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Cry closets up on college campus

JMR said:
Well Jeez, if Tucker freaking Carson sees the danger...I guess it should be taken away immediately!

Much ado about nothing. They can just scream out a window instead.
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Or keep it together and act like an adult. Finals are very low stress compared to real life.
 
Slingshot Bob said:
Sorry about that Mam. What gives you the idea it is satire?
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I take it as satire even if it isn't meant to be by the "artist." It's a prime example of Poe's law.

Our colleges have become so ridiculous we can't tell if a closet erected in a library filled with plush toys for adults to go have a thumb sucking cry session is a parody of this or not.

A cry closet with plush children's toys...for adults...really?
 
Thx said:
What they do is, they have a closet to have their breakdown in privacy, then they go out on their facebook and whine for the next three years. :cool:
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Then graduate with massive student debt likely never to find a job in their field of study. Then maybe feel a little silly for crying over a test.
 
Slingshot Bob said:
Different strokes for different folk. Personally I think a fish tank would be better and not so "ridiculable"

Watching fish lowers blood pressure and tames the savage beast.
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Ok, this is a good post to jump in at... Hi, Bob. :)

So, a bit of a sharing with you, man. While I might not be the target market for a "cry closet", because I grew up in a different generation and have enough ingrained shame and fear of ridicule, I would probably have benefited a lot from it. Reason being, I have general anxiety disorder, which means that my brain tries to convince me all the time that I am in danger, or that my loves ones hate me, or that I'm dying, or that I have no worth, or that I have forgotten something that will lead to my or someone else's harm...pretty much all day, every day. And it's not just thoughts, it calls on the whole fight / flight system in my body as well - changes of heart rate, breathing, adrenaline rushes, stomach cramps, muscle aches...all great stuff for the brain to do if you're about to get chased by a tiger, but not so great if I'm studying for a test, or trying to do my job. On top of that, I'm one of the lucky guys that can't take prescription meds, because they react poorly in my body, and push me directly into deep depression. The only thing that works for me is pot (also not great for studying for a test, glad that's long behind me), and an extraordinary amount of effort to stick to the mind tricks I need to play against myself, and constantly have to change and update through therapy. My job is such that I can't medicate at all during the day...and I don't medicate around my 5 year old, so my finish line comes around 8:30 - 9:00 at night. This buys me a couple hours of down time when I get to feel a little "normal", in that I don't have 8 or 10 layers of anxiety constantly running through my brain, followed by the precious ability to fall asleep.

Now, I work, and I have an extremely responsible, high stress job, and I'm really good at it. But, if I show any of this at work, I'm done for, thanks to the continued stigma around mental illness. Also, I don't like people calling me "pathetic". My brain does that enough for me on a near constant basis, that fight is enough. So I don't ask for any special treatment, and every day the anxiety builds, until that 8:30 - 9:00 at night point, where I can finally breathe. But sometimes I can't make it till then, and I have to release some pressure. Thank goodness my place of work has private bathrooms, so I can duck out for a couple minutes to be "pathetic", so that I can return to my very high stress and responsible job, albeit with the added sense of being less than because of knowing how some of my coworkers, and likely my boss, would think or say about me if they knew that I needed to get away from it all for a sec to deal with something as "weak" as my mental illness.

So you're probably not surprised that despite having grown up watching the same John Wayne and Indiana Jones movies as all the rest of my peers, I wouldn't have a problem with this initiative. Will give you this to chew on here:

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/stress-anxiety-depression-mental-illness-increases-study-finds/

Chances are, the type of person that would use these "cry closets" (holy ****, you'd think they could give it a more dignified name) is someone who needs them. Most likely they are folks who are brave enough to take on the challenge of bettering themselves and getting an education, despite the fact that it would be much harder for them than someone not struggling with mental illness. That's strength, man, that's bravery. And it's wisdom to know when the load you are carrying is becoming more than you can handle, and taking steps to make sure you can continue to carry that load, no matter what other people think of you for doing so. That's bravery too.

So, maybe you like fish tanks better. I'm for them, it would be a good solution for some. But maybe show a little compassion for those folks who think a "cry closet" is a better option. Sometimes you can't control the sobs when you have an anxiety disorder, no matter how tough you are. If we were to cry in front of you, we'd be ridiculed too, so at least afford them the dignity of being able to do so in private without ridiculing them for that as well.

