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Fate of the incapacitated and alone?

SDET

SDET

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I had an old friend that I met over thirty years ago and haven't contacted in nine years call and text me. It turns out that she was hitting me up for money, but I digress.
Her husband had a stroke two or three years ago and now she wants to divorce him. He is non-verbal and his level of communication is such that he makes the shape of a square with his fingers if he wants a cookie. I get the idea that their daughter in her mid thirties doesn't want to be bothered. Apparently neither do his blood relatives. He is in Florida. What is the most likely outcome from his perspective if everyone washes their hands of him?
 
SDET said:
I had an old friend that I met over thirty years ago and haven't contacted in nine years call and text me. It turns out that she was hitting me up for money, but I digress.
Her husband had a stroke two or three years ago and now she wants to divorce him. He is non-verbal and his level of communication is such that he makes the shape of a square with his fingers if he wants a cookie. I get the idea that their daughter in her mid thirties doesn't want to be bothered. Apparently neither do his blood relatives. He is in Florida. What is the most likely outcome from his perspective if everyone washes their hands of him?
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From what I've seen in several instances, an incapacitated person ends up in a state facility if family can't or won't care for them.
 
Chomsky said:
From what I've seen in several instances, an incapacitated person ends up in a state facility if family can't or won't care for them.
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I wonder what state facilities are like in Florida.
 
SDET said:
I had an old friend that I met over thirty years ago and haven't contacted in nine years call and text me. It turns out that she was hitting me up for money, but I digress.
Her husband had a stroke two or three years ago and now she wants to divorce him. He is non-verbal and his level of communication is such that he makes the shape of a square with his fingers if he wants a cookie. I get the idea that their daughter in her mid thirties doesn't want to be bothered. Apparently neither do his blood relatives. He is in Florida. What is the most likely outcome from his perspective if everyone washes their hands of him?
Click to expand...

Like Chomsky said probably a state hospital. Maybe the mission temporarily.
 
SDET said:
I had an old friend that I met over thirty years ago and haven't contacted in nine years call and text me. It turns out that she was hitting me up for money, but I digress.
Her husband had a stroke two or three years ago and now she wants to divorce him. He is non-verbal and his level of communication is such that he makes the shape of a square with his fingers if he wants a cookie. I get the idea that their daughter in her mid thirties doesn't want to be bothered. Apparently neither do his blood relatives. He is in Florida. What is the most likely outcome from his perspective if everyone washes their hands of him?
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Nice family. (said no one ever)
 
Medicaid spending down his assets and putting him in the cheapest nursing home known mankind where he will die stinking like piss.

100 percent that's what will happen
 
SDET said:
I had an old friend that I met over thirty years ago and haven't contacted in nine years call and text me. It turns out that she was hitting me up for money, but I digress.
Her husband had a stroke two or three years ago and now she wants to divorce him. He is non-verbal and his level of communication is such that he makes the shape of a square with his fingers if he wants a cookie. I get the idea that their daughter in her mid thirties doesn't want to be bothered. Apparently neither do his blood relatives. He is in Florida. What is the most likely outcome from his perspective if everyone washes their hands of him?
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Here's the Florida Dept. of Elder Affairs website. There are resources that your friend's husband will qualify for since he will be eligible for Medicaid. I hope that your friend or his daughter have enough empathy to help him transition into a long term care facility. Social Services can be a big help to all of them.

Florida Department of Elder Affairs - Program of All-Inclusive Care for the Elderly (PACE)

They can also call the statewide Elder Helpline at 1-800-96-ELDER for immediate assistance.

I'm not sure how it works in Florida, but in my state there are no 'State' hospitals or long-term care facilities. Every skilled nursing home must accept a certain percentage of medicaid or Title 19 patients. It's likely he will end up a resident in a regular skilled nursing home.

Florida Department of Elder Affairs - Program of All-Inclusive Care for the Elderly (PACE)
 
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On this one particular issue, I find Asian culture superior to Western culture. It's traditionally been seen as disgraceful to not personally care for a family member who has fallen on hard times, or become an invalid. There's an East Indian man who appears to be in his 80s or 90s that walks around my neighborhood, most of the time he appears to be mumbling to himself, some neighbors believe he's praying. This man's family makes sure he's fed and kept clean, and he always wears an immaculately white traditional Indian outfit of clothing, and matching white turban.

