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Why do girls sometimes do this?

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Amelia said:
Dating totally sucks and I'm sorry that happened to you.

I ended up marrying the quirky guy that I didn't like "in that way" but he kept hanging around and I started liking him more and more.
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First marriage?
 
joko104 said:
Shy men - too shy - fail. Few woman want a shy, regressive non-confident man. They don't want a bully, but they do want a confident man and if of romantic interest they'd like to know the man also wants her. Many women still want the man to make all the first moves, despite #MeToo.

Hell, if you are worried and a good idea, just ask her. "I'd really like to touch you intimately. May I?" You'd be surprised how much women will be impressed by your asking - and if you are in week 6 and the answer is "no," you know where you stand - and that would likely never change and wouldn't be good if it did, because then she'd only accept you because she's desperate and when that desperation wears off that's the end of the road for you too.

Why only kissing by week 6?
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So many jokes, so little time.
 
PS - NEVER ask "why didn't you return my call/text?" It is a declaration of desperation and a possessiveness demand. NEVER ever do that again.

If the OPer has just given her space, it may have worked out. Instead, he forced a declaration out of her. That will never go well.
 
joko104 said:
PS - NEVER ask "why didn't you return my call/text?" It is a declaration of desperation and a possessiveness demand. NEVER ever do that again.

If the OPer has just given her space, it may have worked out. Instead, he forced a declaration out of her. That will never go well.
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Creeped her out.
 
Winston said:
It's best to be straight up from the moment you meet her. Otherwise you get friend zoned and then eventually de-zoned completely.

Nowadays, if I meet a girl that I would like to date, I ask if she's single almost immediately and make it clear that A. You're money and B. You like to party
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Maybe 1 in 20 times a relationship that starts in the friend zone ever goes beyond that. And the result is such as the OP message - "but we so much enjoyed talking to each other..."

However, never take a woman starting with "I want to just be friends first" either as that is a pre-defensive statement. One woman told me that - before first date - and she came dressed in the most defensive cloths I've ever seen a woman wear. However, for date 2? She wanted to stop by her house first - and had all her relatives there because I was the perfect man to her mind and her and whole family had talked it over., She had it all worked out where we'd live, how many children we'd have and how I would become a member of the family business.

My breakup talk was more direct and happened minutes after we left the house but before driving away. I apologized for not saying so sooner, but thought I should tell her in person. "I met someone else..." That wasn't true, but it leaves no room for argument or why? Why? Why?

"I met someone else" is the best break up line (unless married of course). It leaves no room for argument. She can get angry but she knows its over unless she's pscyho (and some women and some men are).

Over means over. No we'll stay friends or any of that.
 
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joko104 said:
Maybe 1 in 20 times a relationship that starts in the friend zone ever goes beyond that. And the result is such as the OP message - "but we so much enjoyed talking to each other..."
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well, in my experience it never goes the way the guy wants it to go, the girl gets everything she wants from the guy, and then ****s someone else.

So, it's just best to jump in. Start with "Hey, you're really cute. Are you single?"

That says everything you need to communicate. And it saves the guy weeks of strategy and ****.
 
Bodhisattva said:
Things just got real... what brought out this dark hatred from you?
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Eh, your's wasn't the best response to someone saying she's been married for 29 years, and her response took it still further down a notch. I suggest you both leave this alone.
 
joko104 said:
Eh, your's wasn't the best response to someone saying she's been married for 29 years, and her response took it still further down a notch. I suggest you both leave this alone.
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I wasn't talking to her or about her. I was making a silly joke about how it is nice for me to be single. If anything, I am mocking either myself and/or my ex-wife. ;)
 
Puigb said:
So, for the past month and a half I've went out with this girl who I liked, and who I thought liked me. Everything was going well, we would text every day multiple times, and when we hung out, we always had fun (or so I thought), and talked for hours. Her roommates even said she talked about me to them all the time.

