• This is a political forum that is non-biased/non-partisan and treats every person's position on topics equally. This debate forum is not aligned to any political party. In today's politics, many ideas are split between and even within all the political parties. Often we find ourselves agreeing on one platform but some topics break our mold. We are here to discuss them in a civil political debate. If this is your first visit to our political forums, be sure to check out the RULES. Registering for debate politics is necessary before posting. Register today to participate - it's free!

A question for the men of DP

Does she let you go up the stairs first so she can stare at your ass? If not.............. INEQUALITY!!! :2razz:

I see you didn't get my point at all...
 
Not the same thing. I hate diet coke (I need to think of a better example, but she just ran out of diet coke :lol:) but if I am in a bad mood, she will do things to cheer me up, etc. Each of us having their own preferences.

Which is exactly what I'm saying. Just because I prefer that a guy open the car door for me doesn't mean that I'm being treated like a "lesser being". It makes me feel good. It makes HIM feel good. I would feel odd opening HIS car door for him unless he was injured in some way. And he wouldn't like that either. It doesn't have to be the same exact action in order for men and women to be "equal".
 
In that specific case, the lack of caffeine was giving my wife a splitting headache and she was in no condition to drive. Plus it made her smile.

The difference between it is, in the chivalry code, a woman would never be expected to hold the door for a man, order for a man, take her coat off if the man is cold, etc. There is no reciprocation and thus no equality.

Not direct reciprocity, but again, women do many similar things for men, thus keeping the balance. I think we are at the point of potatoes, potahtoes mega. You seem a very considerate husband from the information you have posted. If your wife doesn't expect these things of you, it's all good. That some women appreciate the gesture, doesn't mean they are lesser beings.

It's the little things that add to a relationship that make it special. We may not notice their absence, but we do take note of their presence.
 
I was brought up traditionally. Not American but European. I was brought up to a gentleman in that fashion (just look at my picture). I treated all women with respect and deference. However once a woman showed me she was no lady, she was treated the same as everyone.

In my family the women are all treated with respect and given the "dignity of their sex". They have in almost everything an equal voice.

When I dated I acted the same way. Old fashioned. This did not work real well.

when i met my wife, she was more open but she was more liberal than me. I treat her as an equal and a lady as my upbringing taught me. She is also an modern woman so although she likes flowers or having doors openned she has no objection to doing it herself or for me from time to time.

She knows I hate to shop so that is not an issue.

As my wife I would bend over backwards for her if she asked.
 
Which is exactly what I'm saying. Just because I prefer that a guy open the car door for me doesn't mean that I'm being treated like a "lesser being". It makes me feel good. It makes HIM feel good. It doesn't have to be the same exact action in order for men and women to be "equal".

Seriously Josie, are you this dense? Chivalry is a formal system based on the inequality of women, what you are arguing for is some modern interpretation of it.

Geez.
 
Not direct reciprocity, but again, women do many similar things for men, thus keeping the balance. I think we are at the point of potatoes, potahtoes mega. You seem a very considerate husband from the information you have posted. If your wife doesn't expect these things of you, it's all good. That some women appreciate the gesture, doesn't mean they are lesser beings.

It's the little things that add to a relationship that make it special. We may not notice their absence, but we do take note of their presence.

Yes, thanks for telling me the obvious.
 
Coming on in the beginning of the dating phase with too much chivalry or charm appears lacking in confidence and insecure to many women. It hasn't worked for me. You can be pleasant, witty and attentive without falling into the friend zone. I'd say be yourself because trying too hard to be some Prince or White Knight is going to wear thin and not last.

Men and women vary too much individually to say there is a set of rules that work universally for every relationship. My parents were everything fighting, kind, fair, caring, humorous, frustrated, anxious and it took all those emotions to make their marriage work, but mostly it was a commitment of love and mutual respect.
 
Define feminists, and then tell me about the household that has no man in it. Good Lord. The Middle Ages called and is missing a village idiot.

Welcome to 2012.



I'm a woman and I detest shopping. I make a list, go get what I want and get the hell out. Surely not all women have a "thing" for recreational shopping. Bleh.



I can't imagine why! ;) :lol:

My wife used to be into retail therapy, but she doesn't shop like she used to. She knows if she's going out to slap the racks, I'm not going.
 
In that specific case, the lack of caffeine was giving my wife a splitting headache and she was in no condition to drive. Plus it made her smile.

The difference between it is, in the chivalry code, a woman would never be expected to hold the door for a man, order for a man, take her coat off if the man is cold, etc. There is no reciprocation and thus no equality.

There is plenty of reciprocation potential. For example my wife clips and lights my cigar and offers and makes my drinks. In return, I'll offer her dark and specialty chocolates making certain they are always stocked and only the best, even will remove the wrapper for her. I'll stand when she brings it, but wait for her to sit first. She will wait until I have parked the car (unless she was driving) to not enter until I arrive, then I'll open the door, yet after she steps inside she will stop, step aside for me to enter. All of it is 2-way in relation to it all.
 
Seriously Josie, are you this dense? Chivalry is a formal system based on the inequality of women, what you are arguing for is some modern interpretation of it.

