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Why get married?

ttwtt78640 said:
That is a lousy reason but not without some merit. The reason that my girlfriend and I are not married is that her ex is 9 years older than I am and if he were to die then my girlfriend would get about a $1K/month bump in her social security (which would then about equal mine) from the survivor benefit.

We love each other and have been living together for over 12 years, run a business together and are considered married by all that matter including her kids so the legal status change is of no benefit or consequence to either of us. My will leaves her everything (the little that I own, mostly tools) and her 3 daughters are next in line (should she die first or with me) since I have no children.
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I don't blame you for not getting married, believe me. I get it. My live-in "husband" just left after seventeen years. I simply changed the locks, and he was gone. Very simple. We didn't mix our assets. We didn't get married because of the disparity in our incomes, the fact that my SS benefits would decrease and he had two children. Had we married, my SS benefits would have gone down and he couldn't have disinherited me even if he wanted to. Nor could I. Unless we had a prenup. And even then, they aren't bulletproof.

What we should all remember is that, when we split? We never split with the same person who loved us. That person is gone. And if they have mixed their assets and aren't married? The first one to the bank wins.
 
Bodhisattva said:
Why do people still get married?

Over 50% end in divorce. Complications seeing your children. Ex-spouses often angry with each other. money spent on divorce.

If somebody told you that over 50% of the time your parachute would not open would you actually go skydiving? Obviously not...
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Not getting married is probably a good idea. At least then you could keep your house.
 
Bodhisattva said:
I pictured you younger... but, older woman... nice!
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Less than two years apart at our ages is not a big deal. I think that working in the construction trades has kept us young at heart and in better than average physical shape.
 
I agree that marriage makes breakups harder thing to do and makes relationships more serious. On that I agree. Society demands it too. But it has way more disadvantages for my taste.
 
Bodhisattva said:
Why do people still get married?

Over 50% end in divorce. Complications seeing your children. Ex-spouses often angry with each other. money spent on divorce.

If somebody told you that over 50% of the time your parachute would not open would you actually go skydiving? Obviously not...
Click to expand...


Fortunately, divorce does not end with terminal velocity poisoning.
 
Bodhisattva said:
Why do people still get married?

Over 50% end in divorce. Complications seeing your children. Ex-spouses often angry with each other. money spent on divorce.

If somebody told you that over 50% of the time your parachute would not open would you actually go skydiving? Obviously not...
Click to expand...

A friend of mine decided against getting married. He and his girlfriend lived together happily for many years.


Then, he suddenly and unexpectedly died at the ripe old age of 49.

Everything was in his name.

Including a house valued at $2 million in round figures.

She was left with nothing.

He hadn't updated his will in several years (second bad decision.)

Luckily, there were no children involved.

There are reasons to get married.
 
Bodhisattva said:
Why do people still get married?

Over 50% end in divorce. Complications seeing your children. Ex-spouses often angry with each other. money spent on divorce.

If somebody told you that over 50% of the time your parachute would not open would you actually go skydiving? Obviously not...
Click to expand...

Multiple things going on here:

1. 50% of marriages don't end in divorce, if you look a the statistics in a better way. You arrive at that % by doing divorces per 1,000 people. People that get married 3+ times skews the rate. First time marriages are closer to 30%.

2. Biological imperative. Not getting married doesn't change the biological imperative of passing on your genes. Whether you eventually do it on purpose or do it on accident because the need for sex is perhaps the biggest motivator in humans and sometimes there are accidents makes no difference.

3. Many people still believe in tradition and statistics show that kids that grow up in two parent households are much more successful. This doesn't change even if we know that there is a decent likelihood of things not working out. Just because many diets fail doesn't mean that trying to lose weight isn't wrong. It's the most healthy choice and worth the effort. Marriage and having a family is also the most healthy choice.
 
MaggieD said:
I don't blame you for not getting married, believe me. I get it. My live-in "husband" just left after seventeen years. I simply changed the locks, and he was gone. Very simple. We didn't mix our assets. We didn't get married because of the disparity in our incomes, the fact that my SS benefits would decrease and he had two children. Had we married, my SS benefits would have gone down and he couldn't have disinherited me even if he wanted to. Nor could I. Unless we had a prenup. And even then, they aren't bulletproof.

What we should all remember is that, when we split? We never split with the same person who loved us. That person is gone. And if they have mixed their assets and aren't married? The first one to the bank wins.
Click to expand...

When we met I had no place to live, no job and no car/truck (I still don't drive). I told her I was all hers if she'd have me and she lived in a place that needed lots of work. At that time she had decent job with a construction contractors association. Before I got my (our?) business started I started working at a golf course. When I got my first paycheck I offered to give it to her - she refused it and said she didn't need any money and would not let me even help with the rent. I bought her some kitchen gadgets that she had been wanting and from that point on I gave her "payday presents" ever since.

