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Why get married?

Dittohead not! said:
Yes, marriage is supposed to be permanent and with someone you want to stay with. Nothing weird about that. A marriage is a commitment and a promise to be faithful. Not everyone keeps that promise, of course, which is unfortunate because this is also correct:
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Yeah but how can you tell if that one person is exactly the one? People have a hard time staying with a female thats raised them all their lifes let alone stay with someone that you just met lets say 5-10 years. My only fear is that I could never stay faithful to that someone because I would either get sick of that someone or that better someone else comes to my life.

I agree with the children statement though. Thats 100% spot on.
 
JuiceJS said:
Yeah but how can you tell if that one person is exactly the one? People have a hard time staying with a female thats raised them all their lifes let alone stay with someone that you just met lets say 5-10 years. My only fear is that I could never stay faithful to that someone because I would either get sick of that someone or that better someone else comes to my life.

I agree with the children statement though. Thats 100% spot on.
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The "female that raised them all their lives" is their mother. You're not supposed to live with your mother once you're an adult. Little birdies have to leave the nest, after all. That doesn't mean you don't love and respect your mother, just that you don't depend on her after a time.

It's not just about finding the right person. It's also about being the right person.
 
Best thing that ever happened for me, my first wife. After she passed, the second best to have happened for me, my second wife. Two miracles for one man in one life, what more can I ask for?
 
I got told yesterday that gay marriage has revitalized the institution of marriage, modernized it and made it much more healthy...dont believe it...... we increasingly dont believe in signing up for one mate for life, and we increasingly dont have the skills to live a life with only one mate, so the ritual is mostly a sham...and expensive one at that.
 
Hawkeye10 said:
I got told yesterday that gay marriage has revitalized the institution of marriage, modernized it and made it much more healthy...dont believe it...... we increasingly dont believe in signing up for one mate for life, and we increasingly dont have the skills to live a life with only one mate, so the ritual is mostly a sham...and expensive one at that.
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I disagree with the first part separately from disagreeing with the second.
Not sure how gay marriage revitalized anything, did the person telling you that elaborate? Not sure how you can "modernize" something as basic as marriage regardless which 2 people are involved.

The ritual isn't a sham for those that want it to work. I think often people get married too early (not necessarily age but in the dating scene). We do have the skills, it really doesn't take much if you actually enjoy the company you're with. If you aren't ready to sleep with one person, don't get married.

People also throw in the towel quickly. Marriage does take work and will certainly have ups and downs but I think the working for it mentality is going away (more than just marriage talk there).
 
OldFatGuy said:
Best thing that ever happened for me, my first wife. After she passed, the second best to have happened for me, my second wife. Two miracles for one man in one life, what more can I ask for?
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3 miracles? I'm widowed twice...married to a great guy...I always said 3 strikes you're out or 3 times the charm...I got the latter...
 
Thorgasm said:
I have said this many times here. I told my wife I wouldn't consider marriage until I heard her fart.
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Always check her closet....if it is full of shoes, be warned!!!
 
Point of law....
In many states, property/assets, like your house and financial accounts, can be "Transferred upon death". It overrides the will. Paperwork needs to be done and delivered to the county property tax people and mortgage company, and the financial institutions where the money is.
When my sister goes, my wife and I get her house and investment/bank accounts no matter what the will says. We are already co-owner of her checking account in case she ends up incompetent and in a nursing home. That way her bills get paid.
I get her car via the will (for being executor of the estate), only thing left is her furniture and her dogs. I have volunteered to take the dogs..

btw, we are all in our 70's....wife and I just celebrated 50 years together...
 
UtahBill said:
Always check her closet....if it is full of shoes, be warned!!!
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If it's only her closet, no problem. When it's her closet, my closet, the kids' closets, the linen closet, the coat closet, under the bed and bedroom furniture, hidden in the kids' toy chests, well, then there is a problem. We need more room. :)
 
UtahBill said:
Point of law....
In many states, property/assets, like your house and financial accounts, can be "Transferred upon death". It overrides the will. Paperwork needs to be done and delivered to the county property tax people and mortgage company, and the financial institutions where the money is.
When my sister goes, my wife and I get her house and investment/bank accounts no matter what the will says. We are already co-owner of her checking account in case she ends up incompetent and in a nursing home. That way her bills get paid.
I get her car via the will (for being executor of the estate), only thing left is her furniture and her dogs. I have volunteered to take the dogs..

btw, we are all in our 70's....wife and I just celebrated 50 years together...
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Tenancy by the entirety, or Joint Tenancy with Rights of Survivorship, the former previously known as Dower Rights. Only two states don't observe laws that establish these rights, Louisiana and Alabama, using the Napoleonic code as law logic basis instead of English Common Law. Both use the term "in indivision," fractional ownership which passes by fact of law to the survivor if spelled out in the initial deed to the two as a life estate. The property may be conveyed by will to a 3rd party who cannot force the remainder to leave the premises, or force a sale. Failure to pay property taxes on the fractional ownership conveyed to 3rd party triggers an escheating of the premises to the survivor of the initial property ownership upon payment of tax arrears by that party.

