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Should you expose the lies you ex is telling people to turn against you?

A

allalone

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Oct 10, 2017
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curently in tombstone arizona, orig from chicago i
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So here is my question...I was married for 7 years was together for 2 years before. My soon to be ex has been sleeping with multiple different men behind my back for months and I accidentally found out about it through text messages on her phone when I was just trying to text message an old friend that she had a number 2? so then I continue to look through her phone and find all kinds of things she's been verbally bashing me to friends family and Associates causing most of them to turn against me for no reason other than listening to what she's telling them and not asking my side.can I show people all the text messages and devious thing she's been doing or should I just let the truth catch up to her?either way I think it would be best just to drop every person out of my life completely friend or family that took her side and didn't even ask what happened or my side of the story can I have your thoughts and opinions please?
 
allalone said:
So here is my question...I was married for 7 years was together for 2 years before. My soon to be ex has been sleeping with multiple different men behind my back for months and I accidentally found out about it through text messages on her phone when I was just trying to text message an old friend that she had a number 2? so then I continue to look through her phone and find all kinds of thingsshe's been verbally bashing me to friends family and Associatescausing most of them to turn against me for no reason other than listening to what she's telling them and not asking my side.can I show people all the text messages and devious thing she's been doing or should I just let the truth catch up to her?either wayI think it would be best just to drop every person out of my life completely friend or family that took her side and didn't even ask what happened or my side of the storycan I have your thoughts and opinions please?
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Any kids involved?

Sent from my SM-T800 using Tapatalk
 
allalone said:
Sorry no that a good point to add No kids thankfully
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That's a real good thing. Sorry your going through it. Break ups are tough. If you want vindication show whoever you want her texts but it might cause her to try and get back at you. If you just want to move on just leave her. Let her wallow in her misery. Deep down she knows what she did and will live with that guilt. It's a question nobody can really answer for you. I would say do whatever makes you feel best.

Sent from my SM-T800 using Tapatalk
 
Not worth the effort.......the best revenge is to live your life well.
 
allalone said:
So here is my question...I was married for 7 years was together for 2 years before. My soon to be ex has been sleeping with multiple different men behind my back for months and I accidentally found out about it through text messages on her phone when I was just trying to text message an old friend that she had a number 2? so then I continue to look through her phone and find all kinds of things she's been verbally bashing me to friends family and Associates causing most of them to turn against me for no reason other than listening to what she's telling them and not asking my side.can I show people all the text messages and devious thing she's been doing or should I just let the truth catch up to her?either way I think it would be best just to drop every person out of my life completely friend or family that took her side and didn't even ask what happened or my side of the story can I have your thoughts and opinions please?
Click to expand...

Just walk away.Don't offer explanations, don't answer questions. You'll be seen taking the high road by those who's opinions matter and those others, well, their opinions don't matter.
 
allalone said:
So here is my question...I was married for 7 years was together for 2 years before. My soon to be ex has been sleeping with multiple different men behind my back for months and I accidentally found out about it through text messages on her phone when I was just trying to text message an old friend that she had a number 2? so then I continue to look through her phone and find all kinds of things she's been verbally bashing me to friends family and Associates causing most of them to turn against me for no reason other than listening to what she's telling them and not asking my side.can I show people all the text messages and devious thing she's been doing or should I just let the truth catch up to her?either way I think it would be best just to drop every person out of my life completely friend or family that took her side and didn't even ask what happened or my side of the story can I have your thoughts and opinions please?
Click to expand...

You assume you know the reason that people are turning against you but you might be wrong. Very often when couples split people want to stay friends with only one of the ex-couple, because this makes life less awkward.......it may be that people knew that you were getting a divorce before you did, and they picked her. If so there is nothing you can do.
 
allalone said:
So here is my question...I was married for 7 years was together for 2 years before. My soon to be ex has been sleeping with multiple different men behind my back for months and I accidentally found out about it through text messages on her phone when I was just trying to text message an old friend that she had a number 2? so then I continue to look through her phone and find all kinds of things she's been verbally bashing me to friends family and Associates causing most of them to turn against me for no reason other than listening to what she's telling them and not asking my side.can I show people all the text messages and devious thing she's been doing or should I just let the truth catch up to her?either way I think it would be best just to drop every person out of my life completely friend or family that took her side and didn't even ask what happened or my side of the story can I have your thoughts and opinions please?
Click to expand...

