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Is Depression Selfish?

Kali said:
This is right and why I will be on meds the rest of my life. I have a chemical imbalance. Of course I have other problems too but for anyone to suggest that someone with a chemical imbalance is selfish really pisses me off. Here in this day and age you would think folks would have came a little bit more advanced than thinking it is it all in someones head or they are just making it up for personal gain:(
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Pisses me off, too. I'm very surprised at some of the unenlightened posts on this thread.
 
Neomalthusian said:
I'd be careful not to completely summarize something like depression as selfish, but this is a somewhat intuitive question you pose.

There are many faces to what we call "depression," but I've come to characterize it as just being chronically upset about the discrepancy between what one expects life to be like and what it's actually like, and becoming hopeless and disempowered from trying to do anything to reconcile the discrepancy. There is a loss of belief that one can change one's circumstances or improve the things about life that are seen as unacceptable, and therefore there is little or no further effort put forth to change things.

If you spend a lot of time with someone who is chronically/clinically depressed, you get the sense that they are extremely self-absorbed with their own misery. At the same time they may care deeply about others, but little or nothing takes priority over their sense of internal suffering. So yes it can strike you as deeply and inherently selfish, wishing something could swoop in and rescue them.

Interestingly, I have seen and heard of people spontaneously getting past their depression when they come in to a bunch of money (e.g. usually inheritance).
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I've come to characterize folks that think like this and do not take depression serious as chronic assholes.:roll:
 
Kali said:
This is right and why I will be on meds the rest of my life. I have a chemical imbalance. Of course I have other problems too but for anyone to suggest that someone with a chemical imbalance is selfish really pisses me off. Here in this day and age you would think folks would have came a little bit more advanced than thinking it is it all in someones head or they are just making it up for personal gain:(
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I guess I spoke poorly. A depressed person sees all that happens as his fault. Everything is about him...thus "selfish". Not in the grasping or faking sense; in the sense that their internal dialogue is skewed, and they "hear" nothing but how rotten they are.

My apologies if it didn't seem like I was sensitive enough in the Op.
 
grip said:
Yep, I've had some issues and dealt with them but my poor sister is bat's ass. I love her but nothing seems to help much.
My mom thinks she's selfish but I don't think she has much control.
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Personally, I think it's a lack of understanding, and not necessarily selfish. I believe that at the base of much depression is self-hatred, but most people who have it aren't aware of it. They look for reasons outside of themselves, and often, there is alot of dysfunction in their childhood and other relationships, but imo, the key is within yourself. It's in learning true self-acceptance. Once you can accept yourself, which is really the one whom we are most critical of, it's easy to accept everyone else with all their human flaws. When we see things we don't like about others, it's common to find that these are the things we don't like about ourselves.
 
Pinkie said:
I had post-partum depression. Andrea Yates had psychosis. BIG difference.
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Yes, there is. And had you not snapped out of your post-partum depression, you could have been Andrea Yates.
 
grip said:
Yep, I've had some issues and dealt with them but my poor sister is bat's ass. I love her but nothing seems to help much.
My mom thinks she's selfish but I don't think she has much control.
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I very much doubt she'd choose that life, if she had a choice. Thank God she has you.
 
MaggieD said:
Yes, there is. And had you not snapped out of your post-partum depression, you could have been Andrea Yates.
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I dunno; I think she had stressors and a predisposition I was not so unfortunate to have.

In my case I cried my eyes out every day at 3 pm, regardless of where I was, for months.
 
lizzie said:
Personally, I think it's a lack of understanding, and not necessarily selfish. I believe that at the base of much depression is self-hatred, but most people who have it aren't aware of it. They look for reasons outside of themselves, and often, there is alot of dysfunction in their childhood and other relationships, but imo, the key is within yourself. It's in learning true self-acceptance. Once you can accept yourself, which is really the one whom we are most critical of, it's easy to accept everyone else with all their human flaws. When we see things we don't like about others, it's common to find that these are the things we don't like about ourselves.
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You nailed my sister. She has a low self esteem and has dealt with it in a dysfunctional way for so long that she fears any change. She's stubborn and won't accept help, unless it's in the form of money.
 
lizzie said:
Personally, I think it's a lack of understanding, and not necessarily selfish. I believe that at the base of much depression is self-hatred, but most people who have it aren't aware of it. They look for reasons outside of themselves, and often, there is alot of dysfunction in their childhood and other relationships, but imo, the key is within yourself. It's in learning true self-acceptance. Once you can accept yourself, which is really the one whom we are most critical of, it's easy to accept everyone else with all their human flaws. When we see things we don't like about others, it's common to find that these are the things we don't like about ourselves.
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This is likely true TO A DEGREE for most depressives. But not all.
 
Pinkie said:
All thoughtful and compassionate responses. I suppose I should have clarified, in the case of depression, I don't believe the selfishness is voluntary. I couldn't call any involuntary act a sin, and I don't believe the RCC would either.

But I never met anyone who was depressed about starving children in Africa...unless she could somehow frame it as her issue. There's a loop, and the individual sufferer (clinicial or not) is the center of it.

This is not so much the case with other mental illnesses, I don't think.
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I guess you need to go to NYC and have some talks to people that are still depressed over the attacks on 9/11 that did NOT involve them in any personal way or on any personal level other than the fact that the horrfic deed changed thier life to the point where they still have a hard time to function daily. It is not about THEM and it is not selfish it is because they saw people get killed. I guess in your mind you feel that because they saw it that they are trying to make it all about them? Not! You have no clue what the hell you are talking about!
 