Those states that recognize Tenancy by the Entirety, require no update of county records, and only mortgagees who wrote due on sale clauses require notification by terms of the mortgage. It is never law. And most mortgage lenders who require mortgage life insurance, are notified by the insurer who must pay off the mortgage balance. People tend to update county records on the basis of attorney's advice, who earns a fee for transaction from the estate to the survivor. It is not a function of law and it is unnecessary. Tax records can be usually updated with a postcard or today, on line.
 
Bodhisattva said:
Why do people still get married?

Over 50% end in divorce. Complications seeing your children. Ex-spouses often angry with each other. money spent on divorce.

If somebody told you that over 50% of the time your parachute would not open would you actually go skydiving? Obviously not...
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Bod

While I might tend to agree, I think there are some women out there who might not ever go for it. Most of them dream of their prince charming coming to take them away. If I were still young (early 20's) I would not take a chance. Maybe later in life, but not that young.
 
OldFatGuy said:
Tenancy by the entirety, or Joint Tenancy with Rights of Survivorship, the former previously known as Dower Rights. Only two states don't observe laws that establish these rights, Louisiana and Alabama, using the Napoleonic code as law logic basis instead of English Common Law. Both use the term "in indivision," fractional ownership which passes by fact of law to the survivor if spelled out in the initial deed to the two as a life estate. The property may be conveyed by will to a 3rd party who cannot force the remainder to leave the premises, or force a sale. Failure to pay property taxes on the fractional ownership conveyed to 3rd party triggers an escheating of the premises to the survivor of the initial property ownership upon payment of tax arrears by that party.

Those states that recognize Tenancy by the Entirety, require no update of county records, and only mortgagees who wrote due on sale clauses require notification by terms of the mortgage. It is never law. And most mortgage lenders who require mortgage life insurance, are notified by the insurer who must pay off the mortgage balance. People tend to update county records on the basis of attorney's advice, who earns a fee for transaction from the estate to the survivor. It is not a function of law and it is unnecessary. Tax records can be usually updated with a postcard or today, on line.
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In our case, my divorced sister is making extra sure her children get nothing. I expect there will be problems anyway, if they find out. Her children totally ignore her even though there is a bit over half a million involved. That is assuming she doesn't have a long term nursing home situation occur. Her income would only cover half of that.
 
UtahBill said:
In our case, my divorced sister is making extra sure her children get nothing. I expect there will be problems anyway, if they find out. Her children totally ignore her even though there is a bit over half a million involved. That is assuming she doesn't have a long term nursing home situation occur. Her income would only cover half of that.
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If that is truly what she wants, she can reach out to a trusts attorney, and shift every asset she has to whatever trusts she sees fit, with herself as trustee, a designated trustee upon her incapacitation or death, and herself as one of the beneficiaries until her death. Since this is not a tax avoidance construct, that doesn't become an issue. It is relatively simple to attack a will, tying up an estate almost indefinitely, with per stirpes rights alone, dependent upon state laws governing the same, but trust are inviolate. She should consult a trusts attorney, and not every attorney understands the tools provided by trusts. It is a specialty. Not even medicaid can violate a trust established more than a year or two before a health event which can trigger medicaid coverage. The closer to the event, the challenge becomes one of intension to defraud in anticipation thereof with knowledge.
 
On a serious note, and on topic, I like being married. So, that's why people get married--they like it.

Advantages:
1. Having a life partner through thick and thin, barring some unforgivable offense or impossible to reconcile differences
2. Legal bonds, very helpful (if not essential) for property and health related matters
3. A truly globally recognized commitment ritual, a bond no law can break
4. Exemption from certain legal matters
5. Nothing says "I love you" more than "I do."
 
JuiceJS said:
There is no reason to get married.

How do I benefit from being married? What can I do as a married man that I can't do with a live-in girlfriend?
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Have wealth and property automatically transfer without dealing with probate courts and challenging relatives. You spouse cannot be made to testify against you, your live in GF can. Hopefully that will never be a distinction you need to worry about. Without a medical power of attorney, your relatives can override any decisions your live in GF makes, even if they are what you decided before you became unable to voice them yourself. Just a few examples.

Yes, many of the marriage rights can be duplicated by other legal documents, but doing even one can cost more than a marriage itself. So if you want to pay more for those rights, feel free.
 
calamity said:
On a serious note, and on topic, I like being married. So, that's why people get married--they like it.

