• This is a political forum that is non-biased/non-partisan and treats every person's position on topics equally. This debate forum is not aligned to any political party. In today's politics, many ideas are split between and even within all the political parties. Often we find ourselves agreeing on one platform but some topics break our mold. We are here to discuss them in a civil political debate. If this is your first visit to our political forums, be sure to check out the RULES. Registering for debate politics is necessary before posting. Register today to participate - it's free!

Ann Landers

Glowpun

Glowpun

DP Veteran
Joined
Sep 30, 2012
Messages
2,236
Reaction score
537
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Other
Hello folks,

Here is you chance to act like Ann Landers.

Several months ago I long time friend texted me that we no longer were friends. He then went on a brief diatribe as to why I was not a friend.
Of course I was first shocked but then became peeved about his behavior. He told me he would "never contact" me again. My attitude became good riddance and I did not respond.

The other day in the mail I received a letter with no return address. But I kind of guessed it was this "friend." He told me that he has congestive heart failure and wanted to "put the house in order" which included sending me his letter. He sounded like he was not sure how much longer he would live. The letter pretty much had the same tone as his last text message.

What should I did with this "friend"? I am sorry to hear about his health situation. Do I send him some kind of response or just let it slide? I have since moved on, but from his letter it sounds like he has not.
 
Glowpun said:
Hello folks,

Here is you chance to act like Ann Landers.

Several months ago I long time friend texted me that we no longer were friends. He then went on a brief diatribe as to why I was not a friend.
Of course I was first shocked but then became peeved about his behavior. He told me he would "never contact" me again. My attitude became good riddance and I did not respond.

The other day in the mail I received a letter with no return address. But I kind of guessed it was this "friend." He told me that he has congestive heart failure and wanted to "put the house in order" which included sending me his letter. He sounded like he was not sure how much longer he would live. The letter pretty much had the same tone as his last text message.

What should I did with this "friend"? I am sorry to hear about his health situation. Do I send him some kind of response or just let it slide? I have since moved on, but from his letter it sounds like he has not.
Click to expand...

Depends. Does your life lack drama?
 
Glowpun said:
Hello folks,

Here is you chance to act like Ann Landers.

Several months ago I long time friend texted me that we no longer were friends. He then went on a brief diatribe as to why I was not a friend.
Of course I was first shocked but then became peeved about his behavior. He told me he would "never contact" me again. My attitude became good riddance and I did not respond.

The other day in the mail I received a letter with no return address. But I kind of guessed it was this "friend." He told me that he has congestive heart failure and wanted to "put the house in order" which included sending me his letter. He sounded like he was not sure how much longer he would live. The letter pretty much had the same tone as his last text message.

What should I did with this "friend"? I am sorry to hear about his health situation. Do I send him some kind of response or just let it slide? I have since moved on, but from his letter it sounds like he has not.
Click to expand...

People facing off against thier own mortality can move through some extremes of introspection; I would say the ball is in your court at this point, but you need to ask yourself is it worth it to you?
 
Glowpun said:
Hello folks,

Here is you chance to act like Ann Landers.

Several months ago I long time friend texted me that we no longer were friends. He then went on a brief diatribe as to why I was not a friend.
Of course I was first shocked but then became peeved about his behavior. He told me he would "never contact" me again. My attitude became good riddance and I did not respond.

The other day in the mail I received a letter with no return address. But I kind of guessed it was this "friend." He told me that he has congestive heart failure and wanted to "put the house in order" which included sending me his letter. He sounded like he was not sure how much longer he would live. The letter pretty much had the same tone as his last text message.

What should I did with this "friend"? I am sorry to hear about his health situation. Do I send him some kind of response or just let it slide? I have since moved on, but from his letter it sounds like he has not.
Click to expand...

Do your best to make amends. Doesn’t matter what happened in the past. He took the first step and wants to clear the slate while he still can.

Not only would I make amends, I would see if there was anything he needed. Insert myself back into his life while I still could.
 
Without more details, its hard to say. I would send him a very simple note of sympathy. If you are sorry to hear about his poor health, then that is really all that needs to be discussed. I would NOT allow myself to get caught up discussing past events especially those that created the rift. That is his drama and it can stay his drama. You are moving forward and doing what is right for both of you by focusing on today and tomorrow (as little as there may be) .

To do less seems a tad uncharitable and you might regret that, to let him drag you into conflict seems like a recipe for a messy and unpleasant reunion that won't be good for his health or your piece of mind.
 
