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Should a man that married a single mother be on the hook for child support if the marriage implodes?

SDET said:
I buy life insurance, avoid carbs, try to keep weight down, limit sugar, drive carefully and much more. In the past, when I put my life at risk, it was because the risk was worth it, for example, the time I went home with a smoking hot waitress at a lunch counter in Rio de Janeiro and she lived in a very dangerous slum. She made it worth my while.
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Did you have insurance for that?
 
How many OF you people are actually IN such a situation?
No, seriously...come on...if you're going to create these threads or jump in, let's be honest with each other, okay?
I for one might very well disagree with your views but I will be honest about my own situation.

I AM a man who married a single mother with kids...INSTANT FAMILY.
Not only that but, the mother was disabled and so is one of her kids.

I fell in love with her fourteen years earlier when we met in 1984. She wasn't disabled then, but life got in the way for both of us.

JeffKarenFirstTime1ab.jpg

She was going into the Navy and I was tied to a really lucrative job that could not relocate me to be near her anyway.
And we were both young, she was REALLY young, a couple of months shy of her eighteenth birthday, and I was 27 years old.
As fate would have it, we both ended up marrying different people and both marriages went South, so we wound up getting together in 1998.

And the biological father is a deadbeat Dad. He has not really ever played much of a role of an active father in the lives of his kids.
And he did his level best to wriggle out of paying child support. Believe me, the mother TRIED her best to make him be responsible, even through the courts, no luck anyway.

So what should I do, let the kids languish? That just isn't the human thing to do, sorry. And believe me, both of us went out of our way to include the kids father in their lives despite the fact that he was irresponsible and unaccountable. It didn't matter, because in the end he was apparently perfectly comfortable with giving up his children. They ARE in fact, MY kids now, and even before legally making them so, they already were.

I knew what I was getting into when I got together with her, and it didn't change my feelings for her at all, and what I am getting at is, if you're not willing to make that kind of commitment, and I understand if not everyone is willing, then just date the lady and leave it at that.
Don't move in, don't play house, and don't get married.
I'm sorry but I just don't think it is possible for there to be some magical middle ground where you can marry a single mother with a kid and pretend that you aren't also becoming a full part of the family.

If the two of you have some good luck in making the biological father step up and take some responsibility then I applaud the both of you, because that father SHOULD do what he can.
But it doesn't always turn out that way, as I can attest. It is unfortunate but there are men out there who will give up their kids so that they can pretend that they don't have any responsibilities, it's just a fact. He threw away his wife and he threw away his children.

And I am the lucky guy who was there to scoop them up when he did because I knew it meant that I could be a part of something wonderful.
It's been nearly twenty years now, the best twenty years of my entire life.

thegang2014cvr.jpg
 
Checkerboard Strangler said:
How many OF you people are actually IN such a situation?
No, seriously...come on...if you're going to create these threads or jump in, let's be honest with each other, okay?
I for one might very well disagree with your views but I will be honest about my own situation.

I AM a man who married a single mother with kids...INSTANT FAMILY.
Not only that but, the mother was disabled and so is one of her kids.

I fell in love with her fourteen years earlier when we met in 1984. She wasn't disabled then, but life got in the way for both of us.

View attachment 67233021

She was going into the Navy and I was tied to a really lucrative job that could not relocate me to be near her anyway.
And we were both young, she was REALLY young, a couple of months shy of her eighteenth birthday, and I was 27 years old.
As fate would have it, we both ended up marrying different people and both marriages went South, so we wound up getting together in 1998.

And the biological father is a deadbeat Dad. He has not really ever played much of a role of an active father in the lives of his kids.
And he did his level best to wriggle out of paying child support. Believe me, the mother TRIED her best to make him be responsible, even through the courts, no luck anyway.

So what should I do, let the kids languish? That just isn't the human thing to do, sorry. And believe me, both of us went out of our way to include the kids father in their lives despite the fact that he was irresponsible and unaccountable. It didn't matter, because in the end he was apparently perfectly comfortable with giving up his children. They ARE in fact, MY kids now, and even before legally making them so, they already were.

I knew what I was getting into when I got together with her, and it didn't change my feelings for her at all, and what I am getting at is, if you're not willing to make that kind of commitment, and I understand if not everyone is willing, then just date the lady and leave it at that.
Don't move in, don't play house, and don't get married.
I'm sorry but I just don't think it is possible for there to be some magical middle ground where you can marry a single mother with a kid and pretend that you aren't also becoming a full part of the family.

