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Why do girls sometimes do this?

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Puigb

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So, for the past month and a half I've went out with this girl who I liked, and who I thought liked me. Everything was going well, we would text every day multiple times, and when we hung out, we always had fun (or so I thought), and talked for hours. Her roommates even said she talked about me to them all the time.

Now, for the past few days I've noticed she was getting more "cold", and texting less, and on Sunday for the first time she didn't text me at all. I contacted her Monday to see if she was ok, and she said yes, but I noticed that suddenly I was the one texting all the time, while she was giving me short answers. On Monday Night I asked if she wanted to hang out this coming week, and she never answered. so Tuesday (today) I asked her again, and she suddenly claimed to be very busy and basically told me she couldn't hang out anymore. This has happened to me before, so I figured that she lost interest in me for whatever reason, and so I left it at that. But, I decided since I liked her a lot to ask her for the real truth, and it came out. She was no longer interested in me. She claimed it wasn't because of me personally, but rather because she needed to "find herself", and because of school and other things (though she told me last week she has been happy lately), but I don't believe it (but maybe it's true, who knows). I don't know, it just sucks to think that I thought I had something good with someone, for them to suddenly out of nowhere decide that I was no longer worthy of their time. Sucks even more because I tend to be generous with girls, and I have a feeling she may have taken advantage of that. And before anyone says anything, no I don't think she owes me anything because of my generosity, but it just sucks when this happens. I know I have to "move on", but I just felt like venting.
 
Puigb said:
So, for the past month and a half I've went out with this girl who I liked, and who I thought liked me. Everything was going well, we would text every day multiple times, and when we hung out, we always had fun (or so I thought), and talked for hours. Her roommates even said she talked about me to them all the time.

Now, for the past few days I've noticed she was getting more "cold", and texting less, and on Sunday for the first time she didn't text me at all. I contacted her Monday to see if she was ok, and she said yes, but I noticed that suddenly I was the one texting all the time, while she was giving me short answers. On Monday Night I asked if she wanted to hang out this coming week, and she never answered. so Tuesday (today) I asked her again, and she suddenly claimed to be very busy and basically told me she couldn't hang out anymore. This has happened to me before, so I figured that she lost interest in me for whatever reason, and so I left it at that. But, I decided since I liked her a lot to ask her for the real truth, and it came out. She was no longer interested in me. She claimed it wasn't because of me personally, but rather because she needed to "find herself", and because of school and other things (though she told me last week she has been happy lately), but I don't believe it (but maybe it's true, who knows). I don't know, it just sucks to think that I thought I had something good with someone, for them to suddenly out of nowhere decide that I was no longer worthy of their time. Sucks even more because I tend to be generous with girls, and I have a feeling she may have taken advantage of that. And before anyone says anything, no I don't think she owes me anything because of my generosity, but it just sucks when this happens. I know I have to "move on", but I just felt like venting.
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Never be generous. Women say that they know if they will sleep with you very early on... meet for coffee or take them to Burger King. Why spend money... she will sleep with you or she won't. That way if you spend a month or so and she decides to move on (which is fine), you didn't waste money. That way if she does like you and you have a stable relationship, you can start to spend more money and do bigger things.

Besides, women are complicated. Don't bother trying to understand their feelings... empathize, or pretend to, and move on.
 
i disliked dating, and i've had this kind of thing happen more than a few times. i've found that if someone wants to talk to you or hang out, they will make it happen. this doesn't mean completely ignore the other person, but i usually go no contact at some point when this cycle looks like it's going to happen. when my wife and i started dating, we mostly tossed out the text game and just wrote each other when we felt like it. that was a bit of a unique situation, though, as we were both kind of looking for the same thing at the same time.

either way, sorry that you're going through this. it can be stressful, frustrating, and disappointing. hang in there, and you'll most likely find the right person eventually.
 
Helix said:
i disliked dating, and i've had this kind of thing happen more than a few times. i've found that if someone wants to talk to you or hang out, they will make it happen. this doesn't mean completely ignore the other person, but i usually go no contact at some point when this cycle looks like it's going to happen. when my wife and i started dating, we mostly tossed out the text game and just wrote each other when we felt like it. that was a bit of a unique situation, though, as we were both kind of looking for the same thing at the same time.

either way, sorry that you're going through this. it can be stressful, frustrating, and disappointing. hang in there, and you'll most likely find the right person eventually.
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appreciate it. Funny thing about her is a few weeks ago she was ranting about about how all she wanted was a nice guy...and how her previous dates/boyfriends were all supposedly assholes...but now I'm starting to wonder.

