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Is marriage a one-way commitment?

Manc Skipper said:
It should never be forgotten that the one thing all of the lifelong neverending string of failed relationships have in common, is you.
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All of the failed relationships I have seen have me in common because I was a witness or reader. That matters how?
 
SDET said:
I'm glad I married. I enjoy teaching and guiding a wife and kids and watching them develop. Even I was surprised just how my wife was raised without a scintilla of self-sufficiency. Now she can drive a car, knows enough English to get by in a non-Latino part of the country. I don't know if she will ever be able to stand on her own two feet, but she is much more functional than when I married her. She was raised in an environment where women are taught to have essentially zero wherewithal so as not to be an annoyance for a husband. She was raised to have an aversion to studying. I essentially have to spoon feed her anything she learns. It took five years to teach her to drive.

The latest project that my sons and I are doing with her is to teach her to read a map. She's a pretty smart woman but can't seem to learn without permission. It's almost as if she intentionally acts like an airhead when her parents visit.
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Not everyone chooses a wife that is useless. At least that is how you make her sound. So if you want an equal partner is a marriage, you pick one, not just a broodmare/cook/maid.

I think you've answered your own OP question.
 
Lursa said:
Not everyone chooses a wife that is useless. At least that is how you make her sound. So if you want an equal partner is a marriage, you pick one, not just a broodmare/cook/maid.

I think you've answered your own OP question.
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She's pretty darn useful to me. I have seen guys with a useless wife: They are demanding, nagging, pushy and make their husband miserable.
 
SDET said:
She's pretty darn useful to me. I have seen guys with a useless wife: They are demanding, nagging, pushy and make their husband miserable.
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Your description made her sound like a cocker spaniel or maybe a chimp.

Maybe those husbands are getting back exactly what they contribute....and there's a lot more to a marriage than $.
 
Lursa said:
Your description made her sound like a cocker spaniel or maybe a chimp.

Maybe those husbands are getting back exactly what they contribute....and there's a lot more to a marriage than $.
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If a man called a woman that, there would be a firestorm.
 
SDET said:
If a man called a woman that, there would be a firestorm.
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I didnt call her that...that is what you described, IMO.
 
SDET said:
Because the focus is to examine the premise: Should a man be obligated to a woman for life whether he stays married to her or not? I was thinking of lifetime alimony or in this case lifetime splitting of his retirement. That was my intent, even if this wasn't the best example.
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Well, given that the story on the other thread (that this guy's wife shot him) was more than likely a fake....if it is true this guy was an alcoholic with a string of domestic abuse issues....are you really certain this is the case you want to hinge your argument on?
 
year2late said:
Well, given that the story on the other thread (that this guy's wife shot him) was more than likely a fake....if it is true this guy was an alcoholic with a string of domestic abuse issues....are you really certain this is the case you want to hinge your argument on?
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Probably not. My family and I have this aversion of anything alcohol related. Temperance was figuratively beat into my head since I was little. Anything that relates to people who drink alcohol is simply outside my scope of anything I can relate to.
 
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Lursa said:
And societal pressure from that culture pushes alot of people into relationships they arent ready for or dont want.

You didnt answer my question: what's in it for men? Is your answer 'tradition and symbolic meaning?'
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Symbolic meaning, to be exact, since tradition is an ever-changing thing. Over the years, though the exact functionality of marriage has remained fluid, the underlying symbolism of marriage as a permanent bonding between adults and a fixed unit within a community has remained pervasive. Culturally speaking (and again, this can easily change, and obviously many disagree), a boyfriend and girlfriend is not seen as inherently permanent or serious.

I suppose if you want to get super primordial about it, the answer to "what's in it for men" is the ability for the man to say, "This is MY mate, and these are MY offspring." (grunt)
 
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Cardinal said:
Symbolic meaning, to be exact, since tradition is an ever-changing thing. Over the years, though the exact functionality of marriage has remained fluid, the underlying symbolism of marriage as a permanent bonding between adults and a fixed unit within a community has remained pervasive. Culturally speaking (and again, this can easily change, and obviously many disagree), a boyfriend and girlfriend is not seen as inherently permanent or serious.

I suppose if you want to get super primordial about it, the answer to "what's in it for men" is the ability for the man to say, "This is MY mate, and these are MY offspring." (grunt)
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There's nothing wrong with thinking of marriage that way. I'm sure that's very meaningful to people.

But I still think many people go into it for the wrong reasons (like why get married if you dont want kids, for ex? What are the advantages if it's not a meaningful institution to you?) or before they're ready, mostly because of social pressure.
 
SDET said:
She's pretty darn useful to me. I have seen guys with a useless wife: They are demanding, nagging, pushy and make their husband miserable.
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Lursa said:
Your description made her sound like a cocker spaniel or maybe a chimp.

Maybe those husbands are getting back exactly what they contribute....and there's a lot more to a marriage than $.
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SDET said:
If a man called a woman that, there would be a firestorm.
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Dude...you are describing a woman more like a golden retriever than a wife...make that a golden retriever with benefits.
 
SDET said:
I'm glad I married. I enjoy teaching and guiding a wife and kids and watching them develop. Even I was surprised just how my wife was raised without a scintilla of self-sufficiency. Now she can drive a car, knows enough English to get by in a non-Latino part of the country. I don't know if she will ever be able to stand on her own two feet, but she is much more functional than when I married her. She was raised in an environment where women are taught to have essentially zero wherewithal so as not to be an annoyance for a husband. She was raised to have an aversion to studying. I essentially have to spoon feed her anything she learns. It took five years to teach her to drive.

The latest project that my sons and I are doing with her is to teach her to read a map. She's a pretty smart woman but can't seem to learn without permission. It's almost as if she intentionally acts like an airhead when her parents visit.
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Why would you demean your wife on the boards in such a manner. Does she know you speak of her as simpleton with poor learning abilities ?
 
year2late said:
Why would you demean your wife on the boards in such a manner. Does she know you speak of her as simpleton with poor learning abilities ?
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Or he's not actually in a relationship (let alone married).
 
SDET said:
I'm glad I married. I enjoy teaching and guiding a wife and kids and watching them develop. Even I was surprised just how my wife was raised without a scintilla of self-sufficiency. Now she can drive a car, knows enough English to get by in a non-Latino part of the country. I don't know if she will ever be able to stand on her own two feet, but she is much more functional than when I married her. She was raised in an environment where women are taught to have essentially zero wherewithal so as not to be an annoyance for a husband. She was raised to have an aversion to studying. I essentially have to spoon feed her anything she learns. It took five years to teach her to drive.

The latest project that my sons and I are doing with her is to teach her to read a map. She's a pretty smart woman but can't seem to learn without permission. It's almost as if she intentionally acts like an airhead when her parents visit.
Click to expand...

year2late said:
Why would you demean your wife on the boards in such a manner. Does she know you speak of her as simpleton with poor learning abilities ?
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Cardinal said:
Or he's not actually in a relationship (let alone married).
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Given the trollish demeaning nature of his post, I am thinking you are probably correct.
 
year2late said:
Given the trollish demeaning nature of his post, I am thinking you are probably correct.
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Think whatever you want. I'm only interested in those with useful information.
 
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