Now, for the past few days I've noticed she was getting more "cold", and texting less, and on Sunday for the first time she didn't text me at all. I contacted her Monday to see if she was ok, and she said yes, but I noticed that suddenly I was the one texting all the time, while she was giving me short answers. On Monday Night I asked if she wanted to hang out this coming week, and she never answered. so Tuesday (today) I asked her again, and she suddenly claimed to be very busy and basically told me she couldn't hang out anymore. This has happened to me before, so I figured that she lost interest in me for whatever reason, and so I left it at that. But, I decided since I liked her a lot to ask her for the real truth, and it came out. She was no longer interested in me. She claimed it wasn't because of me personally, but rather because she needed to "find herself", and because of school and other things (though she told me last week she has been happy lately), but I don't believe it (but maybe it's true, who knows). I don't know, it just sucks to think that I thought I had something good with someone, for them to suddenly out of nowhere decide that I was no longer worthy of their time. Sucks even more because I tend to be generous with girls, and I have a feeling she may have taken advantage of that. And before anyone says anything, no I don't think she owes me anything because of my generosity, but it just sucks when this happens. I know I have to "move on", but I just felt like venting.
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Venting is good. I am glad you had a venue for doing so.

Young women have the attention span of a cat in a room full of hummingbirds.
Don't take it personal. The next guy they hook up with will get the same treatment.
Right now it is all about physical attraction and not much else.
Physical attraction is not what makes relationships work.
This is why they don't last.

For your own mental health do not get too deeply emotionally involved with young women.
If you observe a bee pollinating flowers, this is how it is.

You are both lonely and want desperately to be with someone, but the fear of getting hurt is powerful and prevents any strong emotional bonds at this young age (20-35).

After you have developed a few calluses on your heart, you can endure it until you find the right one.
 
PleasantValley said:
Venting is good. I am glad you had a venue for doing so.

Young women have the attention span of a cat in a room full of hummingbirds.
Don't take it personal. The next guy they hook up with will get the same treatment.
Right now it is all about physical attraction and not much else.
Physical attraction is not what makes relationships work.
This is why they don't last.

For your own mental health do not get too deeply emotionally involved with young women.
If you observe a bee pollinating flowers, this is how it is.

You are both lonely and want desperately to be with someone, but the fear of getting hurt is powerful and prevents any strong emotional bonds at this young age (20-35).

After you have developed a few calluses on your heart, you can endure it until you find the right one.
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That's another way of saying "there's more fish in the sea." Don't get hooked on the first pretty one that seems interested maybe also interested in you. Just move on. However, I do think some advise I gave is worth his considering. Week 6, incessant texting but only kissing... think of Lost In Space: "Warning Will Robinson, Warning!"
 
Bodhisattva said:
I wasn't talking to her or about her. I was making a silly joke about how it is nice for me to be single. If anything, I am mocking either myself and/or my ex-wife. ;)
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Got it. That makes sense. No harm. No foul. There is a social form to long term marriages and you know that isn't easy to accomplish. Lucky children if there are any and it a good marriage. Very lucky children these days.
 
joko104 said:
That's another way of saying "there's more fish in the sea." Don't get hooked on the first pretty one that seems interested maybe also interested in you. Just move on. However, I do think some advise I gave is worth his considering. Week 6, incessant texting but only kissing... think of Lost In Space: "Warning Will Robinson, Warning!"
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Been there, done that--for five years. Of course, back then it was phone talk instead of texting. She was, by far, my best friend ever. And, when I met her, she was the girl of my dreams. But, we never did the wild thing.

She had herpes. And, back then, I was never going to knowingly play in that pond. Today? I'd probably throw on a wet suit, and dive right in.
 
Puigb said:
So, for the past month and a half I've went out with this girl who I liked, and who I thought liked me. Everything was going well, we would text every day multiple times, and when we hung out, we always had fun (or so I thought), and talked for hours. Her roommates even said she talked about me to them all the time.