Well, I sort of just went through this with Tom. We had been together for 17 years and he cheated and lied his pants off. I told my story as objectively as humanly possibly to his sister, brother and his girlfriend of many years. Talked to his daughter and his son and his best friend and wife. I left out many of the gory details.

Big difference is that he said nothing bad about me except two ultimate lies: I threw him out and he was heartbroken.

My friends knew and lived through every detail because they were at my home when it all blew up. My posse they call themselves.

Whenever we try to make another person look bad, we look bad ourselves. My suggestion to you is to tell the people who matter most to you the varnished truth and leave the rest to their good judgment.

Maybe something like, “Look, I’ve discovered Long Tall Sally has been saying a lot of things that aren’t true about our relationship and the reason for our breakup, it matters to me what you think, and I hope you know me well enough to sort the truth from lies. We were very much in love for a long time, and then she strayed. I did not. We’re better apart. And I hope we, younand I, can keep our friendship. It means a great deal to me.”

Just an idea. But believe me, you will be doing yourself no favor by sharing gory details with casual friends...

I’m sorry. I know it’s painful. And I know you are very angry.
 
I'm sure it's from her mmanipulation and lies I seen it for myself and her Facebook and text messagesand we're talking about family members and people that been close to me my entire life that hardly even know her
 
allalone said:
So here is my question...I was married for 7 years was together for 2 years before. My soon to be ex has been sleeping with multiple different men behind my back for months and I accidentally found out about it through text messages on her phone when I was just trying to text message an old friend that she had a number 2? so then I continue to look through her phone and find all kinds of things she's been verbally bashing me to friends family and Associates causing most of them to turn against me for no reason other than listening to what she's telling them and not asking my side.can I show people all the text messages and devious thing she's been doing or should I just let the truth catch up to her?either way I think it would be best just to drop every person out of my life completely friend or family that took her side and didn't even ask what happened or my side of the story can I have your thoughts and opinions please?
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Likely most of us can empathize with your situation in one way or another. You are not in a desirable position. It is understandable that you want to set things straight and no doubt you'd like revenge. Can't blame you.

Probably the quickest way to work through the pain is to ignore it and move forward. Yes, easier said than done. My assumption is that you'd like to get passed it all and move on with your life. If you had a list of what you'd like to be 2 months from now I'm betting the number one choice would be "happy". Who wouldn't?

The quicker you can forget her and move on, the closer you will be to being happy. One thing for certain, unless taking her back is your goal you'd be best served getting as much physical and emotional distance from her as you can. Obviously, if she too lives in Tombstone that's going to be difficult because there isn't but, what, 200 people who live there.

Emotional distance is accomplished by reducing thoughts of her and the pain she's caused. End every connection you can. Revenge and getting into trying to set things right will keep you connected. It will. That's just fact.

People who care about you aren't going to believe the crap she says. People who don't care about you don't matter. You are not going to change their opinion. Trying to convince them will only keep you emotionally connected to her.

When you are ready get down to Sierra Vista and be social, meet ladies. Don't spend your time and waste theirs by talking about your ex. What's the point?

Let it go, man, and move on. Find what/who makes you happy and work on that. It's a positive goal. That's a good thing.
 
allalone said:
Thanks good advice .... but what hurting the most is people like family and close friends never even asked me my side
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Just a heads up. Press "Reply With Quote", so people know who you're responding to. :peace
 
Very well spoke and great advice ty ..it's beenalmost 3 months nowshe's been doing it to me and about a week and a half and I haven't defended myself or spoke bad about her to anyone I've also been avoiding the 200 people in this Tiny Town LOL
 
MaggieD said:
Well, I sort of just went through this with Tom. We had been together for 17 years and he cheated and lied his pants off. I told my story as objectively as humanly possibly to his sister, brother and his girlfriend of many years. Talked to his daughter and his son and his best friend and wife. I left out many of the gory details.

Big difference is that he said nothing bad about me except two ultimate lies: I threw him out and he was heartbroken.

My friends knew and lived through every detail because they were at my home when it all blew up. My posse they call themselves.

