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How to let a lady down easy.... On Christmas?

EMNofSeattle said:
So here's the set up,

There's a lady I'm friends with from Church, who I'm certain likes me, we went out for coffee once and talked a little in person, and so she asked If I wanted to join her for a Christmas service at the Church, which is good and well but then after some more talking (over facebook PMs) she indicates she wants me to meet her parents. Now this bothers me for a few reasons but the biggest is that I never really suspected this lady was interested in me relationship wise, and while this has been going on I've met a different lady who lives in California that I'm flying down to see in a couple weeks, lady number 2 I've spent maybe totally 20 hours on the phone/facetime with and I feel we connect in every single way, and so since I feel connected to lady number 2, I really know I need to make it clear to #1 that I'm not interested in further then friends. I'm not somebody who can play the field especially if things are serious. (see my previous thread "online dating woes")

So my question is, I've made the decision in my mind I need to tell the first lady I'm not interested in her further then regular friends (I've been friends with this lady now for a year and we're in the same social circle) Is there a best way to word a rejection that's respectful?

I've never had to reject a lady before And I want some advice on this.
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I will say this as kindly as I can. Please gird your loins, and by that I mean, in the direct sense of the old testament of the Christian Bible. Like warriors did before the 2nd temple did. Yanow? Get that cloth stuff RIGHT up in there.

There is no way, in the seven Hells that are known, and in all the known dimensions in the multiverse that we know (but you won't) through quantum mathematics, that any woman worth knowing, dating or marrying or ever speaking to, would ever come withint 100 square miles of you.

Literally all women worth knowing hate you. Literally. I've spoken to them. Every ****ing one of them. At PF Chang's, in restrooms at Ryder Truck Rentals and, without any irony, I just asked my most beloved niece about this. She hangs the moon for me, and she's only six years old.

She ****ing HATES you.

Hey! Merry Christmas!
 
SDET said:
If you decide to take my advice on the record search, you should look for both criminal and civil court records.
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This reminds me of Irema. She was born in Brazil and there she was something special. She was working as a Stewardess for an airline and she met and fell in love with her pastor husband. He brought his bride to CA. I met her in a school setting. She seemed to be attracted to me. She was also a Widow.

Anyway, we dated and she had some strange quirks. I later learned as she dated me, she was also a prostitute. When I learned that, I confronted her and dumped her. I checked her records today and she got married and is now 85. She is 4 years my senior. When we dated I was in my 50s.
 
GreatNews2night said:
That's overdoing it. No need to be cruel and to make lady #1 jealous. It's sufficient to casually make lady #1 aware that the OP is romantically interested in lady #2.
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That was my motivation as well. I have no problem with your suggestion. I was not thinking he would be cruel to lady 1.
 
EMNofSeattle said:
So here's the set up,

There's a lady I'm friends with from Church, who I'm certain likes me, we went out for coffee once and talked a little in person, and so she asked If I wanted to join her for a Christmas service at the Church, which is good and well but then after some more talking (over facebook PMs) she indicates she wants me to meet her parents. Now this bothers me for a few reasons but the biggest is that I never really suspected this lady was interested in me relationship wise, and while this has been going on I've met a different lady who lives in California that I'm flying down to see in a couple weeks, lady number 2 I've spent maybe totally 20 hours on the phone/facetime with and I feel we connect in every single way, and so since I feel connected to lady number 2, I really know I need to make it clear to #1 that I'm not interested in further then friends. I'm not somebody who can play the field especially if things are serious. (see my previous thread "online dating woes")

So my question is, I've made the decision in my mind I need to tell the first lady I'm not interested in her further then regular friends (I've been friends with this lady now for a year and we're in the same social circle) Is there a best way to word a rejection that's respectful?

I've never had to reject a lady before And I want some advice on this.
Click to expand...

Mention to her your old boyfriend unexpectedly called you to wish you a Merry Christmas.
 
