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Seeking Revenge: Is it ok?

tac138777

Banned
Joined
Aug 10, 2018
Messages
401
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83
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Libertarian - Right
Recently I went through a bad breakup. Was with my girlfriend for several years. I had asked her father permission to marry her. Everything was going well. But then I had a debilitating sports injury that required spinal surgery. It put strain on our relationship. Enter another man. He had just started our sport as well. And he kept getting closer to my then girlfriend. She was convinced they were just friends (you can’t be friends with a single person of the opposite sex). They spent more and more time together till eventually she had sex with him. Broke up with me and didn’t wait any significant amount of time.

So herein lies the problem. This guy was a scumbag heroin addict. He carries a lot of pot. He has a violent criminal record. He carries a firearm and applied for and was rejected for a concealed carry license. This is all confirmed and stuff I had found out before everything went down. I knew I couldn’t trust him and he put my hackles up. That was why. I was considering reporting him to law enforcement at the time. But now? I’m pretty sure my motive will be revenge. So I need another opinion. So here are some minor details.

1) Someone else was selling drugs out of our facility. That person is gone. I was unaware that the other person was selling.

2) This guy is now there. He is a plug for people there. The other guy sold to college kids and never carried a firearm.

3) I have personally seen the large amounts of pot.

4) I have personally seen the firearm when he was getting out of his vehicle.

5) He positively confirmed he was rejected for his license.

6) He is potentially a white supremacist (tattoo [confed flag but also what could have been a swastika] and friends that he has).

Can I report this guy? Morally am I wrong to do so? The fact that it would be revenge is playing heavily on this. But there are kids there. And this guy has shown he is morally bankrupt. A scuzzball. The fact that he ****ed my ex a big issue here too. But it won’t be payback on her. And I’m aware of that. So I’m pretty clear on what happens. Revenge is a dish best served cold. But this guy is not good news. What do you guys think?
 
Recently I went through a bad breakup. Was with my girlfriend for several years. I had asked her father permission to marry her. Everything was going well. But then I had a debilitating sports injury that required spinal surgery. It put strain on our relationship. Enter another man. He had just started our sport as well. And he kept getting closer to my then girlfriend. She was convinced they were just friends (you can’t be friends with a single person of the opposite sex). They spent more and more time together till eventually she had sex with him. Broke up with me and didn’t wait any significant amount of time.

So herein lies the problem. This guy was a scumbag heroin addict. He carries a lot of pot. He has a violent criminal record. He carries a firearm and applied for and was rejected for a concealed carry license. This is all confirmed and stuff I had found out before everything went down. I knew I couldn’t trust him and he put my hackles up. That was why. I was considering reporting him to law enforcement at the time. But now? I’m pretty sure my motive will be revenge. So I need another opinion. So here are some minor details.

1) Someone else was selling drugs out of our facility. That person is gone. I was unaware that the other person was selling.

2) This guy is now there. He is a plug for people there. The other guy sold to college kids and never carried a firearm.

3) I have personally seen the large amounts of pot.

4) I have personally seen the firearm when he was getting out of his vehicle.

5) He positively confirmed he was rejected for his license.

6) He is potentially a white supremacist (tattoo [confed flag but also what could have been a swastika] and friends that he has).

Can I report this guy? Morally am I wrong to do so? The fact that it would be revenge is playing heavily on this. But there are kids there. And this guy has shown he is morally bankrupt. A scuzzball. The fact that he ****ed my ex a big issue here too. But it won’t be payback on her. And I’m aware of that. So I’m pretty clear on what happens. Revenge is a dish best served cold. But this guy is not good news. What do you guys think?

The only thing the police MIGHT checkout is a felon with a gun, but if you are in an urban area nothing you told is the basis for any search warrant and they would devote no time to investigate. However, if there was a case - almost zero percent chance - YOUR NAME would figure prominently and he likely would know this, creating a real danger to you.

I say let it go because talking to the police would accomplish NOTHING, avoid nor accept any contact from him and consider it a very dangerous situation if he ever just shows up. If you do not have a firearm for your home, buy one. Make sure your locks are good. Never open the door to him or ever allow any situation where it is just you and him. You talking to the police will help nor protect anyone - only endanger yourself. INSTANTLY contact the police if he threatens you or appears to be stalking you.

Move on in your life and don't look back.
 
