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Dating a cocaine addict

Desert Storm said:
So I met this beautiful, gorgeous girl. She's a real-estate agent here in Toronto, she's hard-working and makes over $150K a year because she's really good at selling. She is in her mid 20's, I'm in my mid 40's. We hit it off as soon as we met. Call it love at first sight or whatever.

Everything is perfect, except for the fact she likes to do cocaine once or twice a week. I personally DESPISE drugs in all its forms, especially cocaine. I worked as a tarbender in the nightclub industry during the 90's and my GM was a serious addict. So I know what to look for and what the signs are of someone who does coke regularly. I also heard from 2 different sources that she is indeed a user.

So my question to you guys is, can a relationship like that ever work?? Or is it doomed to fail??
I did some research and addicts most of the time will pick their drug over their mate. Maybe not right away but in due time.

Opinions??
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It seems to me that you don't know for certain she does actually use cocaine yet. Gossip happens. Two sources could just be repeating a lie that someone else made. If she actually does use cocaine , to me, that's a deal breaker. People gossiping about her cocaine use does not mean she actually .

ANything stronger than pot would be a deal breaker for me.
 
Desert Storm said:
So I met this beautiful, gorgeous girl. She's a real-estate agent here in Toronto, she's hard-working and makes over $150K a year because she's really good at selling. She is in her mid 20's, I'm in my mid 40's. We hit it off as soon as we met. Call it love at first sight or whatever.

Everything is perfect, except for the fact she likes to do cocaine once or twice a week. I personally DESPISE drugs in all its forms, especially cocaine. I worked as a tarbender in the nightclub industry during the 90's and my GM was a serious addict. So I know what to look for and what the signs are of someone who does coke regularly. I also heard from 2 different sources that she is indeed a user.

So my question to you guys is, can a relationship like that ever work?? Or is it doomed to fail??
I did some research and addicts most of the time will pick their drug over their mate. Maybe not right away but in due time.

Opinions??
Click to expand...

You are dating a woman half your age.

She will dump you soonish. But what the hell, good while it lasts.
 
Goshin said:
Or he could just stick his dick in a rattlesnake pit, about the same level of risk.


Seriously, there are more fish in the fracking sea!
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It sounds like they both like their nose in crack. One likes the powdered kind, the other likes the vertical kind. :lol::lol:
 
Tim the plumber said:

You are dating a woman half your age.

She will dump you soonish. But what the hell, good while it lasts.
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I still haven't figured out whether he is bragging or complaining.
 
Tim the plumber said:

You are dating a woman half your age.

She will dump you soonish. But what the hell, good while it lasts
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You have no idea.

As I said before, I'm generally a very young looking Dutch guy.
Blonde hair, blue eyes. And people judge me to be around 32 or 33.

So age was never really an issue.
Age isnt the problem, its the last of my problems
 
Desert Storm said:
Thats what I'm hoping for. Fortunately I know the warning signs when someone sinks too deep into drug use, so I should be able to see it coming
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Ok this is silly.
Just go out find a brick wall and bash your head against it until you pass out.
You will NOT be happy with this girl, you will just enjoy some moments of ecstasy but since you made it clear you are NOT Ok with the drug use you cannot be happy with this woman.
Now if you said I dont really like her drug use you may have been OK but you said you DESPISE it. GAME OVER!!!!!
Stop thinking with your little head, that never ends well.
 
Desert Storm said:
I think its actually closer to once a week (weekends). I'm aboot 70 to 80% sure.
2 other people have told me this, plus she constantly has a running nose (or maybe thats allergies??).

I wont know for sure until she confides in me, and we arent that far into the relationship yet
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A runny nose means she snorts it, and is indicative of heavy use. I would bet its more than twice a week. My last boss before I started my own company was a heavy user of coke, and he had violent mood swings and extreme paranoia. Needles to say I quit after a few months to start my own business.
 
PoS said:
A runny nose means she snorts it, and is indicative of heavy use. I would bet its more than twice a week. My last boss before I started my own company was a heavy user of coke, and he had violent mood swings and extreme paranoia. Needles to say I quit after a few months to start my own business.
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It also could be a cold, allergies (it's that season), or other reasons too. There are other causes for a runny nose. It could be she has allergies, and the cocaine rumor was because of her runny nose. It also could be because of , yes, she is a cocaine user.
 
Desert Storm said:
So I met this beautiful, gorgeous girl. She's a real-estate agent here in Toronto, she's hard-working and makes over $150K a year because she's really good at selling. She is in her mid 20's, I'm in my mid 40's. We hit it off as soon as we met. Call it love at first sight or whatever.

Everything is perfect, except for the fact she likes to do cocaine once or twice a week. I personally DESPISE drugs in all its forms, especially cocaine. I worked as a tarbender in the nightclub industry during the 90's and my GM was a serious addict. So I know what to look for and what the signs are of someone who does coke regularly. I also heard from 2 different sources that she is indeed a user.

So my question to you guys is, can a relationship like that ever work?? Or is it doomed to fail??
I did some research and addicts most of the time will pick their drug over their mate. Maybe not right away but in due time.

Opinions??
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I'm sorry to hear that. It sucks to be totally head over heals (especially if it's mutual) and have a cement wall in front of your relationship. My guess? She's already chosen the drug. I've met absolute fiends. She doesn't sound like one. However, if she can't/won't stop for a few months minimum for you, you know the drugs are more important, and given the choice... Sorry...
 