Tanngrisnir said:
I will say this as kindly as I can. Please gird your loins, and by that I mean, in the direct sense of the old testament of the Christian Bible. Like warriors did before the 2nd temple did. Yanow? Get that cloth stuff RIGHT up in there.

There is no way, in the seven Hells that are known, and in all the known dimensions in the multiverse that we know (but you won't) through quantum mathematics, that any woman worth knowing, dating or marrying or ever speaking to, would ever come withint 100 square miles of you.

Literally all women worth knowing hate you. Literally. I've spoken to them. Every ****ing one of them. At PF Chang's, in restrooms at Ryder Truck Rentals and, without any irony, I just asked my most beloved niece about this. She hangs the moon for me, and she's only six years old.

She ****ing HATES you.

Hey! Merry Christmas!
Click to expand...

LOL, hilarious!
 
Robertinfremont said:
This reminds me of Irema. She was born in Brazil and there she was something special. She was working as a Stewardess for an airline and she met and fell in love with her pastor husband. He brought his bride to CA. I met her in a school setting. She seemed to be attracted to me. She was also a Widow.

Anyway, we dated and she had some strange quirks. I later learned as she dated me, she was also a prostitute. When I learned that, I confronted her and dumped her. I checked her records today and she got married and is now 85. She is 4 years my senior. When we dated I was in my 50s.
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Huh, are you a member of the Department of Too Much Information?
 
Robertinfremont said:
That was my motivation as well. I have no problem with your suggestion. I was not thinking he would be cruel to lady 1.
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Talk a lot about the other lady, invite her to meet the other one? Too much, and humiliating. I'd mention the other lady once, and maybe not even directly to her, but to one of her friends (who would certainly, given human nature, immediately relay it to her).
 
GreatNews2night said:
Talk a lot about the other lady, invite her to meet the other one? Too much, and humiliating. I'd mention the other lady once, and maybe not even directly to her, but to one of her friends (who would certainly, given human nature, immediately relay it to her).
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So you want one of other friends of hers to take the fall. Well, that to me does seem cruel.
 
Tanngrisnir said:
I will say this as kindly as I can. Please gird your loins, and by that I mean, in the direct sense of the old testament of the Christian Bible. Like warriors did before the 2nd temple did. Yanow? Get that cloth stuff RIGHT up in there.

There is no way, in the seven Hells that are known, and in all the known dimensions in the multiverse that we know (but you won't) through quantum mathematics, that any woman worth knowing, dating or marrying or ever speaking to, would ever come withint 100 square miles of you.

Literally all women worth knowing hate you. Literally. I've spoken to them. Every ****ing one of them. At PF Chang's, in restrooms at Ryder Truck Rentals and, without any irony, I just asked my most beloved niece about this. She hangs the moon for me, and she's only six years old.

She ****ing HATES you.

Hey! Merry Christmas!
Click to expand...

Logically, his solution then is to find a woman not worth knowing.
 
Robertinfremont said:
So you want one of other friends of hers to take the fall. Well, that to me does seem cruel.
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No, I mean, he has mentioned that they belong to the same circle of Church friends. So, if he mentions to one of them that he is interested in someone else (like sharing good news with friends), this will end up being mentioned to lady #1 in a non-confrontational manner, sparing her of the humiliation of him having to tell her "I'm only interested in being friends with you." It's a way for her to save face, it's not cruel at all. Or he might mention it in front of her to a group of friends, "hey guys and gals, good news, I think I'm falling in love, I'll be going to California to visit the lady I think I'm in love with; I only met and chatted with her online so we'll see, but I'm excited about her." This would allow lady #1 to silently conclude "oh, he is not interested in me romantically" and be able to continue the friendship without any humiliating confrontation.
 
Robertinfremont said:
That is a major problem with forums. Since they do not know me, they rush to judgement.
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I'm just saying, you're disclosing too much personal information, saying the name of your ex-girlfriend, her age, your age, her country of origin, her profession, the fact that she was a former prostitute and has kinky sexual mores, and if your avatar is your real house and your real picture, even worse. Beware, the Internet is full of trolls; this is just friendly advice: don't reveal too much about yourself and about her; keep it anonymous. See, if she is married now, she wouldn't want to be identified and ousted as a former prostitute. If you reveal too much in a public forum, you may bump into readers who know you and her in real life. Actually in a situation like that, if you give away identifying information and say she is a former prostitute and she is ousted by a common acquaintance, she'd even be entitled to suing you and/or pressing criminal charges.
 