Just trying to present the other side, bud...go easy on these guys, chances are if they need this they have it tough enough already.
 
vesper said:
If not stuffed animals how about devices that are hand held for stress relief? Little squishy handheld items or whatever!

The idea that a college student needs a closet to cry or a safe space or any other bull **** reveals directly on the failure of parents who have not done their job in preparing their kids to leave home and attend college. Anyone student needing a closet to cry or a safe space is a kid belonging to a parent who failed to raise their child in the way they should go.
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Or maybe they are learning coping skills, instead of not knowing how to cope, and shooting up a workplace when they get fired, because they simply did not know how to handle stress?

Parental failure happens all the time. It's a fact of life. We have programs in place to keep kids from having unsafe sex (which could be a failure of the parents). We have programs in place to keep kids from drinking, or doing drugs (which could be considered a failure of the parents). Why not have something in place to help kids handle stress?

We have a long history of minimalizing mental health issues and not considering them as big a deal as other issues. Maybe that's what happening here.
 
Your Star said:
Why is it stupid? What makes a way to relive stress adult? If it provides help to someone and helps them achieve their goals why should it be frowned upon?

Why do people feel the need to police other people's coping mechanisms?
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It has nothing to do with policing other peoples coping mechanisms. It has to do with being an adult. If you (generalized "you") want to go cry then fine, do so. Just do it in a private area instead of going into a box designed for children and placed in a public place. When you are in public and an adult you're expected to act like an adult. If you can't then there is something seriously wrong with your mental attitude. Life is not safe. It is not fair. It is not easy. Nor is it supposed to be any of those. If you can't handle cramming for a test then how the hell are you going to handle the rest of life?
 
Superfly said:
Or maybe they are learning coping skills, instead of not knowing how to cope, and shooting up a workplace when they get fired, because they simply did not know how to handle stress?

Parental failure happens all the time. It's a fact of life. We have programs in place to keep kids from having unsafe sex (which could be a failure of the parents). We have programs in place to keep kids from drinking, or doing drugs (which could be considered a failure of the parents). Why not have something in place to help kids handle stress?

We have a long history of minimalizing mental health issues and not considering them as big a deal as other issues. Maybe that's what happening here.
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Except that these college students are not kids. They're adults. They need to start acting like it.
 
PirateMk1 said:
I understand the taking a break part, what I don't understand is the necessity to hide in a glorified closet to do that.
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How is sitting in the closet any different than sitting in a dorm room, or your bedroom, or an empty classroom? It's just geography.
 
Your Star said:
Sometimes it's nice to have a collective permission/reminder to actually take care of yourself. We glorify all nighters and not sleeping/eating to work. It can take a lot to overcome that expectation.
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This thread is living proof of that.
 
Slingshot Bob said:
Different strokes for different folk. Personally I think a fish tank would be better and not so "ridiculable"

Watching fish lowers blood pressure and tames the savage beast.
Click to expand...

So what's the difference in watching a fish tank, and going into an empty room for a few minutes? Both are tools used to relieve stress. How is it that one is subject to ridicule and the other is not?
 
Your Star said:
Why is it stupid? What makes a way to relive stress adult? If it provides help to someone and helps them achieve their goals why should it be frowned upon?

Why do people feel the need to police other people's coping mechanisms?
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Change bad. *grunts*
 
OlNate said:
Ok, this is a good post to jump in at... Hi, Bob. :)

So, a bit of a sharing with you, man. While I might not be the target market for a "cry closet", because I grew up in a different generation and have enough ingrained shame and fear of ridicule, I would probably have benefited a lot from it. Reason being, I have general anxiety disorder, which means that my brain tries to convince me all the time that I am in danger, or that my loves ones hate me, or that I'm dying, or that I have no worth, or that I have forgotten something that will lead to my or someone else's harm...pretty much all day, every day. And it's not just thoughts, it calls on the whole fight / flight system in my body as well - changes of heart rate, breathing, adrenaline rushes, stomach cramps, muscle aches...all great stuff for the brain to do if you're about to get chased by a tiger, but not so great if I'm studying for a test, or trying to do my job. On top of that, I'm one of the lucky guys that can't take prescription meds, because they react poorly in my body, and push me directly into deep depression. The only thing that works for me is pot (also not great for studying for a test, glad that's long behind me), and an extraordinary amount of effort to stick to the mind tricks I need to play against myself, and constantly have to change and update through therapy. My job is such that I can't medicate at all during the day...and I don't medicate around my 5 year old, so my finish line comes around 8:30 - 9:00 at night. This buys me a couple hours of down time when I get to feel a little "normal", in that I don't have 8 or 10 layers of anxiety constantly running through my brain, followed by the precious ability to fall asleep.

