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Why do girls sometimes do this?

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So, for the past month and a half I've went out with this girl who I liked, and who I thought liked me. Everything was going well, we would text every day multiple times, and when we hung out, we always had fun (or so I thought), and talked for hours. Her roommates even said she talked about me to them all the time.
Happens to everyone, often from both angles. Ya, it sucks. But you should feel good she ended it so quickly! Remember, there are people that find out this after 5 years of marriage and a kid and lose 1/2 their life's wealth...you got off with barely a scratch :p feel good about that!

It's not personal. It's not her, or you, it simply doesn't work for everyone. That's a fact. And a lot of it is subconscious...genetic even. Your job isn't to make someone like you, it's to find a good match. If they are your match, but you are not theirs...nothing to be done about that...no harm no foul. Maybe you were born with Key A, and she's Lock B. Is it your fault? Hers? Neither really, just a mismatch. It's not like you wrecked her car and then broke her arm and she's like "enough!! " :)

You did fine though all things considered, brought it to the discussion and got the truth fairly quickly, didn't get all crazy needy or pushy...hopefully was gracious and kept your cool. Could have been a lot worse. You can be generous but don't be overly so. It's all a dance. You take a step, she takes a step. You open up a little, she opens up a little. If she starts taking steps back, let her...see if it changes, if not, then call it quits. And that's pretty much what you did.

So to rate it in an overly anayltic way, compared to the spectrum of failed relationships:
- I rate your handling of it "good"
- I rate the overall damage done "very minimal" (could be divorce/kids/50% of net worth!!)
And I wish you good fortune. The feeling stuff hurts but it passes.
 
So, for the past month and a half I've went out with this girl who I liked, and who I thought liked me. Everything was going well, we would text every day multiple times, and when we hung out, we always had fun (or so I thought), and talked for hours. Her roommates even said she talked about me to them all the time.

Now, for the past few days I've noticed she was getting more "cold", and texting less, and on Sunday for the first time she didn't text me at all. I contacted her Monday to see if she was ok, and she said yes, but I noticed that suddenly I was the one texting all the time, while she was giving me short answers. On Monday Night I asked if she wanted to hang out this coming week, and she never answered. so Tuesday (today) I asked her again, and she suddenly claimed to be very busy and basically told me she couldn't hang out anymore. This has happened to me before, so I figured that she lost interest in me for whatever reason, and so I left it at that. But, I decided since I liked her a lot to ask her for the real truth, and it came out. She was no longer interested in me. She claimed it wasn't because of me personally, but rather because she needed to "find herself", and because of school and other things (though she told me last week she has been happy lately), but I don't believe it (but maybe it's true, who knows). I don't know, it just sucks to think that I thought I had something good with someone, for them to suddenly out of nowhere decide that I was no longer worthy of their time. Sucks even more because I tend to be generous with girls, and I have a feeling she may have taken advantage of that. And before anyone says anything, no I don't think she owes me anything because of my generosity, but it just sucks when this happens. I know I have to "move on", but I just felt like venting.

that read like a Rajesh Koothrappali dirge from a big bang episode

... told me she couldn't hang out anymore. This has happened to me before ...
its you

what do you think is preventing you from establishing a romantic relationship?

fwiw, bodhi is the last person on the internet from whom you should subscribe advice if you want a healthy romantic relationship

unsolicited suggestion from a geezer - and this advice is worth exactly what you paid for it:

make friends not with the intent to become romantic with them. if there is a spark there, she WILL let you know
 
make friends not with the intent to become romantic with them. if there is a spark there, she WILL let you know
That's really good advice, and much shorter than my dribble.
 
Ah, that's too bad. Sounds like she was getting a bit tired of you. It's probably time to play it cool for a while.

If you want to have girls all over you, get a puppy. Walk it through a public park and see what happens. I'm not kidding. If you can't keep one, borrow one for a while. It's kind of an experiment, but I've heard that it is a chick magnet.

Another way is to use a baby... then tell them you are just a loving uncle baby sitting for your sister because you love your niece/nephew... then tell them you were thinking of getting a coffee after dropping the kid back off....
 
She was giving you an "excrement test". Once you texted her and she didn't respond, you should have only texted her again after she made contact with you. She sensed that you weren't acting like you're the prize and she picked up on it.

Actually, I'm going to say that SDET is 100% correct, at least about certain types of women, and there ARE those types.
And it IS a "personality test" of sorts.
No, not all women do that stuff, but some do.
And SDET's guess might just be on the money.

