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A guy kissed me.

MaggieD said:
A complete derail on my part. On Bourbon Street, a guy said to us group of ladies, throw me some beads and I'll drop my pants. Well... three Hurricanes and a party-on mood meant we showered him. He dropped his pants, and... I've never even imagined anything like it. Can you say, "penis reduction surgery"?

Sure was worth the beads :lamo
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Must have been a grower, not a shower. :lol:
 
MaggieD said:
Sweetie Pie, I've been kissed by guys when I didn't even know their first names.

Big girl panties thingie. Birds and bees thingie. Don't make an enemy out of the guy just because he found you attractive. Don't be surprised that your orientation will be questioned again and again. And be happy someone found you attractive and interesting enough to want to have more than a friendship.

Graciously accept his apology. Remain friends if it's feasible. It never hurts to have a big brother watch your back.

Your reaction shows you have some growing to do. And what fun you'll have!
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Maggie, while I admire your ability to adjust to your circumstances... I find it unfortunate that you lived in a world where you felt you had no right to be angry about a guy sexually touching you without any warning or communication of interest whatsoever.

That's not ok. It never was.

Fortunately, today's young women no longer live in a world where we're forced to deal with it, or where they're told to be "thankful" for unwanted sexual advances.

Today, young women actually KNOW it's not ok, and know they can reach out to others and be taken seriously if they absolutely have to. And they have every right to be angry about that and to tell them as much.

Governess's anger is not the problem here. The problem is men feeling like women don't have a bubble they should respect. And indeed, many of today's young men ALSO know that's wrong. This particular young boy is a straggler, but he's young, so he still has time to learn.

And I am grateful that I never had to grow up in the world you did, where you simply had to accept men behaving badly. I am thankful most of the equally young men I've dealt with have been more respectful of me than that.

Governess has every right to expect the same.
 
JANFU said:
Was he aware you are gay? I would say not
needless to say he is apologizing for stepping into your space
Lastly- you are in college- university- and gays are a minority-how could he know that you are gay?
Did you announce it? i doubt that

So maybe he read something wrong, but if he did not know?????
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No, he didn't know.

I only had only told my roomate about it, not anyone else. And that was only because it just happened to come up.

If I'd have realized what was going on sooner, I'd have told him beforehand. So I guess that's on me for having ****ty foresight.
 
SmokeAndMirrors said:
Maggie, while I admire your ability to adjust to your circumstances... I find it unfortunate that you lived in a world where you felt you had no right to be angry about a guy sexually touching you without any warning or communication of interest whatsoever.

That's not ok. It never was.

Fortunately, today's young women no longer live in a world where we're forced to deal with it, or where they're told to be "thankful" for unwanted sexual advances.

Today, young women actually KNOW it's not ok, and know they can reach out to others and be taken seriously if they absolutely have to. And they have every right to be angry about that and to tell them as much.

Governess's anger is not the problem here. The problem is men feeling like women don't have a bubble they should respect. And indeed, many of today's young men ALSO know that's wrong. This particular young boy is a straggler, but he's young, so he still has time to learn.

And I am grateful that I never had to grow up in the world you did, where you simply had to accept men behaving badly. I am thankful most of the equally young men I've dealt with have been more respectful of me than that.

Governess has every right to expect the same.
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And I am very grateful I didn't grow up in yours. Perhaps in your world, she should charge him with assault.
 
Well, there are worse problems :p

Let's imagine you have some "sending out unavailable, not interested, friend-only circuitry" you use in social situations.
Before, you were on "low power."
Now that you're in college, on campus, and socializing, hanging out more than once, etc. - > MAXIMUM POWER

You may find some tactful ways to, once you meet people and get friendly with them, to let them clearly know you're in a relationship AND are strictly interested in female only relationships, but cool to hang out, etc. No one will be overly offended if you make it really clear, it won't mean a thing. But apparently the missed signal is a lot riskier.

Remember too that guys, especially at first, have no brains. You can say "I'm gay", and they hear "I'm confused and would like to explore life with you". So it has to be a few times, and very clear. After that, should be OK. Just don't let it hinder your potential future friendships with straight guys!

