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Dating a cocaine addict

Desert Storm

Desert Storm

DP Veteran
Joined
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Location
Toronto & Amsterdam, Holland
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Political Leaning
Slightly Conservative
So I met this beautiful, gorgeous girl. She's a real-estate agent here in Toronto, she's hard-working and makes over $150K a year because she's really good at selling. She is in her mid 20's, I'm in my mid 40's. We hit it off as soon as we met. Call it love at first sight or whatever.

Everything is perfect, except for the fact she likes to do cocaine once or twice a week. I personally DESPISE drugs in all its forms, especially cocaine. I worked as a tarbender in the nightclub industry during the 90's and my GM was a serious addict. So I know what to look for and what the signs are of someone who does coke regularly. I also heard from 2 different sources that she is indeed a user.

So my question to you guys is, can a relationship like that ever work?? Or is it doomed to fail??
I did some research and addicts most of the time will pick their drug over their mate. Maybe not right away but in due time.

Opinions??
 
Signs point to trouble.
 
Desert Storm said:
So I met this beautiful, gorgeous girl. She's a real-estate agent here in Toronto, she's hard-working and makes over $150K a year because she's really good at selling. She is in her mid 20's, I'm in my mid 40's. We hit it off as soon as we met. Call it love at first sight or whatever.

Everything is perfect, except for the fact she likes to do cocaine once or twice a week. I personally DESPISE drugs in all its forms, especially cocaine. I worked as a tarbender in the nightclub industry during the 90's and my GM was a serious addict. So I know what to look for and what the signs are of someone who does coke regularly. I also heard from 2 different sources that she is indeed a user.

So my question to you guys is, can a relationship like that ever work?? Or is it doomed to fail??
I did some research and addicts most of the time will pick their drug over their mate. Maybe not right away but in due time.

Opinions??
Click to expand...

when u date some1 like that u too could get in trouble if shes caught w/ the drugs.
 
Desert Storm said:
So I met this beautiful, gorgeous girl. She's a real-estate agent here in Toronto, she's hard-working and makes over $150K a year because she's really good at selling. She is in her mid 20's, I'm in my mid 40's. We hit it off as soon as we met. Call it love at first sight or whatever.

Everything is perfect, except for the fact she likes to do cocaine once or twice a week. I personally DESPISE drugs in all its forms, especially cocaine. I worked as a tarbender in the nightclub industry during the 90's and my GM was a serious addict. So I know what to look for and what the signs are of someone who does coke regularly. I also heard from 2 different sources that she is indeed a user.

So my question to you guys is, can a relationship like that ever work?? Or is it doomed to fail??
I did some research and addicts most of the time will pick their drug over their mate. Maybe not right away but in due time.

Opinions??
Click to expand...

Yeah, that relationship is bound to fail.
 
Desert Storm said:
So I met this beautiful, gorgeous girl. She's a real-estate agent here in Toronto, she's hard-working and makes over $150K a year because she's really good at selling. She is in her mid 20's, I'm in my mid 40's. We hit it off as soon as we met. Call it love at first sight or whatever.

Everything is perfect, except for the fact she likes to do cocaine once or twice a week. I personally DESPISE drugs in all its forms, especially cocaine. I worked as a tarbender in the nightclub industry during the 90's and my GM was a serious addict. So I know what to look for and what the signs are of someone who does coke regularly. I also heard from 2 different sources that she is indeed a user.

So my question to you guys is, can a relationship like that ever work?? Or is it doomed to fail??
I did some research and addicts most of the time will pick their drug over their mate. Maybe not right away but in due time.

Opinions??
Click to expand...

Once or twice a week? Based on the title, I was picturing some strung out druggie.

If that bothers you, move on. Personally, I have no issue at all with it.
 
Sorry to say I agree with the others.
 
americanwoman said:
Once or twice a week? Based on the title, I was picturing some strung out druggie.
Click to expand...

I'm wondering if that's what she just told him that's how much she did it. Because if that's what happened, I bet she's probably not being truthful about how much she's doing it.
 
Desert Storm said:
So I met this beautiful, gorgeous girl. She's a real-estate agent here in Toronto, she's hard-working and makes over $150K a year because she's really good at selling. She is in her mid 20's, I'm in my mid 40's. We hit it off as soon as we met. Call it love at first sight or whatever.

Everything is perfect, except for the fact she likes to do cocaine once or twice a week. I personally DESPISE drugs in all its forms, especially cocaine. I worked as a tarbender in the nightclub industry during the 90's and my GM was a serious addict. So I know what to look for and what the signs are of someone who does coke regularly. I also heard from 2 different sources that she is indeed a user.

So my question to you guys is, can a relationship like that ever work?? Or is it doomed to fail??
I did some research and addicts most of the time will pick their drug over their mate. Maybe not right away but in due time.

Opinions??
Click to expand...