And yes, dating sucks.
 
Because they can. The "it's not you, it's me" line just means that they got tired of you and have found the next Mr. Wonderful to spend their time with. People change some over time, often at different rates and in different directions than others. Just be glad that there were not children or joint assets involved.
 
Bodhisattva said:
Never be generous. Women say that they know if they will sleep with you very early on... meet for coffee or take them to Burger King. Why spend money... she will sleep with you or she won't. That way if you spend a month or so and she decides to move on (which is fine), you didn't waste money. That way if she does like you and you have a stable relationship, you can start to spend more money and do bigger things.

Besides, women are complicated. Don't bother trying to understand their feelings... empathize, or pretend to, and move on.
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I agree. This has happened to me a few times, but I've learned my lesson for sure now. No more spending too much money on girls I'm just casually dating, as it could lead to me being kicked to the curb, with less money to boot.
 
Puigb said:
So, for the past month and a half I've went out with this girl who I liked, and who I thought liked me. Everything was going well, we would text every day multiple times, and when we hung out, we always had fun (or so I thought), and talked for hours. Her roommates even said she talked about me to them all the time.

Now, for the past few days I've noticed she was getting more "cold", and texting less, and on Sunday for the first time she didn't text me at all. I contacted her Monday to see if she was ok, and she said yes, but I noticed that suddenly I was the one texting all the time, while she was giving me short answers. On Monday Night I asked if she wanted to hang out this coming week, and she never answered. so Tuesday (today) I asked her again, and she suddenly claimed to be very busy and basically told me she couldn't hang out anymore. This has happened to me before, so I figured that she lost interest in me for whatever reason, and so I left it at that. But, I decided since I liked her a lot to ask her for the real truth, and it came out. She was no longer interested in me. She claimed it wasn't because of me personally, but rather because she needed to "find herself", and because of school and other things (though she told me last week she has been happy lately), but I don't believe it (but maybe it's true, who knows). I don't know, it just sucks to think that I thought I had something good with someone, for them to suddenly out of nowhere decide that I was no longer worthy of their time. Sucks even more because I tend to be generous with girls, and I have a feeling she may have taken advantage of that. And before anyone says anything, no I don't think she owes me anything because of my generosity, but it just sucks when this happens. I know I have to "move on", but I just felt like venting.
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Eat the pain like candy and move on.

Easy peasy!
 
Sounds like you were drowning her, wanting to consume every minute and every thought she has. The initial rush of romance ALWAYS fades. It appears you are very "clinging" and "needy" of constant attention. If someone got upset because I would not endlessly text back and forth I'd want to get away from that person REAL QUICK.

Also, your comment on "being generous" indicated you think you can buy affection and devotion despite your denying it, and if the woman does not pay you back with 100% constant emotional loyalty you see it as a betrayal. She may have perceived this was your motive for spending on her.

That you kept texting her long texts, after she was cutting back and giving short answers was you forcing her to pick you forever or dump you. She picked the latter and nearly all women would.

Never believe the reason someone gives for dumping you. You were acting incredibly possessive and needy for a 6 week old relationship - and then increasingly pressing her over it. That'd kill it even if it wasn't already over.

By your message, you've been thru this before. I suspect you always will too with the attitude you portray in your message. Apparently, from date one, you expect the woman to act like she's your 100% devoted wife attending to all your attention needs. Not to be insulting, but I'm on her side on this one.
 
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Puigb said:
So, for the past month and a half I've went out with this girl who I liked, and who I thought liked me. Everything was going well, we would text every day multiple times, and when we hung out, we always had fun (or so I thought), and talked for hours. Her roommates even said she talked about me to them all the time.

