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Would You Inerfere With Your Grandparents Wishes To.....

rhinefire

rhinefire

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What if.... your favorite grandparent has recently suffered the lost of his/her lifetime mate, a person they loved from the get go. Now you notice something the survivor is doing that suggests possibly that person is arraigning their possessions and legal matters for a possible suicide as life without their most loved departed may be too much to bare. Again you have had a very strong bond with those two people all of your life. What do you feel is your best option here? This will be your decision and your decision alone as you are the sole survivor.
 
I allow them to make their own decisions, assuming that he or she appears to be in a rational state of mind.
 
rhinefire said:
What if.... your favorite grandparent has recently suffered the lost of his/her lifetime mate, a person they loved from the get go. Now you notice something the survivor is doing that suggests possibly that person is arraigning their possessions and legal matters for a possible suicide as life without their most loved departed may be too much to bare. Again you have had a very strong bond with those two people all of your life. What do you feel is your best option here? This will be your decision and your decision alone as you are the sole survivor.
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I'd try to convince them to think about it for a little while, make sure it's not a heat of the moment kind of deal. But ultimately if that is what they want, I'd respect their wishes as much as it may hurt or sadden me. Giving them guilt about a decision like that will only serve to worsen the situation.
 
rhinefire said:
What if.... your favorite grandparent has recently suffered the lost of his/her lifetime mate, a person they loved from the get go. Now you notice something the survivor is doing that suggests possibly that person is arraigning their possessions and legal matters for a possible suicide as life without their most loved departed may be too much to bare. Again you have had a very strong bond with those two people all of your life. What do you feel is your best option here? This will be your decision and your decision alone as you are the sole survivor.
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I think I would try to help him get on his feet. I'd spend time with him. Over for dinner once a week. Think of something he might be interested in and plan an outing every few weeks. Letting him know ahead of time so he had something to look forward to. Like a car show or something he had some interest in.

I'd take him by the hand to the local senior center and play cards with him there every few weeks...planning the day ahead of time and letting him have that to wonder about and look forward to. I'd tell him what inspirational stories I might have about other people who've found their joy again after a devastating loss. (Senior centers are full of them.) If they belonged to a church before the loss, I'd engage their pastor in dropping by once a month with a call a week ahead to let him know he/she was coming.

I might get him a rescue puppy -- one I could plan to keep if it didn't work out. Or maybe a kitten.

I'd probably call him every day to ask about his day and long-windedly tell him all about mine. I'd hug him hello and goodbye and let him know he's loved...
 
MaggieD said:
I think I would try to help him get on his feet. I'd spend time with him. Over for dinner once a week. Think of something he might be interested in and plan an outing every few weeks. Letting him know ahead of time so he had something to look forward to. Like a car show or something he had some interest in.

I'd take him by the hand to the local senior center and play cards with him there every few weeks...planning the day ahead of time and letting him have that to wonder about and look forward to. I'd tell him what inspirational stories I might have about other people who've found their joy again after a devastating loss. (Senior centers are full of them.) If they belonged to a church before the loss, I'd engage their pastor in dropping by once a month with a call a week ahead to let him know he/she was coming.

I might get him a rescue puppy -- one I could plan to keep if it didn't work out. Or maybe a kitten.

I'd probably call him every day to ask about his day and long-windedly tell him all about mine. I'd hug him hello and goodbye and let him know he's loved...
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I agree, but my impression from the op was the question of whether or not we would try to interfere, which I take to mean legally. In that case, I wouldn't try to obtain legal power unless it was a case of psychosis or other obvious mental breakdown. When my dad died, I was extremely worried that my mother would not have the capability to deal with it well at all, so I started going to spend the day with her every couple of weeks for us to have a good time together, and I still do that today. Fortunately, she has managed it like a champ, and our outings are good for my own coping as well, which I initially had no idea would be needed.
 
lizzie said:
I agree, but my impression from the op was the question of whether or not we would try to interfere, which I take to mean legally. In that case, I wouldn't try to obtain legal power unless it was a case of psychosis or other obvious mental breakdown. When my dad died, I was extremely worried that my mother would not have the capability to deal with it well at all, so I started going to spend the day with her every couple of weeks for us to have a good time together, and I still do that today. Fortunately, she has managed it like a champ, and our outings are good for my own coping as well, which I initially had no idea would be needed.
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Oh! I got the impression he was talking about whether or not to interfere with a possibly suicide. (Which, other than doing the things I mentioned and more, I wouldn't further interfere.)