If the two of you have some good luck in making the biological father step up and take some responsibility then I applaud the both of you, because that father SHOULD do what he can.
But it doesn't always turn out that way, as I can attest. It is unfortunate but there are men out there who will give up their kids so that they can pretend that they don't have any responsibilities, it's just a fact. He threw away his wife and he threw away his children.

And I am the lucky guy who was there to scoop them up when he did because I knew it meant that I could be a part of something wonderful.
It's been nearly twenty years now, the best twenty years of my entire life.

View attachment 67233023
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The problem is that once a man is under court order, if he has "bad year", he can wind up in jail with a criminal record and unemployable. He is then relegated to perpetual contempt of court and a cycle of arrests and more criminal charges. It becomes an inescapable downward spiral.
 
SDET said:
The problem is that once a man is under court order, if he has "bad year", he can wind up in jail with a criminal record and unemployable. He is then relegated to perpetual contempt of court and a cycle of arrests and more criminal charges. It becomes an inescapable downward spiral.
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In theory, yes.
In practice, I am here to tell you, not only did life go on for him in Arkansas where we lived and where HE lived, but it went on for him normally in Texas, when we moved there (he followed soon after!) and today he lives about 70 miles from us in California. We live in Los Angeles and he lives in the Inland Empire...I think Hemet or somewhere near there.

He has never been incarcerated or unemployed unless he lost a job or got laid off.
Karen filed way way back in both Arkansas and in Texas...didn't affect him at all.
The most he ever did was make a few support payments, maybe for three or four months, then he stopped.
 
roguenuke said:
This depends. 14 year olds can make babies together but in general would be unable to actually find work that pays well enough (not to mention hours to work, since most their time would be at school) to support a baby. Since one or both of the parents of the baby would also be under the custody of their parents, then it can easily be seen why grandparents (one or both sets) could be held responsible for paying for their grandchildren, at least up until their children are of legal age to take that responsibility on themselves. Also, grandparents may take legal custody of their grandchildren due to many reasons, and then divorce. I know someone who was raised by her grandparents after her father died when she was very young. Had her grandparents divorced, there could easily be a case made that the noncustodial grandparent pay child support.
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If one marries a person with children, you accept the whole package. You knew going in that you would support the children, and money is only one variable. Now of the person as and is still receiving child support from a former spouse if a divorce occurred, they would still be liable for some sort of monetary support.

Not sure about the US but in Canada that also includes higher education up till age 27 max. That said if the child ceased further education, took a year off as some do from furthering their education, the spouse is not legally required to pay any support for education/child, and all support legally ends
 
Bodhisattva said:
Depends but hard to prove... if they manipulate the children away or try to move away from the other biological parent then yes. The new step-parent should be forced to pay... also, if they make a lot that should be factored in.
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why should a new parent who doesn't adopt them be responsible for them?
just because you marry a person doesn't mean you become responsible for their kids.

In a Divorce Am I Responsible for Kids That Are Not Mine? | LegalZoom Legal Info
Your stepchildren -- the biological kids, adopted children and stepchildren that your spouse acquired in another marriage or relationship before marrying you -- are usually not legally entitled to support from you after you divorce your spouse. However, if you signed a contract with your spouse agreeing to provide child support for a stepchild after a divorce, a court will likely compel you to honor the contract.

for a guy so outraged at child support you sure like to force it on people you don't like.
 
ludin said:
why should a new parent who doesn't adopt them be responsible for them?
just because you marry a person doesn't mean you become responsible for their kids.

In a Divorce Am I Responsible for Kids That Are Not Mine? | LegalZoom Legal Info
Your stepchildren -- the biological kids, adopted children and stepchildren that your spouse acquired in another marriage or relationship before marrying you -- are usually not legally entitled to support from you after you divorce your spouse. However, if you signed a contract with your spouse agreeing to provide child support for a stepchild after a divorce, a court will likely compel you to honor the contract.

for a guy so outraged at child support you sure like to force it on people you don't like.
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Another Ferengi...good God this forum is crawling with them.
 
ludin said:
why should a new parent who doesn't adopt them be responsible for them?
just because you marry a person doesn't mean you become responsible for their kids.