Now, I work, and I have an extremely responsible, high stress job, and I'm really good at it. But, if I show any of this at work, I'm done for, thanks to the continued stigma around mental illness. Also, I don't like people calling me "pathetic". My brain does that enough for me on a near constant basis, that fight is enough. So I don't ask for any special treatment, and every day the anxiety builds, until that 8:30 - 9:00 at night point, where I can finally breathe. But sometimes I can't make it till then, and I have to release some pressure. Thank goodness my place of work has private bathrooms, so I can duck out for a couple minutes to be "pathetic", so that I can return to my very high stress and responsible job, albeit with the added sense of being less than because of knowing how some of my coworkers, and likely my boss, would think or say about me if they knew that I needed to get away from it all for a sec to deal with something as "weak" as my mental illness.

So you're probably not surprised that despite having grown up watching the same John Wayne and Indiana Jones movies as all the rest of my peers, I wouldn't have a problem with this initiative. Will give you this to chew on here:

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/stress-anxiety-depression-mental-illness-increases-study-finds/

Chances are, the type of person that would use these "cry closets" (holy ****, you'd think they could give it a more dignified name) is someone who needs them. Most likely they are folks who are brave enough to take on the challenge of bettering themselves and getting an education, despite the fact that it would be much harder for them than someone not struggling with mental illness. That's strength, man, that's bravery. And it's wisdom to know when the load you are carrying is becoming more than you can handle, and taking steps to make sure you can continue to carry that load, no matter what other people think of you for doing so. That's bravery too.

So, maybe you like fish tanks better. I'm for them, it would be a good solution for some. But maybe show a little compassion for those folks who think a "cry closet" is a better option. Sometimes you can't control the sobs when you have an anxiety disorder, no matter how tough you are. If we were to cry in front of you, we'd be ridiculed too, so at least afford them the dignity of being able to do so in private without ridiculing them for that as well.

Just trying to present the other side, bud...go easy on these guys, chances are if they need this they have it tough enough already.
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Beautiful post, Nate. Very well said.
 
Cry closets up on college campus
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luckily, i had a dorm room with no roommate. i did need a puke closet for final exam season sometimes, though. something about the stress of that used to really **** me up. campus doctor sent me home and rescheduled my exams one time because i started puking and didn't stop for days. luckily, this mostly resolved by the time i hit grad school. it has happened a couple times during extremely stressful periods as an adult, but my stomach has gotten better with age, or else the medicine has. maybe both.
 
Helix said:
luckily, i had a dorm room with no roommate. i did need a puke closet for final exam season sometimes, though. something about the stress of that used to really **** me up. campus doctor sent me home and rescheduled my exams one time because i started puking and didn't stop for days. luckily, this mostly resolved by the time i hit grad school. it has happened a couple times during extremely stressful periods as an adult, but my stomach has gotten better with age, or else the medicine has. maybe both.
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Do you get pranked?
 
Your Star said:
As someone currently going through finals and writing papers and dealing with work and a million other commitments. That sounds wonderful. Just a nice place to take a break and breathe for 10 minutes. Sometimes you just gotta get away and take a break. Nothing wrong with that.
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How do I say this without being cruel, demeaning, or condescending

The world is a cold hard place. Life isn’t fair most of the time. Learning how to deal with all that crap is part of growing up

I guess I can see where a 10 minute break doesn’t seem outrageous...but here is what we wonder....what are you all gonna do when the pressure in on at work, and there is no timeout available to call? A lot of the new generation uses these outs during crisis type situations....your boss is going to look to you for answers at exactly those times, not expect you to be seeking a safe space

I know, at times the older generations lack any sense of what pressures you all are dealing with...but is it really that different from what we dealt with? Maybe? In some ways, your lives are much easier....in some ways, much more complex with the social media aspect. But being able to not only function, but excel in crisis mode will propel you past 90% of your peers.

So learn to cope in all types of situations, especially high stress ones. When you can excel in those...nothing will hold you back.
 