Now, for the past few days I've noticed she was getting more "cold", and texting less, and on Sunday for the first time she didn't text me at all. I contacted her Monday to see if she was ok, and she said yes, but I noticed that suddenly I was the one texting all the time, while she was giving me short answers. On Monday Night I asked if she wanted to hang out this coming week, and she never answered. so Tuesday (today) I asked her again, and she suddenly claimed to be very busy and basically told me she couldn't hang out anymore. This has happened to me before, so I figured that she lost interest in me for whatever reason, and so I left it at that. But, I decided since I liked her a lot to ask her for the real truth, and it came out. She was no longer interested in me. She claimed it wasn't because of me personally, but rather because she needed to "find herself", and because of school and other things (though she told me last week she has been happy lately), but I don't believe it (but maybe it's true, who knows). I don't know, it just sucks to think that I thought I had something good with someone, for them to suddenly out of nowhere decide that I was no longer worthy of their time. Sucks even more because I tend to be generous with girls, and I have a feeling she may have taken advantage of that. And before anyone says anything, no I don't think she owes me anything because of my generosity, but it just sucks when this happens. I know I have to "move on", but I just felt like venting.
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1. How old are YOU.
2. How old is SHE.
3. How long have you been "in the game" (dating)
4. Are either of you two virgins (you don't have to answer that one if you don't want to)

I have to ask these questions to get better perspective.
 
Checkerboard Strangler said:
1. How old are YOU.
2. How old is SHE.
3. How long have you been "in the game" (dating)
4. Are either of you two virgins (you don't have to answer that one if you don't want to)

I have to ask these questions to get better perspective.
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With the tone and language I made a guess he and the young lady were 20-somethings.
 
PleasantValley said:
With the tone and language I made a guess he and the young lady were 20-somethings.
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Yes, agreed and the weird thing about that age group IS all that texting.
It seems that a lot of 2-somethings, the large majority, text MORE than they talk!
I cannot wrap my brain around that...at all.

To me, text is a straight up bare bones utility that is only used when talking is either impossible or when you need to convey written information that can be saved. For conversations? Oh HELL JEEZUS GOD NO!
Maybe two or three lines tops! (LOL)

More to come, stay tuned.
 
Ah, that's too bad. Sounds like she was getting a bit tired of you. It's probably time to play it cool for a while.

If you want to have girls all over you, get a puppy. Walk it through a public park and see what happens. I'm not kidding. If you can't keep one, borrow one for a while. It's kind of an experiment, but I've heard that it is a chick magnet.
 
Puigb said:
So, for the past month and a half I've went out with this girl who I liked, and who I thought liked me. Everything was going well, we would text every day multiple times, and when we hung out, we always had fun (or so I thought), and talked for hours. Her roommates even said she talked about me to them all the time.

Now, for the past few days I've noticed she was getting more "cold", and texting less, and on Sunday for the first time she didn't text me at all. I contacted her Monday to see if she was ok, and she said yes, but I noticed that suddenly I was the one texting all the time, while she was giving me short answers. On Monday Night I asked if she wanted to hang out this coming week, and she never answered. so Tuesday (today) I asked her again, and she suddenly claimed to be very busy and basically told me she couldn't hang out anymore. This has happened to me before, so I figured that she lost interest in me for whatever reason, and so I left it at that. But, I decided since I liked her a lot to ask her for the real truth, and it came out. She was no longer interested in me. She claimed it wasn't because of me personally, but rather because she needed to "find herself", and because of school and other things (though she told me last week she has been happy lately), but I don't believe it (but maybe it's true, who knows). I don't know, it just sucks to think that I thought I had something good with someone, for them to suddenly out of nowhere decide that I was no longer worthy of their time. Sucks even more because I tend to be generous with girls, and I have a feeling she may have taken advantage of that. And before anyone says anything, no I don't think she owes me anything because of my generosity, but it just sucks when this happens. I know I have to "move on", but I just felt like venting.
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She was giving you an "excrement test". Once you texted her and she didn't respond, you should have only texted her again after she made contact with you. She sensed that you weren't acting like you're the prize and she picked up on it.
 
Sounds like a cop out from telling you that she's just not interested in you or that her priorities have changed. The whole soul searching thing seems like a common refrain when people just want to stop associating. On the other hand it could be true that she needed to date in order to realize that she doesn't need a significant other at this time. Either way, not your problem anymore, right?

A note about you though... being generous with expectation is by definition not being generous. Generous means you might not get anything back. In the future, don't give unless you can do it freely, otherwise you will just feel resentful. It's a life long lesson so don't worry if you don't get it right away. When you meet the right person, you won't have to give and give in order to feel like you're together with them. If you end up giving too much in order to sustain a relationship, then things will become co-dependent and you'll be in for a nightmare.
 
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