Advantages:
1. Having a life partner through thick and thin, barring some unforgivable offense or impossible to reconcile differences
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Marriage on a legal level is not required for this.

5. Nothing says "I love you" more than "I do."
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Again nothing legal required for this. A wedding can happen without a marriage license ever being filed.

I am responding to this in this manner because the implication of the OP is that they are talking about legal marriage, and thus your response to the thread in general, would also seem to be covering that type of marriage.
 
<alt>doxygen said:
Prenups are good.
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A friend of mine, he was not a practicing lawyer but he had background in law, told me that prenups have been over-turned before in Canada. So even with a contract, one is still not covered.

My solution? Learn to reproduce asexually. Like a budding hydra.
 
Wan said:
A friend of mine, he was not a practicing lawyer but he had background in law, told me that prenups have been over-turned before in Canada. So even with a contract, one is still not covered.

My solution? Learn to reproduce asexually. Like a budding hydra.
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:lol:

I know. In the US, they need to be written by a lawyer familiar with state law, and they might need to be redone if you were to become residents of another state.

My wife wouldn't do one because - "not romantic". We had an agreement that if either of us wanted to opt out in the 1st 2 years it would be "no fault", but that was just an agreement between us that had no legal force. We didn't co-mingle our personal accounts. We got a joint account to pay bills. Since we were both self-sufficient professionals that wasn't a problem. Kids would have complicated the whole thing beyond belief, but we didn't have any.

So we've been married since 2001 and together since 1998. Happy. :)
 
Bodhisattva said:
Why do people still get married?

Over 50% end in divorce. Complications seeing your children. Ex-spouses often angry with each other. money spent on divorce.

If somebody told you that over 50% of the time your parachute would not open would you actually go skydiving? Obviously not...
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Once you have kids it makes sense for tax purposes.
 
Bucky said:
Once you have kids it makes sense for tax purposes.
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Not just when you have kids. For us it was the potential to.buy a house.

Sent from my Z982 using Tapatalk
 
maquiscat said:
Not just when you have kids. For us it was the potential to.buy a house.

Sent from my Z982 using Tapatalk
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Getting married can get risky, especially when assets are involved. Once you have kids though, you pretty much are "all-in"
 
Bodhisattva said:
Why do people still get married?

Over 50% end in divorce. Complications seeing your children. Ex-spouses often angry with each other. money spent on divorce.

If somebody told you that over 50% of the time your parachute would not open would you actually go skydiving? Obviously not...
Click to expand...
The opening premise of this thread is fallacious.

"Odds" such as those used in gambling, or a 50/50 ratio only apply in purely theoretical situations where there are no external variables. David Sklansky has a good book on poker theory for anyone who wants to know how "odds" actually work in practice.

In any actual marriage or relationship, there are an extraordinary number of external variables which complicate things, such as the ages of the couple, the profession, financial resources, intelligence, character, emotional maturity, and the list goes on.

So the entire premise is based on misunderstanding "odds" to begin with.
 
Rinzai said:
The opening premise of this thread is fallacious.

"Odds" such as those used in gambling, or a 50/50 ratio only apply in purely theoretical situations where there are no external variables. David Sklansky has a good book on poker theory for anyone who wants to know how "odds" actually work in practice.

In any actual marriage or relationship, there are an extraordinary number of external variables which complicate things, such as the ages of the couple, the profession, financial resources, intelligence, character, emotional maturity, and the list goes on.

So the entire premise is based on misunderstanding "odds" to begin with.
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Marriage is not gambling...
 
Bodhisattva said:
Marriage is not gambling...
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The argument was based on the "odds" of marriage ending in divorce being nearly 50-50, but the premise is flawed from the start, since "odds" are meaningless outside of theoretical contexts - such as in a game of poker where the "rules" and variables are clearly defined - such as the "odds" of drawing a specific card on a specific flop.

In "marriage" in a broad sense, there is a nearly unlimited number of variables which affect things, so those "odds" would never apply in any given individual situation.
 
Bodhisattva said:
Why do people still get married?

Over 50% end in divorce. Complications seeing your children. Ex-spouses often angry with each other. money spent on divorce.

If somebody told you that over 50% of the time your parachute would not open would you actually go skydiving? Obviously not...
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It can work, just keep the risks in mind. I'm glad that I live in Texas given that alimony is almost never awarded. It's still another reason to stay in you kids good graces. If your marriage implodes, they will want to stay with you. If your marriage DOESN'T implode, they will select your nursing home. Modern divorce practice/threat turns the parent-child relationship on it's head: The kids are truly in charge. If that father doesn't have a good relationship with kids, that means he had better never backtalk or be disobedient to his wife. Just the threat of divorce will get a disobedient husband's attention.
 
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