There are also countless other "tests" that different kinds of women pull. Some do it subconsciously, some do it on purpose, some do it out of fear and insecurity, some do it out of boredom, and some don't do it at all.
 
i disliked dating, and i've had this kind of thing happen more than a few times. i've found that if someone wants to talk to you or hang out, they will make it happen. this doesn't mean completely ignore the other person, but i usually go no contact at some point when this cycle looks like it's going to happen. when my wife and i started dating, we mostly tossed out the text game and just wrote each other when we felt like it. that was a bit of a unique situation, though, as we were both kind of looking for the same thing at the same time.

either way, sorry that you're going through this. it can be stressful, frustrating, and disappointing. hang in there, and you'll most likely find the right person eventually.

She has lost interest for whatever reason. I would stop texting her, and chalk it up to experience.
 
Also, just be glad that an asteroid isn't hurtling toward Earth and your wife didn't leave in a panic.



You know, I kept thinking it might be amusing to start a thread called "Women Who Say 'What' a Lot"...I may still do it.
I'm talking about when you're just looking in their direction and they look up and say "What".
My wife does that a lot, it cracks me up and I mess with her when she does it.

I'll just be looking at her, she turns around and .... "What".
"What what?"
"You're looking at me."
"Yeah, you have this huge booger hanging off your nose. No, not really, I was just looking at you."

(Giggle)

Women who say "what" a lot, it's a subject for the ages.

"What?"
 
She has lost interest for whatever reason. I would stop texting her, and chalk it up to experience.

that's what i would advise in most situations. i will add that this sort of thing happens whether you are a man or a woman.
 
Actually, I'm going to say that SDET is 100% correct, at least about certain types of women, and there ARE those types.
And it IS a "personality test" of sorts.
No, not all women do that stuff, but some do.
And SDET's guess might just be on the money.

There are also countless other "tests" that different kinds of women pull. Some do it subconsciously, some do it on purpose, some do it out of fear and insecurity, some do it out of boredom, and some don't do it at all.

it's not a guess it's pickup artist game theory.
 
that's what i would advise in most situations. i will add that this sort of thing happens whether you are a man or a woman.

Yup

I am a gay man, dated lots. This happens all the time, straight, gay, woman, or man. Humans are very fickle !!
 
More advice, from another geezer:

Do away with your texting hobby. Do away with it altogether, use it only for things that HAVE to be in text format.
Everything else - - TALK, by phone if necessary, preferably in person when possible.

And don't respond to EVERY SINGLE message or phone call, and don't obsess over details.
If you can't just be with someone without feeling like you're "trying" then it isn't meant to be, except maybe for a one nighter or a handful of them.

Ideally being with someone should not feel like an effort at all, it should be effortless.
And just remember, some of us old geezers were kind of a big deal in our prime, or so we were told anyway, not like I ever took that crap seriously, but it did make me feel pretty good when I got compliments.
And unless I do something INCREDIBLY stupid, I will not die alone...I do HAVE the perfect woman, and to my amazement she seems to think I'm at least tolerable.

Best twenty years of my life.

TioTony224.jpg
 
It wasn't going anywhere unless you are both religious and going beyond kissing is a really big deal. People will ALWAYS find time for sex if that's what they want.

Maybe you are too shy? Bought too much into feminist #MeToo. While no woman wants an assailant (most don't anyway), most do want a very confident man, including romantically and physically. Did you pursue more than kissing? Afraid to try, that it might ruin things? If so, stop wasting your time on that. A woman almost immediately will know if the guy is someone she'd want to have sex with or not.

The modern rule - again unless religious OR very young? Sex by date 4. I mean if you were at date 10 and didn't have your hand at least on her breast if not at her crotch, this was going nowhere!

Nah, not religious and yes I'm generally shy.
 
PS - NEVER ask "why didn't you return my call/text?" It is a declaration of desperation and a possessiveness demand. NEVER ever do that again.

If the OPer has just given her space, it may have worked out. Instead, he forced a declaration out of her. That will never go well.

I didn't ask her that. I asked her if she was ok because I hadn't heard from her.
 
She has lost interest for whatever reason. I would stop texting her, and chalk it up to experience.

Yeah i did. I never even answered back. Just time to move on.
 
Yeah i did. I never even answered back. Just time to move on.

Wise move. I always find the "next one" always turns out to be a step up anyway.

Keep in mind, though... tastes change. When I was in High School/College I used to go after a totally different type of woman than I'm attracted to now. My tastes got more discerning over time... looking back, I think a lot of the problems I had with relationships back in those days was that I was going after women who really weren't suited to who I really was. I found that around age 25 or so, something (well, actually, it was a someone, not something) just clicked and I started becoming attracted to a totally different type of woman and my relationships started having much better footing. If I could go back in time knowing what I know now, I'd ask out women who I barely even noticed at the time... and the ones I did go out with, I look back on and say to myself, "what the heck did I see in her?"

