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How to deal with loneliness?

kaerin

DP Veteran
Joined
Sep 20, 2017
Messages
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Location
Istanbul
Days are passing by easily with things to do and being busy, but after 10pm or so I feel almost always down, I feel that I am very lonely and that I can't enjoy the life the way others do.

I have few friends that I consider sorta close, but they are really not that close, I failed at making decent friendships during college or earlier. I was clever and hardworking but a bit introverted. I failed at liking and approaching people in a true sense.

Relationships. I had three major ones, it was great while it lasted, the mutual love was there in all of them, but for god knows reasons it had to end. And after every painful endings I started having more doubts about me, and got tired of knowing new people, lost the energy, thinking of "what does it matter, it will end eventually again and you will feel like **** at the end" I feel extremely tired and worthless.

How do you combat loneliness when you feel that way?
 
Days are passing by easily with things to do and being busy, but after 10pm or so I feel almost always down, I feel that I am very lonely and that I can't enjoy the life the way others do.

I have few friends that I consider sorta close, but they are really not that close, I failed at making decent friendships during college or earlier. I was clever and hardworking but a bit introverted. I failed at liking and approaching people in a true sense.

Relationships. I had three major ones, it was great while it lasted, the mutual love was there in all of them, but for god knows reasons it had to end. And after every painful endings I started having more doubts about me, and got tired of knowing new people, lost the energy, thinking of "what does it matter, it will end eventually again and you will feel like **** at the end" I feel extremely tired and worthless.

How do you combat loneliness when you feel that way?

Reading and writing.

I spend long periods of time from my family; I find reading and writing helps.
 
Days are passing by easily with things to do and being busy, but after 10pm or so I feel almost always down, I feel that I am very lonely and that I can't enjoy the life the way others do.

I have few friends that I consider sorta close, but they are really not that close, I failed at making decent friendships during college or earlier. I was clever and hardworking but a bit introverted. I failed at liking and approaching people in a true sense.

Relationships. I had three major ones, it was great while it lasted, the mutual love was there in all of them, but for god knows reasons it had to end. And after every painful endings I started having more doubts about me, and got tired of knowing new people, lost the energy, thinking of "what does it matter, it will end eventually again and you will feel like **** at the end" I feel extremely tired and worthless.

How do you combat loneliness when you feel that way?

Buy a dog.
 
Days are passing by easily with things to do and being busy, but after 10pm or so I feel almost always down, I feel that I am very lonely and that I can't enjoy the life the way others do.

I have few friends that I consider sorta close, but they are really not that close, I failed at making decent friendships during college or earlier. I was clever and hardworking but a bit introverted. I failed at liking and approaching people in a true sense.

Relationships. I had three major ones, it was great while it lasted, the mutual love was there in all of them, but for god knows reasons it had to end. And after every painful endings I started having more doubts about me, and got tired of knowing new people, lost the energy, thinking of "what does it matter, it will end eventually again and you will feel like **** at the end" I feel extremely tired and worthless.

How do you combat loneliness when you feel that way?


I stay near family. I have a son, three sisters, three nieces, and eight grand-nephews within half an hour drive. Hard to be lonely with so much family around.
 
I stay near family. I have a son, three sisters, three nieces, and eight grand-nephews within half an hour drive. Hard to be lonely with so much family around.

I'm 24, it is too hard to create that big of a family at this age, you know! :) And good for you! I'm glad you are happy.
 
I'm 24, it is too hard to create that big of a family at this age, you know! :) And good for you! I'm glad you are happy.

Join the military. It really is an instant group of friends....some that will even risk their life for you
 
Days are passing by easily with things to do and being busy, but after 10pm or so I feel almost always down, I feel that I am very lonely and that I can't enjoy the life the way others do.

I have few friends that I consider sorta close, but they are really not that close, I failed at making decent friendships during college or earlier. I was clever and hardworking but a bit introverted. I failed at liking and approaching people in a true sense.

Relationships. I had three major ones, it was great while it lasted, the mutual love was there in all of them, but for god knows reasons it had to end. And after every painful endings I started having more doubts about me, and got tired of knowing new people, lost the energy, thinking of "what does it matter, it will end eventually again and you will feel like **** at the end" I feel extremely tired and worthless.

How do you combat loneliness when you feel that way?

I suggest activities that are both physically demanding and involve other people. Like marathon running or volunteering with Habitat for Humanity. Chose something that really interests you so that you can interact with people with whom you share a common interest. Hopefully you'll also be so tired that after 10:00 you'll just go to bed.
 
Join the military. It really is an instant group of friends....some that will even risk their life for you

I salute the ones who enjoyed their army days and I can imagine why. But joining the military in Turkey? where you are surrounded with Kurdish problem, Greece at the western border, Cyprus issue still alive (some friends of mine were sent to North Cyprus as well), Armenia is on standby...Could be pretty dangerous. I would probably prefer my lonesome life in Istanbul rather than that. Plus I hate guns, make me stressed.
 
I salute the ones who enjoyed their army days and I can imagine why. But joining the military in Turkey? where you are surrounded with Kurdish problem, Greece at the western border, Cyprus issue still alive (some friends of mine were sent to North Cyprus as well), Armenia is on standby...Could be pretty dangerous. I would probably prefer my lonesome life in Istanbul rather than that.

You don't have to live in Turkey. These are called choices. Make them now while you are young. It only gets harder
 
Yea a pet peeve of mine. I have a rescue mutt and 3 cats.

Yep. Both our dogs are rescued. But, of course, you do actually buy them. Nothing comes free, not even doing a good deed.
 
Days are passing by easily with things to do and being busy, but after 10pm or so I feel almost always down, I feel that I am very lonely and that I can't enjoy the life the way others do.

