Techniques of Emotional Abuse
The Overbearing Opinion–Another person refuses to consider your opinion and forces you to always accept his or here.
The Person Who is Always Right–Whenever there is a disagreement of any sort, this person always has to be right and have the last say.
The Put-Down Artist–The person who uses comments like “You’re crazy! How could anyone think such a stupid thing?” to devalue your decisions and feelings.
Techniques of the Verbal Abuser
Countering—-“By countering his partner, the verbal abuser is saying, I can think for both of us. What you think is wrong. What I think is right. If I can get you to doubt yourself, I can control you more easily. “
Discounting—-“By discounting his partner’s perceptions, the verbal abuser is saying, I can decree the worthlessness of your perceptions and actions. I am not accountable. I can stay in control.”
Blocking and diverting—-“By thwarting his partner, the verbal abuser is saying, I do not accept any responsibility to respond to you as a rational person, so I can change the conservation at will -I am in control.”
Accusing and blaming—-“By blaming his partner for his abuse of her, the verbal abuser is saying, You are to blame for your pain and for everything I say or do to you and for everything that isn’t the way I want it to be , so I do not have to stop my behavior. I’m in control.”
Judging and criticizing—-“By judging and criticizing his partner, the verbal abuser is saying, When I tell you what is wrong with your thoughts and actions, I put myself in charge of you and therefore in control of you.”
Trivializing—-“By pretending that his partner, or her actions or perceptions or opinions or thoughts or concerns, are less than they are, the verbal abuser is saying, When you see how insignificant you are, I will have more power over you.”
Undermining—-“By undermining his partner, the verbal abuser is saying, When I erode your confidence and lessen your determination, you are easier to control.”
Threatening—-“With this very obvious means of control, the verbal abuser is saying, I have Power Over you. I am in control. Do as I say. If you don’t, I’ll . . ., or if you don’t, you might get hurt – implying physical harm by a fit of rage or by an unspoken threat like punching the wall.”
Name calling—-“By calling names, the abuser is saying, You do not exist. You are annihilated, you are now BLANK. Now that you are wiped out, I’m in control, just like in a war.”
Forgetting—-“When the abuser regularly forgets appointments, agreements and/or incidents, he is saying, I’m in control of your time, energy, or reality and I don’t have to be accountable because I’m in control.”
Ordering and demanding—-“With these direct displays of control, the verbal abuser is saying, I have a right to assert Power Over you in an overt act of control. If all the other intimidating behaviors achieved my goal, you will do as I demand.”
Denial—-“By denying all of his abusive behavior, the abuser is saying, I can keep everything exactly as it is, with you under my control, and I will not be held accountable.”