Life's funny that way.
 
Nah, not religious and yes I'm generally shy.

Once again, shy or not shy, if it feels like work, you're with the wrong person.
Women are every bit as odd and strange as men. The most interesting thing is, you can meet a girl who nobody would immediately think of as attractive at first glance, right? And yet if she decides that she is really interested in you, she will go to great lengths with her appearance, and suddenly you're wondering if she's the same girl you were talking to the other day.
Same with their personalities. They might be shy and weird at first but if they really are attracted to someone, suddenly they blossom, and you discover things about them you wouldn't have noticed right off the bat.

Some of the most interesting girls I've ever been with were introverted, shy...didn't go to great lengths with their appearance, but somehow I could just tell that they were amazing. And sure enough, all of a sudden EVERYBODY noticed.
Naturally they had best girlfriends who "always said how cute they were" or "how sweet and wonderful they were"...but no one else noticed.

The first really serious girlfriend I ever had, serious as in "we moved in together as a couple" serious...she was this quiet girl who worked at a drugstore, wore nerd glasses, didn't do anything with her hair, wore the drugstore smock at work and wore frumpy clothes the rest of the time.
But I saw her every day and she started joking with me, just making little funny jokes or comments, and I started to really notice her.
And then I was out of town for about two weeks and came back, and she had done her hair up and was all dolled up and holy smokes, I was floored.
I asked her out of course. It was EFFORTLESS...I did not have to try at anything, she was just fun and interesting in every way, and cute as the dickens.

That relationship imprinted me for life. Even though it ultimately ended, I've noticed that every woman I have been with ever since has at least something in common with that girl, either their personality, or looks or some combination. Every woman I've been with since shares some small trait or traits with her. It can be the smallest most insignificant thing but I notice it, even though I'm apparently seeking it subconsciously.

I am in my sixties now, so some of the people I used to know are dying off, some at a young age.
And 2 years ago I learned that this first special girl died unexpectedly at age 51 of a sudden cerebral hemorrhage.
I hadn't really thought about her in years because my wife is so precious to me...this girl from my past was deep in the cobwebs, but when I heard that she died, I cried as if I was freshly brokenhearted...it was so damn sad. We had gone our separate ways in 1981, but suddenly I felt so sad.

It was effortless, her love was effortless, it was pure, I guess. She was sweet. And I was lucky to know her.
That is what you need to look for. Take your time, and you'll stumble on it in the most unlikely place...like I did.
And it's the same story with my wife, the best woman I've ever been with. I stumbled onto her in an unlikely place, too.
And she is most definitely unconventional.
 
appreciate it. Funny thing about her is a few weeks ago she was ranting about about how all she wanted was a nice guy...and how her previous dates/boyfriends were all supposedly assholes...but now I'm starting to wonder.

And yes, dating sucks.

You need to study the particulars about excrement testing. That will help you spot it next time it happens.

 
Once again, shy or not shy, if it feels like work, you're with the wrong person.
Women are every bit as odd and strange as men. The most interesting thing is, you can meet a girl who nobody would immediately think of as attractive at first glance, right? And yet if she decides that she is really interested in you, she will go to great lengths with her appearance, and suddenly you're wondering if she's the same girl you were talking to the other day.
Same with their personalities. They might be shy and weird at first but if they really are attracted to someone, suddenly they blossom, and you discover things about them you wouldn't have noticed right off the bat.

Some of the most interesting girls I've ever been with were introverted, shy...didn't go to great lengths with their appearance, but somehow I could just tell that they were amazing. And sure enough, all of a sudden EVERYBODY noticed.
Naturally they had best girlfriends who "always said how cute they were" or "how sweet and wonderful they were"...but no one else noticed.

The first really serious girlfriend I ever had, serious as in "we moved in together as a couple" serious...she was this quiet girl who worked at a drugstore, wore nerd glasses, didn't do anything with her hair, wore the drugstore smock at work and wore frumpy clothes the rest of the time.
But I saw her every day and she started joking with me, just making little funny jokes or comments, and I started to really notice her.
And then I was out of town for about two weeks and came back, and she had done her hair up and was all dolled up and holy smokes, I was floored.
I asked her out of course. It was EFFORTLESS...I did not have to try at anything, she was just fun and interesting in every way, and cute as the dickens.