I have few friends that I consider sorta close, but they are really not that close, I failed at making decent friendships during college or earlier. I was clever and hardworking but a bit introverted. I failed at liking and approaching people in a true sense.

Relationships. I had three major ones, it was great while it lasted, the mutual love was there in all of them, but for god knows reasons it had to end. And after every painful endings I started having more doubts about me, and got tired of knowing new people, lost the energy, thinking of "what does it matter, it will end eventually again and you will feel like **** at the end" I feel extremely tired and worthless.

How do you combat loneliness when you feel that way?

I rarely feel lonely even though I spend a fair amount of time alone. Unlike you, perhaps, I have six very close friends, 5 girl friends and one guy, and one more casual friendship where we meet once a week for a cheap dinner and a movie at my house. That's every Sunday. I get more than my fair share of interaction.

No interaction Wednesday, Thursday and Friday this week. And nothing on until my movie night on Sunday. On these last and next days, I keep myself busy with little projects around the house, time management games on the computer my Kindle and, of course, Debate Politics. I made a big pot of chili and cooked a dozen chicken thighs to spice up my dog Teddy's food with goodness. I appreciate the off days as much as the ons.

I grew up as an only child. Both parents worked, so I learned, I think, to entertain myself. I often reach out to more distant relationships for a lunch or dinner because I know the more people I have in my life, the better I feel. When someone says, "We're going to have to get together," instead of just saying, "Hey, that'd be great," I'm more apt to say, "Wanna meet at Panera for a sandwich on Tuesday?"

You didn't ask for advice, so I will resist the temptation. ;)
 
You don't have to live in Turkey. These are called choices. Make them now while you are young. It only gets harder

I lived in Italy for a year and 6 months in Croatia. I studied and worked for a while afterwards. I missed my country, family and food, also those sorta close friends! It is not dangerous outside really, all seems fine after the disastrous 2016, life is almost as normal as in Western European streets. Not to mention I will feel much more lonely if I emigrate to non-english speaking country. Dangerous part in my post only referred to be part of army in Turkey, not the daily life. Country I live in is not my problem tbh.
 
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I lived in Italy for a year and 6 months in Croatia. I studied and worked for a while afterwards. I missed my country, family and food! It is not dangerous outside really, all seems fine after the disastrous 2016, life is almost as normal as European streets. Not to mention I will feel much more lonely if I emigrate to non-english speaking country.

There are plenty of English speaking countries. But do what you want. You have to take chances. The way to make friends is take chances and be a joiner. Join churches, sports teams, clubs, dating sites, travel...etc. The only way to a different life is to start acting differently and that involves taking chances. And you will fail at most of them. Do it anyway. If after a year nothing works you are free to go back to your old life. I wish you well. This is a great time to be alive. But man was not meant to be alone.
 
There are plenty of English speaking countries. But do what you want. You have to take chances. The way to make friends is take chances and be a joiner. Join churches, sports teams, clubs, dating sites, travel...etc. The only way to a different life is to start acting differently and that involves taking chances. And you will fail at most of them. Do it anyway. If after a year nothing works you are free to go back to your old life. I wish you well. This is a great time to be alive. But man was not meant to be alone.

I really don't think so about this bolded part :D About rest, what can I say, thanks! Wish you the same.
 
Find something bigger than yourself that you can believe in, and devote your life in service to it. You're bound to find some sincere friends that way, and in the meantime, it keeps you busy.
 
I really don't think so about this bolded part :D About rest, what can I say, thanks! Wish you the same.

One more thing even though I believe the worst vice is advice but you asked. If you do what I suggest I have some guarantees for you. I guarantee you pain. Rejection. Embarrassment. Do it anyway. Life is for the living and you will never be on your deathbed and say I am glad I did not take any chances. I will get down now off my soapbox. All the best
 
Obviously you have some issues. That's the bad part. The good part is that you realised you have some issues. That is a first step. And the first step is the most important one! My advice is: Don't run away from your place. 'The issues' will follow you wherever you go! Stay where the support is and go get professional help. You don't have to follow it exactly. Try it out and if it works good for you. If not, go see someone else.

Sent from my MI 5s Plus using Tapatalk
 
Don't be alone.
 
When I was younger, I did not do alone well at all. In fact, whenever I traveled on business, I would stay in thee bar until closing time just to avoid going to an empty hotel room. Strange enough though, that went away with age. Now, I actually enjoy quiet time in a hotel room with a good book.
 
There's the practical solutions... like joining up with something bigger than you that has a positive mission, getting closer to family, joining clubs that share common interests.

From what you wrote, it seems like there is a deeper depression happening beyond simple introversion. Like people have deeply disappointed you and you've given up. And yet, the basic human need to connect with others is still there. So you're in conflict.

One of the most challenging things about being alive is being vulnerable again after having your heart broken. It might seem natural to avoid new relationships in order to avoid being heartbroken again, but avoiding a broken heart is a sign of a broken heart. It takes courage and risk to push through that and try again.

In some ways loneliness is part of the human condition. It can never totally be filled by external solutions. At the same time, the ability to abide in your own aloneness or not is a sign of your overall emotional disposition -- and in your case it seems like you are quietly suffering from unresolved things.

If you ask me, you need to go on a journey to fall in love again. Not even with a person, but with... something. Something that makes you remember your loving self, and from that spark the icy armor you've built around your heart will begin to melt. From that love then comes a natural ability to be vulnerable again.. and that's when life and people come pouring back in. The solution to lost love is always going to be new love.

Until you do that, you will continue to feel a lack of connection with everything. Your compass is broken but you have the medicine you need inside you. We never truly forget how to love, we just become overly focused on avoiding the pain.

Good luck!
 
Sorry for not thinking of this fantastic idea.

It is. Make friends. Talk to people online or on the phone. It's not that hard.
 
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