People who discard their family members due to the misfortune of illness or injury are just trash. We're all going to get old some day.
 
Back in college, she and her husband were my best friends. This whole circumstance makes me sick to my stomach.
 
way too many families are having to deal with these issues

and it isnt easy, especially when the person has alzheimers or dementia...and or major medical needs

as we continue to live longer and longer, a lot of us are becoming burdens on our loved ones....

we dont necessarily mean to, it just happens

my mother passed from a sudden brain tumor a number of years back....and there was no way my dad could live alone

so he moved in with me and my wife....everything went well until he also got sick, and was diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma 4 years later

the chemo kicked his ass....he was almost an invalid....we got a nurse to come in and help....and even with our financial means, it got pretty tight as the insurance wasnt covering all the hospital bills

i know living longer is a major blessing to some...but i think it also comes with downfalls for others....and if the kids were already struggling financially and then now try to take on a parent....it can be extremely difficult to do...
 
SDET said:
Back in college, she and her husband were my best friends. This whole circumstance makes me sick to my stomach.
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Don't let emotions get in the way of getting her in the sack.Everyone still has needs.
 
gdgyva said:
the chemo kicked his ass....he was almost an invalid....we got a nurse to come in and help....and even with our financial means, it got pretty tight as the insurance wasnt covering all the hospital bills
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The argument for universal health care.
 
She apparently has taken up with a Cuban boyfriend. It's none of my business. The disappointing part is essentially losing two old friends. He is no longer the person he was and she is apparently only interested in money. My approach has been to be as courteous as possible, but not send her any money. She stopped responding when I asked why he isn't getting SSDI. He has a good solid work history.

gulfman said:
Don't let emotions get in the way of getting her in the sack.Everyone still has needs.
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SDET said:
Back in college, she and her husband were my best friends. This whole circumstance makes me sick to my stomach.
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It happens, but worse than you can imagine. When these circumstances happen to people that have saved all their lives, never ran credit card debt, paid their taxes and own a small home end up losing everything if one becomes incapacitated.
 
They weren't the kind to accumulate assets. I think they spent lot of their money on their daughter's education. They had no interest whatsoever in extravagance. He was happiest under the hood of a car.

HumblePi said:
It happens, but worse than you can imagine. When these circumstances happen to people that have saved all their lives, never ran credit card debt, paid their taxes and own a small home end up losing everything if one becomes incapacitated.
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SDET said:
They weren't the kind to accumulate assets. I think they spent lot of their money on their daughter's education. They had no interest whatsoever in extravagance. He was happiest under the hood of a car.
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Here's the big problem with long term health care in the US. If you're broke, no assets you have to go on Title 19. Not many quality health care facilities want you, period. You'll end up in a sub-standard facility with sub-standard care. But if you have assets you can get into most highly recommended, high quality long term facility. That's okay if your short-term for rehab and going to spend a couple of months.Medicare will pay for inpatient rehab for up to 100 days in a benefit period. A benefit period starts when you go into the hospital. It ends when you have not received any hospital care or skilled nursing care for 60 days. Medicare pays for the first 20 days at 100%. For the next 80 days, you must pay a daily co-payment. Medicare does not pay for rehab after 100 days.

So, after 100 days if your rehab isn't really rehabilitating you, Medicare benefits stop. So now if you have assets, cash or property, the facility starts billing you directly. The average long term care facility costs around $20,000 a month in my state. So, private savings get depleted quickly. If your savings are gone and you are still in need of long term care, then your house, car or anything of value gets signed over to the nursing home if your name is still on the deed. Nursing homes get a lot of property accumulated that way.
 
SDET said:
Her husband had a stroke two or three years ago and now she wants to divorce him.
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I don't know what'll happen to him, but it won't be nearly as bad as what'll happen to her when she dies.
 
SDET said:
I had an old friend that I met over thirty years ago and haven't contacted in nine years call and text me. It turns out that she was hitting me up for money, but I digress.
Her husband had a stroke two or three years ago and now she wants to divorce him. He is non-verbal and his level of communication is such that he makes the shape of a square with his fingers if he wants a cookie. I get the idea that their daughter in her mid thirties doesn't want to be bothered. Apparently neither do his blood relatives. He is in Florida. What is the most likely outcome from his perspective if everyone washes their hands of him?
Click to expand...