Pinkie said:
I dunno; I think she had stressors and a predisposition I was not so unfortunate to have.

In my case I cried my eyes out every day at 3 pm, regardless of where I was, for months.
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That's got to be absolutely horrible. There you are -- a time where you should be happy and celebrating -- and when you need all the energy you can muster -- and your hormones or whatever are so freakin' skewed that, along with everything else, you've got that to worry about. I'm glad that's well behind you. Awful.
 
Speaking of meds I have to take warfarin, digoxin, carviderol, lisinopril and crestor right now!

GULP
 
grip said:
You nailed my sister. She has a low self esteem and has dealt with it in a dysfunctional way for so long that she fears any change. She's stubborn and won't accept help, unless it's in the form of money.
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Well, I hope for her sake, and yours as well, that she can eventually learn to love herself and be happy. It's a terrible thing to be trapped where she is mentally. Best wishes and blessings to you and your family. Really. Kudos to you for your ability to come to grips with life. It's a tough row to hoe sometimes. :)
 
Kali said:
I guess you need to go to NYC and have some talks to people that are still depressed over the attacks on 9/11 that did NOT involve them in any personal way or on any personal level other than the fact that the horrfic deed changed thier life to the point where they still have a hard time to function daily. It is not about THEM and it is not selfish it is because they saw people get killed. I guess in your mind you feel that because they saw it that they are trying to make it all about them? Not! You have no clue what the hell you are talking about!
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I can't seem to make you understand my intention, Kali.

All I can do is apologize for even bringing this up. It mattered to me for personal reasons, but I can't seem to communicate well enough to discuss it.
 
MaggieD said:
That's got to be absolutely horrible. There you are -- a time where you should be happy and celebrating -- and when you need all the energy you can muster -- and your hormones or whatever are so freakin' skewed that, along with everything else, you've got that to worry about. I'm glad that's well behind you. Awful.
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Actually, it was funny at times. Checking out groceries, I started to bawl. I mean REALLY cry. But I had to get the food home....poor check out girl was beyond shocked.

I knew what was happening, I just didn't get done in time. I was upset, but I knew it would pass.
 
lizzie said:
Well, I hope for her sake, and yours as well, that she can eventually learn to love herself and be happy. It's a terrible thing to be trapped where she is mentally. Best wishes and blessings to you and your family. Really. Kudos to you for your ability to come to grips with life. It's a tough row to hoe sometimes. :)
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Thank you very much. I pray for her and try to help when reasonable or even more. Ultimately she has to make her choices as long as she's competent. It hurts more than you can know to see loved ones suffer and feel helpless. Wish I could help Winston because I know what he's going thru. It's scary.
 
grip said:
Thank you very much. I pray for her and try to help when reasonable or even more. Ultimately she has to make her choices as long as she's competent. It hurts more than you can know to see loved ones suffer and feel helpless. Wish I could help Winston because I know what he's going thru. It's scary.
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It sucks. And every day is a challenge right now.

You have helped.
 
Pinkie said:
I can't seem to make you understand my intention, Kali.

All I can do is apologize for even bringing this up. It mattered to me for personal reasons, but I can't seem to communicate well enough to discuss it.
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No need to apologize for bringing it up. Just get a bit frazzled on this topic. I get what you are saying even though I do not agree with you. It is a touchy subject with me and I can get upset about it.

I hope my reply to you does not make you think I am even more selfish cause I am telling you how I feel while being depressed.;) Really though it is good to have talks like this as maybe it will make people change their minds about the fact that depression is serious and has nothing at all to do with narcissism.
 
Kali said:
No need to apologize for bringing it up. Just get a bit frazzled on this topic. I get what you are saying even though I do not agree with you. It is a touchy subject with me and I can get upset about it.

I hope my reply to you does not make you think I am even more selfish cause I am telling you how I feel while being depressed.;) Really though it is good to have talks like this as maybe it will make people change their minds about the fact that depression is serious and has nothing at all to do with narcissism.
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I DON'T think it's about narcissim...which is it's own little hell on earth (except it's also hell for everyone around the sufferer). I think depression about a mistake in thinking...all bad things are my fault. I'm worthless. I never accomplished ****. I don't deserve anything. Etc. I think depression is different from other diseases that affect mood because it is constant and has this weird focus on how lousy the person is.

Anxiety, on the other hand, is a fear that something will happen. Etc. I just wanted to explore depression a bit, and I am so sorry I offended you.
 
I was at another board awhile back and one of the members there brought this subject up. I think the members actually saved his life because he could talk about his depression and it soothed him. He was in a really bad place at the time...and being around people that just loaned their ear assisted. Sometimes that's all it takes.

Another board I browsed urged someone brave enough to broach the subject, to actually just do everyone a favor and off herself.:shock:
 
Enola said:
I was at another board awhile back and one of the members there brought this subject up. I think the members actually saved his life because he could talk about his depression and it soothed him. He was in a really bad place at the time...and being around people that just loaned their ear assisted. Sometimes that's all it takes.

Another board I browsed urged someone brave enough to broach the subject, to actually just do everyone a favor and off herself.:shock:
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I can't believe people can be so cruel.
 
Okay...here's my story. I had a real Charles Dickens childhood. Climbed up into the middle class, met some political blowback after Hurricane Andrew I couldn't cope with. I never recovered.

I never will. I cannot be medicated out of it, I cannot be therapied out of it, I cannot be helped. I have to live this way the rest of my life. I constantly see things wrong as I take the blame for everything. EVERYTHING.

I find it hard as hell to get any use out of my life, and I hurt people I love. I feel incredibly selfish to be pondering my own failings 24/7.
 
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