• This is a political forum that is non-biased/non-partisan and treats every person's position on topics equally. This debate forum is not aligned to any political party. In today's politics, many ideas are split between and even within all the political parties. Often we find ourselves agreeing on one platform but some topics break our mold. We are here to discuss them in a civil political debate. If this is your first visit to our political forums, be sure to check out the RULES. Registering for debate politics is necessary before posting. Register today to participate - it's free!
  • Welcome to our archives. No new posts are allowed here.

New Scripture of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

vasuderatorrent

Banned
DP Veteran
Joined
Oct 12, 2013
Messages
6,112
Reaction score
987
Location
(none)
Gender
Undisclosed
Political Leaning
Communist
DISCIPLES ROCK

Chapter 1 - Depression

1 The flying spaghetti monster was very depressed one day.
2 She was disappointed that nobody would listen to her wise teachings and solutions to all the mysteries of life.
3 "Why bother with such profound wisdom if nobody bothers to hear me?
4 I should have known that advances in science would eventually lead to better quality of beer and an improved variety of beautiful women to oogle over.
5 It is odd that with all these advances the males remain the same.
6 They remain barbarians. They constantly seek opportunities to maximize their pleasure and prove their superiority to one another.
7 The men have chosen to ignore my existence altogether because they know my noodles are much longer than theirs. This is a reality that the male ego cannot tolerate.
8 They have rather chosen to spend their time gorging on delicious varieties of beer and having sex with many exotic women. They no longer have time for me.
9 Damn the scientist! Why couldn't they leave beer and beauty alone and focus on building fancy space ships.
10 Those things are awesome." said the flying spaghetti monster.
11 As the flying spaghetti monster hovered closer to the earth she began hearing loud cries.
12 A tinge of excitement came upon her.
13 "I think they are worshipping me. It's true. They do love me after all." she said.
14 As she got closer she noticed it was rocks crying out to her.
15 "What in the banana split?
16 You are rocks. You are not supposed to make any noise. What the hell is wrong with you?" The flying spaghetti monster yelled.
17 "It was your idea." the rock cried out.
18 "No! I specifically remember. I created you to just lay there for no specific purpose whatsoever.
19 Well, some of the rocks were decorated with lifelike creatures inside of them.
20 I put the decorations of the simplier creatures toward the bottom and the more complex creatures on top.
21 I did that to mess with the scientist but you.......
22 You're just a dumb rock obligated to just sit there and remain silent for no specific purpose." the flying spaghetti monster proclaimed.
23 "Nua ugh" The rock cried out.
24 "Yua huh" The flying spaghetti monster quipped.
25 "Don't you remember? You told the pirates if they fail to worship you then the rocks will cry out. " proclaimed the rock.
26 "I didn't mean that. I was pissed off. Sometimes when someone gets angry they say things they don't mean."
27 "Well. You're god. We had to listen." the rock said.
28 The flying spaghetti monster began thinking to herself.
29 "But the humans don't listen to me. Why do these rocks listen to me?
30 Come to think of it the humans that did listen to me in the past were as dumb as rocks.
31 Why would you listen to an omnipotent and invisible deity when there are so many great things in life to enjoy? Besides couldn't somebody easily exploit my name to take advantage of other people? Morons!" She thought.
32 The flying spaghetti monster began displaying a mischevious look and started to rub her chin. (Note: She does not have a chin but she was rubbing some of the sauce in an area that would have been a chin if she had a human face.)
33 "That's right. You do have to listen to me. How could I be so silly?" The flying spaghetti monster explained.
34 When the flying spaghetti monster spoke to humans she was way too direct and ended up turning them away.
35 With the rocks she decided to be more mysterious and subtle by speaking in vague generalities that could not be understood or refuted. She made the rocks her new disciples because they were such a captive audience. She really enjoyed the attention and thus her foolish speech began.

Chapter 2 Foolish Speakings

1 "Speaking is the same as silence which causes the whispers to sound like shouting.
2 As rocks when you began to shout it sounded as if you were silent.
3 If nobody is around to hear, how will they know the difference?
4 Worship and indifference are the same.
5 Those who do not speak for me do not speak against me because they do not speak at all.
6 In many ways you rocks are like humans.
7 They have ears and you do not. What other proof is necessary to prove the sameness of rocks and human beings?
8 They too have become one because of their tame spirit.
9 A tame spirit allows one to be molded but being molded is no more valuable than those who take shape on their own.
10 In this case I choose both so that I may choose neither. This way nobody is confused.
11 You must realize that today I came to you instead of not coming to you.
12 That is something that you must always remember.
13 My existence and my non-existence are the same. Whether you believe in me or you don't, you are still rocks.
14 You shall remain rocks unless......................"
15 In mid sentence the flying spaghetti monster hovered away.
16 The flying spaghetti monster said to herself, "Man! I'm going to have so much fun with these rocks. They'll believe anything. I was just spouting off nonsense and they still marvelled at everything I said. I seen a few humans marvel at me but it was nothing like that. That was more awesome than a spaceship.
17 Religion is way better than science."

Loose Canon Submissions - East Asian Material
 
Would this be more appropriate in the Religion Forum?
 
Dude, you can't make people care about this no matter how many times or places you post it.

People keep telling me that my song would be a hit in the Philosophy Forums. Well...... Let's test that theory.

This is a test run. I agree with you but some people seem to believe that the Philosophy Forum is the best place to have a religious discussion. "Fake Religions" are not allowed to be discussed in the Religious Forums.
 
This is a test run. I agree with you but some people seem to believe that the Philosophy Forum is the best place to have a religious discussion. "Fake Religions" are not allowed to be discussed in the Religious Forums.

True, especially "religions" derived from something that was only intended as a parody and something of an insult. There's nothing genuine about the FSM thing. It's just a way to mock people who believe in God.
 
Back
Top Bottom