The nature of the girl and how long she has been using matters a lot. Sure it could work, she could be the kind of person who uses drugs only so long as they help, and you could decide that is OK.
 
You can drop her now, or after your car gets confiscated by the narcs and some guy called Bubba is making you his girlfriend while waiting to see the judge. Your call.
 
Desert Storm said:
So I met this beautiful, gorgeous girl. She's a real-estate agent here in Toronto, she's hard-working and makes over $150K a year because she's really good at selling. She is in her mid 20's, I'm in my mid 40's. We hit it off as soon as we met. Call it love at first sight or whatever.

Everything is perfect, except for the fact she likes to do cocaine once or twice a week. I personally DESPISE drugs in all its forms, especially cocaine. I worked as a tarbender in the nightclub industry during the 90's and my GM was a serious addict. So I know what to look for and what the signs are of someone who does coke regularly. I also heard from 2 different sources that she is indeed a user.

So my question to you guys is, can a relationship like that ever work?? Or is it doomed to fail??
I did some research and addicts most of the time will pick their drug over their mate. Maybe not right away but in due time.

Opinions??
Click to expand...

1. As has been pointed out, you can get caught up with a crime/possession with her.

2. Is she open and honest about it? If not, the trust issue will probably be a theme.

3. There are people who operate a long time using even harder drugs recreationally. It's not always an end-all be-all but it is more of a gamble.

4. How much are you willing to invest of yourself, emotionally, into it despite what you know?

5. Coming here to ask sounds like you already know your answer but your feelings are making it hard on you to actually take that last step.
 
I've only dated her for a few weeks now so I cant say for sure, but my guess is she's more of a weekend social user. We went house hunting for 12 days in a row, and she only missed one day (a saturday).

Problem is I'm crazy in love with her. I got the classic butterflies in my stomach, I dont sleep well, My appetite is a lot less, and can't stop thinking about her. Somebody once told me you can't really help who you fall in love with and I can vouch for that, its certainly true (at least for me)
 
Tell her you will only see her on days when she doesn't do cocaine. See how she reacts to that. Otherwise, what the others said.
 
Fishking said:
1. As has been pointed out, you can get caught up with a crime/possession with her.

2. Is she open and honest about it? If not, the trust issue will probably be a theme.

3. There are people who operate a long time using even harder drugs recreationally. It's not always an end-all be-all but it is more of a gamble.

4. How much are you willing to invest of yourself, emotionally, into it despite what you know?

5. Coming here to ask sounds like you already know your answer but your feelings are making it hard on you to actually take that last step
Click to expand...
1. The topic hasnt been brought up yet. So I dont know how honest she would be.

4. I'd have to say at this point its almost to late to turn back. I'm basically an addict to her right now...LOL (pun not intended).
 
Desert Storm said:
I've only dated her for a few weeks now so I cant say for sure, but my guess is she's more of a weekend social user. We went house hunting for 12 days in a row, and she only missed one day (a saturday).
Click to expand...

Well you also need to consider that Cocaine is a very addictive substance, and even occasionally doing it can lead to regular use.

First Time Cocaine Use | Does Cocaine Addiction Happen Quickly?

Problem is I'm crazy in love with her. I got the classic butterflies in my stomach, I dont sleep well, My appetite is a lot less, and can't stop thinking about her. Somebody once told me you can't really help who you fall in love with and I can vouch for that, its certainly true (at least for me)
Click to expand...

That's true: you can't help who you fall in love with. But if you are truly madly in love with this girl, then you should probably try to convince her to stop doing it. Because if you don't address it now, your relationship with her might just end up spiraling out of control.
 
Desert Storm said:
1. The topic hasnt been brought up yet. So I dont know how honest she would be.

4. I'd have to say at this point its almost to late to turn back. I'm basically an addict to her right now...LOL (pun not intended).
Click to expand...

Yup...that's the tough part. It's not uncommon for people to act in a self-destructive manner because of their emotional ties and it seems like you're aware of this so no real need to reiterate. Your answer there seems to touch on my #5 and that you know what the right answer (intellectually) is but you can't make yourself do it (emotionally).

I can't say what choice is the best or not. Everyone makes their own choices off of their own experiences. If you have any kids, though, I'd ask that you consider them in your thought process and what it would do to them if you got caught up in something that spun out of control.
 
Desert Storm said:
So I met this beautiful, gorgeous girl. She's a real-estate agent here in Toronto, she's hard-working and makes over $150K a year because she's really good at selling. She is in her mid 20's, I'm in my mid 40's. We hit it off as soon as we met. Call it love at first sight or whatever.

Everything is perfect, except for the fact she likes to do cocaine once or twice a week. I personally DESPISE drugs in all its forms, especially cocaine. I worked as a tarbender in the nightclub industry during the 90's and my GM was a serious addict. So I know what to look for and what the signs are of someone who does coke regularly. I also heard from 2 different sources that she is indeed a user.