*edit: Keep in mind, he could have been a creep, but he could also have been innocently smitten. And while it's not OK to kiss someone without some signaling, if he was infatuated with you, his adrenaline could have been going, and it literally makes you a bit crazy. While you were just friends, in his mind you may have been "the one" (or anywhere in between). Maybe he missed some chances in high school, and felt like he was way too slow, and vowed to never "miss a chance" again, and be more forward, etc. He's learning too at that age and in that pressure cooker of early college years (I assume). There will be creeps too, but I think a little forgiveness and re-adjusting is in order. That said, if he creeps you out, no harm no foul, move on.
 
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Lord Tammerlain said:
I suggest trolling the guy


Tell him you just found out you are gay, the day after he kissed you, and thank him for helping you find out who you really are

Only do this if you are sure he wont go nuts about it, and if you want the floor to know that you are gay

He will always wonder if he was the one who turned you gay, and try to figure out what he did that did it
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That's rather excessive, don't you think?
 
TheGoverness said:
No, he didn't know.

I only had only told my roomate about it, not anyone else. And that was only because it just happened to come up.

If I'd have realized what was going on sooner, I'd have told him beforehand. So I guess that's on me for having ****ty foresight.
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Nah. You could have just as easily been a straight girl who just happens to not be attracted to him. You being gay isn't relevant; he needs to improve his communication.
 
TheGoverness said:
No, he didn't know.

I only had only told my roomate about it, not anyone else. And that was only because it just happened to come up.

If I'd have realized what was going on sooner, I'd have told him beforehand. So I guess that's on me for having ****ty foresight.
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This next statement is true about 99% of the time: If a guy is friends with you hes either hoping to get in your pants or one of your friends pants or also in your case hoping to watch some girl on girl action.
 
MaggieD said:
And I am very grateful I didn't grow up in yours. Perhaps in your world, she should charge him with assault.
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Did I say that? No, I didn't.

Is that the barometer of acceptable behavior for men, to you? As long as it doesn't necessitate calling in the PD for a domestic, it's cool?

That's really unfortunate.

It really isn't hard to just communicate well and seek a partner who's as interested as you are, rather than forcing the issue. I've met hundreds of young men who manage it just fine.
 
TheGoverness said:
No, he didn't know.

I only had only told my roomate about it, not anyone else. And that was only because it just happened to come up.

If I'd have realized what was going on sooner, I'd have told him beforehand. So I guess that's on me for having ****ty foresight.
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Not at all, its not on anybody. He was attracted to you, he made a move, you rehected the move, he apologized I think all of that seems normal to me. Again unless you are leaving something out you said he is ok to talk to, forgive him salvage the friendship and move on.
 
MaggieD said:
A complete derail on my part. On Bourbon Street, a guy said to us group of ladies, throw me some beads and I'll drop my pants. Well... three Hurricanes and a party-on mood meant we showered him. He dropped his pants, and... I've never even imagined anything like it. Can you say, "penis reduction surgery"?

Sure was worth the beads :lamo
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When we were in NOLA for Mardi Gras this year I had to show some man boob to appease the masses and keep them from bugging my wife, daughter and daughter's friend. The things a man does to protect his family. Earned a huge load of beads too :).

Daughter's friend did run into a guy who duct taped a beer to her hand and then wandered off. I thought that was a little odd even for New Orleans.
 
SmokeAndMirrors said:
Did I say that? No, I didn't.

Is that the barometer of acceptable behavior for men, to you? As long as it doesn't necessitate calling in the PD for a domestic, it's cool?

That's really unfortunate.

It really isn't hard to just communicate well and seek a partner who's as interested as you are, rather than forcing the issue. I've met hundreds of young men who manage it just fine.
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Well, you've got me there. Hundreds. I've never in my life had a problem. If it was a first date, and I knew there wouldn't be a second, I just turned my head and gave him a hug. I like my world better. But Inguess we ALL like our worlds better. Except my grandpa who walked five miles to school in the snow uphill both ways and barefoot. ;)

There are perfectly acceptable and kind ways to handle unwanted advances. I never thought boo about it... But we're all different.
 
