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Is marriage a one-way commitment?

SDET said:
That's part of the point of a message board. I found the subject matter intriguing. I'm interested in such evidence either supporting or refuting that other members come up with.

Here's what I have so far:
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So are you MGTOW, Red Pill, or MRA, or something else? All I can tell is that you think women everywhere are robbing men blind.

I don't see it, but I don't hang out on those sites. I hope you don't wind up an angry incel.
 
<alt>doxygen said:
So are you MGTOW, Red Pill, or MRA, or something else? All I can tell is that you think women everywhere are robbing men blind.

I don't see it, but I don't hang out on those sites. I hope you don't wind up an angry incel.
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I figure if enough men are telling that story, it must be happening. You are correct in the premise that one should be skeptical of anecdotal information.

If I become an incel it will be because the aging process has taken its toll and my body will have lost some function and for no other reason.
 
SDET said:
That's part of the point of a message board. I found the subject matter intriguing. I'm interested in such evidence either supporting or refuting that other members come up with.

Here's what I have so far:



https://nypost.com/2018/07/07/nypd-cop-loses-fight-to-keep-pension-from-ex-wife/

lisa.jpg
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So it really looks like the”wife shoots husband and gets his pension” thing was made up intentionally inflammatory crap. You seem to really like this video.
 
I have a question. If a woman marries a man and they have an agreement for her to forego further education and stay and home and raise the kids....do you think upon divorce she is ‘due’ any support or such? If so...what? Let us assume the kids are HS and beyond.
 
year2late said:
I have a question. If a woman marries a man and they have an agreement for her to forego further education and stay and home and raise the kids....do you think upon divorce she is ‘due’ any support or such? If so...what? Let us assume the kids are HS and beyond.
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It certainly shouldn't be automatic. Given no misconduct, three or four years maybe, easily modifiable if his circumstances take a downturn.
 
year2late said:
So it really looks like the”wife shoots husband and gets his pension” thing was made up intentionally inflammatory crap. You seem to really like this video.
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The comments to each video are more interesting. If the shooting is made up, and I'm not saying it is or isn't, I wonder who made it up.
 
SDET said:
It certainly shouldn't be automatic. Given no misconduct, three or four years maybe, easily modifiable if his circumstances take a downturn.
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And let us say he was the sole income as she stayed home to care for the kids....Should she be due proceeds from the house when sold? Other items that were bought based on his income?
 
year2late said:
And let us say he was the sole income as she stayed home to care for the kids....Should she be due proceeds from the house when sold? Other items that were bought based on his income?
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I don't know. What I think about is a nephew of mine that slid into depression over his divorce, missed court dates, and wound up with a judgement more than his income. What sticks in my craw is seeing men raked over the coals who are doing the best they can. A criminal record will lock them out of the job market and set them up for failure and revolving door incarceration.

His passport is revoked over child support due. His face lit up with joy when I brought him on a trip to Canada showed him how to get in legally with no passport.
 
SDET said:
The comments to each video are more interesting. If the shooting is made up, and I'm not saying it is or isn't, I wonder who made it up.
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Do you really have to wonder?

What strikes me is the lack of intellectual curiosity. A NYC cop gets shot by his wife and gets his pension to boot? Why is there nothing on this incident? The very thing that made the title of that thread you created POP is the same reason there should be more on the incident if it were true.

It seems as the site you got it from doesn't give a hoot about backing up sources and hearing both sides.

One thing I have learned from my male and female friends.....there are always two sides. It is downright narrow to believe otherwise. We get it you like your disgruntled men's group and believe every thing that they say. But I would hope before posting such inflammatory stuff like "Wife Shoots Husband, but Gets His Retirement" you would at least try to see if it is true.
 
Personally I have no idea why people get married, esp. men, unless they plan to have children (and not marry until they are ready to do so). In that case, I think the legal stuff is appropriate for the protection of the children's interests.

it also makes some sense when buying property, like a home, together.

But men and women are just nagged in this society until they get married. Single life is not valued (and yet it's really good) and looked down on, as if you have failed somehow. Esp. if you are in a long term relationship, the nagging never stops. (And then when you marry, the nagging about when you're having kids never stops.).

What's in it for either men or women? We lived together for 13 years. We had decided not to have kids. Worked out just fine.
 
Wait. Why is this in the Law and Order subforum?
 
If you're thinking of getting married and the thought of how much you'll be paying for your spouse is the first concern on your mind, do yourself a favor and don't get married.
 