If the OP is talking about interfering legally, like having him declared incompetent and taking over his life, my answer would be that he would have to have dementia for me to move in that direction. I might sit down with him and explain the importance of having a POA and HCPOA in place...a will...a list of his accounts...getting his "affairs" in order. I'd likely use some healthy Jewish guilt to manipulate him into doing so . . . but unless he was out of it, I wouldn't (and, let's face it) couldn't do much more than that.
 
lizzie said:
I allow them to make their own decisions, assuming that he or she appears to be in a rational state of mind.
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This. But first I'd make it quite clear that there's still one other person in this world, me, who still loves them and needs them to stick around.
 
rhinefire said:
What if.... your favorite grandparent has recently suffered the lost of his/her lifetime mate, a person they loved from the get go. Now you notice something the survivor is doing that suggests possibly that person is arraigning their possessions and legal matters for a possible suicide as life without their most loved departed may be too much to bare. Again you have had a very strong bond with those two people all of your life. What do you feel is your best option here? This will be your decision and your decision alone as you are the sole survivor.
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Not a hard decision on my part: if that's what he/she wants, then I would not interfere in the least because 1) that's what I'd do if something happened to my wife, 2) I bore witness to how much my father suffered after my mother passed away and 3) because it would be selfish of me to want someone to hang on to their depressing life and endure endless heartache and torment for their loss for my own satisfaction.
 
Urging moving to a different residence. Take the person on a trip or cruise. Try to get the person into social activities. The danger is loneliness and empty time.

Its not an easy question, but I think it would be appropriate to ask outright if they person is thinking of committing suicide. Sometimes the best way to address something is directly. In our instance, my wife would invite them to move in with us, insisting she could really use their help with the grandchildren - and her parents would also be offering the grandparent move in with them.

While I suppose - sometimes - a person has a "right" to suicide (depending upon who else pays a price for it), but a person also has a "right" to try to prevent it for someone they care about.
 
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Think I should load them a pistol?
 
rhinefire said:
What if.... your favorite grandparent has recently suffered the lost of his/her lifetime mate, a person they loved from the get go. Now you notice something the survivor is doing that suggests possibly that person is arraigning their possessions and legal matters for a possible suicide as life without their most loved departed may be too much to bare. Again you have had a very strong bond with those two people all of your life. What do you feel is your best option here? This will be your decision and your decision alone as you are the sole survivor.
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this may sound crass, but we have to view our elder love one's choices they make from their point of view...not ours.

Your Gparent may not be preparing for what you think, they maybe put off what they did not plan on doing until the death of their partner. Could be they believed they would go first and the other would have to do what they were left to do.

There most likely are lots of things running through thier head...suicide might not be one.

My father has been concentrating lately on what he has to do before he passes.
 
Perhaps the single most striking image of loneliness I have witnessed was seeing my father staring out at the river behind his home after my mother passed. I was standing behind him and he looked like the only human remaining on earth. He managed to carry on without her but it was not easy for him to say the least.
 
If we are talking about psychological not physical suffering, I would try to turn him/her on to the love of Jesus Christ, the only love that is reliable and enduring, and the only thing that gives real meaning to life. Especially in the face of ever-certain tragedy that each one of us must endure. Once knowing that, we can give ourselves up to what fate holds for us. That is a greater gift than any attempt at consolation, the needs of others, or puppies.
 
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