Now, for the past few days I've noticed she was getting more "cold", and texting less, and on Sunday for the first time she didn't text me at all. I contacted her Monday to see if she was ok, and she said yes, but I noticed that suddenly I was the one texting all the time, while she was giving me short answers. On Monday Night I asked if she wanted to hang out this coming week, and she never answered. so Tuesday (today) I asked her again, and she suddenly claimed to be very busy and basically told me she couldn't hang out anymore. This has happened to me before, so I figured that she lost interest in me for whatever reason, and so I left it at that. But, I decided since I liked her a lot to ask her for the real truth, and it came out. She was no longer interested in me. She claimed it wasn't because of me personally, but rather because she needed to "find herself", and because of school and other things (though she told me last week she has been happy lately), but I don't believe it (but maybe it's true, who knows). I don't know, it just sucks to think that I thought I had something good with someone, for them to suddenly out of nowhere decide that I was no longer worthy of their time. Sucks even more because I tend to be generous with girls, and I have a feeling she may have taken advantage of that. And before anyone says anything, no I don't think she owes me anything because of my generosity, but it just sucks when this happens. I know I have to "move on", but I just felt like venting.
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Sucks that happened to you. :(
 
joko104 said:
Sounds like you were drowning her, wanting to consume every minute and every thought she has. The initial rush of romance ALWAYS fades. It appears you are very "clinging" and "needy" of constant attention. If someone got upset because I would not endlessly text back and forth I'd want to get away from that person REAL QUICK.

Also, your comment on "being generous" indicated you think you can buy affection and devotion, and if the woman does not pay you back with 100% constant emotional loyalty you see it as a betrayal.

Never believe the reason someone gives for dumping you. You were acting incredibly possessive and needy for a 6 week old relationship.

By your message, you've been thru this before. I suspect you always will too with the attitude you portray in your message. Apparently, from date one, you expect the woman to act like she's your 100% devoted wife attending to all your attention needs. Not to be insulting, but I'm on her side on this one.
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I disagree, but I respect your opinion. Btw, we only hung out maybe once or twice a week, ironically due to my work schedule. I made time for her because i liked her.
 
Puigb said:
I disagree, but I respect your opinion. Btw, we only hung out maybe once or twice a week, ironically due to my work schedule. I made time for her because i liked her.
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It's best to be straight up from the moment you meet her. Otherwise you get friend zoned and then eventually de-zoned completely.

Nowadays, if I meet a girl that I would like to date, I ask if she's single almost immediately and make it clear that A. You're money and B. You like to party

 
Puigb said:
I disagree, but I respect your opinion. Btw, we only hung out maybe once or twice a week, ironically due to my work schedule. I made time for her because i liked her.
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You can certainly do that. But think of what you are writing. Over 6 weeks (your time frame) you and her were together maybe 10 times? But constantly texting day and night?

Not to pry, but it is relevant. Was this a sexual relationship or just "hanging out together?" Maybe you were just mostly a guy-friend and that's all you were ever going to be to her? With few exceptions, women are quickly either all in or never will be. It is rare there is protracted middle ground.

Or I could give you the message you want to hear about what's wrong with women these days?

My speculation is she liked you as a person and maybe was lonely so allowed some kissing, but didn't really find you romantically attractive, and that is what you wanted. Pressing her in that direction and her recognizing it, she bailed out. It happens.
 
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joko104 said:
You can certainly do that. But think of what you are writing. Over 6 weeks (your time frame) you and her were together maybe 10 times? But constantly texting day and night?
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Yeah. We got a long very good, but had busy work schedules. But we found time.

joko104 said:
No to pry, but it is relevant. What this a sexual relationship or just "hanging out together?" Maybe you were just mostly a guy-friend and that's all you were ever going to be to her?
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No, not sexual. Just hanging out and kissing.
 
Puigb said:
I agree. This has happened to me a few times, but I've learned my lesson for sure now. No more spending too much money on girls I'm just casually dating, as it could lead to me being kicked to the curb, with less money to boot.
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Exactly... what matters is that you are together... not what you are doing. Too many guys think that they need to impress the girl. If it is that type of girl then that is the wrong girl and if it is not then you are good. Walks, meeting for coffee, etc. Easy, cheap and fun.
 
joko104 said:
You can certainly do that. But think of what you are writing. Over 6 weeks (your time frame) you and her were together maybe 10 times? But constantly texting day and night?

Not to pry, but it is relevant. What this a sexual relationship or just "hanging out together?" Maybe you were just mostly a guy-friend and that's all you were ever going to be to her?
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Texting nonstop is a good sign. The internet has enabled near constant communication and the people that I enjoy talking to in my life, I communicate with on a nearly constant basis. If we start to annoy each other we just mute or don't answer til morning. No big deal.