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So here’s what happened, I went with her to the service, I very briefly met her parents in the foyer of the church after the service, however I was (and this wasn’t an excuse, this was a midnight service and I had been up since three the previous morning) very tired so I excused myself and went home. She didn’t try to discuss anything relationship wise and so I didn’t want to bring anything up, especially at 1 am on Christmas.

I’m certain she wants me to be interested, but I ended taking Justbubbas advice and not making an issue when she didn’t make one. I know at some point this might have to be addressed I just didn’t feel at any point we were actually there that it was appropriate. I basically was just sitting next to her in the pew and talking for a few minutes afterward and then said goodnight and left.
 
EMNofSeattle said:
So here’s what happened, I went with her to the service, I very briefly met her parents in the foyer of the church after the service, however I was (and this wasn’t an excuse, this was a midnight service and I had been up since three the previous morning) very tired so I excused myself and went home. She didn’t try to discuss anything relationship wise and so I didn’t want to bring anything up, especially at 1 am on Christmas.

I’m certain she wants me to be interested, but I ended taking Justbubbas advice and not making an issue when she didn’t make one. I know at some point this might have to be addressed I just didn’t feel at any point we were actually there that it was appropriate. I basically was just sitting next to her in the pew and talking for a few minutes afterward and then said goodnight and left.
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That was not so different from what I said in post #25.
Well done, anyway.
In the future you may want to mention lady #2 casually, especially if after your California trip things do get serious with lady #2.
 
EMN, certainly Tann was using humor. He never really asked a 6-year-old. (This is in response to a post you had up here but deleted)
 
GreatNews2night said:
EMN, certainly Tann was using humor. He never really asked a 6-year-old. (This is in response to a post you had up here but deleted)
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I figured, I wrote that as a snarky comment and immediately regretted it.
 
EMNofSeattle said:
So here’s what happened, I went with her to the service, I very briefly met her parents in the foyer of the church after the service, however I was (and this wasn’t an excuse, this was a midnight service and I had been up since three the previous morning) very tired so I excused myself and went home. She didn’t try to discuss anything relationship wise and so I didn’t want to bring anything up, especially at 1 am on Christmas.

I’m certain she wants me to be interested, but I ended taking Justbubbas advice and not making an issue when she didn’t make one. I know at some point this might have to be addressed I just didn’t feel at any point we were actually there that it was appropriate. I basically was just sitting next to her in the pew and talking for a few minutes afterward and then said goodnight and left.
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I'm glad you dodged the bullet.
 
Risky Thicket said:
In the case of getting some strange he'd have to have a death wish to tell her. I tried that once with a lady I was dating. There's nothing like a kick in the nuts to drive home a point being made. That was when I learned not to talk to my strange about getting strange from my strange. (One was from Hickory and the other lived in Boone.)
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Dammit risky, you foiled my plan
 
EMNofSeattle said:
So here’s what happened, I went with her to the service, I very briefly met her parents in the foyer of the church after the service, however I was (and this wasn’t an excuse, this was a midnight service and I had been up since three the previous morning) very tired so I excused myself and went home. She didn’t try to discuss anything relationship wise and so I didn’t want to bring anything up, especially at 1 am on Christmas.

I’m certain she wants me to be interested, but I ended taking Justbubbas advice and not making an issue when she didn’t make one. I know at some point this might have to be addressed I just didn’t feel at any point we were actually there that it was appropriate. I basically was just sitting next to her in the pew and talking for a few minutes afterward and then said goodnight and left.
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You aren't interested in her. But you go to church with her and meet her parents? You're stringing her along. She still thinks there's something there when you know there isn't. You need to tell her.
 
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