I would explain nothing unless thats what you actually want to do.

A simple "I am not interested." should be enough.
 
MaggieD said:
Well, you've got me there. Hundreds. I've never in my life had a problem. If it was a first date, and I knew there wouldn't be a second, I just turned my head and gave him a hug. I like my world better. But Inguess we ALL like our worlds better. Except my grandpa who walked five miles to school in the snow uphill both ways and barefoot. ;)

There are perfectly acceptable and kind ways to handle unwanted advances. I never thought boo about it... But we're all different.
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There's a difference between a date and a, well... obviously not-date.

I just think telling women to be "thankful" for unwanted sexual advances is a terrible thing to say to someone who is justifiably upset. It's very indicative of an age where women's personal bubbles got little to no respect.

That's not a kind thing to say to someone in that situation.
 
SmokeAndMirrors said:
There's a difference between a date and a, well... obviously not-date.

I just think telling women to be "thankful" for unwanted sexual advances is a terrible thing to say to someone who is justifiably upset. It's very indicative of an age where women's personal bubbles got little to no respect.

That's not a kind thing to say to someone in that situation.
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Ok. Different strokes. But btw, I don't consider a kiss a sexual advance unless it's of the deep threat variety. Let's agree to disagree. It's probably amgenerational thing.
 
TheGoverness said:
Jeezus. Awkward situations always seem to creep up on me at the worst times.

So there's this guy that lives in my dorm (It's co-ed FYI). And we just so happen to have a Psychology class together on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, so we sit together in that class, as he's the only one that I know in the giant lecture room. He's a pretty okay dude to have a conversation with. And last week he brought me along to hang out with his friends a few times when I was bored and had nothing to do. I thought we could be like good friends and study partners. But I must have been giving out the wrong signals, because today, out of ****ing nowhere, he kisses me. I've only known this guy for a little over a week, and he kisses me. I was caught completely off-guard. Did not expect him to do that to me at all. Of course, I shoved him away. I felt more surprised in that moment than angry, at least initially. But I was just like WTF are you doing, and I told him that I didn't like him that way, and that I already had a girlfriend. And he quickly tried to apologize, but I told him to **** off and stormed off. Anger probably wasn't the best tool to handle that situation, but I kinda lost it.

Now he's been texting me all afternoon still trying to apologize for what he did, but I've been avoiding talking to him. I'm not ready to forgive him; I'm still angry about it. This has pretty much ****ed up my whole day; I can't get it out of my head. I've been in situations before where guys have tried to ask me out, and I politely rejected them (although it still hurt me inside to do so). And I had one guy try to kiss me before in high school, but at least I had known the guy for a good while beforehand, and I saw it coming.


Has anyone else been in this kind of awkward situation? Where someone has tried to kiss them out-of-the-blue?
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Wow Gov, cOllege is hitting you like a ton of bricks. Guys will start to like you pretty much immediately. He could meet you and try to kiss you same night. That's pretty normal.

Try not to injure his young manhood too badly. But it sounds like the damage has been done, if he's already weirding out with the nonstop texts.

I have both kissed relative strangers and been rejected by relative strangers. It's something I did while drinking so, it wasn't as intimate and close quartered as your experience.

Funny story.
 
SmokeAndMirrors said:
Maggie, while I admire your ability to adjust to your circumstances... I find it unfortunate that you lived in a world where you felt you had no right to be angry about a guy sexually touching you without any warning or communication of interest whatsoever.

That's not ok. It never was.

Fortunately, today's young women no longer live in a world where we're forced to deal with it, or where they're told to be "thankful" for unwanted sexual advances.

Today, young women actually KNOW it's not ok, and know they can reach out to others and be taken seriously if they absolutely have to. And they have every right to be angry about that and to tell them as much.

Governess's anger is not the problem here. The problem is men feeling like women don't have a bubble they should respect. And indeed, many of today's young men ALSO know that's wrong. This particular young boy is a straggler, but he's young, so he still has time to learn.

