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Thread: When things just don't work out as planned.

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    When things just don't work out as planned.

    This morning one of the neighbors dropped by to chat with my wife. Apparently she is feeling a bit more frustrated than usual. The previous night, to celebrate her husband's 60th birthday and to bring a spark to their intimate moments, she gifted him with a visit to a high end gentleman's club, aka a strip joint. Much to her chagrin, as she admired the athletic prowess of some of the dancers, she glanced at her husband, finding him asleep. Needless to say, when they arrived home, he promptly went to bed ...... to sleep.

    My wife sympathized with her, but had no advice to offer. I, with mirth in my heart, refrained from comment. She is an attractive woman, and if I weren't married I would definitely giver her some consideration. However, I wasn't willing to say anything that might give my wife the wrong idea. Before she left, my wife suggested perhaps her husband needed the services of a physician regarding his lack of energy, not realizing he's bored with his wife and is having an affair elsewhere. Crap happens.

    After she left, I told my wife the reason for his romantic lethargy with his wife, and she responded that she never suspected the reason for the cause. Then she tersely said "You damn well better stay energetic with me," and took the dog for a walk. She rarely takes the dog for a walk, but she does accompany me when I walk the dog, occasionally. Dog was a bit confused.

    Perhaps I should have suggested to my neighbor, to release the cougar within?

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    Re: When things just don't work out as planned.

    Quote Originally Posted by OldFatGuy View Post
    This morning one of the neighbors dropped by to chat with my wife. Apparently she is feeling a bit more frustrated than usual. The previous night, to celebrate her husband's 60th birthday and to bring a spark to their intimate moments, she gifted him with a visit to a high end gentleman's club, aka a strip joint. Much to her chagrin, as she admired the athletic prowess of some of the dancers, she glanced at her husband, finding him asleep. Needless to say, when they arrived home, he promptly went to bed ...... to sleep.

    My wife sympathized with her, but had no advice to offer. I, with mirth in my heart, refrained from comment. She is an attractive woman, and if I weren't married I would definitely giver her some consideration. However, I wasn't willing to say anything that might give my wife the wrong idea. Before she left, my wife suggested perhaps her husband needed the services of a physician regarding his lack of energy, not realizing he's bored with his wife and is having an affair elsewhere. Crap happens.

    After she left, I told my wife the reason for his romantic lethargy with his wife, and she responded that she never suspected the reason for the cause. Then she tersely said "You damn well better stay energetic with me," and took the dog for a walk. She rarely takes the dog for a walk, but she does accompany me when I walk the dog, occasionally. Dog was a bit confused.

    Perhaps I should have suggested to my neighbor, to release the cougar within?
    You should have told her to leave her deceiving dirt bag of a husband. If he's that bored with her he should either open up and have an adult conversation or leave.
    I am the Chosen One


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    Re: When things just don't work out as planned.

    Quote Originally Posted by americanwoman View Post
    You should have told her to leave her deceiving dirt bag of a husband. If he's that bored with her he should either open up and have an adult conversation or leave.
    I don't believe it is my place to drop the bomb. And it may not be the right answer for her momentary dilemma. During my life, I've witnessed other husbands and wives who have strayed, yet their marital relations survived and even flourished, with and without disclosure. I've also witnessed third parties butting in, leading to catastrophic dismissal of marital relations. There is no simple answer. Years ago, I recall overhearing a conversation my mother had while playing Mahjong, about another neighbor who's husband often strayed. One them had said the woman in question declared, "I don't care, as long as he comes home to me each night." Perhaps a rationalization, perhaps not? Not too surprisingly, the women holding that conversation accepted that one woman's declaration, albeit with a few remarks about severed appendages should it have been their men. Mahjong is a tough game.

    I agree, he should have an honest conversation with his wife. However, it isn't for me to pass judgment.

    I've been fortunate, and tho tempted at times, I've enjoyed what I have at home too much to risk losing what I have at home. I also don't hold with betrayal for any reasons, no matter the issue, fidelity or other matters. I found it humorous that any man, virtuous with his wife or not, could fall asleep in a strip club. My first wife, who trusted me, knew when I visited a strip joint with some of the boys, and laughed knowingly because I came more frisky than usual. Something she viewed as a benefit. My second wife hasn't had that experience, because I long ago got bored with the hustle and fantasy, preferring the real thing at home. I'm no saint, a pretty woman can always catch my gaze. I'd be lying to myself if I claimed otherwise. My wife who knows me well, always gives me a dig when my eyes enjoy a diversion in her presence. She knows I'm a flirt with other women, but she also knows my self determined limits.

    There are no simple answers to relationship issues, nor adequate simple responses from 3rd parties. We humans, of both sexes, are far from perfect.