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Lursa said:
Personally I have no idea why people get married, esp. men, unless they plan to have children (and not marry until they are ready to do so). In that case, I think the legal stuff is appropriate for the protection of the children's interests.

it also makes some sense when buying property, like a home, together.

But men and women are just nagged in this society until they get married. Single life is not valued (and yet it's really good) and looked down on, as if you have failed somehow. Esp. if you are in a long term relationship, the nagging never stops. (And then when you marry, the nagging about when you're having kids never stops.).

What's in it for either men or women? We lived together for 13 years. We had decided not to have kids. Worked out just fine.
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Military, police, firefighter... for rights (hospital access, etc) and due benefits.
 
Lursa said:
Wait. Why is this in the Law and Order subforum?
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Because the focus is to examine the premise: Should a man be obligated to a woman for life whether he stays married to her or not? I was thinking of lifetime alimony or in this case lifetime splitting of his retirement. That was my intent, even if this wasn't the best example.
 
SDET said:
Because the focus is to examine the premise: Should a man be obligated to a woman for life whether he stays married to her or not? I was thinking of lifetime alimony or in this case lifetime splitting of his retirement. That was my intent, even if this wasn't the best example.
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If that's the deal when he gets married then yes.

If he doesnt want to accept that, then he shouldnt get married.
 
Lursa said:
Personally I have no idea why people get married, esp. men, unless they plan to have children (and not marry until they are ready to do so). In that case, I think the legal stuff is appropriate for the protection of the children's interests.

it also makes some sense when buying property, like a home, together.

But men and women are just nagged in this society until they get married. Single life is not valued (and yet it's really good) and looked down on, as if you have failed somehow. Esp. if you are in a long term relationship, the nagging never stops. (And then when you marry, the nagging about when you're having kids never stops.).

What's in it for either men or women? We lived together for 13 years. We had decided not to have kids. Worked out just fine.
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Logic and cost-benefit analyses aside, we still live in a culture; and in this culture, marriage is a symbol (or statement) of a more permanent bond. Yes, obviously there are a lot of people who disagree, and perhaps this mindset may even change. But it's the culture we have, and the symbol of marriage is still very pervasive and steeped in meaning.
 
Lursa said:
Personally I have no idea why people get married, esp. men, unless they plan to have children (and not marry until they are ready to do so). In that case, I think the legal stuff is appropriate for the protection of the children's interests.

it also makes some sense when buying property, like a home, together.

But men and women are just nagged in this society until they get married. Single life is not valued (and yet it's really good) and looked down on, as if you have failed somehow. Esp. if you are in a long term relationship, the nagging never stops. (And then when you marry, the nagging about when you're having kids never stops.).

What's in it for either men or women? We lived together for 13 years. We had decided not to have kids. Worked out just fine.
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I'm glad I married. I enjoy teaching and guiding a wife and kids and watching them develop. Even I was surprised just how my wife was raised without a scintilla of self-sufficiency. Now she can drive a car, knows enough English to get by in a non-Latino part of the country. I don't know if she will ever be able to stand on her own two feet, but she is much more functional than when I married her. She was raised in an environment where women are taught to have essentially zero wherewithal so as not to be an annoyance for a husband. She was raised to have an aversion to studying. I essentially have to spoon feed her anything she learns. It took five years to teach her to drive.

The latest project that my sons and I are doing with her is to teach her to read a map. She's a pretty smart woman but can't seem to learn without permission. It's almost as if she intentionally acts like an airhead when her parents visit.
 
Cardinal said:
Logic and cost-benefit analyses aside, we still live in a culture; and in this culture, marriage is a symbol (or statement) of a more permanent bond. Yes, obviously there are a lot of people who disagree, and perhaps this mindset may even change. But it's the culture we have, and the symbol of marriage is still very pervasive and steeped in meaning.
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And societal pressure from that culture pushes alot of people into relationships they arent ready for or dont want.

You didnt answer my question: what's in it for men? Is your answer 'tradition and symbolic meaning?'
 
It should never be forgotten that the one thing all of the lifelong neverending string of failed relationships have in common, is you.
 
SDET said:
Because the focus is to examine the premise: Should a man be obligated to a woman for life whether he stays married to her or not? I was thinking of lifetime alimony or in this case lifetime splitting of his retirement. That was my intent, even if this wasn't the best example.
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You do realize that women get stuck paying alimony to men, right? For the same reasons men have had to pay it to women.

Same with the retirement.
 
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