The only thing the police MIGHT checkout is a felon with a gun, but if you are in an urban area nothing you told is the basis for any search warrant and they would devote no time to investigate. However, if there was a case - almost zero percent chance - YOUR NAME would figure prominently and he likely would know this, creating a real danger to you.

I say let it go because talking to the police would accomplish NOTHING, avoid nor accept any contact from him and consider it a very dangerous situation if he ever just shows up. If you do not have a firearm for your home, buy one. Make sure your locks are good. Never open the door to him or ever allow any situation where it is just you and him. You talking to the police will help nor protect anyone - only endanger yourself. INSTANTLY contact the police if he threatens you or appears to be stalking you.

Move on in your life and don't look back.

Agreed, retaliation from friends is also a consideration (discovery report will reveal the tattler)

Just put super glue in the locks and turn the water off at the meter and order tons of magazines to the address and sign up for tons of junk mail!
 
The best revenge is to live your life well.
 
The only thing the police MIGHT checkout is a felon with a gun, but if you are in an urban area nothing you told is the basis for any search warrant and they would devote no time to investigate. However, if there was a case - almost zero percent chance - YOUR NAME would figure prominently and he likely would know this, creating a real danger to you.

I say let it go because talking to the police would accomplish NOTHING, avoid nor accept any contact from him and consider it a very dangerous situation if he ever just shows up. If you do not have a firearm for your home, buy one. Make sure your locks are good. Never open the door to him or ever allow any situation where it is just you and him. You talking to the police will help nor protect anyone - only endanger yourself. INSTANTLY contact the police if he threatens you or appears to be stalking you.

Move on in your life and don't look back.

Oh I pack. Every day.
 
Recently I went through a bad breakup. Was with my girlfriend for several years. I had asked her father permission to marry her. Everything was going well. But then I had a debilitating sports injury that required spinal surgery. It put strain on our relationship. Enter another man. He had just started our sport as well. And he kept getting closer to my then girlfriend. She was convinced they were just friends (you can’t be friends with a single person of the opposite sex). They spent more and more time together till eventually she had sex with him. Broke up with me and didn’t wait any significant amount of time.

So herein lies the problem. This guy was a scumbag heroin addict. He carries a lot of pot. He has a violent criminal record. He carries a firearm and applied for and was rejected for a concealed carry license. This is all confirmed and stuff I had found out before everything went down. I knew I couldn’t trust him and he put my hackles up. That was why. I was considering reporting him to law enforcement at the time. But now? I’m pretty sure my motive will be revenge. So I need another opinion. So here are some minor details.

1) Someone else was selling drugs out of our facility. That person is gone. I was unaware that the other person was selling.

2) This guy is now there. He is a plug for people there. The other guy sold to college kids and never carried a firearm.

3) I have personally seen the large amounts of pot.

4) I have personally seen the firearm when he was getting out of his vehicle.

5) He positively confirmed he was rejected for his license.

6) He is potentially a white supremacist (tattoo [confed flag but also what could have been a swastika] and friends that he has).

Can I report this guy? Morally am I wrong to do so? The fact that it would be revenge is playing heavily on this. But there are kids there. And this guy has shown he is morally bankrupt. A scuzzball. The fact that he ****ed my ex a big issue here too. But it won’t be payback on her. And I’m aware of that. So I’m pretty clear on what happens. Revenge is a dish best served cold. But this guy is not good news. What do you guys think?

Unless this guy was your friend, he did nothing wrong when he banged your girlfriend. If he was your friend, he broke the bro-code. In either case, the woman was the one that betrayed you.

As for your considering being a snitch, that is morally wrong. It's the same as hiring a thug to use force against someone you don't like. If you have an issue with something the man is doing, confront him about it yourself. If you're not willing to do that, then mind your own business.
 
"College kids" are adults. But if he is selling to ACTUAL kids I might be inclined to call the cops. But unless someone is harming another I tend to avoid being a snitch. And while revenge sometimes feels good for a moment, I always feel less of a man afterwards. Best to just live your life well.
 
Unless this guy was your friend, he did nothing wrong when he banged your girlfriend. If he was your friend, he broke the bro-code. In either case, the woman was the one that betrayed you.

As for your considering being a snitch, that is morally wrong. It's the same as hiring a thug to use force against someone you don't like. If you have an issue with something the man is doing, confront him about it yourself. If you're not willing to do that, then mind your own business.