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    Re: When things just don't work out as planned.

    Quote Originally Posted by OldFatGuy View Post
    I don't believe it is my place to drop the bomb. And it may not be the right answer for her momentary dilemma. During my life, I've witnessed other husbands and wives who have strayed, yet their marital relations survived and even flourished, with and without disclosure. I've also witnessed third parties butting in, leading to catastrophic dismissal of marital relations. There is no simple answer. Years ago, I recall overhearing a conversation my mother had while playing Mahjong, about another neighbor who's husband often strayed. One them had said the woman in question declared, "I don't care, as long as he comes home to me each night." Perhaps a rationalization, perhaps not? Not too surprisingly, the women holding that conversation accepted that one woman's declaration, albeit with a few remarks about severed appendages should it have been their men. Mahjong is a tough game.

    I agree, he should have an honest conversation with his wife. However, it isn't for me to pass judgment.

    I've been fortunate, and tho tempted at times, I've enjoyed what I have at home too much to risk losing what I have at home. I also don't hold with betrayal for any reasons, no matter the issue, fidelity or other matters. I found it humorous that any man, virtuous with his wife or not, could fall asleep in a strip club. My first wife, who trusted me, knew when I visited a strip joint with some of the boys, and laughed knowingly because I came more frisky than usual. Something she viewed as a benefit. My second wife hasn't had that experience, because I long ago got bored with the hustle and fantasy, preferring the real thing at home. I'm no saint, a pretty woman can always catch my gaze. I'd be lying to myself if I claimed otherwise. My wife who knows me well, always gives me a dig when my eyes enjoy a diversion in her presence. She knows I'm a flirt with other women, but she also knows my self determined limits.

    There are no simple answers to relationship issues, nor adequate simple responses from 3rd parties. We humans, of both sexes, are far from perfect.
    Yes, it's easy for me to pass judgement online but in person with friends it does put you in a rather compromising position. Does sound like the person who falls asleep at a strip club is actually the boring one not the one that took them there.

    I get that "he comes home to me at night" mentality but I feel more comfortable when all parties are in the know. At some point if you are not open with each other there has to be lying and deceit and it's hard to trust someone after that.
    I am the Chosen One


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    Re: When things just don't work out as planned.

    Quote Originally Posted by americanwoman View Post
    Yes, it's easy for me to pass judgement online but in person with friends it does put you in a rather compromising position. Does sound like the person who falls asleep at a strip club is actually the boring one not the one that took them there.

    I get that "he comes home to me at night" mentality but I feel more comfortable when all parties are in the know. At some point if you are not open with each other there has to be lying and deceit and it's hard to trust someone after that.
    Trust is everything in a relationship. Everything else is based and builds on trust.

    Years ago, before I married, I met a girl who's husband left her. She was miserable. We chatted and she told me he found her boring in bed. I told her, if true, it was his fault not hers. We did party, and she was not boring in bed, quite the opposite. Just not the woman for me. We parted well, and she was more confident in herself. A few years later I ran into her, she was beaming. She had learned her former husband left her for a man. She had remarried and had recently had a baby girl, and was very happy. My future wife was with me when I ran into this woman, and later asked the back story. I told her the truth, she smacked me and smiled, saying "you're forgiven." I was very confused.

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    Re: When things just don't work out as planned.

    Quote Originally Posted by OldFatGuy View Post
    This morning one of the neighbors dropped by to chat with my wife. Apparently she is feeling a bit more frustrated than usual. The previous night, to celebrate her husband's 60th birthday and to bring a spark to their intimate moments, she gifted him with a visit to a high end gentleman's club, aka a strip joint. Much to her chagrin, as she admired the athletic prowess of some of the dancers, she glanced at her husband, finding him asleep. Needless to say, when they arrived home, he promptly went to bed ...... to sleep.

    My wife sympathized with her, but had no advice to offer. I, with mirth in my heart, refrained from comment. She is an attractive woman, and if I weren't married I would definitely giver her some consideration. However, I wasn't willing to say anything that might give my wife the wrong idea. Before she left, my wife suggested perhaps her husband needed the services of a physician regarding his lack of energy, not realizing he's bored with his wife and is having an affair elsewhere. Crap happens.

    After she left, I told my wife the reason for his romantic lethargy with his wife, and she responded that she never suspected the reason for the cause. Then she tersely said "You damn well better stay energetic with me," and took the dog for a walk. She rarely takes the dog for a walk, but she does accompany me when I walk the dog, occasionally. Dog was a bit confused.

    Perhaps I should have suggested to my neighbor, to release the cougar within?
    You need to dump that friend. Not because of the affair, but because he told you and expects you to keep the secret. In a sense, this also puts your wife and you also in a betrayal role to his wife.