After a couple of years her job (plan room manager) disappeared as more got automated, the golf course pay sucked and I just decided to work for myself doing handyman work. Within a couple of months I had plenty of work and was working more than 5 days a week, took over all maintenance for our landlord's 12 rental properties and had three farm/ranch customers that have kept me (us?) fairly busy since. She handles the scheduling and billing for my work, drives me to get materials and to/from the job sites. We are not rich by any means but were able to get a newer truck, utility trailer and a quite a few more tools (saving on tool rental and material delivery costs). She has every kitchen gadget she ever dreamed of now and we are planning to get a travel trailer to use if I (we?) ever retire.

We have separate bank accounts (on paper) one for me, one for her and one for my (now incapacitated) father, age 95, who is in a state veterans home. She handles all of the banking, keeps the bank cards and still pays all of the bills (which are all in her name). I guess we just love, respect and put up with each other and have never discussed how or if our relationship could ever end.
 
ttwtt78640 said:
When we met I had no place to live, no job and no car/truck (I still don't drive). I told her I was all hers if she'd have me and she lived in a place that needed lots of work. At that time she had decent job with a construction contractors association. Before I got my (our?) business started I started working at a golf course. When I got my first paycheck I offered to give it to her - she refused it and said she didn't need any money and would not let me even help with the rent. I bought her some kitchen gadgets that she had been wanting and from that point on I gave her "payday presents" ever since.

After a couple of years her job (plan room manager) disappeared as more got automated, the golf course pay sucked and I just decided to work for myself doing handyman work. Within a couple of months I had plenty of work and was working more than 5 days a week, took over all maintenance for our landlord's 12 rental properties and had three farm/ranch customers that have kept me (us?) fairly busy since. She handles the scheduling and billing for my work, drives me to get materials and to/from the job sites. We are not rich by any means but were able to get a newer truck, utility trailer and a quite a few more tools (saving on tool rental and material delivery costs). She has every kitchen gadget she ever dreamed of now and we are planning to get a travel trailer to use if I (we?) ever retire.

We have separate bank accounts (on paper) one for me, one for her and one for my (now incapacitated) father, age 95, who is in a state veterans home. She handles all of the banking, keeps the bank cards and still pays all of the bills (which are all in her name). I guess we just love, respect and put up with each other and have never discussed how or if our relationship could ever end.
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Heartwarming! I sure wish you and your lady a happy life together. It sounds like you have a perfect relationship.
 
ttwtt78640 said:
When we met I had no place to live, no job and no car/truck (I still don't drive). I told her I was all hers if she'd have me and she lived in a place that needed lots of work. At that time she had decent job with a construction contractors association. Before I got my (our?) business started I started working at a golf course. When I got my first paycheck I offered to give it to her - she refused it and said she didn't need any money and would not let me even help with the rent. I bought her some kitchen gadgets that she had been wanting and from that point on I gave her "payday presents" ever since.

After a couple of years her job (plan room manager) disappeared as more got automated, the golf course pay sucked and I just decided to work for myself doing handyman work. Within a couple of months I had plenty of work and was working more than 5 days a week, took over all maintenance for our landlord's 12 rental properties and had three farm/ranch customers that have kept me (us?) fairly busy since. She handles the scheduling and billing for my work, drives me to get materials and to/from the job sites. We are not rich by any means but were able to get a newer truck, utility trailer and a quite a few more tools (saving on tool rental and material delivery costs). She has every kitchen gadget she ever dreamed of now and we are planning to get a travel trailer to use if I (we?) ever retire.

We have separate bank accounts (on paper) one for me, one for her and one for my (now incapacitated) father, age 95, who is in a state veterans home. She handles all of the banking, keeps the bank cards and still pays all of the bills (which are all in her name). I guess we just love, respect and put up with each other and have never discussed how or if our relationship could ever end.
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I hope you realize how lucky you are to have found her.
 
MaggieD said:
Heartwarming! I sure wish you and your lady a happy life together. It sounds like you have a perfect relationship.
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Thank you. We fuss at each other once in a while but we never had any major arguments. She had been physically abused before and by now is sure that I am not that kind of guy. I am as happy now as I've ever been and am grateful to have her company.
 
Bodhisattva said:
Why do people still get married?QUOTE]

In a word? Benefits.....in many cases its to provide security for your SO. So many places and jobs still operate under antiquated notions of what constitutes family and dependents....No marriage certificate? No benefits.
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kaerin said:
I also don't get it. To think living with someone for over 40-50 years sounds crazy. It always did. I am not sure how can I go that way. I'm 24 and some of my friends from highschool and uni already got married and had children. Society expects it, my family expects it from me, but I don't know. That is hell of a difficult decision to make. God help me.
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Unless you feel it, don't do it.

Your relationships are nobody's business, but you and yours.

Remember, there is no "right way" in relationships. There's only what works - or doesn't work - between the two individuals. Don't let anybody tell you anything else.