And I am grateful that I never had to grow up in the world you did, where you simply had to accept men behaving badly. I am thankful most of the equally young men I've dealt with have been more respectful of me than that.

Governess has every right to expect the same.
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This wasn't a guy behaving badly. This was a young kid who was hanging out with a girl who seemed to like him and he had no clue that she was a lesbian. He's not a bad guy at all - just a guy who thought there was a spark when there wasn't at all.
 
Lutherf said:
I never had a guy try to kiss me before (though, at one time, I was called a "waste of man meat") but I have been in situations where someone I wasn't planning on being sexually aggressive surprised me. It happens.

From the male perspective, some guys really never get their mojo working (especially in high school or college) so they try a lot of stuff just to see what works. This guy probably got advice from a buddy that was along the lines of "just go for it!" and he did. You may need to tell him a couple of times that you're a lesbian because sometimes the blood in a guy's penis means that it isn't circulating around his ears and he gets a little deaf.
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Yeah.....No! She told him once. If there is a next time, he walks away bent over.
 
No one tell Nilly about this thread. Otherwise we'll have to live through another "Han Solo sexually assaulted Princess Leia" diatribe. Oy. :roll:
 
AGENT J said:
I would imagine the vast majority of people have. I know i have but its never made me angry accept in a case where i had a girlfriend, the girl knew my girlfriend and she was basically just trying to cause trouble. And i was only angry because her advances happened multiple times.

Of course this is your own personal business and you dont have to share but im curious what parts you are leaving out to lead you to anger.
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I'm curious too. I think a normal reaction would be "Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing??" followed by awkward apologies, weird silences, nervous laughter and not talking for a few days. But not anger. Maybe I'm missing something.
 
Josie said:
I'm curious too. I think a normal reaction would be "Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing??" followed by awkward apologies, weird silences, nervous laughter and not talking for a few days. But not anger. Maybe I'm missing something.
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Yeah it just seems incomplete. It could just be the way its written that im missing something but it seems like an innocent kiss attempt. I dont think thats a reason for "anger" . . now thats just MY opinion. I wasnt there and dont know how it went down but im no stranger to kiss attempts and they never made me made in general.

I think you describe it perfectly by the way lol ""Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing??" followed by awkward apologies, weird silences, nervous laughter and not talking for a few days."
 
Girl, so sorry. Though, I'm sure this must be some kind of lesbian right of passage. So congrats, I guess? :lol:

Seriously, though. That sucks, I can't imagine. It's never happened to me, thankfully. Though, I have had to turn guys down before, thankfully they were more respectful about things than this guy was. It's always awkward and weird, though, probably not as weird and awkward as being turned down by a straight girl. So, pick your poison and whatnot.
 
holbritter said:
Yeah.....No! She told him once. If there is a next time, he walks away bent over.
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I don't know about that. If the guy really digs her he's going to be half inclined to think that the lesbian story is just a put off. If he tries to kiss her again then pushing him off is warranted but kicking him in the nuts is excessive. Her best bet is to just be honest and firm.
 
Your Star said:
Girl, so sorry. Though, I'm sure this must be some kind of lesbian right of passage. So congrats, I guess? :lol:

Seriously, though. That sucks, I can't imagine. It's never happened to me, thankfully. Though, I have had to turn guys down before, thankfully they were more respectful about things than this guy was. It's always awkward and weird, though, probably not as weird and awkward as being turned down by a straight girl. So, pick your poison and whatnot.
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What's awkward is NOT being turned down by a lesbian. Many years ago (I was in my 20's) I met a nice young lady and we went out a few times. Her parents were REALLY glad to meet me so I knew something was up and all her friends were lesbians so it wasn't a surprise. I got the conformation when we started making out and she slipped me more tongue than I'd ever experienced. I commented on it and that's when she said she had something to tell me. I guessed before she got it out of her mouth.

We actually dated for about another month and probably would have remained friends but some of her friends held more away than I did.
 
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