MaggieD
DP Veteran
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2010
- Messages
- 43,244
- Reaction score
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- Location
- Chicago Area
- Gender
- Female
- Political Leaning
- Moderate
You speak like someone who has never raised a kid? I don't know, but it is much harder than you are making it out to be. They have there own thoughts and personalities, they can't in some cases be controlled because they don't care or just want to do thing their way.
Ditching? If I got caught, I was punished. Yet I did it again because I wanted too. How is that my parents fault? Same goes for grades etc etc.
In some cases you would be correct as every situation and person is different. However this law is a little over the top in my humble.
You may have missed my second post that I’ve never had children. Easy for me to talk.
Having said that, though, I’ve watched many successful parents Shepherd their children through the rough spots. And, in almost every case, they began their successful parenting journey when the kids were toddlers.
I was a hard case myself. A perfect angel ‘til thirteen. Then two years of hellbent. Both of my parents worked so I wasn’t the easiest kid to rein in.
When I ditched school and finally got caught? I was given one warning that I knew would happen. “If you ditch again? No more part-time job.” That was my hot button. And that was my only punishment. I liked earning my own money. I stopped ditching.
When I stole and got caught? I was taken back to the store to return it and apologize. A most humiliating experience done with much crying and gnashing of teeth.
When I fought? Dad asked me, “What did you fight with her about?” When I told him, he grounded me for the weekend. But much more effective than that was his understanding why I’d done it yet making it clear he did not approve. That disappointment was almost more than I could bear.
My mom spanked me when I was little, but probably never after I was seven or eight. My dad slapped me once. A few hours later, he came to me with tears in his eyes and apologized. I had never seen weakness in my dad and was gobsmacked.
I’ve seen my sister with her kids. No computers in their rooms. One in the family room. One in the kitchen. Always supervisory eyes on their computer activity. Her kids, glory be, never got in trouble in their teen years. But she started training them as toddlers. Talk about success stories. Two nurses, both got full rides at TCU, her son enlisted in the army and has earned many distinctions. All of them are strong in their faith. All of them have done missionary work in the third world. All of them volunteer.
My neighbor had a heck of a time with Denise as a teenager. Beautiful girl and very headstrong. Her hot button was taking the door off her room. She had to earn it back always knowing she’d lose it again if she misbehaved.
Problem kids, unless they have a personality disorder, are carefully nurtured on their journey to bad by their parents. That I believe.
Now, back to punishing the parents. Take stealing as an example. How do parents know you’re stealing? Well, when you amass a collection of goodies in your room and have discretionary money beyond normal? You’re up to something. Parents who choose to ignore the signs do so at their peril. A home shouldn’t be a hideout.