- Joined
- Sep 20, 2017
- Messages
- 3,099
- Reaction score
- 278
- Location
- Gold Coast, Australia
- Gender
- Male
- Political Leaning
- Very Conservative
She wouldn’t get paid.
Here’s how it would go:
Scene: Trump Tower, New York. Trump sits down with Roseanne Barr
Trump: Thanks for supporting me on your new show, Roseanne.
Barr: Aw, that’s okay. That don’t mean I’m not a liberal, though the Left now hates me.
Trump: Sure. Listen Roseanne, I was recently called some horrible names by Valerie Jarrett.
Barr: Really? I didn’t hear about it.
Trump: It was private – not on TV.
Barr: Oh.
Trump: I’d like you to do something for me, and I’ll pay you for it.
Barr: Okay, like what?
Trump: I want you to go on Twitter and tweet a message.
Barr: What would it say?
Trump: You would call Valerie Jarrett an ape.
Barr: Um… no way - I’d get canned.
Trump: Which is why I’ll pay you ten million clams.
Barr: Ten million? For saying Valerie Jarrett is an ape?
Trump: Yup.
[Later that night Trump logs onto Twitter, looks at Roseanne’s tweets and calls Roseanne]
Barr: Hello?
Trump: What the hell, Roseanne?
Barr: What?
Trump: Your tweet! It says, “muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby=vj.”
Barr: Uh huh.
Trump: That’s not what I asked for!
Barr: Not good enough?
Trump: It doesn’t say Valerie Jarrett is an ape!
Barr: No, well like I say, I didn’t want to get canned.
Trump: I don’t get it…
Barr: I used a time honored method to insult her, without really insulting her.
Trump: I don’t get it. What are you talking about?
Barr: You know, like when the creators of South Park wanted to say that Tom Cruise was gay, but he would have sued them.
Trump: I don’t watch South Park.
Barr: They had him go in a closet and others asked him to come out. Then he says, “No, I’m not coming out of the closet,” and this repeats over. See it on YouTube.
Trump: Okay…
Barr: So I didn’t break any rules by using words that could get me canned.
Trump: Yeah, but it didn’t have enough oomph, so I can’t really pay you.
Barr: Why not?
Trump: Roseanne, don’t break my balls. You didn’t call her an ape!
[Later Trump gets a call from Barr]
Trump: Hi Roseanne.
Barr: Donald, I’ve been canned.
Trump: Why?
Barr: They say I called Valerie Jarrett an ape!
Trump: But you didn’t!
Barr: I know.
Trump: That’s the Left for you.
Barr: Hundreds will lose their jobs now.
Trump: What will you do?
Barr: My advisors say I have to grovel and apologize even though I called nobody an ape.
Trump: Man, that sucks. See, now if you did it my way, at least you’d have the cash…
Barr: Yes, I should have called her an ape, since I'm being punished for that.
Trump: I can’t believe those idiots. All they accomplished was to piss off fans of your show.
Here’s how it would go:
Scene: Trump Tower, New York. Trump sits down with Roseanne Barr
Trump: Thanks for supporting me on your new show, Roseanne.
Barr: Aw, that’s okay. That don’t mean I’m not a liberal, though the Left now hates me.
Trump: Sure. Listen Roseanne, I was recently called some horrible names by Valerie Jarrett.
Barr: Really? I didn’t hear about it.
Trump: It was private – not on TV.
Barr: Oh.
Trump: I’d like you to do something for me, and I’ll pay you for it.
Barr: Okay, like what?
Trump: I want you to go on Twitter and tweet a message.
Barr: What would it say?
Trump: You would call Valerie Jarrett an ape.
Barr: Um… no way - I’d get canned.
Trump: Which is why I’ll pay you ten million clams.
Barr: Ten million? For saying Valerie Jarrett is an ape?
Trump: Yup.
[Later that night Trump logs onto Twitter, looks at Roseanne’s tweets and calls Roseanne]
Barr: Hello?
Trump: What the hell, Roseanne?
Barr: What?
Trump: Your tweet! It says, “muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby=vj.”
Barr: Uh huh.
Trump: That’s not what I asked for!
Barr: Not good enough?
Trump: It doesn’t say Valerie Jarrett is an ape!
Barr: No, well like I say, I didn’t want to get canned.
Trump: I don’t get it…
Barr: I used a time honored method to insult her, without really insulting her.
Trump: I don’t get it. What are you talking about?
Barr: You know, like when the creators of South Park wanted to say that Tom Cruise was gay, but he would have sued them.
Trump: I don’t watch South Park.
Barr: They had him go in a closet and others asked him to come out. Then he says, “No, I’m not coming out of the closet,” and this repeats over. See it on YouTube.
Trump: Okay…
Barr: So I didn’t break any rules by using words that could get me canned.
Trump: Yeah, but it didn’t have enough oomph, so I can’t really pay you.
Barr: Why not?
Trump: Roseanne, don’t break my balls. You didn’t call her an ape!
[Later Trump gets a call from Barr]
Trump: Hi Roseanne.
Barr: Donald, I’ve been canned.
Trump: Why?
Barr: They say I called Valerie Jarrett an ape!
Trump: But you didn’t!
Barr: I know.
Trump: That’s the Left for you.
Barr: Hundreds will lose their jobs now.
Trump: What will you do?
Barr: My advisors say I have to grovel and apologize even though I called nobody an ape.
Trump: Man, that sucks. See, now if you did it my way, at least you’d have the cash…
Barr: Yes, I should have called her an ape, since I'm being punished for that.
Trump: I can’t believe those idiots. All they accomplished was to piss off fans of your show.