    He didn't have to tell you. Instead, he deliberately put you in the middle basically to brag about it (but would deny that was his reason.) When/if his wife learns, if she also learns you knew she may see you as more betraying her than he did. She'll think you were always laughing at her behind her back and and being a fellow plotter against her - and blaming your wife too.

    You also seem to have said this is making your wife suspicious of you. Why wouldn't she be? If you'll keep secrets like that against her friend for your friends, she might conclude you and that other man have a secrecy compact, plus since he's still your friend that could be interpreted as your approval of adultery.

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    Re: When things just don't work out as planned.

    Quote Originally Posted by joko104 View Post
    You need to dump that friend. Not because of the affair, but because he told you and expects you to keep the secret. In a sense, this also puts your wife and you also in a betrayal role to his wife.

    He didn't have to tell you. Instead, he deliberately put you in the middle basically to brag about it (but would deny that was his reason.) When/if his wife learns, if she also learns you knew she may see you as more betraying her than he did. She'll think you were always laughing at her behind her back and and being a fellow plotter against her - and blaming your wife too.

    You also seem to have said this is making your wife suspicious of you. Why wouldn't she be? If you'll keep secrets like that against her friend for your friends, she might conclude you and that other man have a secrecy compact, plus since he's still your friend that could be interpreted as your approval of adultery.
    He's not my friend, he's a neighbor. We don't get to chose our neighbors.

    Had his wife not dropped by for a chat with my wife, I could care less about their personal problems.

    You misread my wife's reaction to my being a flirt. She gets a kick out of watching me flirt with my young granddaughters, nieces, grand nieces and their friends, as well as similarly young neighbors when I tell them they look pretty today in pink or some such nonsense. They always smile, act shy, flash their eyes, stumble and flush with feigned embarrassment. My wife knows my tastes, and knows my action is to be found at home with her. She loves when I flirt with her, and her sisters and friends, even when they are looking particularly unappealing.

    When her daughter, my step daughter, my daughter in law, was pregnant with the twins, near term, bloated, sweaty, disgusted with her insatiable appetites, I made a habit of telling her I wanted to jump her bones, she looked so soft and cuddly. This was often in front of my son, her husband. Any handy objects would fly in my direction, with my wife cackling in the background and a hand in front of her face hiding her grin. A year later, she laughed and told me those silly comments helped her make it through some difficult days with perspective from a dirty old man. I compliment women all the time, and keep walking, often hearing a thank you without turning around or stopping.

    BTW, nothing lurid in that relationship. My son and her daughter both lost spouses to illness, met through a self help support group for widowed single parents, fell for each other and married. My wife and I met through them, hate at first sight, and mutual love for all grandchildren brought us together a year or so later, both of us having also lost spouses to illness. She now calls me a PITA every morning, does her best to make my life miserable, and sticks her cold feet in the middle of my back every night. Life as it should be. But I find her beautiful, not merely because of how she looks, or her physical grace, but because of her self confidence, self respect and consideration for others as a feminine woman not afraid to be feminine.

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    Re: When things just don't work out as planned.

    It sounds like you're into her. Would your wife approve of a fling?

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    Re: When things just don't work out as planned.

    Quote Originally Posted by OldFatGuy View Post
    This morning one of the neighbors dropped by to chat with my wife. Apparently she is feeling a bit more frustrated than usual. The previous night, to celebrate her husband's 60th birthday and to bring a spark to their intimate moments, she gifted him with a visit to a high end gentleman's club, aka a strip joint. Much to her chagrin, as she admired the athletic prowess of some of the dancers, she glanced at her husband, finding him asleep. Needless to say, when they arrived home, he promptly went to bed ...... to sleep.

    My wife sympathized with her, but had no advice to offer. I, with mirth in my heart, refrained from comment. She is an attractive woman, and if I weren't married I would definitely giver her some consideration. However, I wasn't willing to say anything that might give my wife the wrong idea. Before she left, my wife suggested perhaps her husband needed the services of a physician regarding his lack of energy, not realizing he's bored with his wife and is having an affair elsewhere. Crap happens.

    After she left, I told my wife the reason for his romantic lethargy with his wife, and she responded that she never suspected the reason for the cause. Then she tersely said "You damn well better stay energetic with me," and took the dog for a walk. She rarely takes the dog for a walk, but she does accompany me when I walk the dog, occasionally. Dog was a bit confused.

    Perhaps I should have suggested to my neighbor, to release the cougar within?
    Snitch. Now the whole neighborhood will know.

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    Re: When things just don't work out as planned.

    Quote Originally Posted by Waddy View Post
    Snitch. Now the whole neighborhood will know.
    The whole neighborhood already knew. How do you think I found out?

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