Well as one florida democratic congressman said years ago, the republican health care plan is this, if you get sick, die quickly.

I can't speak for the family, I don't live in their shoes. I will say this, my other half is an RN and I'm retired. Her parents are both ninety five and need twenty four seven care and we do it. As much as it has interrupted our lives, I wouldn't want it any other way.
 
HumblePi said:
Here's the big problem with long term health care in the US. If you're broke, no assets you have to go on Title 19. Not many quality health care facilities want you, period. You'll end up in a sub-standard facility with sub-standard care. But if you have assets you can get into most highly recommended, high quality long term facility. That's okay if your short-term for rehab and going to spend a couple of months.Medicare will pay for inpatient rehab for up to 100 days in a benefit period. A benefit period starts when you go into the hospital. It ends when you have not received any hospital care or skilled nursing care for 60 days. Medicare pays for the first 20 days at 100%. For the next 80 days, you must pay a daily co-payment. Medicare does not pay for rehab after 100 days.

So, after 100 days if your rehab isn't really rehabilitating you, Medicare benefits stop. So now if you have assets, cash or property, the facility starts billing you directly. The average long term care facility costs around $20,000 a month in my state. So, private savings get depleted quickly. If your savings are gone and you are still in need of long term care, then your house, car or anything of value gets signed over to the nursing home if your name is still on the deed. Nursing homes get a lot of property accumulated that way.
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In the country that supposedly has the best care in the world.
 
I did some digging and made some phone calls. It turns out that he has a sister that stepped up to the plate and took him in when absolutely no one else would.
 
There was a website made about THAT congressman entitled: MyCongressmanIsNuts .


bongsaway said:
Well as one florida democratic congressman said years ago, the republican health care plan is this, if you get sick, die quickly.

I can't speak for the family, I don't live in their shoes. I will say this, my other half is an RN and I'm retired. Her parents are both ninety five and need twenty four seven care and we do it. As much as it has interrupted our lives, I wouldn't want it any other way.
Click to expand...
 
SDET said:
I had an old friend that I met over thirty years ago and haven't contacted in nine years call and text me. It turns out that she was hitting me up for money, but I digress.
Her husband had a stroke two or three years ago and now she wants to divorce him. He is non-verbal and his level of communication is such that he makes the shape of a square with his fingers if he wants a cookie. I get the idea that their daughter in her mid thirties doesn't want to be bothered. Apparently neither do his blood relatives. He is in Florida. What is the most likely outcome from his perspective if everyone washes their hands of him?
Click to expand...

She and his family members will take everything he has and the government will roll him into a room some where where he will technically be kept alive until he dies.
 
SDET said:
I had an old friend that I met over thirty years ago and haven't contacted in nine years call and text me. It turns out that she was hitting me up for money, but I digress.
Her husband had a stroke two or three years ago and now she wants to divorce him. He is non-verbal and his level of communication is such that he makes the shape of a square with his fingers if he wants a cookie. I get the idea that their daughter in her mid thirties doesn't want to be bothered. Apparently neither do his blood relatives. He is in Florida. What is the most likely outcome from his perspective if everyone washes their hands of him?
Click to expand...

One of two things; either he is a giant asshole, or they are giant assholes and will get no inheritance. "She wants to leave an invalid husband"... I say keep your money.
 
SDET said:
I had an old friend that I met over thirty years ago and haven't contacted in nine years call and text me. It turns out that she was hitting me up for money, but I digress.
Her husband had a stroke two or three years ago and now she wants to divorce him. He is non-verbal and his level of communication is such that he makes the shape of a square with his fingers if he wants a cookie. I get the idea that their daughter in her mid thirties doesn't want to be bothered. Apparently neither do his blood relatives. He is in Florida. What is the most likely outcome from his perspective if everyone washes their hands of him?
Click to expand...

Assuming no resources, a skilled nursing facility that accepts Medicaid.

But since they are still married, they will likely take all resources into account and they may spend down their combined resources.
 
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