Form post 80;
Originally Posted by Tim the plumber View Post

You are dating a woman half your age.

She will dump you soonish. But what the hell, good while it lasts
Click to expand...



Desert Storm said:
You have no idea.

As I said before, I'm generally a very young looking Dutch guy.
Blonde hair, blue eyes. And people judge me to be around 32 or 33.

So age was never really an issue.
Age isnt the problem, its the last of my problems
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From post 79;

Originally Posted by Tim the plumber View Post

You are dating a woman half your age.

She will dump you soonish. But what the hell, good while it lasts.
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How come the full stop (period for the US people) has vanished in post 80???
 
Writing from my firsthand experiences, having lived 60 years, having fathered children from three women (all much younger than me), and having made the pursuit of romance a high priority in life, I predict the following:

1. In the early phase of this new relationship, you feel intensely invigorated and the two of you have immeasurable fun!

2. If the relationship blossoms into commitment and cohabitation, and she continues to use, you might still have fun, but you can count on problems and heartbreak.

3. In time, unless she recognizes how "her using" factors into the relationship AND succeeds at totally stopping her use, fun basically becomes non-existent in the relationship... the relationship continues to worsen until you break up.
 
Once or twice a week does not indicate physical dependence or psychological addiction. The opposite, in fact. Despite all that's said about it, cocaine isn't that much more addictive than alcohol. (I think the last time I had stats in front of me, something like 16% of alcohol users become addicted and 20-21% of cocaine users become addicted. So yeah, it's riskier. But not by a tremendous margin)*.

All of which is beside the point, because....

Desert Storm said:
So I met this beautiful, gorgeous girl. She's a real-estate agent here in Toronto, she's hard-working and makes over $150K a year because she's really good at selling. She is in her mid 20's, I'm in my mid 40's. We hit it off as soon as we met. Call it love at first sight or whatever.

Everything is perfect, except for the fact she likes to do cocaine once or twice a week. I personally DESPISE drugs in all its forms, especially cocaine. I worked as a tarbender in the nightclub industry during the 90's and my GM was a serious addict. So I know what to look for and what the signs are of someone who does coke regularly. I also heard from 2 different sources that she is indeed a user.

So my question to you guys is, can a relationship like that ever work?? Or is it doomed to fail??
I did some research and addicts most of the time will pick their drug over their mate. Maybe not right away but in due time.

Opinions??
Click to expand...

...that.









* Contrast https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11927172

"Most of the observed cases of cocaine dependence met criteria for dependence within three years after initial cocaine use. Whereas some 15-16% of cocaine users had developed cocaine dependence within 10 years of first cocaine use, the corresponding values were about 8% for marijuana users, and 12-13% for alcohol users. The most novel findings of this study document a noteworthy risk for quickly developing cocaine dependence after initial cocaine use, with about one in 16 to 20 cocaine users becoming dependent within the first year of cocaine use. For marijuana and alcohol, there is a more insidious onset of the drug dependence syndrome."
 
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Binary_Digit said:
Once or twice a week is NOT an addict. Does drinking one or two nights a week make one an alcoholic? No.

There is a risk that 1.) she actually uses more often than that and isn't being totally forthcoming, or 2.) she could allow it to escalate from occasional recreation to addiction over time.

Absent of those risks, it's totally up to YOU how it affects the relationship. You either need to kick the stigma about occasional use and appreciate everything else she has to offer, or decide now that it's a deal-breaker and go find someone else. I don't recommend demanding that she stop if it really is just an occasional recreational thing that's not actually causing any tangible problems. I can see that leading to resentment towards you and she might end up sneaking it without your knowledge, which would lead to trust issues.
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Sadly, drug use is one of those subjects that it is hard to have a rational fact-based discussion about. Much like abortion, many people seem to have picked up (or had instilled in them via government propaganda, furthered by portrayals in TV/movies/etc) an inflexible view that if the government calls a drug illegal, that means it's really really bad. (Not that the optics of snorting powder are particularly endearing). And because substance addiction is a very real thing that affects a lot of people, many people only know drug users-as-addicts. If one of their friends or family members occasionally gets high, is not an addict, but does not talk about it....well, chances are you would never know it. But if Bob is always fall-down drunk after an evening together, alcohol abuse and/or addiction will be fairly obvious. Naturally, if that happens to someone close to you, your opinion on substances is going to take on an emotional overtones that make it even hard to have an objective discussion about the issue.

Or, for example, people have cops or prosecutors as friends/family. They too will only hear about the worst cases for the same reason. If a person isn't an addict and doesn't talk about whatever they're up to, nobody is going to know.
 
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PoS said:
A runny nose means she snorts it, and is indicative of heavy use. I would bet its more than twice a week. My last boss before I started my own company was a heavy user of coke, and he had violent mood swings and extreme paranoia. Needles to say I quit after a few months to start my own business
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You mean he was using every day?? How on earth can someone do that??
From what I've read cocaine causes extremely nasty hangovers
 
Desert Storm said:
You mean he was using every day?? How on earth can someone do that??
From what I've read cocaine causes extremely nasty hangovers
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Well, the essence of psychological addiction is continued use despite negative consequences.


I'm guessing his cure for a cocaine hangover is cocaine.
 
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