Last edited:
Perhaps, the friend was mad because he thought you knew he was sick and you didn't call him. Or maybe he wrote the letter to make you feel guilty. Hard to say without more information. If you have mutual friends perhaps you could ask them or his family whats going on with him and then decide what to do. It might just be a big misunderstanding. But he obviously seems hurt by something you did or didn't do.
 
Last edited:
Glowpun said:
What should I did with this "friend"? I am sorry to hear about his health situation.
Click to expand...



1. It is a no-brainer.

2. You say that you are sorry to hear about his ill health.

3. Therefore, you should send him a card that expresses your sympathy.
 
Glowpun said:
Hello folks,

Here is you chance to act like Ann Landers.

Several months ago I long time friend texted me that we no longer were friends. He then went on a brief diatribe as to why I was not a friend.
Of course I was first shocked but then became peeved about his behavior. He told me he would "never contact" me again. My attitude became good riddance and I did not respond.

The other day in the mail I received a letter with no return address. But I kind of guessed it was this "friend." He told me that he has congestive heart failure and wanted to "put the house in order" which included sending me his letter. He sounded like he was not sure how much longer he would live. The letter pretty much had the same tone as his last text message.

What should I did with this "friend"? I am sorry to hear about his health situation. Do I send him some kind of response or just let it slide? I have since moved on, but from his letter it sounds like he has not.
Click to expand...

If you were friends then maybe he is being a prick out of some weird place like if I make her mad at me, she won't miss me when I am dead. IDK.
 
Glowpun said:
Hello folks,

Here is you chance to act like Ann Landers.

Several months ago I long time friend texted me that we no longer were friends. He then went on a brief diatribe as to why I was not a friend.
Of course I was first shocked but then became peeved about his behavior. He told me he would "never contact" me again. My attitude became good riddance and I did not respond.

The other day in the mail I received a letter with no return address. But I kind of guessed it was this "friend." He told me that he has congestive heart failure and wanted to "put the house in order" which included sending me his letter. He sounded like he was not sure how much longer he would live. The letter pretty much had the same tone as his last text message.

What should I did with this "friend"? I am sorry to hear about his health situation. Do I send him some kind of response or just let it slide? I have since moved on, but from his letter it sounds like he has not.
Click to expand...

1. CHF (congestive heart failure) isn't something that will normally snuff you without warning. I was diagnosed with CHF in October 2015. Thanks to the medications and to the instructions I've received from my cardiologist, I have been enjoying life and have no expectations of dying any time soon.

CHF is a progressive condition. The signs of damage are there for a long time, slowly getting worse and worse until things become life threatening. That's how it was with me. I had no idea there was any problem until I almost died. Thanks to some outright amazing people in the health care field, I was pulled back from the brink. They made it very clear to me that my condition was due to my lifestyle and what I needed to do to recover and ensure I never get to that point again.

I'm not trying to make this thread about CHF. I'm only trying to put your friend's mention of that condition into perspective. It is certainly possible that your friend is in much worse shape than I was, but the condition isn't an automatic death sentence by any means.

2. Because of (1), I think he's playing the sympathy game. If you want to play that game, it's your choice. I generally don't play that game. I will extend sympathy when I think it's warranted, but I can be pretty cold-hearted when I detect game-playing.

3. This really comes down to you. You say you've moved on, so it would seem there really isn't any motivation for you to get involved with him again. But only you can be the judge of that.
 
Last edited:
Glowpun said:
He then went on a brief diatribe as to why I was not a friend.


The letter pretty much had the same tone as his last text message.
Click to expand...

These are the two things that stand out to me.

How'd I'd react would depend on knowing more detail about those.
I'm not asking you to post more detail, just saying that it's what would be most important to me.


Depending on those details the most/least I might do is send a written response saying that I'm sorry for the health issues and that I'm hoping for what's best for him.
The response to that might determine my next move.
 
Superfly said:
Do your best to make amends. Doesn’t matter what happened in the past. He took the first step and wants to clear the slate while he still can.

Not only would I make amends, I would see if there was anything he needed. Insert myself back into his life while I still could.
Click to expand...

Exactly, and it shows character to respond kindly and compassionately. Forgiving, not holding grudges, it is a wonderful thing.
 
Mycroft said:
1. CHF (congestive heart failure) isn't something that will normally snuff you without warning. I was diagnosed with CHF in October 2015. Thanks to the medications and to the instructions I've received from my cardiologist, I have been enjoying life and have no expectations of dying any time soon.