So my question to you guys is, can a relationship like that ever work?? Or is it doomed to fail??
I did some research and addicts most of the time will pick their drug over their mate. Maybe not right away but in due time.

Opinions??
Click to expand...

Frankly if you're asking the question the relationhip is in trouble
 
Desert Storm said:
Problem is I'm crazy in love with her. I got the classic butterflies in my stomach, I dont sleep well, My appetite is a lot less, and can't stop thinking about her. Somebody once told me you can't really help who you fall in love with and I can vouch for that, its certainly true (at least for me)
Click to expand...

That's probably mostly your johnson and hormones talking. Just sayin'.
 
TheGoverness said:
That's true: you can't help who you fall in love with. But if you are truly madly in love with this girl, then you should probably try to convince her to stop doing it. Because if you don't address it now, your relationship with her might just end up spiraling out of control.
Click to expand...

Yup...love would be doing the hard thing to confront her addiction and try and help her escape from it, even if those efforts cost your relationship in the end. Love and staying together just so you can continue to shag.
 
Fishking said:
Yup...that's the tough part. It's not uncommon for people to act in a self-destructive manner because of their emotional ties and it seems like you're aware of this so no real need to reiterate. Your answer there seems to touch on my #5 and that you know what the right answer (intellectually) is but you can't make yourself do it (emotionally)
Click to expand...
That is SPOT ON!!

Part of me keeps thinking that maybe she'll grow out of drug use eventually as she gets older. I looked into rehab stats and their success rate is not very good. Only 5% stay clean long-term, that means she has a 95% chance for failure
 
There actually are people who just use cocaine recreationally with no problems or addictions. So just because she uses it doesn't mean she is addicted. Once or twice a week, however, is right on that line of what I might consider an addiction. If she feels she needs it to get through the day that is when the problems occur. I personally wouldn't recommend getting involved with someone who is chemically dependent, be it cocaine or alcohol or whatever.
 
your future with this woman:
the sex will be great ... for a while, anyway
you will have no money

i came within a gnat's eyelash of marrying such a woman
fabulous in every other way
she earned $150,000 a year ... in 1979
trouble was, she spent $160,000 a year

narrowly escaped being caught up in her multiple bankruptcies
the sex was amazing
but still not worth it


rent it
DON'T buy it
 
Desert Storm said:
So I met this beautiful, gorgeous girl. She's a real-estate agent here in Toronto, she's hard-working and makes over $150K a year because she's really good at selling. She is in her mid 20's, I'm in my mid 40's. We hit it off as soon as we met. Call it love at first sight or whatever.

Everything is perfect, except for the fact she likes to do cocaine once or twice a week. I personally DESPISE drugs in all its forms, especially cocaine. I worked as a tarbender in the nightclub industry during the 90's and my GM was a serious addict. So I know what to look for and what the signs are of someone who does coke regularly. I also heard from 2 different sources that she is indeed a user.

So my question to you guys is, can a relationship like that ever work?? Or is it doomed to fail??
I did some research and addicts most of the time will pick their drug over their mate. Maybe not right away but in due time.

Opinions??
Click to expand...


Ex-cop. Live in an area afloat in meth. Seen a-plenty.

1. Most addicts don't quit and stay quit.

2. Addictions usually get worse, not better.

3. Eventually functional addicts become nonfunctional addicts, all too often.

4. Yes they will probably choose their drug over you, even after decades of marriage.

5. In the long term addiction affects cognition in fundamental ways, and tends to bring their worst traits out and destroy most of the good.

6. Eventually most reach a point where NOTHING matters except their next fix... not their spouse, not their children, not their life.


Which drug doesn't really matter. I've seen similar patterns with alcohol, prescription painkillers, crack, meth... weed seems to be less of a problem than most things but once they pass "wake n bake" stage it can get bad too.


I knew a wonderful woman, a devoted wife and mother, who turned into a monster. When hubby confronted her about her addiction she tried to kill him. She lost everything.

I knew a man who was a devoted and doting grandpa... now his grandkids are lucky if he bothers to make it to their birthday or notice they exist once in a while.

Knew people who seemed fine upstanding folk who eventually ended up in prison for robbery, trying to feed that addiction.


IMHO, do not walk, RUN far far away.
 
I doubt you would listen to this because i have been in a related position.

Nevertheless as someone who has spent years taking care of someone with excessive problems I will try to spare you years of hassle.

For your own sake leave her asap.

Acknowledging that you are in love with her is clear indication you are self aware enough to realize your judgement is clouded.

The only thing left is to gather the willpower to act in your own best interest.

Or go down the other road that most likely leads to a very bad place.

Good luck. I eventually succeeded in getting away myself. It cost me more than I could have imagined.

I will pray for you to not have to go through what I did.
 
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