Geez.

Mega, why are you getting so damn upset and rude? That might have been the definition back in the Dark Ages, but this is 2012. I don't think I've dated a guy that didn't open doors for me. And NONE of them thought of me as some "lesser being" as you seem to think these men do. Things DO change.

I don't think I'll respond to you again on this thread, mega, since you're at the point where you feel you need to insult me. Ciao.
 
Last edited:
Mega, why are you getting so damn upset and rude? That might have been the definition back in the Dark Ages, but this is 2012. I don't think I've dated a guy that didn't open doors for me. And NONE of them thought of me as some "lesser being" as you seem to think these men do. Things DO change.

I don't think I'll respond to you again on this thread, mega, since you're at the point where you feel you need to insult me. Ciao.



I open doors. Bring flowers and do all those things. I enjoy it.
 
I open the door for her, I take her on the long drives she loves, I remain patient while she takes time for a picture of a sumptuous meal, I get back out of bed when she wants me to check that the doors are locked. Lots of other things. Mostly, I just love her for the person she is.

Yes, it takes being patient sometimes, doesn't it?
 
Not the same thing. I hate diet coke (I need to think of a better example, but she just ran out of diet coke :lol:) but if I am in a bad mood, she will do things to cheer me up, etc. Each of us having their own preferences.

Ok, well that's true for everyone. Why suggest, then, that the preferences of others is wanting to be treated like a lessor person? It is quite possible to have respect for a woman as an equal, but also show her how much you appreciate her and how you want to make her feel special.
 
I like to let my wife go up the stairs first so I can stare at her ass. She knows this and enjoys that I enjoy it. :)

The old rule is women go up first, men go down first. That is so if she trips you can catch her, and if you trip you don't knock her down.
 
Seriously Josie, are you this dense? Chivalry is a formal system based on the inequality of women, what you are arguing for is some modern interpretation of it.

Geez.

Mega? Really? :(
 
Seriously Josie, are you this dense? Chivalry is a formal system based on the inequality of women, what you are arguing for is some modern interpretation of it.

Geez.

She's not dense at all. What's the matter with you, today?
 
Equality =/= Sameness in all things.
 
I was brought up traditionally. Not American but European. I was brought up to a gentleman in that fashion (just look at my picture). I treated all women with respect and deference. However once a woman showed me she was no lady, she was treated the same as everyone.

In my family the women are all treated with respect and given the "dignity of their sex". They have in almost everything an equal voice.

When I dated I acted the same way. Old fashioned. This did not work real well.

when i met my wife, she was more open but she was more liberal than me. I treat her as an equal and a lady as my upbringing taught me. She is also an modern woman so although she likes flowers or having doors openned she has no objection to doing it herself or for me from time to time.

She knows I hate to shop so that is not an issue.

As my wife I would bend over backwards for her if she asked.


That is interesting. In old ediquette, if a woman did not act lady-like, the rules somewhat reduced, but not entirely, as the showing by the man is about his nature in general. The reason it reduced is so the man's actions then aren't oppressive.

Since I started acting this way, I have noticed not one woman has objected and seem to like it. If I offer a woman my arm or hand as she goes down wide stairs at a restaurant - without exception they all will take it, smile and say thank you.

HOWEVER, a man should NEVER conduct himself that way if that woman is with another man if he doesn't. That would be showing him up and, in a sense, like trying to steal his woman. Either her own man offers him his arm or not.
 
Seriously Josie, are you this dense? Chivalry is a formal system based on the inequality of women, what you are arguing for is some modern interpretation of it.

Geez.

As soon as men can go thru pregnancy and labor too, then we can work on "equality."
 
She's not dense at all. What's the matter with you, today?

She is deliberately not getting the point I am making, its annoying.
 
She is deliberately not getting the point I am making, its annoying.

Really? It seems the opposite to me.

Look, you've said you do certain things for your wife, is that treating her as a lessor?
 
Seriously Josie, are you this dense? Chivalry is a formal system based on the inequality of women, what you are arguing for is some modern interpretation of it.

Geez.



Not really. Originally "chivalry" was a code of conduct for gentlemen (knights) about how they ought to conduct themselves in an honorable way. Chivalrous behavior towards women was based on being gentle and considerate as opposed to rough and careless.... a decided improvement in a brutal culture and time where one of the "perks" of military service was raping the women when you took a city.

It evolved over time, particularly influenced by Southern French (langued'oil, iirc) notions of romantic love and so on, into a code of conduct of men towards women where men were not to use their advantages of strength, authority, etc to abuse or mistreat women... at least ideally.

In more recent times (19th-20th century) it continued to evolve into a set of courtesies and social behaviors that served various purposes, among them getting men to treat women decently and respectfully as opposed to roughly and brutally.

The word "chivalry" or "chivalrous" is actually out of date and anachronistic but is still used to denote courteous behavior towards women, particular in regards certain particular behaviors like holding doors and whatnot.

But in any case, my point is that "chivalry" is not something evil and domineering.... quite the opposite.
 
Back
Top Bottom