In a Divorce Am I Responsible for Kids That Are Not Mine? | LegalZoom Legal Info
Your stepchildren -- the biological kids, adopted children and stepchildren that your spouse acquired in another marriage or relationship before marrying you -- are usually not legally entitled to support from you after you divorce your spouse. However, if you signed a contract with your spouse agreeing to provide child support for a stepchild after a divorce, a court will likely compel you to honor the contract.

for a guy so outraged at child support you sure like to force it on people you don't like.
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I misread the title and responded again after this post...
 
SDET said:
The problem is that once a man is under court order, if he has "bad year", he can wind up in jail with a criminal record and unemployable. He is then relegated to perpetual contempt of court and a cycle of arrests and more criminal charges. It becomes an inescapable downward spiral.
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And pray tell, why would that man BE under a court order?
Marriages end, yes...but they do not all end in vitriol. Some end amicably.

None of what you say changes the fact that if you marry and have kids, you have a responsibility.
If you end a marriage in divorce, that responsibility doesn't go away.
 
Checkerboard Strangler said:
Another Ferengi...good God this forum is crawling with them.
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interesting that you can't actually address what i said.

you have 0 financial obligation to your step kids. if you choose to have one
then that is your choice.
 
Checkerboard Strangler said:
And pray tell, why would that man BE under a court order?
Marriages end, yes...but they do not all end in vitriol. Some end amicably.

None of what you say changes the fact that if you marry and have kids, you have a responsibility.
If you end a marriage in divorce, that responsibility doesn't go away.
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yet that isn't what the topic was about. interesting that you have no clue what people are arguing and want to make comments.

The argument is that if you marry someone with kids and then divorce do you owe child support to your step kids.
the answer is no you don't. unless you legally adopt them or have some other form of contract.

If they are your kids then yes you have a legal financial obligation.
 
JANFU said:
If one marries a person with children, you accept the whole package. You knew going in that you would support the children, and money is only one variable. Now of the person as and is still receiving child support from a former spouse if a divorce occurred, they would still be liable for some sort of monetary support.

Not sure about the US but in Canada that also includes higher education up till age 27 max. That said if the child ceased further education, took a year off as some do from furthering their education, the spouse is not legally required to pay any support for education/child, and all support legally ends
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What does this have to do with what I posted? I know I went on a tangent (based on other posts earlier than mine), but that was what I was going on, grandparents' responsibility for child support in some cases and how I can see both sides of that one (the states' and the grandparents').

As far as stepparents go, I definitely think it depends on the relationship, whether the stepparent adopted the child or not. In many cases, the other parent is still there, in the child's life. And the stepparent may be not so much in the child's life (if with noncustodial parent).
 
roguenuke said:
What does this have to do with what I posted? I know I went on a tangent (based on other posts earlier than mine), but that was what I was going on, grandparents' responsibility for child support in some cases and how I can see both sides of that one (the states' and the grandparents').

As far as stepparents go, I definitely think it depends on the relationship, whether the stepparent adopted the child or not. In many cases, the other parent is still there, in the child's life. And the stepparent may be not so much in the child's life (if with noncustodial parent).
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I as well went off on a tangent. Just explaining the step father roles and responsibility (imho) and ourlaws up north.
 
JANFU said:
I as well went off on a tangent. Just explaining the step father roles and responsibility (imho) and ourlaws up north.
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Depends on the state, not really where in the US they are. I've found a lot of different laws or precedent on this. Pennsylvania for instance only just had a case (that has even been said to go against past rulings) in which the stepfather had to pay child support, due mainly though to his relentless efforts in court to get at least partial custody of his stepchild(ren) as well as prevent their mother from moving with them to California. This was one of those one-off cases rather than the general way though that stepparent child support is usually an issue (it generally isn't in that state unless the children had been adopted by the stepparent). Other states require it if the children resided with the stepparent and their parent for a certain amount of time and then mainly only until the divorce is final (Washington state). New York requires it if the combined financial support of both bio parents is not enough to keep child off welfare. There are just so many different laws and cases on this.
 
It gets fuzzy with lesbians and gays that have kids together, especially with custody and visitation, but with regards to the OP's question, in most states the answer is a resounding NO!

Tim-
 
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