CHF is a progressive condition. The signs of damage are there for a long time, slowly getting worse and worse until things become life threatening. That's how it was with me. I had no idea there was any problem until I almost died. Thanks to some outright amazing people in the health care field, I was pulled back from the brink. They made it very clear to me that my condition was due to my lifestyle and what I needed to do to recover and ensure I never get to that point again.

I'm not trying to make this thread about CHF. I'm only trying to put your friend's mention of that condition into perspective. It is certainly possible that your friend is in much worse shape than I was, but the condition isn't an automatic death sentence by any means.

2. Because of (1), I think he's playing the sympathy game. If you want to play that game, it's your choice. I generally don't play that game. I will extend sympathy when I think it's warranted, but I can be pretty cold-hearted when I detect game-playing.

3. This really comes down to you. You say you've moved on, so it would seem there really isn't any motivation for you to get involved with him again. But only you can be the judge of that.
Click to expand...

Not trying to make this about you, or CHF, but are you a Christian? If so, why analyze the motive and not just be a compassionate person?
 
Lovebug said:
Not trying to make this about you, or CHF, but are you a Christian? If so, why analyze the motive and not just be a compassionate person?
Click to expand...

I'm not a Christian. In my opinion, some people do not deserve compassion.

I always analyze motives. People do things because they want to do things (their motivation). That's why I suggested that Glowpun analyze his own motivations and make his decision.
 
Say it with flowers. Send him some black violets.
 
Lovebug said:
Exactly, and it shows character to respond kindly and compassionately. Forgiving, not holding grudges, it is a wonderful thing.
Click to expand...

If the guy wasn’t dying, I might look at it differently. It was his choice to remove himself from my life. But once the guy is gone, he is gone and you can’t go back and fix things.
 
Glowpun said:
Hello folks,

Here is you chance to act like Ann Landers.

Several months ago I long time friend texted me that we no longer were friends. He then went on a brief diatribe as to why I was not a friend.
Of course I was first shocked but then became peeved about his behavior. He told me he would "never contact" me again. My attitude became good riddance and I did not respond.

The other day in the mail I received a letter with no return address. But I kind of guessed it was this "friend." He told me that he has congestive heart failure and wanted to "put the house in order" which included sending me his letter. He sounded like he was not sure how much longer he would live. The letter pretty much had the same tone as his last text message.

What should I did with this "friend"? I am sorry to hear about his health situation. Do I send him some kind of response or just let it slide? I have since moved on, but from his letter it sounds like he has not.
Click to expand...

Express condolences for their poor health, and wish them well.

That is all you need to do.
 
Glowpun said:
Hello folks,

Here is you chance to act like Ann Landers.

Several months ago I long time friend texted me that we no longer were friends. He then went on a brief diatribe as to why I was not a friend.
Of course I was first shocked but then became peeved about his behavior. He told me he would "never contact" me again. My attitude became good riddance and I did not respond.

The other day in the mail I received a letter with no return address. But I kind of guessed it was this "friend." He told me that he has congestive heart failure and wanted to "put the house in order" which included sending me his letter. He sounded like he was not sure how much longer he would live. The letter pretty much had the same tone as his last text message.

What should I did with this "friend"? I am sorry to hear about his health situation. Do I send him some kind of response or just let it slide? I have since moved on, but from his letter it sounds like he has not.
Click to expand...

Some retroactive response care: When he first contacted you I would say something to the effect of 'I am sorry you are upset. For whatever I may have done to cause you pain I want you to know that I am truly sorry. I value you...value our friendship...and hope for your happiness. Should you ever decide you want t contact me and work through this, please dont hesitate to call. Till then...with sadness but a hopeful heart I will keep you in my best thoughts."

Now...pretty much the same: Very sorry to hear of your health concerns. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you have found peace and forgiveness. Please know I have nothing but love for you."

And be sincere...but dont carry his burden. If he is still angry, dont feel the need to join in the pain body. Your response should be one that is positive and uplifting...especially for you. Be hopeful...but at the same time allow yourself the time with him to see if his intent is genuine...because you have a right to protect yourself while still loving unconditionally.
 
My advice...do what you will not regret later because you have to live with you...you have to weigh what that is, depending on what you know about your "friend"...
 
If someone who is dying wants to right a wrong, then help him do it. It sucks enough that he is dying, so don't let him die with a guilty conscience over unfinished business.
 
Glowpun said:
Several months ago I long time friend texted me that we no longer were friends. He then went on a brief diatribe as to why I was not a friend.
Of course I was first shocked but then became peeved about his behavior. He told me he would "never contact" me again. My attitude became good riddance and I did not respond.

