I’ll try and steer clear of psychologically evaluating your wife, but if you really care about her you might want to focus on helping to build up her own self confidence rather than forcing her to rely on a savior to rescue her.
Did I imply she needed rescuing?
If so then I suppose she must give me that cause she’s pretty amazing when it comes to stuff like that.
Rather than danger, I more meant it in the way she cares about people and their feelings (to the point it causes her distress) and my disagreeableness helps with her self-care as well as being apart of her attraction to me as it consistently makes her laugh, smile and feel feminine[which can be a struggle for strong successful independent woman] She is far from the only one where I have this dynamic. I am also not sure I could do my career or community work very well if I had too high of agreeableness: I am in morally grey, high stress and emotional manipulative situation on the regular. In some ways its a survive tool.
One of my oldest friends is married to the most disagreeable woman I know, she is actually attracted to him cause he is so high in agreeable distress, this causes him to have a unique fascination and allure when she does and says everything without the filter which she find irresistible. The odd loving “bickering” dynamic is comforting to them both. So it not even that I am saying this is a gendered thing although thats certainly how the averages fall. I would think having an agreeable and disagreeable parents is an advantage as it develops and builds different aspects of a child character. I think it is important to have that kind of personality diversity on a leadership team although career wise your ratios not going to 1:1 as disagreeable people have an easier time in the leadership dynamic and you don’t want burn out half your leadership team.
Salon said:
I want to be really careful here, but there are certain personalities of people who actually are somewhat drawn to mean men, but are much more vulnerable. I’m not labeling women with these characteristics; it’s all of us, but we need to be mindful that mean men can be more devastating to people whose personalities have*some self-doubt in it. Where they like to avoid conflict, they’re really allergic to conflict. They have high needs for approval, [and] stay far away from anger. So the result — man or woman — in the face of a mean man [they] will just shrink.
:lamo And modern feminist theorists wonder why they are the claimed to be the new misogynists?
Self-doubt is healthy. Avoiding or being allergic to conflict is healthy. Seeking approval is normal.
“Mean men” don’t sink agreeable personalities. Agreeable personalities disarm the meanness and often make allies. Soft power is just if not more potent than hard power. To use my wife again, you think I will use my meanness on her everytime we disagree? That'd be ridiculous and horribly unhealthy for both of us…her soft power, would have me bend to her will by request alone but this has limits. There are contexts where the other is more advantagous and vice versa.
Salon said:
If you bring women into power and positions where they have authority, [men are]*threatened by that. They’re very threatened.
:lamo or we[men and women] just don’t trust them when leadership decisions are clearly based on feelings. Logic and reason are the basis of subordination. Leaders need to show logic drives them - this is apart of why confidence is needed(even puffed up). There is a reason higharchies are not the preferred “female” social model. You think if soldiers thought their generals were basing their war decisions on gut / feeling not merited experience and logic the army wouldn't lose morale then mutiny? There is wiggle room but pass a threshold and you’ll always have insubordination, be it a woman or man in “charge” or and regarless of the subordinates gender.
If we want emotionally driven people in hard power we'd need to reorganize businesses from a higharchy structure. Never make them in "charge" per say only influentional. This is why in female dominated work environments that exactly what I do and it improves the morale and kills so much drama over night. The infighting when rank is pulled in these emotional dominated environments is insane and good for no one. Can you do that everywhere though? No, more disagreeable people have the exact opposite happen to them. They love knowing where they stand. They love dominence and submission. So highachies are where they thrive. Sales men want to be the best not necessasily make the most....
Salon said:
Lipton*argues that the initial success of mean men is often fleeting*and they*“ultimately destroy brand value,*drive away customers and impact the bottom line.”
So why not go into the market and flourish my friend? :lamo