He WAS my friend.

And “snitching” is just fine morally. Morally repugnant thugs who abuse societies good nature rely on bullying innocent people into avoiding the police by saying things like “snitches get stiches.”

Honestly. I’m glad you said something. A dude who sells drugs and carries a firearm needs to be dealt with. And I’m in a unique position Anyway.

Thanks for telling me the bad advice.
 
"College kids" are adults. But if he is selling to ACTUAL kids I might be inclined to call the cops. But unless someone is harming another I tend to avoid being a snitch. And while revenge sometimes feels good for a moment, I always feel less of a man afterwards. Best to just live your life well.

The thing about the word “snitch” is that you are implying it is bad. When we are talking about morals? A man who carries a gun and sells is a danger to society. Snitching implies he is doing something harmless. If he was, he wouldn’t carry a gun.

And yes. I know he has sold to at least 2 minors. So **** him and feed him peanuts
 
It's better to find out that your girlfriend is a cheating slut before you get too serious. As bad as you feel now, it could have been much worse. People are selfish dogs. In the end, they do what is best for them. Neither one of these people were your friends. If you report the guy, then you will have to deal with the police..answering questions, making statements, maybe even going to court. Who needs that crap? Plus, yes, being a snitch makes you a big bleeding *****. Cut your losses and move on with your life.
 
Recently I went through a bad breakup. Was with my girlfriend for several years. I had asked her father permission to marry her. Everything was going well. But then I had a debilitating sports injury that required spinal surgery. It put strain on our relationship. Enter another man. He had just started our sport as well. And he kept getting closer to my then girlfriend. She was convinced they were just friends (you can’t be friends with a single person of the opposite sex). They spent more and more time together till eventually she had sex with him. Broke up with me and didn’t wait any significant amount of time.

So herein lies the problem. This guy was a scumbag heroin addict. He carries a lot of pot. He has a violent criminal record. He carries a firearm and applied for and was rejected for a concealed carry license. This is all confirmed and stuff I had found out before everything went down. I knew I couldn’t trust him and he put my hackles up. That was why. I was considering reporting him to law enforcement at the time. But now? I’m pretty sure my motive will be revenge. So I need another opinion. So here are some minor details.

1) Someone else was selling drugs out of our facility. That person is gone. I was unaware that the other person was selling.

2) This guy is now there. He is a plug for people there. The other guy sold to college kids and never carried a firearm.

3) I have personally seen the large amounts of pot.

4) I have personally seen the firearm when he was getting out of his vehicle.

5) He positively confirmed he was rejected for his license.

6) He is potentially a white supremacist (tattoo [confed flag but also what could have been a swastika] and friends that he has).

Can I report this guy? Morally am I wrong to do so? The fact that it would be revenge is playing heavily on this. But there are kids there. And this guy has shown he is morally bankrupt. A scuzzball. The fact that he ****ed my ex a big issue here too. But it won’t be payback on her. And I’m aware of that. So I’m pretty clear on what happens. Revenge is a dish best served cold. But this guy is not good news. What do you guys think?

This is the kind of guy you think you might want to cross?

Sounds like a way to end up dead.
 
you were not pondering snitching on him before he stole your girl
so, yes, your actions would be entirely vengeful
only you want to justify to yourself that your actions are pure
and they are as pure as your ex girl friend

the reality, you likely will not accept this, either, is that the guy did you a huge favor. while that was not his intent, it was the result. he exposed your fiancee's willingness to step out on you. something you may not have found out until after you were married to her

the chick is the one who broke your trust

also, and this is a gut feeling, i doubt you are mr clean, given your multiple opportunities to observe large amounts of dope accompanied by guns
 
He WAS my friend.

And “snitching” is just fine morally. Morally repugnant thugs who abuse societies good nature rely on bullying innocent people into avoiding the police by saying things like “snitches get stiches.”

Honestly. I’m glad you said something. A dude who sells drugs and carries a firearm needs to be dealt with. And I’m in a unique position Anyway.

Thanks for telling me the bad advice.

It sounds as if your mind is already made up. Next time, don't ask for advice in the hopes of finding justification of what you've already chosen to do. Be a man and own your actions. I see why your woman left you.

Btw, if he was your "friend," why is it only now that you are choosing to judge his character? You had to know he was a bad guy before he banged your woman.
 