That relationship imprinted me for life. Even though it ultimately ended, I've noticed that every woman I have been with ever since has at least something in common with that girl, either their personality, or looks or some combination. Every woman I've been with since shares some small trait or traits with her. It can be the smallest most insignificant thing but I notice it, even though I'm apparently seeking it subconsciously.

I am in my sixties now, so some of the people I used to know are dying off, some at a young age.
And 2 years ago I learned that this first special girl died unexpectedly at age 51 of a sudden cerebral hemorrhage.
I hadn't really thought about her in years because my wife is so precious to me...this girl from my past was deep in the cobwebs, but when I heard that she died, I cried as if I was freshly brokenhearted...it was so damn sad. We had gone our separate ways in 1981, but suddenly I felt so sad.

It was effortless, her love was effortless, it was pure, I guess. She was sweet. And I was lucky to know her.
That is what you need to look for. Take your time, and you'll stumble on it in the most unlikely place...like I did.
And it's the same story with my wife, the best woman I've ever been with. I stumbled onto her in an unlikely place, too.
And she is most definitely unconventional.

A very moving sincere message.
 
No more spending too much money on girls I'm just casually dating,

Some women think that if the man does not pay for the first couple of dates it means he is not serious about them. Just saying. Anyway, I know being a guy is tough.
 
This thread desperately needs a touch of Phillip K. Dick. Dick is the author of the underlying stories and novels of movies like Blade Runner, Total Recall, Minority Report, Screamers, among many others. He had a theory that women are an alien species placed on earth to make men crazy. Never met a man who disagreed.

And they are being trained by their sisters in spirit at ever earlier ages. This morning, my nine year old granddaughter told me my wardrobe drastically needs an update. There's no reason I should be proud of wearing shirts, sweaters, jackets, vests, hats and other sundries more than 30 years old, and a 50 year old Navy Issue peacoat no matter how comfortable and warm they all are. Plus as we're shopping, we can also enjoy picking her up a few things.

Girl, keep your stinkin' hands off my Willis & Geiger shirts, my Scottish and Irish hand knit sweaters, my Schott leather jackets, my custom Luchessee bison and Lavariree elk skin boots, my Stetson and Bandillo Federoas, and whatnot. We are not going wardrobe shopping together, I am not buying you anything.

As if there is a chance in hell of my winning this argument.

Gotta go rub the wife's cold, nasty, gnarly feet NOW, or I die in my sleep tonight.
 
I agree. This has happened to me a few times, but I've learned my lesson for sure now. No more spending too much money on girls I'm just casually dating, as it could lead to me being kicked to the curb, with less money to boot.

Keep in mind that, most likely, one day in the distant future when you meet the right woman for you, you will remember this girl, smile and quietly and privately thank her for ending the relationship :)
 
Because they can. The "it's not you, it's me" line just means that they got tired of you and have found the next Mr. Wonderful to spend their time with. People change some over time, often at different rates and in different directions than others. Just be glad that there were not children or joint assets involved.

Yes - because they can.
That is the only right answer.
 
Sounds like you were drowning her, wanting to consume every minute and every thought she has. The initial rush of romance ALWAYS fades. It appears you are very "clinging" and "needy" of constant attention. If someone got upset because I would not endlessly text back and forth I'd want to get away from that person REAL QUICK.

Also, your comment on "being generous" indicated you think you can buy affection and devotion despite your denying it, and if the woman does not pay you back with 100% constant emotional loyalty you see it as a betrayal. She may have perceived this was your motive for spending on her.

That you kept texting her long texts, after she was cutting back and giving short answers was you forcing her to pick you forever or dump you. She picked the latter and nearly all women would.

Never believe the reason someone gives for dumping you. You were acting incredibly possessive and needy for a 6 week old relationship - and then increasingly pressing her over it. That'd kill it even if it wasn't already over.

By your message, you've been thru this before. I suspect you always will too with the attitude you portray in your message. Apparently, from date one, you expect the woman to act like she's your 100% devoted wife attending to all your attention needs. Not to be insulting, but I'm on her side on this one.

I dis-agree.

There is a good old saying: "A decent question deserves a decent answer."

To ignore a decent question from a friend and keep silent and "play dead" is just cowardly - and inhuman.
 
It's not inhuman if you know the nature of the beast going in. I would sum it up like this: WANTING is one thing; NEEDING is a recipe for failure. The moment a man forgets that women are like buses, there's always another coming along, he's off in the weeds.

I dis-agree.

There is a good old saying: "A decent question deserves a decent answer."

To ignore a decent question from a friend and keep silent and "play dead" is just cowardly - and inhuman.
 
Why has this really bizarre thread been necro'd?
 
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