Superfly said:
Change bad. *grunts*
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I don't really think it's a matter of "change" being bad. Rather, I think it's a matter of teaching the value of being able to deal with the "life lessons" society hands out. The cream rises to the top, and the cream in this case are the strong. The weak fall behind.

I remember when my daughter thought she would die of anxiety because when we told her she had to accompany us to the home of another girl - a girl who had been suspended that day for slapping my daughter. While my daughter hadn't struck the girl, she had insulted her. I knew there would be tension between the two if the bad feelings persisted, and I knew the sooner she stood up and accept responsibility for her role in the issue -- the better it'd be for all. Her eyes were red and swollen when we got there but she apologized and, interestingly enough, the other girl's eyes were red and swollen, too. After they both apologized the other girl said she wanted to speak to our daughter in private, and while they were in the girl's bedroom, we sat and chatted with the parents. Maybe 15 minutes later they came back out, hand in hand, and announced they were now "best friends." They're still friendly today.

Point is -- if kids grow up understanding that they have to face down the tough times, it becomes much easier for them as adults. College kids that need "cry rooms" just to deal with the stress of Final's Week, or whatever, have some issues that might prove to be crippling later on in life.
 
HowardBThiname said:
I don't really think it's a matter of "change" being bad. Rather, I think it's a matter of teaching the value of being able to deal with the "life lessons" society hands out. The cream rises to the top, and the cream in this case are the strong. The weak fall behind.

I remember when my daughter thought she would die of anxiety because when we told her she had to accompany us to the home of another girl - a girl who had been suspended that day for slapping my daughter. While my daughter hadn't struck the girl, she had insulted her. I knew there would be tension between the two if the bad feelings persisted, and I knew the sooner she stood up and accept responsibility for her role in the issue -- the better it'd be for all. Her eyes were red and swollen when we got there but she apologized and, interestingly enough, the other girl's eyes were red and swollen, too. After they both apologized the other girl said she wanted to speak to our daughter in private, and while they were in the girl's bedroom, we sat and chatted with the parents. Maybe 15 minutes later they came back out, hand in hand, and announced they were now "best friends." They're still friendly today.

Point is -- if kids grow up understanding that they have to face down the tough times, it becomes much easier for them as adults. College kids that need "cry rooms" just to deal with the stress of Final's Week, or whatever, have some issues that might prove to be crippling later on in life.
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You make good points, but the closet (or honestly, anywhere a student goes to breathe, and take 5) IS teaching them how to handle tough times. I mean, there are much, much worse things that college kids can do to relieve stress. Nothing wrong with being able to handle your stress by "taking 5." I do it every day. When my husband pisses me off, I can go thermonuclear on him, or I can walk away, count to 10 and come back. That's basically the same as a "crying closet." I just don't literally go into a closet.
 
OlNate said:
Ok, this is a good post to jump in at... Hi, Bob. :)

So, a bit of a sharing with you, man. While I might not be the target market for a "cry closet", because I grew up in a different generation and have enough ingrained shame and fear of ridicule, I would probably have benefited a lot from it. Reason being, I have general anxiety disorder, which means that my brain tries to convince me all the time that I am in danger, or that my loves ones hate me, or that I'm dying, or that I have no worth, or that I have forgotten something that will lead to my or someone else's harm...pretty much all day, every day. And it's not just thoughts, it calls on the whole fight / flight system in my body as well - changes of heart rate, breathing, adrenaline rushes, stomach cramps, muscle aches...all great stuff for the brain to do if you're about to get chased by a tiger, but not so great if I'm studying for a test, or trying to do my job. On top of that, I'm one of the lucky guys that can't take prescription meds, because they react poorly in my body, and push me directly into deep depression. The only thing that works for me is pot (also not great for studying for a test, glad that's long behind me), and an extraordinary amount of effort to stick to the mind tricks I need to play against myself, and constantly have to change and update through therapy. My job is such that I can't medicate at all during the day...and I don't medicate around my 5 year old, so my finish line comes around 8:30 - 9:00 at night. This buys me a couple hours of down time when I get to feel a little "normal", in that I don't have 8 or 10 layers of anxiety constantly running through my brain, followed by the precious ability to fall asleep.