It sounds as if your mind is already made up. Next time, don't ask for advice in the hopes of finding justification of what you've already chosen to do. Be a man and own your actions. I see why your woman left you.

Btw, if he was your "friend," why is it only now that you are choosing to judge his character? You had to know he was a bad guy before he banged your woman.

You hit the nail square on the head with that.
 
Can I report this guy? Morally am I wrong to do so? The fact that it would be revenge is playing heavily on this. But there are kids there. And this guy has shown he is morally bankrupt. A scuzzball. The fact that he ****ed my ex a big issue here too. But it won’t be payback on her. And I’m aware of that. So I’m pretty clear on what happens. Revenge is a dish best served cold. But this guy is not good news. What do you guys think?

You're doing what I do all the time--looking for rationalizations to justify myself. What matters, I think, is that you've asked the question. I can't answer it for you; only you can do that. But I think that in your heart, you already know what that answer is.
 
You're doing what I do all the time--looking for rationalizations to justify myself. What matters, I think, is that you've asked the question. I can't answer it for you; only you can do that. But I think that in your heart, you already know what that answer is.

I stopped in to visit a local magistrate I know a ways back and was chatting with him in his chambers. This is a lower level court. A person knocked on the open chambers door, asking if he could talk to the judge. The Judge motioned from him to have a seat - as the judge picked up a newspaper and started looking over.

The fella started telling of his woes and pondering what he should do about it? The judge would look up, nod acknowledgement and go back to his newspaper. The fella talked quite a while, reaching a conclusion of what he should do. He then thanked the judge profusely for his help - now he knows what to do. The judge smiled and nodded. The fella left.

That judge had not said one word. He explained: "People are going to do what they're going to do. Nothing I can say will change that." That is what he had most learned as a judge. His lectures he did from the bench when first a judge were a waste of everyone's time.

Yes, people rationalize their decisions to the decisions they want to reach.
 
I stopped in to visit a local magistrate I know a ways back and was chatting with him in his chambers. This is a lower level court. A person knocked on the open chambers door, asking if he could talk to the judge. The Judge motioned from him to have a seat - as the judge picked up a newspaper and started looking over.

The fella started telling of his woes and pondering what he should do about it? The judge would look up, nod acknowledgement and go back to his newspaper. The fella talked quite a while, reaching a conclusion of what he should do. He then thanked the judge profusely for his help - now he knows what to do. The judge smiled and nodded. The fella left.

That judge had not said one word. He explained: "People are going to do what they're going to do. Nothing I can say will change that." That is what he had most learned as a judge. His lectures he did from the bench when first a judge were a waste of everyone's time.

Yes, people rationalize their decisions to the decisions they want to reach.

The hope is that once they recognize those rationalizations for what they are, their consciences will demand the right choice.

Of course, if you aren't a person of conscience, your mileage may vary! ;)
 
The hope is that once they recognize those rationalizations for what they are, their consciences will demand the right choice.

Of course, if you aren't a person of conscience, your mileage may vary! ;)

It's like a guy rationalizing why the family needs a new $50,000 4x4 pickup truck - as the other half rationalize the full size cross-over SUV for the same amount - when really a $26,000 nice 4 door midsize is what would be rational.

Some years ago I bought a used 05 W215 CL65 2+2 full size coupe Mercedes used cheap! at an Audi dealer. When made, it was Mercedes most expensive model, more than even a McLaren, only 194 total made. It was on the back of the lot. I offered a VERY lowball price. Saleman said no way, but took it the the manager. The manager said "sell him the damn thing! Get it off the lot!"

That model Mercedes - though conventional looking - is an ubber performance car - twin turbos V12 tops out over 200 mph. Massive horsepower and torque. As of that year, the most powerful production motor every made. It also had been a smoker's car. Low miles.

Here's what was happening. A husband-wife would show up to look at a full size new Audi 4 door V8 sedan. VERY nice car, new, new car smell. $98,000 before taxes. The husband would see the CL65 and just want to drive the CL65 for the experience. Its a Dr. Jeckle - Mr. Hyde rocket ship. He HAD to have it. She HATED it. He'd rationalize new it was $200+K, now only $30K! A Mercedes Benz and only 60K miles on it. 1/3rd the payments - saving $60,000! Never in his life had he had a car like this! She's rationalize its used, smells like smoke, bad gas mileage, only a 2 door, too small of back seats, too fast, too expensive to maintain and that's not what they came for.