The other day in the mail I received a letter with no return address. But I kind of guessed it was this "friend." He told me that he has congestive heart failure and wanted to "put the house in order" which included sending me his letter. He sounded like he was not sure how much longer he would live. The letter pretty much had the same tone as his last text message.

What should I did with this "friend"? I am sorry to hear about his health situation. Do I send him some kind of response or just let it slide? I have since moved on, but from his letter it sounds like he has not.
Click to expand...

I don't know very much about what went on between the two of you, so it's hard to give advice. From knowing his snippy attitude in the initial text, I'd say you were right to say good riddance and not respond, I would have done the same.

If he had just sent you a letter with a return address informing you of his illness and wanting to get the house in order, I'd say reply to him with a letter and tell him things are good and you wish him the best. But...since the letter had the same tone as the text, I'd say forget about him. He sounds like a jerk, why he's still having the tone with you is very telling, I don't care how his health is, he doesn't deserve you as a friend, IMO. Whatever you decide to do, good luck.
 
Glowpun said:
Hello folks,

Here is you chance to act like Ann Landers.

Several months ago I long time friend texted me that we no longer were friends. He then went on a brief diatribe as to why I was not a friend.
Of course I was first shocked but then became peeved about his behavior. He told me he would "never contact" me again. My attitude became good riddance and I did not respond.

The other day in the mail I received a letter with no return address. But I kind of guessed it was this "friend." He told me that he has congestive heart failure and wanted to "put the house in order" which included sending me his letter. He sounded like he was not sure how much longer he would live. The letter pretty much had the same tone as his last text message.

What should I did with this "friend"? I am sorry to hear about his health situation. Do I send him some kind of response or just let it slide? I have since moved on, but from his letter it sounds like he has not.
Click to expand...

Move on. He made it clear to you so why upset him.
 
Glowpun said:
Hello folks,

Here is you chance to act like Ann Landers.

Several months ago I long time friend texted me that we no longer were friends. He then went on a brief diatribe as to why I was not a friend.
Of course I was first shocked but then became peeved about his behavior. He told me he would "never contact" me again. My attitude became good riddance and I did not respond.

The other day in the mail I received a letter with no return address. But I kind of guessed it was this "friend." He told me that he has congestive heart failure and wanted to "put the house in order" which included sending me his letter. He sounded like he was not sure how much longer he would live. The letter pretty much had the same tone as his last text message.

What should I did with this "friend"? I am sorry to hear about his health situation. Do I send him some kind of response or just let it slide? I have since moved on, but from his letter it sounds like he has not.
Click to expand...

I've known my friend Chris Y. since we were in second grade.
Ever since I connected with him again on Facebook (after not being in contact for thirty years) I got treated to nonstop daily diatribes about how I am a traitor for not supporting Republicans, etc etc etc. Then it turned to "I'm an America hating communist because I don't support Trump."

I pushed back with my own point of view till...BLAMMO, he unfriended me, then sent me a ginormous screed, every name in the book etc, then he blocked me, a friendship spanning fifty years plus, down the crapper just like that.
I mean, he went on, blasting me for something like four pages.

Then about a year ago I get this email:

"I just wanted you to know that I have cancer and heart disease and it looks like one or the other is going to get me, and the doctor told me I have to get my affairs in order."

Nothing else, that was the entire letter.
What do I do with something like this?

I told him I was sorry that he's in such bad shape, and his response was:

"I just want you to know I'll go to my grave comforted in the fact that I let you know what an ***-hole you are.
**** you and good riddance."

Yes, he is still alive, as far as I know.
 
Checkerboard Strangler said:
I've known my friend Chris Y. since we were in second grade.
Ever since I connected with him again on Facebook (after not being in contact for thirty years) I got treated to nonstop daily diatribes about how I am a traitor for not supporting Republicans, etc etc etc. Then it turned to "I'm an America hating communist because I don't support Trump."

I pushed back with my own point of view till...BLAMMO, he unfriended me, then sent me a ginormous screed, every name in the book etc, then he blocked me, a friendship spanning fifty years plus, down the crapper just like that.
I mean, he went on, blasting me for something like four pages.

Then about a year ago I get this email:

"I just wanted you to know that I have cancer and heart disease and it looks like one or the other is going to get me, and the doctor told me I have to get my affairs in order."

Nothing else, that was the entire letter.
What do I do with something like this?

I told him I was sorry that he's in such bad shape, and his response was:

"I just want you to know I'll go to my grave comforted in the fact that I let you know what an ***-hole you are.
**** you and good riddance."

Yes, he is still alive, as far as I know.
Click to expand...

wow.....the foreskin was tight around his neck, wasn't it?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom