Russia isn't suspended from the G8 because of its human rights record. It is suspended because it annexed Crimea. If the U.S. annexed Mexico with military force, then I would expect it to be expelled from the G7 as well.
Do you know
why Russia chose that cosmic moment in time to annex Crimea? Apart from 97% of the Crimean population approving of it?
It's a story of two men: mean, tyrannical Mr. Putin McBear, and kindly old Mr. Sam Bull, also known as Uncle Sam.
Mr. McBear owned a naval port on land on the coast of the Black Sea belonging to Mr. U. Crane. It was a naval port called Sevastopol, of tremendous strategic and economic importance to Mr. McBear, as well as being his lifeline to Turkey, the Middle East, Southern Europe, and (via trade) the rest of the world. Because of its importance, in 1997 Mr. McBear had agreed to pay Mr. Crane $100 million a year, and to sell him cheap gas, until 2017 when the two neighbours would renegotiate the deal.
However, there was one problem. Mr. Crane very, very much wanted to join the neighbourhood Big Boys Club called "NATO". And in charge of NATO (in all but name) was none other than kindly old Uncle Sam, who despite being kindly, positively despised Mr. McBear for thwarting Sam's ongoing attempts to throw McBear's near neighbour, Mr. C. Ria, into anarchy and chaos (for the noblest of reasons, I assure you).
Uncle Sam, being a shrewd man, approached Mr. Crane in secret in 2010 with a deal: "You want into the Big Boys Club, right? You know what would make you look
really worth letting into the club? If you were to... say... tell Mr. McBear to shove his naval base where the sun don't shine when it comes time to renew it in 2017. It would cripple his lifelines for years, cost him tens--maybe hundreds--of billions to rebuild or relocate his assets, and most importantly, severely impair his ability to help Mr. C. Ria if... oh, say...
somebody were to foment all-out civil war there... for the noblest of reasons. You can say you're doing it for peace and love. I don't care. Just screw McBear over or you can forget about joining the Club."
Mr. Crane did think it over, but fortunately had a wife, Ms. Parliament Crane, who ruled the roost. She realized that screwing over Mr. McBear was a terrible idea and agreed to renew the lease until 2042 by unanimous vote in the Kharkiv Pact in 2010.
But kindly old Uncle Sam, being the kindly old soul he was, wouldn't be defeated so easily. Old Sam had a lot of money, and a lot of political influence, and more experience than anyone else in the world at stirring up revolution, contention, hatred, and discontent. So, quietly behind the scenes, that kindly old Sam started stirring up as much crap as he could in Mr. Crane's yard. Maybe he couldn't get mean Mr. McBear to give up his base, but he could certainly pressure Mr. Crane to make life hell for McBear to use it. And, little by little, Mr. Crane gave in. He started threatening to renege on the lease agreement, imposing frivolous restrictions, crippling naval traffic, desperately hoping to appease kind Sam and stave off brewing political revolution. By 2014, old Sam was certain he was on his way to driving McBear out of Sevastopol.
Only he'd miscalculated. He didn't realize that McBear--an iron-fisted, strategic-minded man who well understood Sevastopol's importance and also knew perfectly well what Sam was doing--might not take Sam's s__t lying down like so many North African countries during the "Arab Spring". No, that nasty McBear did what only a nasty, power-crazed man would do with so much on the line: he said, "Eff you, U. Crane. Eff you, Uncle Sam. The people around Sevastopol want to live in my house anyway. Screw your lease. I now declare Crimea a part of the McBear yard. If you don't like it: nuke me."
Kindly old Sam wasn't used to this. A nation standing up to his s__t in the 21st Century? The nerve! What if other nations started standing up to his s__t (that he stirred up in them for their own good)?
But kindly Sam wasn't without allies. Oh no. He wasn't without influence. "Mr. McBear is evil! Throw him out of the G-8 market!" he cried in the Town Hall. "He's evil! Don't buy anything from him or sell anything to him!" He cried in all the newspapers. "He's evil! Don't lend money to him! Don't let him come to PTA meetings!" He cried to the banks and the grocers and the schools. And most of the people who lived on the west side of the street with old Sam did as he said. Not because Sam was wealthy, influential, and the de facto king of everything on the street, but because he was so noble and kindly, and that mean Mr. McBear certainly wasn't very nice.
So there you have it: the reason Russia is no longer in the G-8.
If Uncle Sam wants to let them back in, more power to him.
