Ask a poly anything.

OldFatGuy said:

That isn't a truth for non Christians.

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I know. It's whatever.

maquiscat said:

So having seen this kind of thread many times, here and in other forums, I thought I would open up the floor for a little Q&A, and discussion. Fire away! And yes I know the haters will be coming out of the woodwork.

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Since 3+ people can't be legally married, how do poly relationships deal with legal issues (property, etc.) if the group splits, or one of the group leaves?

Moon said:

Since 3+ people can't be legally married, how do poly relationships deal with legal issues (property, etc.) if the group splits, or one of the group leaves?

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That can vary a great deal across the community. Some actually will use a set of contracts, power of attorneys of various sorts and other legal documents as their region has, and would be applicable to them. Others simply keep documents of what is whose, and maybe a written agreement on how to settle disputes when one or more leaves. Still others simply trust that even if a split occurs that it will be amicable.

Children can be a sore spot with some families. Most times, both parents are known, but not always. Usually a father is picked (if not an all female poly unit) for legality sake, if unknown and a child is born into the poly unit. Sadly I have heard of poly splits where the child goes with the biological parents and the others, who may have been with the child for years can never see them again. It is rough on both them and the children. I also know of units that have split that make sure the non-biological partners still have visitation with the kids.

Anyone ever end a relationship due to the sex habits/desires of your partner?

rhinefire said:

Anyone ever end a relationship due to the sex habits/desires of your partner?

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Generally speaking, of course. It happens with monogamous couples too. Now hopefully it happens in early dating stages, which is what dating is for; i.e. finding out things about a potential partner that you can and can't live with.

Now while I have had relationships ended and ended a few myself, I have not ever had to do so for that specific reason, nor have any in my unit, that I know of. If so it would be before we met, but we were doing two open monogamous couples back then, with poly potential. Nor do I foresee it with the current unit structure. If someone has a sexual need or desire that the others can't or won't fulfill, we have an open marriage, so they can seek it outside the marriage. Mind you we all have veto power and it only takes one to say no to any given individual outside the marriage. So none of us can just grab the next person we meet to engage in that particular desire with.

Does anyone get jealous during a spit roast?

ReverendHellh0und said:

Does anyone get jealous during a spit roast?

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I had to look that one up. As with any given sexual activity it can happen. Sometimes people think they can handle a given situation, but find that they can't when they are actually in it. Some people are like that with poly in general. For that matter a "spit roast" isn't limited to poly. It's something swingers, or even just single people together can do.

As to my unit, my husband and I are not sexually attracted to each other, and at this time have no desire to be in the same room together during sexual activity with our wives. The one wife that is sexually attracted to us both has yet to ask for a MMF. If she ever does we'll have to see where thing are on that day.

X Factor said:

Poly definitely does not seem to be for anyone who has the ability to be faithful.

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I beg to differ, my wife was a single polyamorist until we got together. We began our relationship with the understanding it would be open. And then it never came up, we just focused on each other for years. Until recently, that is. I met a wonderful woman, introduced her to my wife, we all hit it off. Now we are living together, they are best friends, and generally we have no issues. I had the opportunity for 8 years to pursue other women. She had the opportunity to pursue other people. We just didn't until we found someone we both liked. And we weren't looking when we found her.

Poly people can be extremely faithful, sex is nice and all, but it's not the point. The point is sometimes you need things just one person can't provide. I love my wife, but she's not into the majority of my hobbies. She has her own. There is a small overlap. My girlfriend and I are interested in pretty much the same things. Also different people are good at different types of emotional support. My wife is great at supporting my aspirations and dreams, building my confidence. But she's lost when I'm depressed. My girlfriend gets the depression. And they fill the gaps left over that I can't for each other as well.

It's rare to find three people that really compliment each other, but when you do, it's beautiful. Three legs are more sturdy than two.

countryboy said:

Ah, then here's my question for him. What makes you think anyone cares about your sexual deviancy?

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countryboy said:

My point exactly. Who cares about this guy's sex life?

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One could ask the same question about your self-righteous moralizing. If you don't care, well, what's the point of jumping into the thread just to insult him?