Whenever we try to make another person look bad, we look bad ourselves. My suggestion to you is to tell the people who matter most to you the varnished truth and leave the rest to their good judgment.

Maybe something like, “Look, I’ve discovered Long Tall Sally has been saying a lot of things that aren’t true about our relationship and the reason for our breakup, it matters to me what you think, and I hope you know me well enough to sort the truth from lies. We were very much in love for a long time, and then she strayed. I did not. We’re better apart. And I hope we, younand I, can keep our friendship. It means a great deal to me.”

Just an idea. But believe me, you will be doing yourself no favor by sharing gory details with casual friends...

I’m sorry. I know it’s painful. And I know you are very angry.
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I've said this many times before, but I am sorry that you had to go through that. I don't know the feeling of being betrayed in that way, but it must feel ****ing horrible. I've had a few of my friends who have gotten cheated on, and it tore them up.

I could never something as despicable as that, not to my girlfriend, not to anyone.
 
TheGoverness said:
I've said this many times before, but I am sorry that you had to go through that. I don't know the feeling of being betrayed in that way, but it must feel ****ing horrible. I've had a few of my friends who have gotten cheated on, and it tore them up.

I could never something as despicable as that, not to my girlfriend, not to anyone.
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We were very much in love for many years. I didn’t stop until he cheated and couldn’t stop.

Always remember this: You break up, or divorce, a very different person than the one you first met. Plan accordingly. ;)
 
allalone said:
So here is my question...I was married for 7 years was together for 2 years before. My soon to be ex has been sleeping with multiple different men behind my back for months and I accidentally found out about it through text messages on her phone when I was just trying to text message an old friend that she had a number 2? so then I continue to look through her phone and find all kinds of things she's been verbally bashing me to friends family and Associates causing most of them to turn against me for no reason other than listening to what she's telling them and not asking my side.can I show people all the text messages and devious thing she's been doing or should I just let the truth catch up to her?either way I think it would be best just to drop every person out of my life completely friend or family that took her side and didn't even ask what happened or my side of the story can I have your thoughts and opinions please?
Click to expand...

The people who would believe her, after knowing you both, aren't worth hanging on to or making an effort to keep.

Walk away, wash your hands of it, and move on.
 
Tanngrisnir said:
The people who would believe her, after knowing you both, aren't worth hanging on to or making an effort to keep.

Walk away, wash your hands of it, and move on.
Click to expand...

Yes I agree believe it or not what hurting the most is people who have been with me my whole life and hardly ever known her was talking **** about me with her..
 
allalone said:
So here is my question...I was married for 7 years was together for 2 years before. My soon to be ex has been sleeping with multiple different men behind my back for months and I accidentally found out about it through text messages on her phone when I was just trying to text message an old friend that she had a number 2? so then I continue to look through her phone and find all kinds of things she's been verbally bashing me to friends family and Associates causing most of them to turn against me for no reason other than listening to what she's telling them and not asking my side.can I show people all the text messages and devious thing she's been doing or should I just let the truth catch up to her?either way I think it would be best just to drop every person out of my life completely friend or family that took her side and didn't even ask what happened or my side of the story can I have your thoughts and opinions please?
Click to expand...

Tough one and very close to what I experienced with my ex.wife of seven years with about two prior to marriage. She cheated on me too... twice that I know of.

In my case my ex is emotionally unstable with BPD so much of what she was saying about me my family and my friends knew were crap. They witnessed her eratic behaviour.

The tough part were our mutual friends. I never said anything negative about her ever. In fact I talked about what a good mom she was... etc. All her friends I get along with. All my friends she does not get slong with. I guess my point is to let your actions speak for you. If people choose to think you are crap trying to persuade them will probably be futile. Let them just see you be a good guy.

I hope that helps a little.
 
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allalone said:
Sorry no that a good point to add No kids thankfully
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I hope your user name is not a reflection of how you feel... is it something else?
 
TheGoverness said:
I've said this many times before, but I am sorry that you had to go through that. I don't know the feeling of being betrayed in that way, but it must feel ****ing horrible. I've had a few of my friends who have gotten cheated on, and it tore them up.

I could never something as despicable as that, not to my girlfriend, not to anyone.
Click to expand...

I hope you never experience it...
 
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