(that being said, I'm a big fan of marriage)
 
Chagos said:
........to be able to share your problems with someone that otherwise you'd not be having in the first place.:mrgreen:
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:lamo

Yes. Agreed. What better person to understand your problems, than the one causing them! :mrgreen:
 
Dittohead not! said:
A friend of mine decided against getting married. He and his girlfriend lived together happily for many years.


Then, he suddenly and unexpectedly died at the ripe old age of 49.

Everything was in his name.

Including a house valued at $2 million in round figures.

She was left with nothing.

He hadn't updated his will in several years (second bad decision.)

Luckily, there were no children involved.

There are reasons to get married.
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Yes, but this is not necessarily one of them.

An up to date will, would suffice.

Whenever I speak with my personal lawyer, he always asks me what's going on, so he can update my will if necessary.
 
ttwtt78640 said:
When we met I had no place to live, no job and no car/truck (I still don't drive). I told her I was all hers if she'd have me and she lived in a place that needed lots of work. At that time she had decent job with a construction contractors association. Before I got my (our?) business started I started working at a golf course. When I got my first paycheck I offered to give it to her - she refused it and said she didn't need any money and would not let me even help with the rent. I bought her some kitchen gadgets that she had been wanting and from that point on I gave her "payday presents" ever since.

After a couple of years her job (plan room manager) disappeared as more got automated, the golf course pay sucked and I just decided to work for myself doing handyman work. Within a couple of months I had plenty of work and was working more than 5 days a week, took over all maintenance for our landlord's 12 rental properties and had three farm/ranch customers that have kept me (us?) fairly busy since. She handles the scheduling and billing for my work, drives me to get materials and to/from the job sites. We are not rich by any means but were able to get a newer truck, utility trailer and a quite a few more tools (saving on tool rental and material delivery costs). She has every kitchen gadget she ever dreamed of now and we are planning to get a travel trailer to use if I (we?) ever retire.

We have separate bank accounts (on paper) one for me, one for her and one for my (now incapacitated) father, age 95, who is in a state veterans home. She handles all of the banking, keeps the bank cards and still pays all of the bills (which are all in her name). I guess we just love, respect and put up with each other and have never discussed how or if our relationship could ever end.
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Your relationship sounds too good, to ruin with a marriage! :2razz:
 
Chomsky said:
Your relationship sounds too good, to ruin with a marriage! :2razz:
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Thank you, I feel quite lucky to have stumbled into it. Many seem to marry for financial benefit while she (we?) could certainly benefit for not having done so (again).
 
Bodhisattva said:
Why do people still get married?

Over 50% end in divorce. Complications seeing your children. Ex-spouses often angry with each other. money spent on divorce.

If somebody told you that over 50% of the time your parachute would not open would you actually go skydiving? Obviously not...
Click to expand...

In my view, the biggest deterrent to marriage is the kids.

The kids as to value for a tax return.

On the 2016 federal return an individual gets a $6,300 standard deduction. A couple gets $12,600. Exemptions are different, for the total number of people claimed. So a married couple with at least one kid gets a $12,600 standard deduction, but if never married, or divorced, one person claims the $6,300 SD, and the other gets a $9,300 standard deduction filing as head of household.

$15,600 vs $12,600. If in the 25% marginal rate, that $3,000 difference in SD is worth $750, not to be married.

I think most states do a similar thing.
 
OlNate said:
How did you arrive at that?
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Play on words and I should probably have added a smilie.

But to continue the play, if I don't marry, does that mean I don't love?;)
 
kaerin said:
I also don't get it. To think living with someone for over 40-50 years sounds crazy. It always did. I am not sure how can I go that way. I'm 24 and some of my friends from highschool and uni already got married and had children. Society expects it, my family expects it from me, but I don't know. That is hell of a difficult decision to make. God help me.
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I might have reached 40 years of it but cancer ended it all after 30.

That said, the number of years is not an indicator of success in marriage (or just spending lives together). My grandparents made each others' lives a total misery and managed to do that for over 50 years. They probably got so used to the bickering that they'd have died immediately without it.:lol:

OTH vows of eternal fidelity, social convention, religious demands etc. do nothing for people spending their respective lives together either.

If it's the right thing for both (and both continue to perceive it as that indefinitely), no vow, certificate or any other contract will play any role in achieving that. And if it's not, all those things play no role either.

The trouble is of course that in the initial instant of perceiving it as being the right thing, all those directly affected suffer hormone induced insanity anyway.:mrgreen:

The crunch comes when the madness wears off. With a bit of luck you may find that the person you were so madly in love with is someone that you actually LIKE. ;)
 
Bodhisattva said:
~.........................If somebody told you that over 50% of the time your parachute would not open would you actually go skydiving? Obviously not...
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Sure I would.

I've worked on odds that were far worse.:mrgreen:
 
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