So they'd leave to talk it over - never returning. After losing a dozen customers this way the manager just wanted the damn thing gone - but all the dealers understood the problem it would cause so couldn't even wholesale it off. People rationalize for what they want.

BTW, the wife was correct. It's been sitting broke down for almost 3 years - repairs astronomical and there is NO use of the massive power at 19 mph highway and 12 in town.
 
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You're doing what I do all the time--looking for rationalizations to justify myself. What matters, I think, is that you've asked the question. I can't answer it for you; only you can do that. But I think that in your heart, you already know what that answer is.

Thank you. Rationalizing is about all I have. He has been dealt with. I needed to realize he was a **** stain when he was my “friend.” But I didn’t want to see it. I was scared to “rock the boat.” If I’m going to look at myself in the mirror? Rocking boat is part of life. I’m disappointed that I let my fear cloud my morals and judgement. That **** won’t happen again. I shouldn’t have hesitated the first time I found out he was a piece of ****. I knew better.
 
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Thank you. Rationalizing is about all I have. He has been dealt with. I needed to realize he was a **** stain when he was my “friend.” But I didn’t want to see it. I was scared to “rock the boat.” If I’m going to look at myself in the mirror? Rocking boat is part of life. I’m disappointed that I let my fear cloud my morals and judgement. That **** won’t happen again. I shouldn’t have hesitated the first time I found out he was a piece of ****. I knew better.

By dealt with, you mean that you did report him?
 
By dealt with, you mean that you did report him?

No. I didn’t kill him if that is the question. What he did doesn’t deserve the death penalty.

Yes. He is no longer a concern for people at that gym. Didn’t take as long as I expected. But then. He wasn’t very bright. I wasn’t the only one who was aware of the issue. But I was the first one to go to police.

Like I said. I’m glad I came in here. Reminded me that fear will keep us from doing the right thing.
 
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No. I didn’t kill him if that is the question.

It's obviously not the question since you quoted me saying, "By dealt with, you mean that you did report him?" and since "report" isn't a synonym for "kill."

Yes. He is no longer a concern for people at that gym. Didn’t take as long as I expected. But then. He wasn’t very bright. I wasn’t the only one who was aware of the issue. But I was the first one to go to police.

Like I said. I’m glad I came in here. Reminded me that fear will keep us from doing the right thing.

Sounds as if you worked everything out to your own satisfaction.
 
Recently I went through a bad breakup. Was with my girlfriend for several years. I had asked her father permission to marry her. Everything was going well. But then I had a debilitating sports injury that required spinal surgery. It put strain on our relationship. Enter another man. He had just started our sport as well. And he kept getting closer to my then girlfriend. She was convinced they were just friends (you can’t be friends with a single person of the opposite sex). They spent more and more time together till eventually she had sex with him. Broke up with me and didn’t wait any significant amount of time.

So herein lies the problem. This guy was a scumbag heroin addict. He carries a lot of pot. He has a violent criminal record. He carries a firearm and applied for and was rejected for a concealed carry license. This is all confirmed and stuff I had found out before everything went down. I knew I couldn’t trust him and he put my hackles up. That was why. I was considering reporting him to law enforcement at the time. But now? I’m pretty sure my motive will be revenge. So I need another opinion. So here are some minor details.

1) Someone else was selling drugs out of our facility. That person is gone. I was unaware that the other person was selling.

2) This guy is now there. He is a plug for people there. The other guy sold to college kids and never carried a firearm.

3) I have personally seen the large amounts of pot.

4) I have personally seen the firearm when he was getting out of his vehicle.

5) He positively confirmed he was rejected for his license.

6) He is potentially a white supremacist (tattoo [confed flag but also what could have been a swastika] and friends that he has).

Can I report this guy? Morally am I wrong to do so? The fact that it would be revenge is playing heavily on this. But there are kids there. And this guy has shown he is morally bankrupt. A scuzzball. The fact that he ****ed my ex a big issue here too. But it won’t be payback on her. And I’m aware of that. So I’m pretty clear on what happens. Revenge is a dish best served cold. But this guy is not good news. What do you guys think?

Reporting him is not revenge.....it's moral.

As far as the girl goes, move on and find what ever makes you happy. There is always someone out there for you.
 
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