over your local public park and threatens anyone else who tries to use it, is it a solution for nobody else to use the park, for the children to just play in the street? If lots of people from a different race or religion moves in to your street and makes it clear you’re not welcome, is a solution for you to just sell up and move somewhere else?

 

[Dragonfly]

They can, but it’s not a solution to the problem, it’s a victory for the bully and a restriction of freedom for the victim.

Do you apply this principle to optional, anonymous places in the real world? If a gang takes over your local public park and threatens anyone else who tries to use it, is it a solution for nobody else to use the park, for the children to just play in the street? If lots of people from a different race or religion moves in to your street and makes it clear you’re not welcome, is a solution for you to just sell up and move somewhere else?

I don't think you can relate a real life physical threat with an anonymous and voluntary internet forum.

 

[shagg]

Bullies are in it for the reaction they get, the feeling of superiority that comes with it, and the perceived "alpha" status they feel they acquire by asserting their dominance over others. By ignoring them and failing to give that reaction, the rest doesn't happen. So I would say bullying here is not possible unless one allows themselves to be bullied, by not updating their ignore list and continually responding with increasingly emotional/outraged posts. I suppose you could argue that's more trolling than bullying, but honestly the difference is slight.

 

[Dragonfly]

Bullies are in it for the reaction they get, the feeling of superiority that comes with it, and the perceived "alpha" status they feel they acquire by asserting their dominance over others. By ignoring them and failing to give that reaction, the rest doesn't happen. So I would say bullying here is not possible unless one allows themselves to be bullied, by not updating their ignore list and continually responding with increasingly emotional/outraged posts.

I'd agree with that 100%.

It should be easy to avoid being bullied at this specific forum.

 

[Riveroaks]

You asked/volunteered to join DP.
You control how you come across here.
You control how much of your "real" self is shown here.
You control what you post, and what you read.
You have an ignore feature in your control panel.
You can leave at any time.
Everything here is 100% voluntary on every level.
Nobody knows who you are in "real life".

Can someone seriously be "bullied" to the point of it being detrimental to their real world well being?

And if they can be pushed "too far" - who is at fault?
There's no reason to come to this web site outside of your own curiosity.

If DP is the straw that breaks the camel's back, it'd be way safe to say the camel was already carrying a massive load before making it to DP. Right?

Are there true "bullies" here at DP?
Is that more or less a reflection of real life?

My ignore list is long and distinguished. It is not hard to end up on it.

Anyone who consistently violates rules of fallacies gets on it.

Anyone who is verbose gets on it.

Anyone who is rude gets on it.

This leaves me with a very culled list of people who are left who tend to be quite intelligent and behave themselves in a dignified manner.

For exemplary persons these end up on my friend list.

Getting onto my friend list reminds me that if I disagree with these folks for any reason then they deserve the benefit of dignity and a patient reply from me where I spell out all the facts and syllogisms (if/then statements).

I have occasionally removed people from my ignore list or my friends list, but that is extremely rare.

Thus, you are correct DRAGONFLY, it is really not possible for anyone to bully me.

It is the same way in public. If they met me in public, they would find that it is extremely difficult to bully a 238.4 lb former US Marine.

But as you say correctly, this is the internet and anyone with a keyboard can play Superman or Superwoman or Superbully. I find it amusing.

 

[Riveroaks]

I don't know about bullies, but there sure are an abundance of trolls that are a pain in the ass and provide little or nothing to the everyday conversations most of us are interested in having with our fellow DPers.

That's why God created the ignore list.

 

[Nilly]

Honestly I think a pretty good job is done by the mods to prevent bullying upstairs. Vehemently disagreeing with someone isn't bullying. Multiple people vehemently disagreeing with you isn't bullying and if it does get to the point where someone actually is bullying.

Personally, most of the forums where bullying do happen (such as gun control and abortion mentioned above) are those same forums where the same thread gets made and the same people make the same arguments over and over. I got tired of those forums about a month after joining and just avoid them now.

As for downstairs, even though I don't go there that much I'm totally pro bullying and if you can't take it, then leave.

 

[Riveroaks]

No, I don't believe actuall bullying is possible in a setting such as this. The Internet absolutely can be used to bully, but given you're in complete control of who you have interaction with and why and how much, plus the fact that most of us use pseudonyms, is completely different than being bullied in school (and I have real experience in that area, probably most people do).

Yup, bullying in school is a sad thing.

We had a retarded kid in our Catholic private elementary school who was French-American from New Orleans. He failed a grade ahead of us which made him bigger in our class.

I got into a fight with him once and fought him to a draw because I was almost his size being that I was a big kid growing up.

But he beat up on all the other boys and harassed the girls (except for my sisters).

He failed again and then ended up in my sister's class behind mine.

She asked me one day to beat him up again so I did. After that he kept his hands off my sisters.

The third time he failed they dropped him out of our Catholic private school.

He ended up in State prison for drug dealing. Poor bastard was too retarded to get a real job. Trafficking in dope was all he could do.

The Army did not want him because he never finished high school.

He has since died and I read his obit. He is survived by a sister.

For the rest of school, all Catholic, all private, there were a few rowdy kids, mostly Mexican-American and also big and strong.

So I first took judo, and then Japanese karate, then finally joined the wrestling team.

Bullies only attack weak opponents. Bullies are cowards.

If you can give them a hard fight they will leave you alone.

It took a lot of hours investing in judo, karate, and wrestling to be able to fight them off in school.

Now I do it with a 45ACP and if need be a 5.56x45 carbine as well. Thank you USMC.

It took a 6 year investment in the USMC to learn it all.

If you want to learn it all it takes a lot of time and effort.

 

[Riveroaks]

do not see how one can be a victim of bullying on such a site

but open to learning why that perception should be found to be wrong. and please do not hurt me with your reply

Ok bubba I'll be gentle.

I'll also take you off one of my two lists for now and see how you do for a while.

You always need to be gentle with others and also be prepared to agree to disagree.

You cannot hound people like your mother used to hound you into cleaning up your room when she was still bigger than you while you were growing up.

Namely, you can't expect to get away with treating people the way you yourself were abused at home by your parents and sib's and expect NOT to end up on an ignore list.

Ok, good luck. You're staring over, with me. Good luck bubba.