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Are religious beliefs important when looking for a partner?

Just for the record, EMN does not speak for "the Church".

I'm aware. He speaks for a segment of the American RCC, who think they need to out-misogyny the hardcore Baptists.
 
I'm aware. He speaks for a segment of the American RCC, who think they need to out-misogyny the hardcore Baptists.

Yeah....there are some churches that I would be terrified to step into, given the rhetoric of some of their members...
 
It's going to vary person by person, bud. It's tempting to say the world would be perfect if everyone was like me, but pretty quickly it becomes apparent that that would be boring AF. :)

I feel like most of the things we discuss down here are broader issues than maybe we allow. Asking someone to change anything fundamental about themselves is a tricky thing, and people will react differently to it. My wife and I are not different religions, but we are different denominations within the same religion that don't really align on some big topics. Baptism was mentioned, for example. There are family pressures that exist, and include the religious stuff, but also whose family hosts Christmas or Thanksgiving, whether or not a particular uncle would be remembered in our son's middle name, whether or not our kid should be vaccinated (yup, we got those in the mix too...lol). The list is endless, as I would imagine it to be in any family, but the vast majority of it is well meaning. Some of it has merit, and is worth listening to. Some of it is an easy concession to make when they're around, such as being discreet about not leaving my rum on my desk when her folks come around. And some of it gets met with a firm but respectful rejection. And we all still come together and love one another....it's on me, whether or not I let disapproving glances get to me, or if I let it remain their problem - whether their issue is religious, or any of the other things that people feel strongly about - we do NOT discuss politics...lol...at all.

For me, I can see making these decisions as a personal thing. I could be in a relationship with a person who has no religion, or holds a different religion than I do, but I could not be in a relationship with someone who demanded I changed a core belief to be with them. But while I did not set out to look for a "good Christian girl" (I didn't even really find out about my wife's religious background until it was time to meet her family), it is nice to be with someone who can understand the way I view the world, and shares that view to some extent. But that's me. :) Everyone has their own story and their own stuff. And shitty things happen. It sucks that shitty things happen in connection with religion, but I don't see it as being any more or less shitty than if the issue was about anything else.

Not sure if that makes sense, I feel like I might be simultaneously agreeing and disagreeing with you, but I suppose relationships, and life, are complicated, and there is rarely a binary outcome, soo... A rambling, confusing discussion about relationships, or anything human really, is probably what one should expect. ;)
You actually sound a lot like the way I live my life. I do know I could not live with an extremely religious person for the simple reason my sense of humor can be a bit biting at times and irreverent. Not many things or situations I will not make fun of, not much is sacred to me and I find a lot of things funny others don't. As far as religion, my mother became a nun in the catholic church and we had our disagreements. She was pretty extreme in her beliefs about god but she didn't really voice her religious side in public. If you met her and spoke with her for a while you would never know she was a nun. After my divorce about twenty years ago I have not remarried and it took a long time before I could find someone I could stand to be around for more than fifteen minutes before wanting to bolt.

To make a long story short. I know in plenty of ways I can be an irritant so if my partner can put up with me, I can certainly put up with the things she does that I don't care for, small things, nothing major. I suspect that is true with most things and situations?
 
You actually sound a lot like the way I live my life. I do know I could not live with an extremely religious person for the simple reason my sense of humor can be a bit biting at times and irreverent. Not many things or situations I will not make fun of, not much is sacred to me and I find a lot of things funny others don't. As far as religion, my mother became a nun in the catholic church and we had our disagreements. She was pretty extreme in her beliefs about god but she didn't really voice her religious side in public. If you met her and spoke with her for a while you would never know she was a nun. After my divorce about twenty years ago I have not remarried and it took a long time before I could find someone I could stand to be around for more than fifteen minutes before wanting to bolt.