Now, I work, and I have an extremely responsible, high stress job, and I'm really good at it. But, if I show any of this at work, I'm done for, thanks to the continued stigma around mental illness. Also, I don't like people calling me "pathetic". My brain does that enough for me on a near constant basis, that fight is enough. So I don't ask for any special treatment, and every day the anxiety builds, until that 8:30 - 9:00 at night point, where I can finally breathe. But sometimes I can't make it till then, and I have to release some pressure. Thank goodness my place of work has private bathrooms, so I can duck out for a couple minutes to be "pathetic", so that I can return to my very high stress and responsible job, albeit with the added sense of being less than because of knowing how some of my coworkers, and likely my boss, would think or say about me if they knew that I needed to get away from it all for a sec to deal with something as "weak" as my mental illness.

So you're probably not surprised that despite having grown up watching the same John Wayne and Indiana Jones movies as all the rest of my peers, I wouldn't have a problem with this initiative. Will give you this to chew on here:

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/stress-anxiety-depression-mental-illness-increases-study-finds/

Chances are, the type of person that would use these "cry closets" (holy ****, you'd think they could give it a more dignified name) is someone who needs them. Most likely they are folks who are brave enough to take on the challenge of bettering themselves and getting an education, despite the fact that it would be much harder for them than someone not struggling with mental illness. That's strength, man, that's bravery. And it's wisdom to know when the load you are carrying is becoming more than you can handle, and taking steps to make sure you can continue to carry that load, no matter what other people think of you for doing so. That's bravery too.

So, maybe you like fish tanks better. I'm for them, it would be a good solution for some. But maybe show a little compassion for those folks who think a "cry closet" is a better option. Sometimes you can't control the sobs when you have an anxiety disorder, no matter how tough you are. If we were to cry in front of you, we'd be ridiculed too, so at least afford them the dignity of being able to do so in private without ridiculing them for that as well.

Just trying to present the other side, bud...go easy on these guys, chances are if they need this they have it tough enough already.
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Sorry to hear you suffer from that, I too have panic attacks but they are rare but they come out of blue. Maybe those frequent heavy doses of shrooms in my early 20's was not such a great idea?
 
ecofarm said:
Well, you're not at risk of heart attack or anything, just puking, right?
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No, I wasn't at risk of a heart attack. Just nervous stomach due to stress.
 
HowardBThiname said:
I don't really think it's a matter of "change" being bad. Rather, I think it's a matter of teaching the value of being able to deal with the "life lessons" society hands out. The cream rises to the top, and the cream in this case are the strong. The weak fall behind.

I remember when my daughter thought she would die of anxiety because when we told her she had to accompany us to the home of another girl - a girl who had been suspended that day for slapping my daughter. While my daughter hadn't struck the girl, she had insulted her. I knew there would be tension between the two if the bad feelings persisted, and I knew the sooner she stood up and accept responsibility for her role in the issue -- the better it'd be for all. Her eyes were red and swollen when we got there but she apologized and, interestingly enough, the other girl's eyes were red and swollen, too. After they both apologized the other girl said she wanted to speak to our daughter in private, and while they were in the girl's bedroom, we sat and chatted with the parents. Maybe 15 minutes later they came back out, hand in hand, and announced they were now "best friends." They're still friendly today.

Point is -- if kids grow up understanding that they have to face down the tough times, it becomes much easier for them as adults. College kids that need "cry rooms" just to deal with the stress of Final's Week, or whatever, have some issues that might prove to be crippling later on in life.
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Hi, Howie...

If I could, I would direct you to my post #56, and keep it in mind when answering, should you decide to.

In a way I think you're right - kids need to learn to deal with their anxiety so that they can face the hardships that life throws at them, and I think what you did with your daughter was great, sincerely. But why can't unburdening themselves from the toxicity of the tough guy/gal template and doing things that actually helps them reduce or eliminate those feelings of anxiety be a part of that? It's crying in private...what's the harm? No one is saying they get to skip the exam, no one is holding them to any different standard than people who don't need this form of release. If they struggle with anxiety, which is more and more common these days, wouldn't giving them tools to deal with that anxiety, regardless of "silly" or "pathetic" those tools seem to "normal" folks, be equipping them to face down the tough times as adults?

I'll leave you with a bit of science...crying is a part of our biological coping system, it's natural, we were made to do it when things get overwhelming. If society today ridicules it, perhaps providing a private place to do so, just like we have when we need to relieve ourselves in a more tangible way (aka, the bathroom), isn't such a bad idea. Nobody makes fun of us when we need to take a break from things to have a poop...maybe it helps to think of it that way?

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-...y-do-we-cry-the-science-of-tears-9741287.html
 
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