The texting is not the issue here, dude. (big lebowski :lol) it's something else.
 
Puigb said:
So, for the past month and a half I've went out with this girl who I liked, and who I thought liked me. Everything was going well, we would text every day multiple times, and when we hung out, we always had fun (or so I thought), and talked for hours. Her roommates even said she talked about me to them all the time.

Now, for the past few days I've noticed she was getting more "cold", and texting less, and on Sunday for the first time she didn't text me at all. I contacted her Monday to see if she was ok, and she said yes, but I noticed that suddenly I was the one texting all the time, while she was giving me short answers. On Monday Night I asked if she wanted to hang out this coming week, and she never answered. so Tuesday (today) I asked her again, and she suddenly claimed to be very busy and basically told me she couldn't hang out anymore. This has happened to me before, so I figured that she lost interest in me for whatever reason, and so I left it at that. But, I decided since I liked her a lot to ask her for the real truth, and it came out. She was no longer interested in me. She claimed it wasn't because of me personally, but rather because she needed to "find herself", and because of school and other things (though she told me last week she has been happy lately), but I don't believe it (but maybe it's true, who knows). I don't know, it just sucks to think that I thought I had something good with someone, for them to suddenly out of nowhere decide that I was no longer worthy of their time. Sucks even more because I tend to be generous with girls, and I have a feeling she may have taken advantage of that. And before anyone says anything, no I don't think she owes me anything because of my generosity, but it just sucks when this happens. I know I have to "move on", but I just felt like venting.
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It happens. Shake it off, and move on. It’s really the only sane option.
 
I think you are being too hard on yourself, with the talk about being “worthy”. Sometimes, hell, MOST of the time, these things just don’t work out due to no fault of anyone.
 
Puigb said:
Yeah. We got a long very good, but had busy work schedules. But we found time.



No, not sexual. Just hanging out and kissing.
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It wasn't going anywhere unless you are both religious and going beyond kissing is a really big deal. People will ALWAYS find time for sex if that's what they want.

Maybe you are too shy? Bought too much into feminist #MeToo. While no woman wants an assailant (most don't anyway), most do want a very confident man, including romantically and physically. Did you pursue more than kissing? Afraid to try, that it might ruin things? If so, stop wasting your time on that. A woman almost immediately will know if the guy is someone she'd want to have sex with or not.

The modern rule - again unless religious OR very young? Sex by date 4. I mean if you were at date 10 and didn't have your hand at least on her breast if not at her crotch, this was going nowhere!
 
Puigb said:
Yeah. We got a long very good, but had busy work schedules. But we found time.



No, not sexual. Just hanging out and kissing.
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Another option is to start following her and find out exactly why she didn't want to see you... demand answers, take pictures from afar, go through her garbage... that is the best way to really understand what happened and who you need to get in order to force her back.
 
Shy men - too shy - fail. Few woman want a shy, regressive non-confident man. They don't want a bully, but they do want a confident man and if of romantic interest they'd like to know the man also wants her. Many women still want the man to make all the first moves, despite #MeToo.

Hell, if you are worried and a good idea, just ask her. "I'd really like to touch you intimately. May I?" You'd be surprised how much women will be impressed by your asking - and if you are in week 6 and the answer is "no," you know where you stand - and that would likely never change and wouldn't be good if it did, because then she'd only accept you because she's desperate and when that desperation wears off that's the end of the road for you too.

Why only kissing by week 6?
 
Bodhisattva said:
Another option is to start following her and find out exactly why she didn't want to see you... demand answers, take pictures from afar, go through her garbage... that is the best way to really understand what happened and who you need to get in order to force her back.
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:2razz:

Plus he could try text begging "why? why?! What's wrong with me?!"
 
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Dating totally sucks and I'm sorry that happened to you.

I ended up marrying the quirky guy that I didn't like "in that way" but he kept hanging around and I started liking him more and more.
 
I recall a woman telling me "I really do love you, but I'm not sure I'm IN love with you." Curious, since neither of us had ever used the L-word to each other.

My response? "I know what you mean. I had a really good time with you. Thanks. I wish you the best in life." Hung up.

Last time we ever spoke. I'm not sure what she was trying to tell me. I was only sure I wasn't willing to play along with it.
 
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