To make a long story short. I know in plenty of ways I can be an irritant so if my partner can put up with me, I can certainly put up with the things she does that I don't care for, small things, nothing major. I suspect that is true with most things and situations?

lol...well, similar. My sense of humor gets me into trouble, but I learned early to curb that - my family, for non-religious reasons, were big into manners and propriety, and I was a wild kid, but there was a lot of love, despite the obvious potential for friction, and I learned, out of that love, as well as respect, to maintain a version of myself that allowed me to enjoy my family, while being the crazy kid I wanted to be. I know, I know, somewhat problematic, but it was a small sacrifice to be a part of my family, who, despite some old fashioned ways, I love and admire. I never felt like they made me feel not good enough - if anything, I was annoyed with the pedestal they put me on, as I never really want to be that guy... But that's another story. Let's just say I learned to read my audience, when it comes to my irreverent sense of humor...lol...

And, yeah, what you're describing with your partner is pretty standard in healthy relationships...hehe... My long suffering wife would certainly echo that...lol... No matter how closely you are aligned on the big stuff, there's always a cornucopia of little ways to torture one another over a lifetime...hehe... But, of course, there's the other side of things that tends to make up for it.

I'm hardly one to give relationship advice...I just know what works for me, most of the time, I'm not gonna sit here and claim enlightened perfection...far from it. I mean, you see how I debate here a lot of the time, anonymity allows us to be our most honest selves, but a good domestic brawl can come a close second...lol.... Needless to say, my flippant know it all routine is easier to get away with here...haha... Thank goodness love makes you more elastic, able to bounce back from a lot....and we have had to, trust me, a few times over the years.

I do, however, question love that is conditional upon conformity. To someone who would force their spouse to convert to their religion, or diet, or political lean, well....it's not that they're not capable of love, but I would seriously advise them to look for their partners within more defined parameters. I see nothing wrong with that, and it's far healthier than seeking someone outside of a comfortable demographic that one would then have to change. Love is the important part...how you get there might not be for everyone, but if it works for you, who am I to stop you? There's a shortage of love in the world as it is, I can't condemn anyone for the path they take to get there. :)
 
lol...well, similar. My sense of humor gets me into trouble, but I learned early to curb that - my family, for non-religious reasons, were big into manners and propriety, and I was a wild kid, but there was a lot of love, despite the obvious potential for friction, and I learned, out of that love, as well as respect, to maintain a version of myself that allowed me to enjoy my family, while being the crazy kid I wanted to be. I know, I know, somewhat problematic, but it was a small sacrifice to be a part of my family, who, despite some old fashioned ways, I love and admire. I never felt like they made me feel not good enough - if anything, I was annoyed with the pedestal they put me on, as I never really want to be that guy... But that's another story. Let's just say I learned to read my audience, when it comes to my irreverent sense of humor...lol...

And, yeah, what you're describing with your partner is pretty standard in healthy relationships...hehe... My long suffering wife would certainly echo that...lol... No matter how closely you are aligned on the big stuff, there's always a cornucopia of little ways to torture one another over a lifetime...hehe... But, of course, there's the other side of things that tends to make up for it.

I'm hardly one to give relationship advice...I just know what works for me, most of the time, I'm not gonna sit here and claim enlightened perfection...far from it. I mean, you see how I debate here a lot of the time, anonymity allows us to be our most honest selves, but a good domestic brawl can come a close second...lol.... Needless to say, my flippant know it all routine is easier to get away with here...haha... Thank goodness love makes you more elastic, able to bounce back from a lot....and we have had to, trust me, a few times over the years.

I do, however, question love that is conditional upon conformity. To someone who would force their spouse to convert to their religion, or diet, or political lean, well....it's not that they're not capable of love, but I would seriously advise them to look for their partners within more defined parameters. I see nothing wrong with that, and it's far healthier than seeking someone outside of a comfortable demographic that one would then have to change. Love is the important part...how you get there might not be for everyone, but if it works for you, who am I to stop you? There's a shortage of love in the world as it is, I can't condemn anyone for the path they take to get there. :)
Thanks for sharing, nice post.
 
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